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I fucked my life up but I'm not giving up

1

13ruce

Banned
Cute baby OP congrats!
I really wish you luck and by reading your post i see you realise there is a problem that needs to be fixed that is the biggest step towards improving yourself.

Just keep it up and think about your child whenever things get hard because she needs you (a father)! Don't ever forget that.

Good luck!

Edit: proper Simpsons jpg.
235px-Simpsons6x13.jpg
 
P

peanutbutterlatte

Member
Your daughter is adorable. You can tell her the story of how you overcame this for her one day! Keep at it.

Plenty of people content to rot as they are, so kudos for taking any positive action at all. Just make sure it's genuine action and not just a GAF post.
 
GrayFoxPL

GrayFoxPL

Member
It's brave to admit all of that.

Fight for your life and your family, no matter how long it takes or how hard it'll be.

Don't give up, You're are going to make it.
 
A

+Aliken+

Member
Stay strong and always bring your daughter into any decision you are about to make. She must and will drive you to be better.
 
F

Foffy

Banned
OP, you're not an asshole, and I would suggest for you to find ways to love and have compassion for yourself.

Being addicted to drugs is a problem, but you're in a state with some degree of awareness that it is a problem in your life. That's the first step.

Don't worry about being in your mom's basement.

Don't worry about what you lack compared to your peers.

Don't worry about feeling like a "failure."

Focus on helping yourself out. Try and handle your demons with kindness, for our greatest obstacles in life often aren't other people, but ourselves.

I have deep regards and well wishes to you, OP. May you be well and work on your vices. Take respite in knowing you can name your beasts, and so long as you can do that, you can outline your problems and work on them at your own pace. I'm sure there are those who would be more than willing to help you iron out these issues.
 
Sniper McBlaze

Sniper McBlaze

Member
Wow, I go to sleep and when I wake up the thread is filled with great tips, motivating stories and kind words.

You want to know something weird? When I went to sleep last night I decided that I was going to look up NA support groups since it seems important in the long term process. In the morning one of my best friends contacted me about a friend he has that is working actively with NA and she is going to see what support there is in my town. Strange timing, right? Or maybe he just lurks NeoGAF. ;)
 
Sniper McBlaze

Sniper McBlaze

Member
TheDanger said:
so you said she kicked you out in July, when is the last time you used?
Click to expand...

I got kicked out in early June. I had a short relapse in July when I found some pills that I just threw down my throat (the moment after I did it all shitty memories from the past years pretty much headbutted me) but other than that I've been clean.

Also about why I started doing amphetamines; I felt like it made my life more complete. I've always been a tired person with an ADD personality, but speed made sharper, more energetic and more of the person I wanted to be. Or so I thought. After two years on and off it I was just a sweaty, bug-eyed ghoul with no empathy for other people.

But no other drug has ever given me the same feeling and I've tried them all.
 
D

Dan1984uk

Banned
It takes a brave person to admit when they have messed up so fair play to you and I wish you the very best of luck in sorting your life out, may the future bring you and your family happiness.
 
D

DD

Member
Oh my God, your daughter looks so cute and adorable! <3

Stay clean for her, OP. It won't be easy, but you seem to be a man who want to do it right, so do it with love. I wish you all the best.
 
Sniper McBlaze

Sniper McBlaze

Member
Thanks again for all the support. It made me reach out to one of my more recent friends. We haven't known each other for more than two years, but said she loved me today. And I know how hard it is for her to say that to anyone. When you are down you think you are the worst piece of shit in the world. My friend proved me wrong though. She loves me even if she doesn't have to.
 
J

JWiLL

Banned
Your daughter is absolutely beautiful. Just always remember her if you start to get urges...and make sure to surround yourself with the right people.

Good luck!
 
T

tr4nce 26

Banned
Im thirty one years old and was a drug addict and alcoholic all of my twenties. I also was shooting up heroin for a couple years. I lived on the streets for three years in my addiction. I know what it's like to lose everything and feel absolutely alone, dead inside, and completely hopeless.

I cried out to God the Creator and decided to follow Christ. I am now 15 months sober, have restored relationships with all my family, and I work at a rescue mission helping people who were in my position. I quit smoking and workout 4 days a week and have never been healthier in my life. I'm told I am a very attractive person.

Everyone has a different Rock Bottom, I can't tell you what yours is. I can promise you though that if you draw closer to God, he will draw closer to you.

I will be praying for you.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
 
B

brianjones

Member
stay strong OP you can do it

I fucked up my life too and wasted my 20s but I'm trying to get it together somehow

One day at a time
 
T

TaterTots

Banned
You can do this shit and you seem to be of the right mindset. Your daughter is the most important thing now. Do it for not just yourself, but for her.
 
M

m3k

Member
hey i thought this was a dating age thread... good luck man! i have a one year old and ive changed in a good way as well

you are doing well by shifting your mind state, just gotta remain focused and refocus if you start slipping again

someone told me a long time ago we all have different lives every few years... just think of this as the start of a new life
 
B

BaltimoreLarry

Member
I'm going to give a plug for NA/AA. I just could not stay clean own for years in my youth, until I finally had given up to the point that I was willing to try either program. Yes, they talk about God in some of the literature, but it's not a requirement. AA has a little more religious feel to it (mostly because of average age), so NA is where I got it. Being around and involved with new people who are about that clean life is so important. If shit starts getting bad again, and you reach a point where you are considering using, try a meeting. It could save your life.

I'll be celebrating 13 years clean in December from everything (mostly heroin), so feel free to PM if you need to talk to a fellow addict.
 
Sniper McBlaze

Sniper McBlaze

Member
Just reading about all of you who actually are struggling with an addiction and fight against it every day gets me pumped up. I've been alone with my own negative mindset for too long. Thanks for sharing.

Edit: I'm reading this thread all the time because your posts just make me feel like I'm part of something bigger. If I can stay sober, so can ANYONE. I promise you.
 
T

tr4nce 26

Banned
Sniper McBlaze said:
Just reading about all of you who actually are struggling with an addiction and fight against it every day gets me pumped up. I've been alone with my own negative mindset for too long. Thanks for sharing.

Edit: I'm reading this thread all the time because your posts just make me feel like I'm part of something bigger. If I can stay sober, so can ANYONE. I promise you.
Click to expand...

The key to staying sober is to talk about your struggles with other people, and to stay connected with other people who are sober as well.

Im a leader at a celebrate recovery program, and we meet every Thursday. We are only as sick as our secrets.
 
Sniper McBlaze

Sniper McBlaze

Member
tr4nce 26 said:
The key to staying sober is to talk about your struggles with other people, and to stay connected with other people who are sober as well.

Im a leader at a celebrate recovery program, and we meet every Thursday. We are only as sick as our secrets.
Click to expand...

I might just catch my first NA meeting tomorrow. Feels a bit scary, but at the same time good. I want to see someone succeeding and not just trying to be happy. I want to be happy for real.
 
S

SlipperyFishes

Banned
Sniper McBlaze said:
Just reading about all of you who actually are struggling with an addiction and fight against it every day gets me pumped up. I've been alone with my own negative mindset for too long. Thanks for sharing.

Edit: I'm reading this thread all the time because your posts just make me feel like I'm part of something bigger. If I can stay sober, so can ANYONE. I promise you.
Click to expand...

You are, and we're proud of you and glad to be a part (even a small one) of your journey to take your life back.

You have a great mindset here, a cute baby and a GAF standing behind you.
 
Sniper McBlaze

Sniper McBlaze

Member
SlipperyFishes said:
You are, and we're proud of you and glad to be a part (even a small one) of your journey to take your life back.

You have a great mindset here, a cute baby and a GAF standing behind you.
Click to expand...

I know and it feels good. I have to say that this thread made me reach out to friends and other people even more and I feel more certain that I will overcome this than ever before.
 
D

deejay8595

my posts are "MEH"
Sniper McBlaze said:
Zup GAF. I'm thirty and I live in my mother's basement. To some that might sound like the shittiest way to live, but I feel better than I have in years because I finally feel like I don't want to die when I'm sober.

I'm also an addict. I've been abusing amphetamines for over two years. What started as a thing I tried at parties quickly became as usual as a cop of coffee in the morning. I lost my job because of it and I also got depressed. I still didn't want to accept that I was an addict so I just continued on, staying up for days. The most fucked up thing is that I hid it from my pregnant girlfriend for as long as I could. I lied and made up excuses to be able to continue my binging without her noticing.

I became a father in April, but I was still doing drugs. In the beginning of June I got thrown out of our apartment for being high. She had had it. She found a needle of Ketamine I had used to inject myself. I blamed her when I had to move out. I was a piece of shit. I'm still one, but I'm trying to change. Because I never want to be a negative force in my daughter's life or ever neglect the other people I love again.

I don't really know why I write this, but I guess it feels better to tell people about my darkest secrets. It feels good to not hide drugs and lie anymore. And if any of you are having a shitty time in your life I in the meantime I can be an example of someone who actually changed to the better.

If you have any stories to share, please do. Or just call me out for the asshole I am, hehe.

Edit: I know this must sound like random ramble, but it's hard to put the last two years in words. Especially since english isn't my native language.

Edit2:

The little one is my little Iris. She is the most important part in my life. My goal is to always put her first. How could I choose drugs our something so innocent?
Click to expand...
First step to recovery is admitting your addiction, in which you did. It takes alot of courage to do so, but you not only admitted it, you admitted to a forum full of strangers you don't know. I commend you and am pushing for you in your future recovery. Keep it up!
 
Sniper McBlaze

Sniper McBlaze

Member
A little update;

Relationship with my daughter's mother is still as frosty as ever, but I'm going to see my baby for the first time in 7 weeks today! I also have three job interviews this week. Things are looking alot better! Thanks for all the support here. You guys are fucking awesome.

Iris says hi!
 
Last edited:
S

smokey5604

Neo Member
Sniper McBlaze said:
A little update;

Relationship with my daughter's mother is still as frosty as ever, but I'm going to see my baby for the first time in 7 weeks today! I also have three job interviews this week. Things are looking alot better! Thanks for all the support here. You guys are fucking awesome.
Click to expand...

Hey dude, good job keepin' up. Have fun with the kid and good luck with your interviews!
 
C

Camwi

Member
Good for you, dude. Hope things continue to progress for the better. I couldn't imagine going seven weeks without seeing my little girls. Do what you have to do to make your life and her life as great as possible.
 
Sniper McBlaze

Sniper McBlaze

Member
What a week it's been. I got the job, but my mother also got the news today that she has pancreatic cancer. She probably has 6 months to live.

Life is ironic isn't it? Fuck cancer.
 
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