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Member
(05-18-2011, 04:25 PM)
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The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #26: Prove You Exist
#1
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The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #26: Prove You Exist ________________________________  ___________________________________________________________________ Theme: Prove You Exist ___________________________________________________________________ This isn't a task. It's a theme. :) Interpret it anyway, anyhow. You can completely drench your poem in its rain, or take this as your starting point. Obviously, you can just write a poem, and by that measure, you will have already proven that you exist. :P Ps. I've had pms about people wanting to submit but not having the courage to, and wanting to do it anonymously. And I think it's too easy to exploit this rule, so pm two of the poetry regulars if you can. But seriously we are decent folk round here; at least I think we are. :P Friends are cool too; and the above isn't a rule! I don't think anyone has ever objected anyhow. It just suddenly occurred to me as I was posting this thread. ___________________________________________________________________ Secondary Objective: Lyrical Poetry form. ___________________________________________________________________ You can enter a second poem if it is Lyrical Poetry. What's a Lyric Poem? I hear you say. Well, here's a wiki page, to get you started. ___________________________________________________________________ Bonus ___________________________________________________________________ Well it's simple. Revision and redrafting. And Thank You to everyone who entered and voted in the last thread. And Bootaaay who provided the template for this op and the Alumni Archive. ___________________________________________________________________ Poetry thread Rules version 1.2: ___________________________________________________________________ 1. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft. 2. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote. 3. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following two week period. Some weeks like during E3, this may not be possible, so we will have an interim one week period until normality is resumed. As a general rule, we like to keep this on the alternate week to the Creative Writing Thread. 4. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want. 5. Optional secondary objectives are not mandatory, you can include them or not. 6. Further addition to rule five: you can also try the secondary objective as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such. 7. Vote for your favourite poems. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. Don't vote for the same author twice. And watch out for pieces that are labeled ineligible - comments on these pieces labelled as such are welcome but you just can't vote for them. Incidentally, feel free to vote even if you haven't submitted a piece - the more the merrier :) 8. During the count, First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point. 9. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide to how to go about things. 10. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such. After which Rule 3 is in effect and we start a new thread. ___________________________________________________________________ Submission Deadline: (PST) ___________________________________________________________________ The submission deadline is 11:59 PST, Friday 27th May 2011  ___________________________________________________________________ Voting Deadline: (PST) ___________________________________________________________________ The voting deadline is 11:59 PST, Sunday 27th May 2011  ___________________________________________________________________ The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Previous Challenges: ___________________________________________________________________ Poetry Challenge #01: Reflection Poetry Challenge #02: Making the Blind See (+ 5W poems) Poetry Challenge #03: Interior (+ Incorporate a song or album title) Poetry Challenge #04: History (+ Dream Song poems) Poetry Challenge #05: A View From Afar or Within (+ Clerihew poems) Poetry Challenge #06: The Surreal and the Fantastical (+ Haikus) Poetry Challenge #07: Expectations versus Reality (+ Ode) Poetry Challenge #08: Mirror's Edge (+ Rhymes) Poetry Challenge #09: Look on the Bright Side (+ poem must end with _________________ as it's last line) Poetry Challenge #10: Obsolete (+ Ink) Poetry Challenge #11: Pride (+ Kanye West) Poetry Challenge #12: Passing By (+ Allegory) Poetry Challenge #13: Take this Society (+ Ballards) Poetry Challenge #14: The Dark (+ Add Zombies to taste) Poetry Challenge #15: The Great Winter (+ Elegy) Poetry Challenge #16: What Nature Reclaims (+ Lay) Poetry Challenge #17: Storm Clouds Rising (+ First Person) Poetry Challenge #18: The Phoenix (+ Enjambment) Poetry Challenge #19: Psychopomps (+ Assonance) Poetry Challenge #20: Death in the Family (+ Limericks) Poetry Challenge #21: A Night on the Town (+ Didactic Poems) Poetry Challenge #22: A Letter to the World (+ Inside Outside Poetry) Poetry Challenge #23: The Blues Poetry Challenge #24: Space, Above & Beyond (+ Prose Poetry) Poetry Challenge #25: Futurism (+ Avoid Technology)
Last edited by Ashes1396; 05-18-2011 at 04:54 PM.
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Member
(05-18-2011, 05:15 PM)
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#3
Great topic Ashes, and congrats again on your win :)
Quote:
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Member
(05-19-2011, 05:48 AM)
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#5
Originally Posted by Bootaaay:
*nods*
Originally Posted by AnkitT:
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Member
(05-21-2011, 11:26 PM)
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#6
This is an awesome theme. Real nice choice, ashes. I haven't posted in here, but I saw it when you first put it up, and've been writing for it since. I actually have two in the polishing stages. Dunno which one I'm going to use. The choice has been kinda hard.
And to those watching from the sidelines afraid to post. Really, I don't know what to tell you. Aside from Ashes's usual blazing, but immensely useful, critiques, and my own snarkiness, this has arguably been one of the more considerate bunch that I've dealt with. Not posting hurts more in the end than any critique one of us would give you. And, myself included, we've got some serious dark ones in here too! So that's no excuse. Just do it.
Last edited by Miizy F Baby; 05-21-2011 at 11:32 PM.
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Member
(05-24-2011, 02:55 PM)
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#10
Originally Posted by Miri:
For the second entry, try something lyrical. I've tried it and failed my self. I'd love to see somebody else get to grips with it. I can think of a fair few who would do a memorable job.
Last edited by Ashes1396; 05-24-2011 at 03:06 PM.
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Member
(05-24-2011, 06:07 PM)
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#12
ape shit.
I poured some water took three pills for the headache and a bird thudded against the window. It hopped along on the ground, as its friend flew away there were two of them, robins. it hopped along, chirped and hopped away disappeared to the front lawn I poured my coffee. Donny said, they usually break their necks. |
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Member
(05-24-2011, 07:46 PM)
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#13
As The Sirens Sang in The Halls of He
Fuck closed eyes. For real, those fuckers are quite simply no friends of mine. Leading I by the handful of lies to a land full of signs pointing south: “You better prepare for the worst bitch.” Get prepared for this? Well that’s, ah… simply impossible. A city so shattered, where’s that peace? This chaos is simply unfathomable. Detestable. Blood strewn along the ground. Good thoughts versus bad. Sure, the good thoughts are wining war, but along with time, a many good lives have been had. And will continue to be. Cause when the only signs point south, the south is where I go, right? Saying: “Fuck this trouble!” I’m taking this knife and tucking their sun into night-night. That’s right. Their sights? ...Along with I, they’ll be seeing nothing. But they’ll keep firing… these struggles; they’d find a way. In the halls of heaven, I know they would. Cause I’d still be this same soul; I’d still have myself… This war would be waged, regardless. ---------- I'm probably going to try at the secondary too. I was reading into it, but couldn't really get a firm grasp on it. Will give it another go later.
Last edited by Miizy F Baby; 06-06-2011 at 02:36 AM.
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Member
(05-26-2011, 03:39 PM)
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#17
Lol...
You should have a look at blake's notebook... :p
Originally Posted by Ashes1396:
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Member
(05-26-2011, 08:37 PM)
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#18
Originally Posted by Bootaaay:
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Member
(05-26-2011, 10:50 PM)
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Everyone becomes a philosopher after 40
#19
They say the pudding has good proof
Universe invented before that is true A physicality, recluse, witches’ brew Win or lose, after the bruise, truce Lineage, generations, lost identity Intensity of the blow withstands city Knowledge begets philosophical propensity Decadence of flesh, and then intense pity The novice sophist, egocentric solipsist A fixed tryst, the shoe-in is a misfit List it, gist to make sure we existed Populace hiss fit, the truth? Dismissed it In an enlightened age of tightened gauge Is it a staged play or do we all have a say? Does it matter, or do we bend in the wind’s sway? Enquire metaphysics for leeway or just pray Senses decepted, fooled, guided to what’s accepted Reality can be constructed, pieces moved, disrupted Nothing to be trusted apart from assigned value encrusted Philosophical cogs rusted, alternatives? Not interested. The hot pan tempers man to take a stand Persona lost in the daily supply and demand Mid-life crisis, your brand of seeking reprimand The modern day cart pusher thinks “I am” |
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Member
(05-26-2011, 11:24 PM)
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#21
Originally Posted by AnkitT:
Granted, this isn't all the serious of a challenge, but still. This is an awesome theme to work with, people. We should see a ton of great ones. Not all that much time left. |
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Member
(05-26-2011, 11:31 PM)
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#22
Originally Posted by Miri:
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Member
(05-27-2011, 02:14 AM)
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#24
Originally Posted by Ashes1396:
this one's much better hah |
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Member
(05-28-2011, 12:21 AM)
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#26
Originally Posted by Ashes1396:
e: did you just add that gif? Haha! I didn't see it till just now.
Last edited by Miizy F Baby; 05-28-2011 at 03:23 AM.
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Member
(05-28-2011, 02:32 AM)
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#27
Where the Wind Blows
Luminescent rays of powder-soft light bathe the land in a summer glow. Eyes closed he sets off, the wind his guide, the sound of grass sashaying in the breeze and the gentle call of song birds floating through the air. Barefoot, he revels in the soft warmth of the rich, sandy soil that leaves footprints in his wake. Sun blanched storks of patch-work grass tickling his ankles as he walks, onwards to wherever the winds breath, a lone sail bobbing in a sea of green. Higher now, the sun beats down. It's intense warmth tempered by the wind at his back urging him to motion, his weathered features set in empty determination, borne of enigmatic desire. Like a ghost, insubstantial, surreal and half formed. The idea propelling him away and ever onwards, consuming his being in a search for the place to where the wind blows. |
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Member
(05-28-2011, 06:44 AM)
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#29
What a wonderful world...
I wish I was a falling leaf, Without a care in the world, Floating in the wind. I wish I was a mosquito, Avoiding rain droplets like a fighter pilot Dancing in the monsoon season. I wish I had a falcon's wings, so I could soar amongst the clouds Or had a panther's green eyes, so I can see in the dark, Or a mole's ear, and listen to a heartbeat underground. I wish I was a dragon, so I could set fire to the rain, Or a Phoenix, like Dumbledore's companion. I wish that I were something other then human, But I'm not, I am human. I think, Therefore I am. :) I wish I could capture a mother's eye, When she first sees her new born baby's smile. I wish I could explain what dying feels like. I wish I could sleep away the hardship, Like a thief in the night. I wish I could show how precious life is Soothe pains in places medicine can't reach. I wish I was bright, Like our sun, and her friends in the starry night; But I'm not; I am but faint moonlight. :( Light and dark, Sadness and delight! Monday is hard to take, Sunday is just right! When one falls down, The other one picks it up! One likes fantasy, The other real life! He like whispers, She likes shouts! Quit with the confusing language, Explain what you're on about! Well it's- It's us, love and marriage dufous, Now quit yapping, and Cue our song... :p Alright, but not just yet, This is my poem after all, Let's not fight in public, eh, :) Ahem... I was once a kid, Where my dreams would often leap into real life, Then I grew up, And asked questions here and there, about all the strife, Then I found her, And the lonely one, became the wholesome two; You suffer me, And I enjoy you, And everything is clear as day, But mad and complicated too. You lean on me, And I can embarrass my self for you, So without further delay, Heres the proof, That love exists: You love me, And I like you! ;) Ok cue your favourite song, Our song! Our song... Norah jones: What a wonderful world.
Last edited by Ashes1396; 05-28-2011 at 06:48 AM.
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Member
(05-28-2011, 05:20 PM)
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#31
The entries this week:
disappeared - Ape Shit Miri - The Sirens, They're Singing, Ringing, Screaming, in The Halls of He. AnkitT - Everyone becomes a philosopher after 40 Bootaaay - Where the wind blows Ashes1396 - What a wonderful world The voting deadline is 11:59 PST, Sunday 27th May 2011
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Member
(05-28-2011, 09:05 PM)
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#32
I’ll start the voting off!
1. Ashes – I love how all encompassing this is. You didn’t just touch upon humanity, but aspects of it. I appreciate that a lot. Wordplay isn’t as strong this time around, which is a good bit disappointing, since you are so good at it, but the piece is fun & lighthearted—great. Great showings. 2.Dissapeared – I love the understated nature, and nonchalant attitude this one carries. It wouldn’t work with me normally, but it does here. 3.Ankit – There’s a fierceness to your piece that I can’t help but love, but I don’t really think it even understood what is was going for itself until the latter half--which was strong. There's a certain lack of cohesiveness to it. Your wordplay is on point. Hm: Bootaaay - This is the first of your pieces that hasn't made the top 3 with me. Not good. Not good. Your imagery was the usual Bootaay brand of strong, but the creativity wasn't there this time. With subject choice, or wording. (E: I also agree with Ankit. It didn't feel as if it really encompassed the theme all that much. It almost felt as if it was working for Tangent's theme of "insignificance" over in this weeks short story challenge. I should have noted that first, as it was actually my biggest issue.)
Last edited by Miizy F Baby; 05-28-2011 at 10:12 PM.
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Member
(05-28-2011, 09:54 PM)
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#33
1. Ashes1396 - Didnt enjoy it as much as your entry in the last contest, but it does stand on it's own merit. Love the voice, the playful sort of tone to it while simultaneously touching on heavier topics.
2. Miri - I enjoyed the way you worded the quandary. Strong line to end on, and the theme is represented well. It seems you randomly dropped the rhythm/rhyme in places though. 3. Bootaaay - As always, it is really a great world you create through imagery. Might just be me, but I didn't really associate this piece very strongly with the main theme though. HM: disappeared - Nice structure and tone to it. Maybe i'm looking at it too superficially to really appreciate the meaning of it all, but it didnt really resonate with me. |
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Member
(05-30-2011, 02:18 AM)
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#35
1. Bootaaay - a lot more experimental; you've adapted a new kind of style, which feels so very like home to me but I can't put my finger on why. I do like the wind though. So very mysterious ain't it?
2. AnkitT - read this a couple of times; enjoyed the rythym and the beat. Very nicky minaj esque. Her writer of course, and not material or topic wise, just the way it flowed. The latter half of the poem was much better than the first half. 3. Miri - Something about the choice of words made it feel very up to date, modern era stuff. And I thought I was reading it wrong. but since I liked that I'm hoping I'm reading it right..:p I hope you write another poem where you draw with emotion instead of painting with imagery. I think you could really hit one out of the park, one of these days. But concrete imagery helps. H.m disappeared - deserves a point. Stark, harsh, cold-blooded reality. I thought I'd try and deal out a fresh morning in summer with this latest entry. We've been too good a friend to misery lately, haven't we? And that's why I imagined him that way. But honestly speaking, I see a lot of my self in him, or at least I'd like to, and I hope you guys did too. I hope everyone had a lovely weekend. Still time left to enjoy the poems, and to vote...
Last edited by Ashes1396; 05-30-2011 at 02:33 AM.
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Member
(05-30-2011, 02:56 AM)
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#37
1. Miri - nice flow to this piece with a forceful tone, really enjoyed reading it.
2. Ashes1396 - a very fun read that for the most part it comes across wonderfully well, if slightly rambling towards the end :) 3. AnkitT - as miri pointed out, this one ends a lot stronger that it starts, but very well written throughout. HM; Disappeared - I nearly included this one in my votes as I think it's excellently constructed and I really like the ending, but there were a bunch of strong entries this week so it just missed out my top 3.
Originally Posted by miri:
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Member
(05-30-2011, 02:58 AM)
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#38
You who seek existence apart,
The thing you seek, thou art, thou art; Why then search for what you have not lost? Searching for whats not lost, distrust, distrust! Thou art the letters, names and the book Prophets and angels your word undertook; Just sit still, this futile search let go You are the house, master and foe Essence and form, celestial and from earth Always eternal, in death and at birth. If you want to see existence's face Polish the mirror, gaze into that space In these truths, the secrets you weave Are your punishments, yourselves deceive.
Last edited by WAWAZA; 05-30-2011 at 03:03 AM.
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Member
(05-30-2011, 03:01 AM)
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#39
Originally Posted by WAWAZA:
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Member
(05-30-2011, 06:30 PM)
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#40
The results:
1. Ashes1396 - 8pts 2. Miri - 6pts 3. AnkitT- 4pts 3. Bootaaay- 4pts 4. disappeared - 2pts And that about wraps up another chapter in the poetry thread books. Thank you for the poems, the votes, and the comments. And thank you to Bootaaay for the updated templates. I don't know where we go from here. I'll sleep on it, I reckon. Hope you enjoyed the weekend y'all. |
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Member
(05-31-2011, 11:54 PM)
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#43
Originally Posted by Ashes1396:
Thread template; http://tinypaste.com/ec125 Alumni Archive; http://tinypaste.com/1a08b As for ideas, whenever I'm stuck for an idea for the challenge I just try and pick something simple that might fire the imagine, like fire for example, or rain, or a colour, an emotion or sensation, a setting, etc. |
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Member
(06-01-2011, 12:04 AM)
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#44
Hmm... interesting...
Thanks for the temps... I still haven't decided which way to go... might just go with pixar if I can't think of something that simple... By the way, E3 means the OT is gonna be closed temporarily. I want to avoid having the writing and poetry threads in the same week, so we'll have to manage that somehow I guess. Cheers again, for the temps... edit: ps, heard that West Ham might be getting Allardyce. |
