Touch My Warp Whistle (Awesome Craiglist message)

John Dunbar · (07-05-2008, 11:11 PM)

http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cas/742103427.html

Quote:

Touch My Warp Whistle - m4w - 28 (St. Louis)
Reply to: pers-742103427@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-03, 8:46PM CDT

Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.

You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no other conversation is allowed.

When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop"

If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together. Will consider SMB 3 and if you are really nasty we can try SMB2.

I searched and didn't see this posted. I just found this to be really amazing, even though it's clearly a joke.

Costanza · (07-05-2008, 11:12 PM)

TwinIonEngines · (07-05-2008, 11:15 PM)

Oh my.

FFChris · (07-05-2008, 11:16 PM)

Will have to brush up on my SMB skills.

Jim Sterling · (07-05-2008, 11:17 PM)

That's refreshing ...

zoku88 · (07-05-2008, 11:18 PM)

Originally Posted by Costanza:

WOW

Originally Posted by TwinIonEngines:

Oh my.

Pretty much my thoughts

Plus a said of

Giard · (07-05-2008, 11:20 PM)

Death_Born · (07-05-2008, 11:21 PM)

I read this post in the voice of Comic Book Guy.

What happens when he gets GAME OVER

PhiLonius · (07-05-2008, 11:21 PM)

WOW.... just wow

Full Recovery · (07-05-2008, 11:22 PM)

Holy meat whistle.

PetriP-TNT · (07-05-2008, 11:22 PM)

Niiiiiice.

Cedeo · (07-05-2008, 11:23 PM)

so own up, which gaffer is it?

dragonlife29 · (07-05-2008, 11:25 PM)

WTF!

That is pure gold

Bourbon Cowboy · (07-05-2008, 11:27 PM)

Disturbing mental image incoming.

Althane · (07-05-2008, 11:28 PM)

THAT.... is messed up. No, really.

Also hilarious.

And messed up.

Des0lar · (07-05-2008, 11:30 PM)

Where do i have to sign up?

kafka rock opera · (07-05-2008, 11:31 PM)

Best thread on gaf at the moment.

Darklord · (07-05-2008, 11:31 PM)

Wtf?

That's one of the wierdest things I've ever read.

whitehawk · (07-05-2008, 11:32 PM)

Originally Posted by Creepy Nerd:

Will consider SMB 3 and if you are really nasty we can try SMB2.

omg

louie · (07-05-2008, 11:33 PM)

What happens if i select Super Mario World?

Skittleguy · (07-05-2008, 11:37 PM)

g35twinturbo · (07-05-2008, 11:39 PM)

pakkit · (07-05-2008, 11:39 PM)

Lost Levels is some bukkake/S&M shit.

mightynine · (07-05-2008, 11:40 PM)

Hope that's a joke post, because if not, I'll feel guilty about laughing at it.

dragonlife29 · (07-05-2008, 11:41 PM)

Originally Posted by Skittleguy:

"MORE"
"HARDER"
"YES"
"FUCK ME"
"OH GOD"
"YES"
"IT HURTS"

Jim Sterling · (07-05-2008, 11:41 PM)

"I must hear the fireworks," is an absolutely amazing sentence.

Crumpet Trumpet · (07-05-2008, 11:41 PM)

So who's willing to take one for the team?

BakedPigeon · (07-05-2008, 11:43 PM)

I wonder if he likes guys to, I wouldn't mind getting my pipes cleaned.

Kunan · (07-05-2008, 11:46 PM)

Originally Posted by Jim Sterling:

"I must hear the fireworks," is an absolutely amazing sentence.

mug · (07-05-2008, 11:46 PM)

He's not replying :(

Skittleguy · (07-05-2008, 11:47 PM)

Originally Posted by BakedPigeon:

I wonder if he likes guys to, I wouldn't mind getting my pipes cleaned.

Why does this fit so well?

Teknoman · (07-05-2008, 11:47 PM)

Well it's clear he's talking about a female, but it would be funny if there was a guy instead when he came out of the bathroom.

pakkit · (07-05-2008, 11:48 PM)

Originally Posted by Jim Sterling:

"I must hear the fireworks," is an absolutely amazing sentence.

I raise you "If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts."

Teknoman · (07-05-2008, 11:48 PM)

Should've said something about warp zone.

whitehawk · (07-05-2008, 11:48 PM)

What happens if you lose all your lives?

whitehawk · (07-05-2008, 11:50 PM)

Originally Posted by mug:

He's not replying :(

Holy shit yes do it

mightynine · (07-05-2008, 11:50 PM)

Originally Posted by whitehawk:

What happens if you lose all your lives?

No small talk afterwards, of course.

You know, you have to wonder if the 1up trick would get him all hot and bothered.

Trip Warhawkins · (07-05-2008, 11:51 PM)

Bro Rape all over again.

whitehawk · (07-05-2008, 11:54 PM)

Originally Posted by Trip Warhawkins:

Bro Rape all over again.

This the real thing though. No napkins.

hwalker84 · (07-06-2008, 12:02 AM)

Originally Posted by dragonlife29:

WTF!

That is pure gold

Absolutely fantastic.

Xabora · (07-06-2008, 12:10 AM)

http://stlouis.craigslist.org/flag/?...ngID=742103427

Heh, click that link to get it for Best of CL!

pakkit · (07-06-2008, 12:54 AM)

Originally Posted by Trip Warhawkins:

Bro Rape all over again.

It said m4w. Hos before bros.

Weenerz · (07-06-2008, 12:55 AM)

I have to say, that's a pretty hot visual and wouldn't mind seeing it.

DrFunk · (07-06-2008, 12:57 AM)

holy lord

SailorDaravon · (07-06-2008, 12:57 AM)

That is awesome

Blueblur1 · (07-06-2008, 12:57 AM)

Wow. WOw. wOW.

Edit: This the first time I've ever surfed craigslist. The personals are hilarious!

Zilch · (07-06-2008, 01:00 AM)

This message originated elsewhere and has been reposted on a number of city's craigslist pages. The very last line (about SMB2 and 3) was not in the original posting.

edit: for instance - http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/cas/741670918.html

and - http://tampa.craigslist.org/cas/742211645.html

pakkit · (07-06-2008, 01:01 AM)

Originally Posted by Zilch:

This message originated elsewhere and has been reposted on a number of city's craigslist pages. The very last line (about SMB2 and 3) was not in the original posting.

Let the search begin!

WiCkEd_Co · (07-06-2008, 01:02 AM)

St. Louis Rams makes much more since to me now.

Crayon · (07-06-2008, 01:02 AM)

This guy knows how to party.