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Why do my feet always fall asleep when taking a shit?

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M

Mileena

Banned
This only started happening about a year ago or so. No matter how long I shit, be it a quickie 3-5 minute shit or a luxurious 10-15 minute shit, my feet always fall asleep. This is quite the annoyance when I get up to wipe because it's hard to stand on my feet when they're asleep making wiping a pain in the ass.

Does this happen to others or am I just weird?
 
D

donkey show

Member
It only happens if I'm playing some portable console or with my iPad.

Mileena said:
How the hell do you wipe your ass while sitting down?
Click to expand...

ib1vLLgYZzUPMs.gif
 
B

Bombadil

Banned
Your leg muscles have atrophied from years of inactivity. Go outside and run to improve circulation.

Edit: Listen to that "I just met you / and this is crazy / but here's my number / call me maybe" song while you run, for inspiration.
 
B

Bay Maximus

Banned
I hate the shits that plop down and splash you in the crack. Though I admit I feel like I've gotten more after wiping after one of those shits.

Another problematic shit is the one that's so long that it's in the toilet pipe and still in your ass. Feels like I'm giving birth or some shit.
 
S

Spiffy_1st

Member
Can someone please explain how you can sit down and wipe without putting your arm all around your penis? I thought it might be some kind of internet joke where everyone does actually stand but you say you don't because funny, like GAFGold, but now I think the secret is true.
 
X

Xeke

Banned
Steelrain said:
I used to work with some Nepali dudes and they did that shit.

We had to make a sign because they didn't realize shit isn't supposed to be everywhere. Smh.
Click to expand...

It's actually the most natural way to shit.

Can someone please explain how you can sit down and wipe without putting your arm all around your penis? I thought it might be some kind of internet joke where everyone does actually stand but you say you don't because funny, like GAFGold, but now I think the secret is true.
Click to expand...

You slightly lift up one side of your ass, go in from behind and wipe away from your balls. It's easy. Try it.
 
K

-KRS-

Member
Bay Maximus said:
I hate the shits that plop down and splash you in the crack. Though I admit I feel like I've gotten more after wiping after one of those shits
Click to expand...

I put a piece of paper in the bowl. Problem solved.

Edit:
Spiffy_1st said:
Can someone please explain how you can sit down and wipe without putting your arm all around your penis? I thought it might be some kind of internet joke where everyone does actually stand but you say you don't because funny, like GAFGold, but now I think the secret is true.
Click to expand...

Uhm, you lean onto your left asscheek and lift your right asscheek up a bit so you can access your asshole from the side. Opposite if you wipe with your left hand. Edit²: I think I explained it a bit weird...
 
B

BlazingDarkness

Member
Spiffy_1st said:
Can someone please explain how you can sit down and wipe without putting your arm all around your penis? I thought it might be some kind of internet joke where everyone does actually stand but you say you don't because funny, like GAFGold, but now I think the secret is true.
Click to expand...

Wipe from the back bro, no reason to stick your arm through your crotch area.
 
B

Bombadil

Banned
Xeke said:
It's actually the most natural way to shit.



You slightly lift up one side of your ass, go in from behind and wipe away from your balls. It's easy. Try it.
Click to expand...

synt4x said:
I put a piece of paper in the bowl. Problem solved.

Edit:


Uhm, you lean onto your left asscheek and lift your right asscheek up a bit so you can access your asshole from the side. Opposite if you wipe with your left hand.
Click to expand...

What about skinny people who don't have plump ass cheeks to cushion their pelvic bones from the plastic toilet seat, and would rather stand up and crouch slightly while they wipe rather than perform gymnastic feats with their buttocks?
 
M

maxxpower

Member
I can't seem to take one of those clean shits where you shit out your shit in one clean piece so you don't even have to wipe your ass.
 
B

Broder Salsa

Banned
Ignis Fatuus said:
Wait, people wipe sitting down? They sneak their hand past the crotch and into the bowl? Ewwww.
Click to expand...

That's not how you wipe sitting down. Personally I always start sitting down. Then stand up and take the last wipe, it's just tradition at this point more than anything. Anyone in here wipes when they go to pee? Like a safety wipe even though you only peed? It pays off at times.
 
J

johnsmith

remember me
The only time my feet fall asleep is when I spend like half an hour on the toilet reading something. Never happens during an average crap.
 
S

Spiffy_1st

Member
Xeke said:
You slightly lift up one side of your ass, go in from behind and wipe away from your balls. It's easy. Try it.
Click to expand...

Ok, that makes sense, but that sounds like it would be too easy to fall off the toilet, which could lead to a bad situation.

I googled to find safe instructions on how to do this but only found this.

ptPopup.gif


No one ever told me how to poop, so I've been doing it all wrong. I'm meant to dry my underwear? Wash my hands!?
 
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