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Member
(06-02-2011, 09:10 AM)
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The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #27: Love, Happiness, Peace, Summer, & Pixar!
#1
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The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #27: Love, Happiness, Peace, Summer, or even Pixar! _______________________________________  _________________________________________________________________________ Theme: All that is Good or Makes You Smile! _________________________________________________________________________ Use the theme as your starting point, or completely seal it in the envelope of everything that is good or makes you smile. Whether that be love, or peace, or summer, Pixar or even friendship. _________________________________________________________________________ Secondary Objective: Couplets! _________________________________________________________________________ Nice and easy eh? See I can play fair, and be nice. ;) Couplets are two lines with a rhyme at the end of each sentence, like so: Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are And the poem can have more than one couplet; and even two couplets in one stanza! The Star Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky. When the blazing sun is gone, When he nothing shines upon, Then you show your little light, Twinkle, twinkle, all the night. Then the traveller in the dark, Thanks you for your tiny spark, He could not see which way to go, If you did not twinkle so. In the dark blue sky you keep, And often through my curtains peep, For you never shut your eye, Till the sun is in the sky. As your bright and tiny spark, Lights the traveller in the dark. Though I know not what you are, Twinkle, twinkle, little star. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are. How I wonder what you are. Jane Taylor Rhymes for the Nursery (1806) Quick reminder: You are allowed a second entry if you complete the secondary objective. _________________________________________________________________________ Bonus _________________________________________________________________________ Another simple one this week. Make people laugh or tell a riddle. This is completely optional. Of course. :P _________________________________________________________________________ Poetry thread Rules version 1.2: _________________________________________________________________________ 1. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft. 2. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote. 3. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following two week period. Some weeks like during E3, this may not be possible, so we will have an interim one week period until normality is resumed. As a general rule, we like to keep this on the alternate week to the Creative Writing Thread. 4. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want. 5. Optional secondary objectives are not mandatory, you can include them or not. 6. Further addition to rule five: you can also try the secondary objective as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such. 7. Vote for your favourite poems. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. Don't vote for the same author twice. And watch out for pieces that are labeled ineligible - comments on these pieces labelled as such are welcome but you just can't vote for them. Incidentally, feel free to vote even if you haven't submitted a piece - the more the merrier :) 8. During the count, First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point. 9. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide to how to go about things. 10. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such. After which Rule 3 is in effect and we start a new thread. _________________________________________________________________________ Submission Deadline: (PST) _________________________________________________________________________ The submission deadline is 11:59 PST, Friday 10th June 2011  _________________________________________________________________________ Voting Deadline: (PST) _________________________________________________________________________ The voting deadline is 11:59 PST, Sunday 12th May 2011  _________________________________________________________________________ The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Previous Challenges: _________________________________________________________________________ Poetry Challenge #01: Reflection Poetry Challenge #02: Making the Blind See (+ 5W poems) Poetry Challenge #03: Interior (+ Incorporate a song or album title) Poetry Challenge #04: History (+ Dream Song poems) Poetry Challenge #05: A View From Afar or Within (+ Clerihew poems) Poetry Challenge #06: The Surreal and the Fantastical (+ Haikus) Poetry Challenge #07: Expectations versus Reality (+ Ode) Poetry Challenge #08: Mirror's Edge (+ Rhymes) Poetry Challenge #09: Look on the Bright Side (+ poem must end with _________________ as it's last line) Poetry Challenge #10: Obsolete (+ Ink) Poetry Challenge #11: Pride (+ Kanye West) Poetry Challenge #12: Passing By (+ Allegory) Poetry Challenge #13: Take this Society (+ Ballards) Poetry Challenge #14: The Dark (+ Add Zombies to taste) Poetry Challenge #15: The Great Winter (+ Elegy) Poetry Challenge #16: What Nature Reclaims (+ Lay) Poetry Challenge #17: Storm Clouds Rising (+ First Person) Poetry Challenge #18: The Phoenix (+ Enjambment) Poetry Challenge #19: Psychopomps (+ Assonance) Poetry Challenge #20: Death in the Family (+ Limericks) Poetry Challenge #21: A Night on the Town (+ Didactic Poems) Poetry Challenge #22: A Letter to the World (+ Inside Outside Poetry) Poetry Challenge #23: The Blues Poetry Challenge #24: Space, Above & Beyond (+ Prose Poetry) Poetry Challenge #25: Futurism (+ Avoid Technology) Poetry Challenge #26: Prove You Exist (+ Lyrical Poetry)
Last edited by Ashes1396; 06-02-2011 at 09:13 AM.
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Member
(06-04-2011, 05:30 PM)
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#3
I’d rather be dead than happy
The sappy crap sack of hacky I am the sickness Sloppy seconds who put you out of business Get on your knees and purse lip squeeze Willfully ignore the falling trees A game of change, pair-o-dice Stare them twice and care at a price Altruistic ruthless domestic disputes Force brute recruit to shoot root truth Delusion pureed and coated in happy dyes Sever the ties and stop lapping lies ___________________________________________ I will change it when inspiration strikes :P |
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Became a moderator just to tag himself.
(06-05-2011, 07:09 AM)
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Tab Explosion
#5
"The poetry challenge?" asked Mister Curtain
"I would normally avoid it, to be certain. But there is no such motivation Quite like exam study procrastination. It's a self aware entry, to be sure. And why not? These things are usually quite a bore." "Because true art is angsty," he said, biting into a scone. And with that link, your evening is gone. |
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Member
(06-06-2011, 02:00 AM)
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#6
more love
what's the sunny-side worth when you've got bacon on this earth? take those eggs back to the pan, fry me up a rich vein of elan. let me transcend these throes of emotion when a girl says she's flattered and seeing someone, laughs and gives you her number anyway only to say so sorry and no when you ask. give me something up to the task. carefree days, happiness, they fade away. i need tenderness with iron underneath like waves that lap babes and promise death. what endures? carves itself into the universe, doesn't tremble at a curse. what's found in the eyes of a day-old prostitute? and the heart of a doting wet-nurse?
Last edited by Tim the Wiz; 06-06-2011 at 02:07 AM.
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Member
(06-06-2011, 02:33 AM)
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#7
The "Oh Lordy Lordy Few Forties & an Oz" Sex Mind.
This is the: Oh lordy, lordy, Just fuck this whole party. I really shouldn’t have downed all those forties, After burning up that O.Z, Cause it’s when those directions clash, That we get this little-ol-me, Those upside-down-turd-looking horror stories, Not fun, hun. These guts run, meaning: I’m probably going to shit myself, Almost one hundred percent certain, Cause I’m a 99% hurtin, barely crossfaded mess; One that is oddly blessed, however, I can’t digress, With the ability to try and tolerate the initial hurlings, Of the galactic tempests swirling within my lustful chest, As I’ll slowly mess upon the initially ignored fact, That... Yeah, I really shouldn’t be here. Staring at myself in some random bedroom’s mirror, Over the convulsing back of some woman named… Sarah? I think… God bless her, whoever this woman is. Cause I’m… Fuck it, I’m gonna do it. For her, I’m gonna go full steam ahead on this, And try to release some pressure, On my very merry journey to the top of Eldaradosexher, Cause nobody like her, Is gonna be in the mood to reach, The glorious release of that golden peak, If this stallion has to pull off this path that’s getting beat, And admit that he’s in the bathroom, Curled up, Shit… Sex mind...
Last edited by Miizy F Baby; 06-09-2011 at 11:54 PM.
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Member
(06-06-2011, 02:44 AM)
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#8
Hey, Bootaaay! if you don't mind, when you do up the templates for the next thread, could you change the title of my entry for the "Prove you Exist" challenge to "As The Sirens Sang in The Halls of He."?
It took me a while to come down to a final name on that one, and that obnoxious one was more of a place holder because of my horrible indecision, lol. |
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Member
(06-06-2011, 12:15 PM)
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#10
OK folks it's E3 week, so OT might go down. Ain't nothing we can really do, apart from waiting for it reopen.
In the event that deadlines are affected... you know what, we'll extend it as we normally do anyway.. if need be. :) Whilst still retaining the difference between the poetry and creative writing thread weeks... Wow.. that was easy... :P |
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Member
(06-07-2011, 11:10 PM)
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#12
Originally Posted by Ashes1396:
I don't know if it's the summer air, or the fact that I've been a bit broke, but I've been in super super super output mode. It's almost as if I'm finding inspiration in everything.
Last edited by Miizy F Baby; 06-08-2011 at 12:14 AM.
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Member
(06-08-2011, 02:26 PM)
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#13
Originally Posted by Miri:
We're a happy lot by the sound of the early entries aren't we? :P |
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Member
(06-09-2011, 08:29 AM)
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#14
From the youtube videos that deserve more views thread:
Originally Posted by Naked Snake:
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Junior Member
(06-09-2011, 10:28 AM)
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#15
12 in the morning is never a good time to just think of an idea, write it in a minute, and post it.
But I'll do it anyway. Goodbyes Underneath the ocean blue I took a trip to visit you The boat ride out took just one day It was the least that I could do. I guessed the spot and threw out the anchor But leaned too far and nearly sank her I donned my gear and out slipped a pray It really was the least that I could do. With flippers just a size too big And my fathers very first scuba rig I felt the harsh cold ocean spray As I dove down below the ocean blue. At last I finally saw your face Smiling still in your resting place I'm sorry it had to go this way That with bullet holes, and concrete shoes. So yeah, grammatical and other errors I'll look at once I wake up. Probably might even scrap it. I don't know, made me smile. |
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Member
(06-10-2011, 12:23 PM)
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#17
Originally Posted by Neutrality:
Although for archive purposes, you could just edit out everything but poem... oh, welcome on board by the way... ;) Reminder of the submission deadline: _________________________________________________________________________ Submission Deadline: (PST) _________________________________________________________________________ The submission deadline is 11:59 PST, Friday 10th June 2011 _________________________________________________________________________ This week has really flown by! |
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Member
(06-10-2011, 10:31 PM)
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#19
Originally Posted by ThoseDeafMutes:
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Member
(06-11-2011, 12:40 AM)
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#20
Originally Posted by ThoseDeafMutes:
We had one thread where there was like 20+ poems. And still that took less then fifteen minutes.. It's an easier life over here man... :P |
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Member
(06-11-2011, 02:38 AM)
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#21
The Road Yet Travelled
It wasn't at all special, the road, stretching off, far into the distance, disappearing beyond the far horizon. Like many of it's brothers it was tar black and shimmered in the hazy afternoon heat. Painted with lines and posted with signs that marked the little towns that sat like fat spiders in their black asphalt webs, sprawling threads of silk across the land. Those places were special, for certain, but although they were the destination they lacked that same intoxicating allure of the journey itself along a road yet travelled. A Summer Death He limps heavily into the warm summer glade, blood dripping from at his side and his blade. The birds scattering from up in the trees as he falls by the pool, down to his knees. The water, crystal cool, quenching his thirst, lending him vigour and quelling his hurts just for a while, as he knows he is to die, with the wind on his brow, beneath the sky. Not long now, he feels it in his bones. Death in this realm and into the unknown, to meet his makers and have his sins weighed before his ancestors and the lords of fate. He senses the grasp of their hands, even now as his body succumbs beneath tree and bough, with the suns rays beating upon his cheek and the grass swaying as above branches creek. Birds in rainbow splendour, flit to and fro, singing a sweet dirge as his body lets go. And with their song his spirit soars high. Yes, he supposed, there were far worse places to die. |
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Member
(06-11-2011, 07:32 AM)
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#22
The path of the hitch hiker who doesn't give a f**k! (yes that is the title... :P)
Once every blue moon, he comes out of his cocoon. the king of the magicians, the mad little Prussian. The stars, they embrace the lake, the effects, they last till daybreak. The glassy water renders shimmers, the boats become alike the swimmers. The Gypsys they wait, everyone else hesitates. Everyone thinks he is evil, I think he is unbeliveable. I can't see him, for I am blind, but you don't need eyes to see kindness, you don't need ears either to hear music devine. I may only be just words on paper, or a drawing come to life, but this is magic, not dust, not vapour. Only the people can give me life, I'm driven by imagination, rife, the king of the magicians he said, or at least that's what he said, before going back to bed. So walk on Time with me, shed a leaf from the worrying tree, you, your undefined grief, and me, the terribe three, be my friend, and I'll help you in your steed. Put misery in a box marked unwanted, chase after the princess, she is in another castle, jaunted. That is, my friend the path of the hitch-hiker who doesn't give a fuck! He pulls the middle finger at life, he makes his own random path, he makes his own damn luck! He is like Mario, who stops mid-jump, and says, no, I'm taking a five minute break, Whilst I ponder what I'm doing with my life, go have a coffee, add in a chocolate flake. Why do I got to jump when you tell me to jump? Why do I got to sit around moaning, and chase after a hump!? Next time the bane of my life makes his move, I'll be there before him, ha! bitch please think of something new! This ain't a level by Nintendo, This is LBP style, user-made, Super Mario Bros! This starts in one story, ends in the next, And there's not a middle, I guess, And in all fairness, it just ends, on a whimsical whim, a fluttery flutter... a messy mess! ... ;)
Last edited by Ashes1396; 06-11-2011 at 09:36 AM.
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Member
(06-11-2011, 09:12 AM)
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#23
The understated entries and the cool cats who wrote them:
"Untitled" By AnkitT "Tab Explosion" By ThoseDeafMutes "More Love" By Tim the Wiz "The "Oh Lordy Lordy Few Forties & an Oz" Sex Mind." By Miri "Goodbyes" By Neutrality "Warm, Wild, and Starving, I Am."² By Miri "The Road Yet Travelled" By Bootaaay "A Summer Death"² By Bootaaay "The path of the hitch hiker who doesn't give a f**k!" By Ashes1396 |
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Member
(06-12-2011, 11:31 PM)
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#26
My votes
Bootaaay (2) - Back in form, bud. A positive spin on the melancholy with a whole heaping of image. I absolutely loved this one. Tim the Wiz - This was fun to read. I actually can't think of much to say past that, but I did enjoy it quite a bit. Neutrality - I lol'd. The twist at the end really captured the quirkiness of the theme, imo. I had no idea what exactly you were going for till that last line, but then I was like "oh... oh! That's tight as hell." Haha! (In no particular order) Hm: Ashes - Yours was alright, and I could see that you were going for something deeper, but most of its effect was lost with the needless rambling. Ankit... you attacked the theme, literally. And it was needlessly wordy. I can't give you to many props this time, man, but it seems like you expected this. Those Deaf Mutes- It felt pointless. Yours was actually the one I had the most trouble deciding on, as it was a lot of fun to read, but in the end it was too pointless to consider. That is me though. Good luck!
Last edited by Miizy F Baby; 06-13-2011 at 01:36 AM.
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Became a moderator just to tag himself.
(06-13-2011, 07:44 AM)
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#29
Oh crap. Deadline has already passed, I assumed this would have been bumped by more people voting :/
1st. The path of the hitch hiker who doesn't give a f**k! by Ashes1396 2nd. Untitled by AnkitT 3rd. A Summer Death by Bootaaay |
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Member
(06-13-2011, 02:39 PM)
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#32
Whoops, sorry for the lateness guys, I fell asleep.
Damn, this is a tough choice this week :| 1. Miri - The "Oh Lordy Lordy Few Forties & an Oz" Sex Mind - you paint the picture well and I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, it has a great flow and I liked the abruptness of the ending. 2. Ashes1396 - The Path of the hitch hiker who doesn't give a fuck! - I really liked this one, it has a nice whimsical nature that shines through with your use of language, although I agree with Miri that it could've been a bit tighter in places 3. Neutrality - Goodbyes - wonderful imagery and I loved the ending. HM: Tim the Wiz |
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Member
(06-13-2011, 03:33 PM)
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#33
1. Bootaaay - "A Summer Death". Very beautifully drawn out. I really like when you capture moments. The only thing between this one and the first was that the first was so much more intricately laden out. I think on technical merit, roads yet travelled is the better poem, but this has something about it that I may remember come next summer. Going with heart, instead of head, this time. Having said that, there were some great lines, especially the roads as webs and brothers in the first poem.
2. Miri - The "Oh Lordy Lordy. Few Forties & an Oz" Sex Mind. I preferred this to the second piece, and in fact both were very quirky and out there. This stood out more in terms of creativity and originality. 3. Neutrality - Goodbyes. Simple and elegant. Though you could have told it better with more time I think. You remind me of a more mature kid ness. HM. Bootaaay the first, & Those Deaf Mutes. AnkitT - I like this a fair bit, though I thought, with a little bit of work, this could work a whole lot better. Tim the wiz - The first stanza was really good. It's the second one that felt off. Maybe you should have worked on the beat, rhythm or the meter or something. Those Deaf Mutes - I liked this a lot, and indeed, about twenty minutes later, I realised I'm on tropes again. ha ha. I like how you worked in procrastination in the beginning, middle and end parts. Nothing like a lazy summer. And boy do I not miss doing exams... |
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Member
(06-13-2011, 05:57 PM)
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#34
Weird, I spent a whole lot more time on the second, thinking that it would be more popular. I did go into the first one thinking that I'm letting go of all preconceived notions of what's "good" though. I just had a lot of fun writing it.
In the end, yeah... That's a lesson, for sure. Anways, ashes, it looks like all the contestants have put their word in. Time? |
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Member
(06-13-2011, 06:42 PM)
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#35
Yeah, pretty sure, what the results are. But I've already pm'd Neutrality. Give it till the end of the day, and if we don't have any more votes, then we can call it fair and square.
edit: though, actually we could probably call time on it now. Meh, I said the end of the day, let's just get there now. It'll also gives time for somebody to think up new thread ideas if you know what I mean... allowing for seamless jumping from one thread to the next. ;) |
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Member
(06-13-2011, 08:33 PM)
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#36
Originally Posted by Ashes1396:
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Member
(06-14-2011, 07:00 AM)
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#38
The Results:
1. "A Summer Death"² - 10 pts By Bootaaay 2. "The "Oh Lordy Lordy Few Forties & an Oz" Sex Mind." - 6 pts By Miri 3. "The path of the hitch hiker who doesn't give a f**k!" - 5 pts By Ashes1396 3. "Goodbyes" - 5 pts By Neutrality 4. "Untitled" - 2 pts By AnkitT 4. "More Love" - 2pts By Tim the Wiz Congratulations to Bootaaay! & well done to the rest of us! :P Thank you to everyone who entered & voted. And with that another thread gets packed, and posted, ready for the archives... See ya'll in the next thread. So What'll it be Bootaaay? |
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Member
(06-15-2011, 12:51 PM)
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#42
New thread's up guys!
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=28616010
Originally Posted by Miri:
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