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Just found out my girlfriend is cheating on me

Cheaters don’t deserve second chances, it’s a lesson that I and many others learned the hard way at some point.

The good news is, things get better. It feels awful, you’ll need a lot of time to get back to normal, but time heals better than anything and you will wind up okay. Hang in there buddy.

Cut her completely out of your life and start moving forward. It’s a journey but you’ll get better.
 
T

Transhuman

Unconfirmed Member
As of now the plan is to just meet face to face and let her know that I know this and just in case she had some explanation. I wouldve ghosted but since the guy might be lying or exaggerating I just want to make sure that what I am thinking is true. The plan is to see if she still has that app and what talks she has had with this guy. As soon as I get a concrete proof that she is still using the app and/or about the chats, I am out forever.

Wait you don't live together and you're talking to her parents about getting married?

TugCollar.gif
 

Doc Holliday

SPOILER: Columbus finds America
Dump her, not worth a second chance. I can almost understand if it was a one night stand right after you guys met or something, but come on. She's been seeing this dude for months after meeting him on a dating app? That means she was looking.

My evil side would say sleep with her best friend and then dump her, but we're civilized gentlemen on this forum.

Good luck man, I'm sure you'll find someone better. You seem like a decent dude :)
 

VeeP

Member
Still have to respect other peoples privacy OP. Going through the phone is not a good look.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding your post, or OP's post, but he's not planning on going thru her phone with out her permission.

He KNOWS she has a dating app on her phone, she says it was nothing, he said alright.

Now some dude messaged his sister "Oh, thats the girl I'm seeing! How do you know her?" So of course OP is gonna be suspicious.

The best way (only way IMO) for her to prove this isn't true, is to open that app up and show OP. And he plans on asking her to do that.
 

EloquentM

aka Mannny
Maybe I'm misunderstanding your post, or OP's post, but he's not planning on going thru her phone with out her permission.

He KNOWS she has a dating app on her phone, she says it was nothing, he said alright.

Now some dude messaged his sister "Oh, thats the girl I'm seeing! How do you know her?" So of course OP is gonna be suspicious.

The best way (only way IMO) for her to prove this isn't true, is to open that app up and show OP. And he plans on asking her to do that.
and if she says no? Or turns it around on him and complains that he’s not “trusting” anymore? It’s not worth the time or the headache. If he really wants closure find out from the other dude getting played too.
 

Dice//

Banned
Cheaters don’t deserve second chances, ...

I'd argue it still depends on the sitaution. In the case for the OP, probably not, but if you've invested a lot of time and heart and it's something that needs to be worked on due to a marital dissatisfaction coming between you two? Eh.
 

EloquentM

aka Mannny
I'd argue it still depends on the sitaution. In the case for the OP, probably not, but if you've invested a lot of time and heart and it's something that needs to be worked on due to a marital dissatisfaction coming between you two? Eh.
That’s just setting yourself up for failure. Any suspicious action is going to be met with paranoia in the back of his mind from this point going forward. Remember she’s been allegedly cheating on him for months
 

VeeP

Member
and if she says no?

And OP already said if that happens he's done. In his eyes it means she's lying and he's done.

In my eyes, she should understand. And if she is willing to throw away 1.5 years by not showing one dating app on her phone, it means she probably is cheating. At that point, you know.
 

Two Words

Member
I'd argue it still depends on the sitaution. In the case for the OP, probably not, but if you've invested a lot of time and heart and it's something that needs to be worked on due to a marital dissatisfaction coming between you two? Eh.
Never let your relationship ever go into “too big to fail” territory.
 

Quonny

Member
Wait you don't live together and you're talking to her parents about getting married?

TugCollar.gif
I didn’t live with my now-wife when we got engaged. We moved in together a month or so later. Got married 10 months later. Been great for two years.

Just because you get engaged doesn’t mean you can’t break it off.
 

Dice//

Banned
That’s just setting yourself up for failure. Any suspicious action is going to be met with paranoia in the back of his mind from this point going forward. Remember she’s been allegedly cheating on him for months

Naw I'm more talking about a hypothetical situation that's "years into marriage" (and 'never-ever' forgiving cheaters). I'm saying things shouldn't really always be that black and white. In kittoo's case, I'd definitely say just walk away and find something better with someone much more deserving.
 

Dice//

Banned
I do plan to just keep her phone aside as soon as I meet her and then go through it to make sure. If she doesnt let me, I anyway know the answer.

Then don't bother; don't let it fester and build up, if you know the answer it's not worth the anger and hurt. Cut and run and focus on yourself and feeling better.
 

Farooq

Banned
Maybe I'm misunderstanding your post, or OP's post, but he's not planning on going thru her phone with out her permission.

He KNOWS she has a dating app on her phone, she says it was nothing, he said alright.

Now some dude messaged his sister "Oh, thats the girl I'm seeing! How do you know her?" So of course OP is gonna be suspicious.

The best way (only way IMO) for her to prove this isn't true, is to open that app up and show OP. And he plans on asking her to do that.

I just assumed OP was going to set her phone aside like he said.

I do plan to just keep her phone aside as soon as I meet her and then go through it to make sure. If she doesnt let me, I anyway know the answer.
 

Pasedo

Member
Sorry man. I knew someone like that. Some girls just love the cock too much. Usually cos of some underlying issue and they crave attention. Typically they're very good at lying and manipulating. Trust me. You're doing the best thing for yourself by staying away. Eventually they figure themselves out and at times want to go back to the person who truly cared about them but at that point the guy is usually well over them. Seen this unfold too many times.
 

Lamel

Banned
You let her continue on those dating apps while she's with you?

Sorry for you but it's for the better I suppose.
 

Zzzonked

Member
I even saw the app once on her phone a few months back and when asked she said she made some friends on it before meeting me and she still talks to them on it. I thought that was OK.

Seriously? C'mon man. Sorry to hear though. Ditch her and get back on that app!
 
T

Transhuman

Unconfirmed Member
I didn’t live with my now-wife when we got engaged. We moved in together a month or so later. Got married 10 months later. Been great for two years.

Just because you get engaged doesn’t mean you can’t break it off.

It's definitely not a pre-requisite, but cohabitation does make it a bit harder logistically for a SO to fuck someone else.
 
Man, personally i’d Approach the dude before her at this point. If anything it seems like he’s clueless. Talking to him will give you more proof than anything else. No reason to go through her phone. No reason to even hear what she has to say or see her. You have evidence and he’s just as likely to give you the proof you need if you really need the closure. This way you’re helping out someone else from falling into the same trap and yourself.


The best plan is to just dip out of the increasingly toxic situation entirely.

Oh and get fucking tested

Just ask the guy for a picture of him with "his" girlfriend. Done in one, no wriggle room.
 
Eh, that's plenty of time to know if the person you are with is marriage material (note: only if you've been living together during that time as well)

It’s too short to really get to really know someone. The “honeymoon” phase as it’s called (not at all related to the honeymoon after marriage) lasts about 12-18 months from the start of dating. It is recommended that you date someone another year or two years after the honeymoon phase. During that time you will really get to know the person after the lovey dovey stuff has stopped.

As unfortunate and painful as it is for the OP to find out his girl was cheating on someone, he’s really lucky he found out now rather than after marriage.

My advice OP, you can bring it up with her but you will be wasting your time. It may be time to call this relationship off and find a better woman. She cheated on you now, she will most likely do it again. As hard as it is to stop the relationship and move on, it is the most likely option you have to avoid future pain and suffering. Again, I can’t stress this enough. You are lucky you found out before you got married.
 

NoRéN

Member
I didn’t live with my now-wife when we got engaged. We moved in together a month or so later. Got married 10 months later. Been great for two years.

Just because you get engaged doesn’t mean you can’t break it off.
2 years lol

You must know it all by now.
 

Sygma

Member
As of now the plan is to just meet face to face and let her know that I know this and just in case she had some explanation. I wouldve ghosted but since the guy might be lying or exaggerating I just want to make sure that what I am thinking is true. The plan is to see if she still has that app and what talks she has had with this guy. As soon as I get a concrete proof that she is still using the app and/or about the chats, I am out forever.

Lol what explanation

"sorry i just wanted a wider array of dick inside of me, aswell as more attention"

Ask for pictures of her with him via your sister, dude. If anything you'll just feed her superior kind of ego by acting all offended and whatnot in person

1) get aforementionned picture
2) give one of your to the guy

He'll do the maths
 
Thanks for all the posts and help guys. Was trying to sleep. Could only sleep for 2 hours or so.

Looks like there is some confusion about how the guy knows my sister. They are FB friends since quite some time and earlier the guy used to live in the same town as my sis and thats how they met. Then after a while he moved to where my GF lives and thats where he met my GF through this dating app. So it wasnt that this random guy was messaging my sister about a girl he was dating. He just saw the FB pic of my sis and GF together so wondered how my sis knew my GF and asked on FB.

As of now the plan is to just meet face to face and let her know that I know this and just in case she had some explanation. I wouldve ghosted but since the guy might be lying or exaggerating I just want to make sure that what I am thinking is true. The plan is to see if she still has that app and what talks she has had with this guy. As soon as I get a concrete proof that she is still using the app and/or about the chats, I am out forever.

Way too much work. You dont need to do any of this. Just dip and be done with it.
 

KoopaTheCasual

Junior Member
Not sure if OP responded but for YOUR sake, please confirm via pictures/chat logs that this guy really is talking romantically to your girlfriend.

You don't want to confront her, and have her ask for proof and you have none, allowing her to turn the tables on you and make this about you being "insecure". Get the facts, dude.

That way you're never haunted by her words as you're breaking up with her. That way you have the ultimate clean conscious when you tell her to fuck the fuck off.

Good luck, mate. This situation is awful ):
 

Sygma

Member
Not sure if OP responded but for YOUR sake, please confirm via pictures/chat logs that this guy really is talking romantically to your girlfriend.

You don't want to confront her, and have her ask for proof and you have none, allowing her to turn the tables on you and make this about you being "insecure". Get the facts, dude.

That way you're never haunted by her words as you're breaking up with her. That way you have the ultimate clean conscious when you tell her to fuck the fuck off.

Good luck, mate. This situation is awful ):

Why would his sister lie
 

KoopaTheCasual

Junior Member
Why would his sister lie
It's not his sister's word. It's his sisters account of this "random guy"'s word, which will allow his gf to spin it off as some jealous guy.

His sister is the MVP, he needs his sister to talk to this dude, and explain the situation and ask for any photos or anything. This gives the gf no room to bullshit her relationship to the second guy.
 

Mook1e

Member
NoRéN;251858363 said:
2 years lol

You must know it all by now.
Kinda cold...
I mean, my wife and I didn't move in together until a year after we were married.
We've been together for 26 YEARS.
 

ramuh

Member
Well after being with someone a while to start to see the layers that hidden underneath, as we all try to put our best foot forward first. Good that you found this out. This is part of the healing process.
 

Sygma

Member
Nah, he need facts to confront her so he have the evidence right there. What could she possibly say if he have proof?

it doesn't even matter in his case, he just has to call the dude and then stuff will follow. if it was all bs, then his sister lied
 

damisa

Member
I just found out my fiancée who I've been dating for 3.5 years was cheating on me while I was visiting her parents for the first time

Feel bad for her parents who were treating me like their son. My family all hated her, I should've taken that as a sign she was no good
 

Mook1e

Member
It's not his sister's word. It's his sisters account of this "random guy"'s word, which will allow his gf to spin it off as some jealous guy.

His sister is the MVP, he needs his sister to talk to this dude, and explain the situation and ask for any photos or anything. This gives the gf no room to bullshit her relationship to the second guy.
I agree here. Confirm/corroborate with the guy through the "independent" source (op's sister) THEN ghost.
 

ThisGuy

Member
I just found out my fiancée who I've been dating for 3.5 years was cheating on me while I was visiting her parents for the first time

Feel bad for her parents who were treating me like their son. My family all hated her, I should've taken that as a sign she was no good

Woof, hope you got yours.
 
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