Ok guys, here's what's going to happen.
Reggie is going to come out at the end of the show, for a big reveal.
"Today, you have seen some truly great innovations to the world of gaming. But as Nintendo has always said, we look to drive the experience."
He licks his lips, panning the room as he sees everyone is waiting on baited breath.
"Today, we take a giant leap forward in the world of social gaming. You have never experienced something like this before."
Orchestral music fills the room, starting with the familiar Mario theme, gracefully transitioning to the sounds of Hyrule and Pop Star.
"Today, we want YOU to PARTY."
He can barely hold it in any longer. He raises his arms in jubilance.
"Introducing, MARIO PARTY: WII U EDITION"
An audible groan goes up from the crowd. Bloggers begin writing articles "The End of Nintendo?" and Twitter is overloaded with disappointment.
"As you can see from the trailer, Link is now a playable character, who will bring his own brand of hijinks to our flagship series. And look, we have more char--"
The screens turn off, and Reggie is nervous. Someone from the crowd must have pulled the plug. Banks of lights are now shutting off, one at a time. The theater becomes darker and darker. The din of cell phones and laptops provide an eerie glow.
Then, a voice booms over the speakers.
"Wake up, Mr. Fils-Amie. Wake up and smell the ashes."
The G-Man is on the screens now. The only sounds from the audience are audible sharts.
He cackles, and fades away as the lights suddenly burst back on. Reggie has been replaced by Gabe Newell on the stage.
"Today, I am announcing that Half-Life 3 will be a launch title for the Wii-U, and it will be...EXCLUSIVE. E3 has now concluded!"
He drops a smoke bomb, which clouds him briefly as he casually walks off the stage.
...And that's what will happen at E3.