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themustardman
Member
(04-25-2012, 05:07 AM)
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Bought one of your ep's with as much as I could spare dude. Great music. Get that stuff you're working on out and available for sale!
Harry Potter
Banned
(04-25-2012, 05:13 AM)
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You music is awesome man. You have a real talent. Don'l let your past and others get in your way.
Dartastic
Member
(04-25-2012, 05:22 AM)
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Hey man, sound familiar? ;)

http://dealershades.bandcamp.com/tra...hades-x-sadsic
Sadsic
good music, man
(04-25-2012, 05:30 AM)
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Originally Posted by Dartastic

Hey man, sound familiar? ;)

http://dealershades.bandcamp.com/tra...hades-x-sadsic

yes! holy shit i didnt even know that song was ever used

hom?
Dartastic
Member
(04-25-2012, 05:31 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sadsic

yes! holy shit i didnt even know that song was ever used

hom?

Yup. We're friends on FB. I don't remember how I met him though. Hahaha. :p
Sadsic
good music, man
(04-25-2012, 05:33 AM)
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Originally Posted by Dartastic

Yup. We're friends on FB. I don't remember how I met him though. Hahaha. :p

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

yeah hom tanks is like a friend of a friend

the song in the background is a song i made around b. forever times... i dont even think he made that with my permission lol
Last edited by Sadsic; 04-25-2012 at 05:35 AM.
Dartastic
Member
(04-25-2012, 05:36 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sadsic

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

yeah hom tanks is like a friend of a friend

the song in the background is a song i made around b. forever times... i dont even think he made that with my permission lol

Hahaha! Yeah, I posted B. Forever to a mutual friend's wall, and he commented on it. Pretttty amusing. -.-
Last edited by Dartastic; 04-25-2012 at 05:38 AM.
Darkmakaimura
(04-25-2012, 05:37 AM)
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Originally Posted by Sadsic

I'm crying and feeling so suicidal at this moment in my life... I haven't been able to restart college since I've been here successfully and I'm currently unemployed... my last girlfriend hates me and I don't have any money or friends really.

*hugs*

This sums up exactly me right now. I'm in no position to go through the entire thread right now, but this really struck a chord with me.

I'm going to check back in the next day or two with this thread.

In the meantime, I hope you find some peace and help.
Sadsic
good music, man
(04-25-2012, 05:39 AM)
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Originally Posted by Darkmakaimura

*hugs*

This sums up exactly me right now. I'm in no position to go through the entire thread right now, but this really struck a chord with me.

I'm going to check back in the next day or two with this thread.

In the meantime, I hope you find some peace and help.

im actually much less suicidal today. people here seem to really be trying to help me, i actually feel sort of happy
Gritesh
Member
(04-25-2012, 05:40 AM)
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Jesus this music is awesome!

Like holy shit awesome, what da hell man, you may have 99 problems but talent isn't one.
spyhunterzero
Member
(04-25-2012, 06:11 AM)
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Good to see that you're feeling better. Hopefully it becomes a trend for you good sir.
Also, really digging your music, it's really good.
Negator
Member
(04-25-2012, 06:12 AM)
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Do yourself a favor and drop all communication with your mother. She is POISONING you and you should not subject yourself to her bullshit any longer. Getting out of that mess was probably the best decision you could have made for yourself.

I know you have the potential to become a stable human being. People here seem to like your music. I gave it a listen, not really my thing, but it sounds good. You are obviously talented, and are on the right track to recovering from this horrible abuse.

If you aren't keen on ejecting your mother from your life completely, you can become a stronger person and meet her again in a few years. Keep your distance for now and see how your life develops.
Dartastic
Member
(04-25-2012, 06:17 AM)
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Just wondering, but what's your home situation right now? It seems like it'd be a really good idea to just try and get a minimum wage job in a cool city or something and just strike out on your own, ya know?
Darkmakaimura
(04-25-2012, 06:43 AM)
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Originally Posted by Tntnnbltn

This is going to sound rude, but my first response to this was 'fuck off'.

When it comes to depression and other forms of mental illness, there's no 'snap out of it'. It's not a matter of 'hey -- I know the cure for your depression. All you have to do is start smiling and thinking happy thoughts!'. If it were that simple then people wouldn't be depressed.

The whole point of depression is that you can't snap out of it. When that happens, people need help from others.

So well said. I don't like when people say 'snap out of it' or 'pick yourself up by your bootstraps' because it's not that easy.

Sadsic, you said you don't have friends but do you have anyone like someone you hang with every now and then? Maybe you can visit them and talk with them?

Again, I can't stress how much I understand what you're going through. I wasn't going to continue reading this thread tonight because it hits me too hard, but I gave in. It's so exhausting for me to mention my own issues but like I said, you're self-hatred, you're lack of money and real friends and viewing everything you do as wrong is exactly how I feel about myself.

You're post angered me because I see so much wrong done to you. You don't deserve this.

I would say maybe a good thing right now would be to watch a some television. Watch something goofy or funny. Have any favorite sitcoms? Three's Company always cheered me up a bit when I was down - maybe there's something for you? Also, maybe a good book on science you can read. I just want to see if there's any short term solutions for you right now. I know you don't want to go back to the hospital and I cannot blame you. I've been in suicide watch and actually was insulted by a nurse during my time there.

I will go with one of the first replies where a GAF member asked if there's anyone who can hang out with you. If there's anyone in Southern Maryland nearby in this thread, maybe they can hang with you and give you an open ear. This is the probably the best thing for you.

I shed tears for you tonight. Again, I hear you loud and clear.
Mistouze
user-friendly man-cashews
(04-25-2012, 06:45 AM)
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Originally Posted by Darkmakaimura

So well said. I don't like when people say 'snap out of it' or 'pick yourself up by your bootstraps' because it's not that easy.

I prefer being happy for them that they don't understand.
Darkmakaimura
(04-25-2012, 07:02 AM)
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OP, you're definitely not a fuck up. You have more going for you than I could ever wish for! Second in grad and that music! This is a good start. There's even people here who recognize you through your music.

Already, you are witness to being someone with talent and even have a "fan base". I'm really glad too to see the majority of GAF in this thread showing kindness and understanding. :)
cashman
Steroid-era GAF poster
(04-25-2012, 07:07 AM)
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The better question would be, "How do I not love myself?" That is some great music man!
computers putin'
Member
(04-25-2012, 07:48 AM)
Wow, I thought some of you guys were bullshitting him, but some of his music was actually pretty good.Not a fan of all of it but I was definitely feeling the more hip-hop influenced tracks. That "Alone" track was pretty ill especially. I'mma dig through more of your stuff in the morning when I wake up
19 & 21
Banned
(04-25-2012, 08:53 AM)
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Goddamn, you've got some serious talent. My Friends and the one you linked to via dropbox are really great. Wish I had more time to look into it tonight. I don't even -want- to make music and I'm jealous.
Hoo-doo
Member
(04-25-2012, 09:02 AM)
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Originally Posted by Dartastic

Oh my god, ghostmurderer is SICK. FUCUUUUUCK.

http://soundcloud.com/sadsic/ghostmurderer

This is so awesome. Real witch-house vibe. The So Many Strangers track is amazing.

Edit: Listening to more of your stuff on Soundcloud, you have mad talent for creating amazing hiphop soundscapes.
Last edited by Hoo-doo; 04-25-2012 at 09:13 AM.
Uchip
Banned
(04-25-2012, 09:07 AM)
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I think im in the same situation, minus the talent, plus some brain damage
why am i still here? because the shittiest life is better than none
Chinner
(04-25-2012, 11:55 AM)
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some of stuff on your soundcloud is pretty cool bro.
trinest
(04-25-2012, 12:28 PM)
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Sadsic your music is the light at the end of your tunnel, this stuff is amazing.
Guru-Guru
Member
(04-25-2012, 03:48 PM)
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I mainly lurk and rarely post on GAF, but after listening to most of your stuff (for the better part of my evening!) I had to drop by and echo the sentiments of just about everybody else in this thread--you make some damn good music OP! I will definitely have a lot of your tracks in rotation in the upcoming weeks. I hope you start feeling better soon Sadsic!
Sadsic
good music, man
(04-25-2012, 06:20 PM)
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man whoever sent me 100$ is seriously like my long lost lover or something

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Sadsic
good music, man
(04-25-2012, 07:44 PM)
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gonna see a therapist for in-take later today. hoping i dont get bullshit
Amibguous Cad
Member
(04-25-2012, 07:48 PM)
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Originally Posted by Eric Walton

yeah, that's very odd that at 16 and 17 the therapists were talking to your mother without you, at least about the diagnosis.

The therapists probably weren't talking to his mom, and she was making it up wholesale.
H3xum
Member
(04-25-2012, 08:04 PM)
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Originally Posted by Sadsic

gonna see a therapist for in-take later today. hoping i dont get bullshit

Great, man. This is all you this time, remember that.

And

Your beats are buck nasty
Sadsic
good music, man
(04-25-2012, 08:24 PM)
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Originally Posted by H3xum

Great, man. This is all you this time, remember that.

And

Your beats are buck nasty

im gonna release a little ep soon, ill prolly make a new thread for the music.
thespot84
Member
(04-25-2012, 08:30 PM)
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Get yourself into production ASAP. Coming from a musician you seriously have a gift. At first listen I'm imaging hearing this behind hip hop, but you could do tons of stuff with it.

I would even recommend getting into commercial production (for stuff like tv spots) in order to make some money, since that's where the real money is. You're in portland? Get in touch with ad agencies, like Wieden+Kennedy or something and offer your services, maybe even cheap at first to get em hooked.

Really great stuff.
Sadsic
good music, man
(04-25-2012, 08:44 PM)
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Originally Posted by thespot84

Get yourself into production ASAP. Coming from a musician you seriously have a gift. At first listen I'm imaging hearing this behind hip hop, but you could do tons of stuff with it.

I would even recommend getting into commercial production (for stuff like tv spots) in order to make some money, since that's where the real money is. You're in portland? Get in touch with ad agencies, like Wieden+Kennedy or something and offer your services, maybe even cheap at first to get em hooked.

Really great stuff.

im in maryland lol

i would loooooove to get into production, get a degree, but i have had horrific panic attacks and anxiety going to college.

like last time i went i became so anxious i was afraid if i got out of my car i would be forced to commit suicide, i couldnt leave the parking lot to just go to class for like 3 hours
Sadsic
good music, man
(04-25-2012, 08:46 PM)
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im going to seriously become physically catatonic if i have to ever have to go to class again
thespot84
Member
(04-25-2012, 08:51 PM)
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Originally Posted by Sadsic

im in maryland lol

i would loooooove to get into production, get a degree, but i have had horrific panic attacks and anxiety going to college.

like last time i went i became so anxious i was afraid if i got out of my car i would be forced to commit suicide, i couldnt leave the parking lot to just go to class for like 3 hours

I had skimmed and saw something about portland, my bad. Where in maryland?

Either way, on the commercial side, there are ad agencies everywhere, and most of it would be freelance work where you wouldn't even need to leave your house. At my last company the I never even met the guy who put our videos together.

there's also sites like e-lance where you could start looking for basic production work. It honestly doesn't require a degree, you could easily start off doing gigs for a few hundred bucks doing background music for 20 second youtube videos. Build up a portfolio of that stuff and then start selling to bigger shops for more in-depth work. You'd be amazed at how fast it could all come together.
Foxy Fox 39
Banned
(04-25-2012, 08:57 PM)
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Originally Posted by thespot84

I had skimmed and saw something about portland, my bad. Where in maryland?

Either way, on the commercial side, there are ad agencies everywhere, and most of it would be freelance work where you wouldn't even need to leave your house. At my last company the I never even met the guy who put our videos together.

there's also sites like e-lance where you could start looking for basic production work. It honestly doesn't require a degree, you could easily start off doing gigs for a few hundred bucks doing background music for 20 second youtube videos. Build up a portfolio of that stuff and then start selling to bigger shops for more in-depth work. You'd be amazed at how fast it could all come together.

Sadsic, listen to this man. It's not as hard as you think. I'm just learning this myself. I have an inferiority complex about my art compared to other people but I just made 500 bucks for a design I did. Something that I thought would take me awhile to do..but if you have the talent people will be willing to give you a chance...and you have the talent man. If you want to get a degree go for it, but right now, do what you can and what thespot84 said is completely right.
Foxy Fox 39
Banned
(04-25-2012, 09:11 PM)
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Hope you don't mind me saying but your stuff has a very Ratatat vibe, which I'm digging. Very nice man.
zbarron
Member
(04-25-2012, 09:12 PM)
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Awesome music mate. You're not alone in this, so don't ever feel like there is no one out there for you.
eosos
Member
(04-25-2012, 09:13 PM)
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Whoa, this music is sick. Like holy shit. Lot of emotion. Is this a giant marketing ploy OP? If so it definitely worked.
7threst
Member
(04-25-2012, 09:16 PM)
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Damn man, your music is really good! Now you HAVE to stay with us and keep making these dope tracks!
Kwixotik
Member
(04-25-2012, 09:19 PM)
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Just chiming in to agree that you make very cool music. How does one learn how to make stuff like that?
neoism
Member
(04-25-2012, 09:20 PM)
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Originally Posted by Sadsic

yeah that's me! that little album i did a few years back got some serious plays

well you really need to continue... JEsus dood this shit is awesome been listenin for like 3o mintues while readyin the thread. Really good music. Don't stop if you have.....
Also I know how this feels, but if you over weight/ out of shape and all that. SERIOUSLY get in shape and your mind will start thanking you. I've been over weight my whole life. I got in shape and all my depression, will most all of it went away. I haven't went through 1/10 what you have. It's fucking hard, but still...keep going fight




really enjoyed your music.


woow at Axiom <3
Last edited by neoism; 04-25-2012 at 09:25 PM.
neoism
Member
(04-25-2012, 09:22 PM)
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Originally Posted by Sadsic

it is like 80% of the reason i havent been able to kill myself... it is my one true passion in this broad stroke

most definitely music is probably the most important thing, that I can't live without.
neoism
Member
(04-25-2012, 09:26 PM)
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Originally Posted by Atramental

And your tracks on your band camp are great as well.
http://sadsic.bandcamp.com/

You could go far with this stuff and I'm being absolutely serious.

:O no way... bought
Sadsic
good music, man
(04-25-2012, 09:34 PM)
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Originally Posted by Foxy Fox 39

Sadsic, listen to this man. It's not as hard as you think. I'm just learning this myself. I have an inferiority complex about my art compared to other people but I just made 500 bucks for a design I did. Something that I thought would take me awhile to do..but if you have the talent people will be willing to give you a chance...and you have the talent man. If you want to get a degree go for it, but right now, do what you can and what thespot84 said is completely right.

ok... how do i find these places? i dont know really what im doing there
Sadsic
good music, man
(04-25-2012, 09:36 PM)
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Originally Posted by eosos

Whoa, this music is sick. Like holy shit. Lot of emotion. Is this a giant marketing ploy OP? If so it definitely worked.

i swear to god i was not trying to make this about my music; i like that more people are listening but i was not trying to just get hits or whatever by making up a sob story...

this has been my life so far
Ash Sparrow
Member
(04-25-2012, 09:45 PM)
Dude this music is awesome. I didnt even want to post, but was compelled after listening.
daycru
Banned
(04-25-2012, 09:52 PM)
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Really digging your music, could be a great game soundtrack.
GungHo
Single-handedly caused Exxon-Mobil to sue FOX, start World War 3
(04-25-2012, 09:53 PM)
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Originally Posted by Sadsic

i dont possess shame whatsoever, im not scared of just telling every person i meet every disgusting thing i am

It is possible to over-share with people before they can appreciate that you're not kidding around. And you should consider how you phrase things... you may think negatively, but there's something to be said about faking normalcy and happiness until you start believing your own shit.

Originally Posted by Sadsic

my mom contacts me a lot and she wants to fly me to her in the next few weeks actually

Yeah, don't do this. I don't think you need to maintain this relationship if even half of what you're saying is true. I also have a strain with my mother... mostly because I've been treated for my shit and she never stayed with any treatment (she has the same shit and goes on trreatment and then gets off as soon as she feels "better"). She resents me for getting a handle on it. My literal words to her "Get on the healthy train or get off of my cloud." It sounds like a shitty thing to say to your own mother, but at some point, you gotta get selfish and not be part of someone else's illness. Like your mom, she lies quickly and easily and will say everything's better in order to get the hooks back into my head. I don't think she knows what she's doing, but I've trained myself so that I know what she's doing.

Originally Posted by Sadsic

i cant really do what i want because i have anxiety and depression and mania and what have you without me triggering or controlling it

You're really going to have to get on a dedicated, long-term treatment plan before you can even see straight. Going on and off plans really just makes things worse because you never get a baseline on what "normal" really means. I realize that's hard to do without money... is there any sort of work you can do that won't trigger an episode? Do you feel better if you concentrate on tasks like labor?

The military and college kept me ordered (believe it or not) for a long time because I always had something to concentrate on... I don't suggest the military because it doesn't sound like a good fit for you, but maybe something like Ambiiguous' labor farm might work. Or concentrate on your music. Anything that orders you is good.

In any case, once you can get treatment, I honestly suggest you skip the therapists and go to the psychologists. Stay on the plan, let them know what is working and not working, and disclose everything you can. Do not stop once you feel better. It may take years to ever get off of the stuff, and you may never get away from it. Let them know you have had issues with both physical and psychological abuse. Make sure you disclose your issues with substance abuse so they put you on things that aren't prone to dependency. Also let them know of your history of being in and out of hospitals and in and out of treatment plans so that they know you're someone they need to follow up with. Fully disclose suicidal thoughts. You do not need to disclose sexual fantasies.
neoism
Member
(04-25-2012, 09:53 PM)
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I really dig your newer stuff... please put Axiom on you next album.
Seriously on the posters above.... Its fucked up for a person that supposedly loves you did all those things. You really should just stay away from her awhile, and see yourself grow without her influence, for while or a loong while.
Last edited by neoism; 04-25-2012 at 09:58 PM.
666
Banned
(04-25-2012, 09:54 PM)

Originally Posted by Sadsic

im in maryland lol

i would loooooove to get into production, get a degree, but i have had horrific panic attacks and anxiety going to college.

like last time i went i became so anxious i was afraid if i got out of my car i would be forced to commit suicide, i couldnt leave the parking lot to just go to class for like 3 hours

Who said anything about a degree? That's why we make music! Publishing and production are some good avenues for your jams to generate cash, fuck a degree. I had only just started making music at your age and now it's my entire life. Keep at it, you're incredibly lucky!!
∀ Narayan
the carnival of stupid
(04-25-2012, 09:57 PM)
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Originally Posted by Sadsic

http://soundcloud.com/sadsic

i mostly work with samples / engineering... i can make roughly any sound, but i sort of stick around idm / ambient / hip-hop / weird stuff

Holy shit, dude. This is legit.

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