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Advice? Wild possum holed up in bathroom

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Topic says it all. A wild possum has wandered into my apartment and is currently chilling in my bathroom. (Yes, I live in bumfuck USA) So, yeah, how do I get this thing to leave? On the one hand, it's kind of cute and I feel bad because it's obviously scared shitless. On the other hand it looks like a giant rat. I just want to shoo the thing out, but I'm freaked out it might pull a Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail and go for my jugular. Sadly, I don't have any holy grenades. Halp!
 

Snuggles

erotic butter maelstrom
Just learn to live with it. Give him some space and keep him well fed and I think he will start to warm up to you after awhile.
 

NGAMER9

Member
Snuggler said:
Just learn to live with it. Give him some space and keep him well fed and I think he will start to warm up to you after awhile.
I support this idea. After a while you could even make it a sitcom based on your adventures together.
 

Lebron

Member
move out


or lure it out with some cheese/berries/mountain dew, then shoot or stab it till it stops twitching.


or just put a cat in with it


or give it a name and thus you have a new fried


or call animal control
 

Gouty

Bloodborne is shit
For my 18th birthday I was given a possum that had been cut in half and glued to a piece of plywood. He was wearing a paper hat and had a flag glued to his hand that read “happy 18th Joey” My name isn’t Joey and I wish none of this story were true.
 

Sew

Member
Pack some bags and set off together on a great American roadtrip. You, the by-the-books cop three days from retirement, and the possum, a wisecracking loose cannon whose middle name is trouble. It'll be a wild, zany ride with hilarious results!
 
I'd call animal control, except I'm drunk. That and I live in bumfuck. You get the answering machine after 5, which means I'd have to call 911. The last time this kind of thing happened was when my cat brought me a snake while I was sleeping. I had to call my boss to google its color to make sure it wasn't poisonous. Fuck it. I'm just going to try to scare it/shoo it.
 

Snuggles

erotic butter maelstrom
GillianSeed79 said:
I'd call animal control, except I'm drunk. That and I live in bumfuck. You get the answering machine after 5, which means I'd have to call 911. The last time this kind of thing happened was when my cat brought me a snake while I was sleeping. I had to call my boss to google its color to make sure it wasn't poisonous. Fuck it. I'm just going to try to scare it/shoo it.

Punch it in the fucking face.
 
Truant said:
Post some pictures.

I can't. God, this is embarassing, but I don't even own a digital camera. (I also don't know how to post pictures) I'm actually posting from my Wii. Fuck this is embarassing, because I'm really, really, really not tech savy.
 

sumo390

Member
Gouty said:
What's the problem with calling animal control while drunk?
The questions that might be asked...
Sir why do you have a possum in your bathroom, and why don't you have pants on?
 

Nickovic

Member
GillianSeed79 said:
I can't. God, this is embarassing, but I don't even own a digital camera. (I also don't know how to post pictures) I'm actually posting from my Wii. Fuck this is embarassing, because I'm really, really, really not tech savy.

Draw some diagrams in MS Paint so we can better understand the situation.
 
GillianSeed79 said:
I can't. God, this is embarassing, but I don't even own a digital camera. (I also don't know how to post pictures) I'm actually posting from my Wii. Fuck this is embarassing, because I'm really, really, really not tech savy.
What the fuck are you doing on gaf then?
 
I like where this thread is going.

23m7tjd.jpg
 

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
GillianSeed79 said:
I can't. God, this is embarassing, but I don't even own a digital camera. (I also don't know how to post pictures) I'm actually posting from my Wii. Fuck this is embarassing, because I'm really, really, really not tech savy.

This is me performing a god damn Grandpa Simpson. I can not even believe this thread exists. You have made me angry.
 

BocoDragon

or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
Fart under the bathroom door and see if it responds somehow.
 

DoomGyver

Member
Hit it with a car.

[call animal control, seriously they are not to be fucked with]

EDIT, well.. i live in the country and I have yote traps.. so do you? Because if you do, set a trap and throw that fucker in there. LOL maybe put some old meat on top of it.
 

Gouty

Bloodborne is shit
Somewhere deep in the country darkness is a drunk man wrestling with technology while a possum and presumably other wild animals wonder through his hovel.
 
GillianSeed79 said:
I can't. God, this is embarassing, but I don't even own a digital camera. (I also don't know how to post pictures) I'm actually posting from my Wii. Fuck this is embarassing, because I'm really, really, really not tech savy.

No offense, but I honestly can't believe this is how you live. Joke post?
 
okay, I think I'm good. Just checked the bathroom and it's not there. There's three possibilities. It either fled to the basement, which the open entrance is directly next to the bathroom, or it fled through the cat door, or it's in my bedroom somewhere. Thankfully I sleep in the den and cat is here to protect me.

Also, if any mods are out there please lock thread.
 

Dresden

Member
GillianSeed79 said:
okay, I think I'm good. Just checked the bathroom and it's not there. There's three possibilities. It either fled to the basement, which the open entrance is directly next to the bathroom, or it fled through the cat door, or it's in my bedroom somewhere. Thankfully I sleep in the den and cat is here to protect me.

Also, if any mods are out there please lock thread.
lol_cat-12926.jpg
 
GillianSeed79 said:
okay, I think I'm good. Just checked the bathroom and it's not there. There's three possibilities. It either fled to the basement, which the open entrance is directly next to the bathroom, or it fled through the cat door, or it's in my bedroom somewhere. Thankfully I sleep in the den and cat is here to protect me.

Also, if any mods are out there please lock thread.

Or the possum killed the OP and is now asking for the thread to be locked to cover its tracks. You can't fool us possum!
 
Air Zombie Meat said:
Or the possum killed the OP and is now asking for the thread to be locked to cover its tracks. You can't fool us possum!

It took me a good 5 seconds to realize this was a joke. Goddamn it's getting late...
 
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