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Silicon Valley’s $400 Juicer May Be Feeling the Squeeze

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We had one of these in our office for a demo week. It wasn't the juicer that was stupid, it was $7 per pack for the juice packs. Apparently the trick isn't the juicer's juicing skills as much as it is the "DRM" that's on each package. There's a bar code (QR code, maybe?) that the machine reads to verify the authenticity of the juice pack, keeping you from buying/using bootleg packs. Thanks, Juicero.

I can't believe anyone would invest any ANY of this nonsense.

$7 for a cup of juice? I could buy a lot of bananas for that.
 

louiedog

Member
You bought one, didn't you?

You seem to have the wrong idea and completely ignored the part where I said the machine is stupid.

If I wanted juice I'd throw my vegetables in my nice blender and strain them through a nut milk bag. I'm not interested in juicing though so I don't.
 

Suikoguy

I whinny my fervor lowly, for his length is not as great as those of the Hylian war stallions
No, some of those were pretty fun

This is just a big box that takes up space and does nothing

True, I guess it does not have the 'fun' bit.

This is some serious evidence of there being an investor bubble right now.

If I wanted juice I'd throw my vegetables in my nice blender and strain them through a nut milk bag. I'm not interested in juicing though so I don't.

Well, learned something new today. I thought it was a joke at first.
 
bwahahahhaha i actually have one of these (got it free from work)

Its stupid as fuck. Its DRM'd.

If you dont have a subscription to buy juices from them, your machine will not work/function and its essentially and literally a ton of brinks (its heavier than a damn microwave)

Work even gave us a free box of juices packets, but because you have to pay for a subscription even if you already have juice packets.

Me an my friends eventually figured out you can do what was shown in the OP. You can just cut a hole in the juice packet and squeeze out your juice.

I was thinking to myself how this is the Pet Rock of the modern era, but hey the free juice was actually really delicious.

I can't believe this is real.
 

Akuun

Looking for meaning in GAF
I wonder how many of these health conscious people are also environmentally conscious and how they convince themselves throwing out a plastic pouch every time they drink juice makes sense.
Well, there's the Soylent guy who made this long, super smug and utterly insane post about how superior and efficient he is for throwing out all his clothes instead of washing them, among other things.

http://robrhinehart.com/?p=1331

The guy takes being self-absorbed beyond comic book levels.
 
You could get actual fresh squeezed juice from Jamba Juice every day for less than that and you wouldn't have to clean a thing

This is one of the most hilariously inept products I have ever seen
 

slit

Member
You seem to have the wrong idea and completely ignored the part where I said the machine is stupid.

If I wanted juice I'd throw my vegetables in my nice blender and strain them through a nut milk bag. I'm not interested in juicing though so I don't.

I didn't ignore it, I just think you're now covering. The truth shall set you free. Unburden yourself to us.
 
Well, there's the Soylent guy who made this long, super smug and utterly insane post about how superior and efficient he is for throwing out all his clothes instead of washing them, among other things.

http://robrhinehart.com/?p=1331

The guy takes being self-absorbed beyond comic book levels.

Everyone should read this, it's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read. He acts having a fucking kitchen is some massive burden.
 

Mortemis

Banned
bwahahahhaha i actually have one of these (got it free from work)

Its stupid as fuck. Its DRM'd.

If you dont have a subscription to buy juices from them, your machine will not work/function and its essentially and literally a ton of brinks (its heavier than a damn microwave)

Work even gave us a free box of juices packets, but because you have to pay for a subscription even if you already have juice packets, you can't use it.

Me an my friends eventually figured out you can do what was shown in the OP. You can just cut a hole in the juice packet and squeeze out your juice.

I was thinking to myself how this is the Pet Rock of the modern era, but hey the free juice was actually really delicious.

This is absolutely amazing.

Have we reached the pinnacle for Silicon Valley?
 

Rembrandt

Banned
bwahahahhaha i actually have one of these (got it free from work)

Its stupid as fuck. Its DRM'd.

If you dont have a subscription to buy juices from them, your machine will not work/function and its essentially and literally a ton of brinks (its heavier than a damn microwave)

Work even gave us a free box of juices packets, but because you have to pay for a subscription even if you already have juice packets, you can't use it.

Me an my friends eventually figured out you can do what was shown in the OP. You can just cut a hole in the juice packet and squeeze out your juice.

I was thinking to myself how this is the Pet Rock of the modern era, but hey the free juice was actually really delicious.

Lmaoooo, that's so fucking dumb.

At this point, why not just focus on the juices themselves?
 
The product was an unlikely pick for top technology investors, but they were drawn to the idea of an internet-connected device that transforms single-serving packets of chopped fruits and vegetables into a refreshing and healthy beverage.

Christ this sentence.
 

louiedog

Member
Well, there's the Soylent guy who made this long, super smug and utterly insane post about how superior and efficient he is for throwing out all his clothes instead of washing them, among other things.

http://robrhinehart.com/?p=1331

The guy takes being self-absorbed beyond comic book levels.

That guy's a moron.

He lives in a city where great food is readily accessible and cheap because it's close to where it's all grown and raised thanks to a pleasant mild climate. Yet he got the idea for the company because he stayed inside his shitty apartment all day every day working on a failure of a telecommunications idea and couldn't be bothered to go out and get any of it.
 

cameron

Member
Google’s venture capital arm and other backers poured about $120 million into the startup. Juicero sells the machine for $400, plus the cost of individual juice packs delivered weekly. Tech blogs have dubbed it a “Keurig for juice.

$120 million. That's awesome.

But after the product’s introduction last year, at least two Juicero investors were taken aback after finding the packs could be squeezed by hand. They also said the machine was much bigger than what Evans had proposed. One of the investors said they were frustrated with how the company didn’t deliver on the original pitch and that their venture firm wouldn’t have met with Evans if he were hawking bags of juice that didn’t require high-priced hardware. Juicero didn’t broadly disclose to investors or employees that packs can be hand squeezed, said four people with knowledge of the matter.

Sorry, can't sympathize.
 
VCs pouring billions into bullshit like this all the time.

Hey assholes, pour billions of dollars into the development of clean, cheap, sustainsble energy sources like next gen renewables, next gen batteries, and next gen nuclear (fission and fusion based). Our world, and ultimately the long term viability of your market, depends on it.
 

Akuun

Looking for meaning in GAF
That guy's a moron.

He lives in a city where great food is readily accessible and cheap because it's close to where it's all grown and raised thanks to a pleasant mild climate. Yet he got the idea for the company because he stayed inside his shitty apartment all day every day working on a failure of a telecommunications idea and couldn't be bothered to go out and get any of it.
Is there an article about this? I didn't know about this failed telecom idea.

I agree the guy is an insufferable nutcase though.
 

NinjaMouse

Gold Member
How many cups of juice do you get with a $7 pack?

ONE 8 oz cup

They tried to tell us, "but you can eat the pulp from the bag when you're done! We even use it to make cookies!" GTFO

$7 for a cup of juice? I could buy a lot of bananas for that.

I mean, in NYC, at least...the "fresh juice" from the juicer scam shops can easily top $9 or $10. Juice Press and Liquiteria are building an entire business on $10. I mean, there's a reason you only find Juice Press in expensive areas, right? =P
 

louiedog

Member
Is there an article about this? I didn't know about this failed telecom idea.

I agree the guy is an insufferable nutcase though.

I can't remember exactly where I read it. I saw two versions of the story that were more or less the same at different points.
 

NandoGip

Member
Great twitter account @internetofshit regularly skewers these dumb ass products. Newest item is the wifi connected stove, so you can burn your house down while youre visiting china
 
Frankly, it sounds like they might have accidentally stumbled onto a neat mass-market product. Just sell people the bags, and sell it as juice that is as 'fresh squeezed' as you can get.
 

Steejee

Member
At no point in the story did it sound like any of the ideas that led up to the final product was any good.

The only way I could see something like this making any sense is if you bought several bags, each with individual types of fruits and veggies, put them all in the juicer, and then could mix and match with pre-created/custom combos. Even then 1 cup per bag would be pointless, the bags would need several cups each to allow for repeated use before replacing any. Then on *top* of that, allow people to put their own fruits and veggies in sans bags.

Basically a Freestyle soda machine for Juice, or a printer.

I hope the parties at the company were fun, they're about to end.
 

jstripes

Banned
Oh my god, I wish I could come up with an idiotic idea that I could squeeze money out of investors for.

Great twitter account @internetofshit regularly skewers these dumb ass products. Newest item is the wifi connected stove, so you can burn your house down while youre visiting china

The only thing I'd ever want that's even close to that is the ability to see if it's on, and to turn it off if it is. But you know there'd be dozens of vulnerabilities that would lead to potential disaster.
 

ItIsOkBro

Member
bwahahahhaha i actually have one of these (got it free from work)

Its stupid as fuck. Its DRM'd.

If you dont have a subscription to buy juices from them, your machine will not work/function and its essentially and literally a ton of brinks (its heavier than a damn microwave)

Work even gave us a free box of juices packets, but because you have to pay for a subscription even if you already have juice packets, you can't use it.

Me an my friends eventually figured out you can do what was shown in the OP. You can just cut a hole in the juice packet and squeeze out your juice.

I was thinking to myself how this is the Pet Rock of the modern era, but hey the free juice was actually really delicious.

drm juicer

I can't
 
VCs pouring billions into bullshit like this all the time.

Hey assholes, pour billions of dollars into the development of clean, cheap, sustainsble energy sources like next gen renewables, next gen batteries, and next gen nuclear (fission and fusion based). Our world, and ultimately the long term viability of your market, depends on it.

The bolded points might as well be a death sentence for VCs. These are their Yeezys.
 

Trojita

Rapid Response Threadmaker
Everyone should read this, it's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read. He acts having a fucking kitchen is some massive burden.

Oh god, he started out mentioning he is one of those people that implanted a magnet in their body.
 

Sylas

Member
So wait, if squeezing produces as much juice as the, uh... juice squeezer, what kind of bag is this? Or are they just squishy apples for apple juice? Why can't I just beat up some fruit without the bag and get juice from that?!

(Yes, I know it'd be a mess but I don't see how this is any different from bullying some fruit into relinquishing its sweet, sweet juice)
 

Angry Grimace

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
I bought a $400 juicer once, mostly on the merits of being fuck-all powerful.

Then my wife dumped me and took it, even though I was the one who went out of my way to research and get it.
 
So wait, if squeezing produces as much juice as the, uh... juice squeezer, what kind of bag is this? Or are they just squishy apples for apple juice? Why can't I just beat up some fruit without the bag and get juice from that?!

(Yes, I know it'd be a mess but I don't see how this is any different from bullying some fruit into relinquishing its sweet, sweet juice)

Why do you even need juice, what's wrong with just eating fruit?

If juice is so laborious and messy that you want to buy a $400 juicer + $7 per cup of juice, just eat an apple!
 

Razorback

Member
It doesn't make juice out of actual fruit? You need a subscription to get proprietary juice bags delivered through the mail from them? Once you get the bags you don't actually need the 400$ machine to extract the juice?

Where do I sign up?!
 

Keasar

Member
Holdon, so that big fucking bag only packs enough drink for one tiny ass cup? And it costs 7 dollars?

120 million dollars....
So many hospitals/soup kitchens/animal shelters/whatever across the USA could have benefited with that money. But nope, the people of Silicon Valley and wherever demanded a 400 dollar machine to fresh squeeze their colostomy bags...
 

louiedog

Member
Is there an article about this? I didn't know about this failed telecom idea.

I agree the guy is an insufferable nutcase though.

In December of 2012, three young men were living in a claustrophobic apartment in San Francisco’s Tenderloin district, working on a technology startup. They had received a hundred and seventy thousand dollars from the incubator Y Combinator, but their project—a plan to make inexpensive cell-phone towers—had failed. Down to their last seventy thousand dollars, they resolved to keep trying out new software ideas until they ran out of money. But how to make the funds last? Rent was a sunk cost. Since they were working frantically, they already had no social life. As they examined their budget, one big problem remained: food.

They had been living mostly on ramen, corn dogs, and Costco frozen quesadillas—supplemented by Vitamin C tablets, to stave off scurvy—but the grocery bills were still adding up. Rob Rhinehart, one of the entrepreneurs, began to resent the fact that he had to eat at all. “Food was such a large burden,” he told me recently. “It was also the time and the hassle. We had a very small kitchen, and no dishwasher.” He tried out his own version of “Super Size Me,” living on McDonald’s dollar meals and five-dollar pizzas from Little Caesars. But after a week, he said, “I felt like I was going to die.” Kale was all the rage—and cheap—so next he tried an all-kale diet. But that didn’t work, either. “I was starving,” he said.

Here's a version
 

Finally a better way!

sWp6RhM.gif
 
It doesn't make juice out of actual fruit? You need a subscription to get proprietary juice bags delivered through the mail from them? Once you get the bags you don't actually need the 400$ machine to extract the juice?

Where do I sign up?!

Yeah, I'm confused. If the packs literally just contain the juice that can be consumed, and it's not actually pressing/squeezing fruit in that bag--how the fuck did this get funded? Was it sold on the (lie) that it would be squeezing actual fruit into juice? Or were the bags always a part of it?

I read the article and it says many investors definitely didn't know the bags could be squeezed by hand, but I'm just confused at how it made it even this far by literally being a $400 fancy clamp for a bag of juice.
 

Crayons

Banned
bwahahahhaha i actually have one of these (got it free from work)

Its stupid as fuck. Its DRM'd.

If you dont have a subscription to buy juices from them, your machine will not work/function and its essentially and literally a ton of brinks (its heavier than a damn microwave)

Work even gave us a free box of juices packets, but because you have to pay for a subscription even if you already have juice packets, you can't use it.

Me an my friends eventually figured out you can do what was shown in the OP. You can just cut a hole in the juice packet and squeeze out your juice.

I was thinking to myself how this is the Pet Rock of the modern era, but hey the free juice was actually really delicious.

DRM'd juicers. This is what the future looks like
 

Armaros

Member
It doesn't make juice out of actual fruit? You need a subscription to get proprietary juice bags delivered through the mail from them? Once you get the bags you don't actually need the 400$ machine to extract the juice?

Where do I sign up?!

Yeah, I'm confused. If the packs literally just contain the juice that can be consumed, and it's not actually pressing/squeezing fruit in that bag--how the fuck did this get funded? Was it sold on the (lie) that it would be squeezing actual fruit into juice? Or were the bags always a part of it?

I read the article and it says many investors definitely didn't know the bags could be squeezed by hand, but I'm just confused at how it made it even this far by literally being a $400 fancy clamp for a bag of juice.

The bags are of small cut up pieces of fruit or vegetable, so they need to be squeezed to get the juice out. Its just the force needed is within human squeezing strength and no need for a big machine.

They are selling you drmed bags of soft cut-up fruit that need to be squeezed.
 
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