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I feel trapped in a cycle.

T

Tahnit

Banned
And I don't know what to do.

A little about me. Im 37 years old with Asperger's syndrome and A.D.D. I work as a computer technician for a small IT firm here in Florida. I have been working there for about 8 years now.

I don't have a ton of friends but I have a few very close friends. I'm not very social and outgoing and the thought of going somewhere random is scary. This is probably because of my Asperger's and sticking to routines. I've been in maybe 1 serious relationship that ended poorly due to her getting fired from her job and basically not getting another one when we were living together.

I just feel trapped. Trapped where i am, trapped being alone without a special someone, trapped in my Job and I don't know what to do. My daily routine is get up, go to work, come home, play games or watch shows, go to bed. Sometime I go to my very good friend Kenny's house. But as far as having a bunch of people to call "my crew" I really don't.

At this point I'm venting and maybe hoping for some advice from other people who suffer from Aspergers.
 
U

Ultima_5

Member
I don’t have Asperger but have you considered finding a new girlf? Or possibly move to a new city? Doing that’s scary for everyone
 
R

Rival

Gold Member
Same age. No Aspergers or anything like that but I kind of feel the same. The routine is just the same thing over and over again.
 
P

paragonpro

Banned
You should go somewhere. I know the thought of going somewhere new is scary and daunting. Im the type of person who would stay trapped in the comforts of my home 24/7 constantly if i didnt know it was extremely unhealthy. But travel gives you some perspective and even if you go alone you never know who you may meet. You should find a new job as well if you are unhappy at your current. Work on yourself and being the best you you can be before you try to find a "special someone". Be happy with yourself.
 
S

sunofsam

Member
Check meetup.com for groups in your area. Get out of the house. Easier said than done, but how is sitting at home working for you?
 
T

Tahnit

Banned
paragonpro said:
You should go somewhere. I know the thought of going somewhere new is scary and daunting. Im the type of person who would stay trapped in the comforts of my home 24/7 constantly if i didnt know it was extremely unhealthy. But travel gives you some perspective and even if you go alone you never know who you may meet. You should find a new job as well if you are unhappy at your current. Work on yourself and being the best you you can be before you try to find a "special someone". Be happy with yourself.
Click to expand...

Going alone drives my anxiety crazy. And I wouldnt even know where to go.
 
I

IndoAssassin

Banned
I'm same boat but 35. Divorced, paying child support, working 60 hours/week to pay the child support and my bills. Maybe have an hour a day to game or read. Don't watch much tv. Try to workout but damn just so tired these days lol.

Been getting health issues probably due to going 2 years straight working 80 hours/week. Different parts of my body are painful at different times.

I have always struggled my whole life with being anti-social. Don't know what it is but can never come up with any small talk when trying to talk to people. Luckily I had a good heart and people could see it. But must be weird for them when they talking to me and I'm staring at them like a weirdo cuz I got nothing to say lol.

When you talk to people do you ever feel like your exhausted afterwards? Because I have had that problem my whole life.
 
G

Greigor The Fellhand

Member
Tahnit said:
And I don't know what to do.

A little about me. Im 37 years old with Asperger's syndrome and A.D.D. I work as a computer technician for a small IT firm here in Florida. I have been working there for about 8 years now.

I don't have a ton of friends but I have a few very close friends. I'm not very social and outgoing and the thought of going somewhere random is scary. This is probably because of my Asperger's and sticking to routines. I've been in maybe 1 serious relationship that ended poorly due to her getting fired from her job and basically not getting another one when we were living together.

I just feel trapped. Trapped where i am, trapped being alone without a special someone, trapped in my Job and I don't know what to do. My daily routine is get up, go to work, come home, play games or watch shows, go to bed. Sometime I go to my very good friend Kenny's house. But as far as having a bunch of people to call "my crew" I really don't.

At this point I'm venting and maybe hoping for some advice from other people who suffer from Aspergers.
Click to expand...


Join a group physical Activity, preferably a social one.

Find a Rock climbing Gym, or something similar, you will learn the community, make friends and exercise at the same time
 
T

Tagyhag

Member
You could ask Kenny to accompany you to these places, always helps to have a friend when doing something different.

And don't worry too much about routines, almost everyone in the world has a daily routine unless you're rich.
 
J

jroc74

Phone reception is more important to me than human rights
sunofsam said:
Check meetup.com for groups in your area. Get out of the house. Easier said than done, but how is sitting at home working for you?
Click to expand...
I came to suggest this.

Going for my A+ cert this was suggested as a job networking tool.

Checked it out one day, and it seems like a good general way to just find like minded ppl, or interesting things to check out.
 
K

kaname-san

Member
You have to force yourself, there's no way around it. You can wait until your loneliness becomes so bad that not going out becomes unbearable or you can just do it now. Either way, it's going to be hard.
 
S

Sectorseven

Member
Maybe there's an Asperger's support group you could go to.

It would be social if nothing else, and who knows, maybe there's some women there in a similar situation to you.
 
J

jb1234

Member
Tahnit said:
And I don't know what to do.

A little about me. Im 37 years old with Asperger's syndrome and A.D.D. I work as a computer technician for a small IT firm here in Florida. I have been working there for about 8 years now.

I don't have a ton of friends but I have a few very close friends. I'm not very social and outgoing and the thought of going somewhere random is scary. This is probably because of my Asperger's and sticking to routines. I've been in maybe 1 serious relationship that ended poorly due to her getting fired from her job and basically not getting another one when we were living together.

I just feel trapped. Trapped where i am, trapped being alone without a special someone, trapped in my Job and I don't know what to do. My daily routine is get up, go to work, come home, play games or watch shows, go to bed. Sometime I go to my very good friend Kenny's house. But as far as having a bunch of people to call "my crew" I really don't.

At this point I'm venting and maybe hoping for some advice from other people who suffer from Aspergers.
Click to expand...

Just one close friend is a great thing, dude. Most people your age don't have "crews" anymore as family tends to get prioritized over friendship.

I also have Aspergers and I sympathize. I've pretty much given up on ever being in a serious relationship and I've very much doubled down on my obsessive interests (video games and music, mainly). I used to work (a lot of us can't) but another disability forced early retirement.

I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone before (for parties and Meetup.com and similar things) and have always come out of it feeling like it accomplished nothing and just made me and the people around me uncomfortable. Still, I keep trying because even if it sucked, I still feel like I've learned a least a bit from the experience. And frankly, loneliness is a killer.
 
X

XSX

Member
Hey dude, I feel trapped sometimes too, It can be a very unpleasant feeling. Sorry to hear that you're going through that.

I think asking your friend to go some places with you would be a great idea. It won't be so scary if you have someone you know there with you.
 
S

SomTervo

Member
Don't bank anything on "a special someone".

1. You'll only fall into a great relationship if you get out there in a care free manner. If you get out there with an ulterior motive (finding a girl) you'll stress yourself out, probably cause drama and alienate people. By "get out there" i mean go to meet ups and sessions for things you're into, do some volunteering, take up a hobby, etc.

2. Even if you're lucky enough to find someone special, that only gets you to square zero. Relationships are about compromise and communication. It takes work and sacrifice to have a healthy and long lasting relationship.
 
P

PyroPaperPlanes

Member
"Get a relationship" isn't mature advice.

Coming to accept what you're going through is the first part of the process. Is there any elements you can change in your life to change up this cycle? How about trying something you've never done before?

All that being said, being stuck in a cycle isn't all bad. Heck, one of these days you might miss this part of your life. Life finds a way of changing things up eventually, so try to enjoy the moments you're in.
 
X

xenoncrash

Member
It's important to recognize one's self and one's abilities and one's limitations. We're not all able to be all the things we think we want. Myself included.

Life is there to enjoy and be happy the best way each of us can.

If you aren't happy, then there has to be reflection on what must change. But change comes at a cost. It is never easy. But it can lead to better things.

Good luck op. Work towards happiness, whatever that means to you!
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
You need change. Take a vacation, take a class, do something new. Just one thing. It all starts with one thing. Take boxing or take a week and go to Italy or learn cooking with other people.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Tahnit said:
most of that requires funds I do not currently have.
Click to expand...

Are you very low paid or is your money tied up in something?

If you're 37, working full time, and you're not really going out, you should have some money saved up unless there are extenuating circumstances (heavy student debts, family/medical issues)
 
Z

Za-Neen-Jya

Member
spongebob-gif-fish.gif


Feel this way every day OP. The only advice I have for you is to try to make small changes every day. After a while they will add up to a change that will be significant but not too jarring.
 
X

xenoncrash

Member
Tahnit said:
most of that requires funds I do not currently have.
Click to expand...

When I was 21, I sold everything I had and took a Greyhound bus to Los Angeles. Had $1000 in my shoe. Change comes at a cost. Always. It was hard, but my life was the better for it.

With Asperger's, you may not be able to do such a drastic change. That is what I am saying. Try to work towards happiness where and who you are now. And plan for the future change if you need it. It may not come immediately, but always keep in mind where and what you want to be and you will get it. You have made the important realization that where you are at is not what you want. Now you have to change course towards your happiness.
 
T

Tahnit

Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Are you very low paid or is your money tied up in something?

If you're 37, working full time, and you're not really going out, you should have some money saved up unless there are extenuating circumstances (heavy student debts, family/medical issues)
Click to expand...

Yes pay is low. I also made bad poor financial choices. Ended up with debt. I recently started a retirement fund so there is that.
 
n64coder

n64coder

Member
kaname-san said:
You have to force yourself, there's no way around it. You can wait until your loneliness becomes so bad that not going out becomes unbearable or you can just do it now. Either way, it's going to be hard.
Click to expand...

I agree with this. You recognize that you have this problem. Just force yourself to have conversations with people. The more you do it, the easier it gets. You can never be good at something unless you practice. You will make mistakes or have awkward conversations but learn from them and try again.
 
Greedings

Greedings

Member
Group activities are the best way to meet someone, either that or changing job.

Join a crossfit gym, there are a ton of people there and usually a friendly environment.

Join a bouldering gym, less organised into classes, but still a good way to meet people.

Learn a new language. Less ability to talk to people, but in the breaks you can get to know others.
 
L

laoni

Member
I'm much younger, I'm 23, but I have Aspergers and I can't get out much due to other health issues.

What I ended up doing to break up the monotony was making friends across the world, by talking with people online. I couldn't go out myself but, I could make friends with people of similar interests on the net, and they've spurred me on to do things I wouldn't have thought I could.

Getting out in person is of course, preferable, but, that wasn't available to me.
 
B

BomberMouse

Member
Either make peace with your current situation or face change. Both are scary, but it's needed. You seem to have a good level of self criticism, that's great, keep going. I'd say, change is probably good, if you are on a low paying job then you got less to lose.
 
S

Shadowhelper

Banned
I'd suggest viewing socialising, going out, doing stuff differently.

It's not just about fun, and even though it might be scary and unpleasant, it will make the rest of the time, like going home to watch a show or play a game, so much better.

You just need those experiences. You need to do other things than just nerdy stuff at home. Even if it seems unpleasant. Reflecting on past experiences is what life is about.

Go online, and look up cool stuff to do and you'll eventually meet people too. It might not happen quickly at all. It might be difficult.

Think about getting in shape and dressing well, if those are things you can improve on. That will make it easier to make friends and give you confidence.
 
T

Typhoon_Ex

Member
It seems to me that what you need is a change in lifestyle.
Start with a clean up, adjust your diet, change your appearance, start an activity, throw away useless crap, rearrange the furniture, basically break your routine. The best part is that you can do all these things by yourself.

I started a similar change a few years ago. I was stuck in a place I did not want to be and decided it was time to change my life. It takes time, but always remember that time is what you have the most, you can be the sole master of your life, all you have to do is accept that some times you will win and some times you will lose.
 
H

Harmen

Member
Here are some ideas:

-Apply for voluntary work, look on the internet for options. This can be anything, really. From working with animals, to helping people.

-Join a sportsclub (be it a passive sport like chess or something with more action).

-If you like boardgames or anything similar, there might be an accessible club/group/whatever near you. We have bars that organise evenings with random people playing all kind of games together. I once joined with a colleage and it was nice.

-Follow a course of something that interests you. Be it cooking, first aid, drawing, singing, whatever. There are plenty of affordable courses out there that can expand your skills, let you meet new people, and may lead to a new passion/hobby.

Just do something else/new and find confidence and energy in that. If you don't take action, this feeling won't dissapear.
 
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