[timetokill]

Stuff

I think this is an interesting point, and certainly worthy of discussion -- and if I may, I'd like to add my 2 cents in as well, since this point is brought up here and not in the other topic --

I think part of what the book is talking about is that women can aspire to be just about anything, or play any role, and it's considered viable as something a woman "does." I think this is because, coming from a position of being generally seen as powerless, doing something that is traditionally male is seen as empowerment.

For a lot of men, there are a lot of things that are just off the table if you want to be seen as a "man" by your fellow men and women. Nursing, or running a daycare is seen as something you simply would never aspire to if you're a man. Teaching is nearly in the same boat, though that changes based on the age you're teaching to (older = more appropriate for men). Doing these "female" jobs is emasculating, and is not seen as empowering.

We've come a long way (with miles more to go) in making women feel like they can do things that are considered traditionally male and still be women. We aren't doing the same for men, so they're feeling squeezed out. What are they supposed to do when the "girl jobs" are taken by girls and the "boy jobs" are taken by girls as well? How are they supposed to be comfortable being a man when they can't assert their manhood? They look for other, destructive ways to show it (both to the self and others).

On a weird side note, do you girls remember that song "Sex" by Berlin? This seems like a weird sort of reversal perhaps of intent. The woman can be anything, the man can only be a man.

And there is, in many circles, a girl code that echoes the bro code, which defines social norms for girls and women - in essence, no matter who we are or what status we hold, we must obey the code. Don't sleep with another girl's man.

Isn't this just "being a decent person" code? Forgive me if I'm not following your meaning.

[Leeness]

I really do hate that "guy code." I got the "don't be a sissy" stuff from my dad all the time.

I get that from my dad anyway, haha. "You throw like a girl!", "Don't be such a girl!"

Okay daddy :(

[Devolution]

Can we talk about the female equivalent here? Because I saw a passage that you quoted from the book - about girls and women who describe being a woman as "whatever they want" and I'm not sure that's really true. I mean, the cosmetics industry wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar pull, nor would cosmetic surgery, nor would anorexia and bulimia be as significant issues as they are among girls and women if we really can "be whomever we want". There's a bit of a debate in Ontario right now about gender selection among pregnant women - those who are opting to abort the fetus on the basis that their baby will be female - and how some hospitals, particularly in the GTA, do not disclose gender from ultrasounds. Notably, they have this policy because it's beyond a technician's scope of practice to do so, really, but now there is commentary that they're ultrasensitive to this because of gender selection. In this environment, girls feeling so liberated is fantastic - but I don't believe that it's true. Simply because marketing of what it means to be a woman is so successfully subtle that we don't notice that it's there, does not mean that it does not exist, nor does it mean that it has no impact on how girls and women see themselves. And there is, in many circles, a girl code that echoes the bro code, which defines social norms for girls and women - in essence, no matter who we are or what status we hold, we must obey the code. Don't sleep with another girl's man. Don't wear miniskirts after 35. For discussion, and not necessarily because I believe that it's true, I posit: As developed society has matured, we have taken old notions of the social contract and updated it to include gendered perspectives. My $0.02. If I'm out of scope here, happy to edit and re-post elsewhere.

Oh sure and Timetokill pretty much posted what I was going to. We can branch out into new and different jobs and worlds we've never been allowed into before. And he talks about how "girls" live in the guycode as well actually. I think you'd agree with what he says there. He talks about "bitch" vs "babe" and how girls enforce on each other various limitations in trying to appease guys in guyland.

[RawPower]

I'm always upfront with my feelings. If that makes me a girl, so be it. XD

[Emitan]

I'm always upfront with my feelings. If that makes me a girl, so be it. XD

Suddenly I find myself attracted to you. Did you become a woman when I wasn't looking?!

[RawPower]

Suddenly I find myself attracted to you. Did you become a woman when I wasn't looking?!

It must be the hair

[Emitan]

It must be the hair

or the breasts out of nowhere

thats were emotions come from

they hold them in their breasts. that's why we have no emotions

[RawPower]

or the breasts out of nowhere thats were emotions come from they hold them in their breasts. that's why we have no emotions

They keep them close to their hearts

[Eggman]

.

[BladeWorker]

Isn't this just "being a decent person" code? Forgive me if I'm not following your meaning.

Well, sure.

I think if we merged the bro code and the girl code, we'd rather find that we have Emily Post's rules of etiquette, Volume 1.

The only real point to take from my statement that a girl code exists, too, is that - as you say - it's a being a decent person code, we've just gendered it and added an epithet here and there.

[Emitan]

.

awww... don't do that

[BladeWorker]

Facebook is showing me ads for abortion clinics. Do they know something I don't?

[CleverGirl]

Is it also advertising pregnancy tests? Usually Facebook has the full range of advertisements for your situation covered.

[Emitan]

In case you missed the news, I've realized that I'm trans (which apparenrly is not shocking to people) so I guess I'm more of an official member of Girl GAF now.

[Professor Beef]

In case you missed the news, I've realized that I'm trans (which apparenrly is not shocking to people) so I guess I'm more of an official member of Girl GAF now.

I found it shocking that so many thought it wasn't shocking!

[Emitan]

I found it shocking that so many thought it wasn't shocking!

At least you and Cheska didn't know. Or else I'd feel even dumber for not realizing

OKAY I SHOULD BE ASLEEP NOW GOODNIGHT

[Femmeworth]

In case you missed the news, I've realized that I'm trans (which apparenrly is not shocking to people) so I guess I'm more of an official member of Girl GAF now.

I wouldn't exactly go around announcing that everywhere. >_> Not that I don't trust GirlGAF.

[Emitan]

I wouldn't exactly go around announcing that everywhere. >_> Not that I don't trust GirlGAF.

Yeah, maybe. It's hard not to because I can't talk about it outside of the internet :/

[Femmeworth]

Yeah, maybe. It's hard not to because I can't talk about it outside of the internet :/

I certainly understand.

[Prax]

In case you missed the news, I've realized that I'm trans (which apparenrly is not shocking to people) so I guess I'm more of an official member of Girl GAF now.

Makes sense! I think I saw your post where you were mulling over the possibility/realizing the description of the process fit what you were going through.
Congrats on figuring that out~!

I sometimes wondered if it would have been better if I were a guy, including having some questionable dreams, but I'm content on being a girl for now. XD If reincarnation and stuff exists, I wonder if I'd like to roll as guy next time around. But then I start thinking about culture and gender norms and wonder if that should really make a difference at all.

[suzu]

oops wrong thread~

edit: While I'm here..

In case you missed the news, I've realized that I'm trans (which apparenrly is not shocking to people) so I guess I'm more of an official member of Girl GAF now.

Welcome :)

[Leeness]

In case you missed the news, I've realized that I'm trans (which apparenrly is not shocking to people) so I guess I'm more of an official member of Girl GAF now.

Congrats. :) Glad you figured something (potentially) difficult out about yourself!

[shanshan310]

I wonder if it would be okay to ask a sex related question here. Does it go against google ad rules? Would dating-age be better? Its kind of personal..

In case you missed the news, I've realized that I'm trans (which apparenrly is not shocking to people) so I guess I'm more of an official member of Girl GAF now.

I'm really glad you've figured it out :) It must feel like a weight off your chest. I just hope its smooth sailing from here.

[Prax]

I wonder if it would be okay to ask a sex related question here. Does it go against google ad rules? Would dating-age be better? Its kind of personal..

>_> Why wouldn't it be okay? I've seen all kinds of stuff asked in OT.. XD
And you are a girl with a girl-related sex question so.. It all works out? Hahah..
Unless you're going to ask about male biology.. then maybe you would be short on answers here.

[Femmeworth]

I think sex related questions are fine, we just can't have threads devoted to sex. Maybe send Opiate a PM to get clearance.

[shanshan310]

>_> Why wouldn't it be okay? I've seen all kinds of stuff asked in OT.. XD And you are a girl with a girl-related sex question so.. It all works out? Hahah.. Unless you're going to ask about male biology.. then maybe you would be short on answers here.

Just cause I remember something about some topics being banned a while back, I can't remember if sex was one of them. I guess I'll just see how we go with this one..


I kind of have an anxiety problem. It went away for a while, but now its back for some reason (around the same time uni started, but I don't think its related). I started getting anxious about taking too long to finish, and its sort of spiraled down into an awful situation where I'm really nervous about having sex when it starts getting to that time of night. I can't focus on enjoying it because I'm so embarrassed and panicky that I can't relax. My bf is trying to be supportive, but I still can't stop panicking. Oral sex is fine, but when it comes to something where we both reach orgasm I just.. I dunno. I really don't know what to do.

[Opiate]

Here's our basic rules on discussion of sexuality. Do you have a valid, reasonable question? Then you're okay. Examples include: why do I have trouble having an orgasm? Is it normal to lose interest in sex? How long do you typically wait for a relationship to become sexual?

What we try to avoid are juvenile threads about how totally awesome sex is and omg boobs are the greatest and holy cow do I love putting my penis in vaginas, also look at these hot chicks aren't they hot post some more.

While we still do need to be slightly wary of our google overlords, if you fit the former description, we likely will not complain.

I kind of have an anxiety problem. It went away for a while, but now its back for some reason (around the same time uni started, but I don't think its related). I started getting anxious about taking too long to finish, and its sort of spiraled down into an awful situation where I'm really nervous about having sex when it starts getting to that time of night. I can't focus on enjoying it because I'm so embarrassed and panicky that I can't relax. My bf is trying to be supportive, but I still can't stop panicking. Oral sex is fine, but when it comes to something where we both reach orgasm I just.. I dunno. I really don't know what to do.

Yep, this is fine.

[Glistening Pomegranate]

I kind of have an anxiety problem. It went away for a while, but now its back for some reason (around the same time uni started, but I don't think its related). I started getting anxious about taking too long to finish, and its sort of spiraled down into an awful situation where I'm really nervous about having sex when it starts getting to that time of night. I can't focus on enjoying it because I'm so embarrassed and panicky that I can't relax. My bf is trying to be supportive, but I still can't stop panicking. Oral sex is fine, but when it comes to something where we both reach orgasm I just.. I dunno. I really don't know what to do.

Not quite sure if I'm understanding this correctly, but do you mean you're fine reaching orgasm when receiving oral, but it doesn't happen so easy with penetration? If so, I thought that was pretty common for us girls. In fact I've never had a big O during penetration at all, only ever with oral, so you're one up on me. But if you have had them previously, all I can offer is the standard response of trying to relax more. I know that's not always easy if you're anxious about something, but I guess that's the only way it will happen. You say, "when it comes to that time of night." Do you think you could be worried about getting enough sleep with having to get up in the mornings for Uni and that it's affecting your performance and anxiety levels and exacerbating the situation? If it's possible, could you maybe switch it around and get down to it earlier in the day/evening? Sorry if that's not much help.

[RawPower]

Where should I go to ask questions about male sexuality then?

Serious question.

[Lissar]

That's a lot of text there.

I think you mean to post this either in Dating-Age or LadyGAF Advises ManGAF. This thread is for the ladies (and gentlemen) of GAF to discuss lady things.

[EviLore]

Off-topic and creepy, all associated posts deleted.

[Lissar]

Thanks for cleaning it up EviLore, it was getting a bit annoying.

[Leeness]

Cheers. That was...weird.

[shanshan310]

So there's this movie coming out...

Not quite sure if I'm understanding this correctly, but do you mean you're fine reaching orgasm when receiving oral, but it doesn't happen so easy with penetration? If so, I thought that was pretty common for us girls. In fact I've never had a big O during penetration at all, only ever with oral, so you're one up on me. But if you have had them previously, all I can offer is the standard response of trying to relax more. I know that's not always easy if you're anxious about something, but I guess that's the only way it will happen. You say, "when it comes to that time of night." Do you think you could be worried about getting enough sleep with having to get up in the mornings for Uni and that it's affecting your performance and anxiety levels and exacerbating the situation? If it's possible, could you maybe switch it around and get down to it earlier in the day/evening? Sorry if that's not much help.

thanks for your response ^^

I do worry about getting enough sleep, but I think its more of an excuse for myself ("too tired, now I don't have to put myself in that situation" type thing). It happens when sleep isn't a problem though too.

[Lissar]

So there's this movie coming out...

Haha, wow, I really want to see this.

[Devolution]

Vibrators were originally recommended for women to "calm them down" due to "hysteria."



;) Clitoral stimulation.

[CleverGirl]

Who knew the vibrator had such classy roots? I have to see this movie now.

[Professor Beef]

So there's this movie coming out...

I...I mean...wait...huh? What in the world? :lol

[Emitan]

I...I mean...wait...huh? What in the world? :lol

Don't you want to visit a doctor everytime you want to masturbate?

[Professor Beef]

Don't you want to visit a doctor everytime you want to masturbate?

That's a terrible reason to want to visit a doctor!

[Emitan]

That's a terrible reason to want to visit a doctor!

Doctor, doctor, give me the news
I've got a bad case of lovin' you~

[Lissar]

That's a terrible reason to want to visit a doctor!

I know I'd want to visit MY doctor for...

Wait a minute, all of my doctors have been old ladies with frizzy hair. D:

edit: How about we go in for some "Hellooooooo nurse!" instead.

[Professor Beef]

Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you~

You're going to get that song in my head and I'm going to hate you as a result!

edit: How about we go in for some "Hellooooooo nurse!" instead.

I can support this idea.

[The Anti-Monitor]

Vibrators were originally recommended for women to "calm them down" due to "hysteria." ;) Clitoral stimulation.

So many porn movies make sense now.

What did EviLore delete?

Shanshan, if you have no problem to do it in oral, then don't worry, it's not a movie so you don't have to finish at the same time.

[Leeness]

So there's this movie coming out...

Omg, that looks hilarious. May 18th? Is it in theatres, or just gonna show up on DVD?

[RawPower]

So many porn movies make sense now. What did EviLore delete? Shanshan, if you have no problem to do it in oral, then don't worry, it's not a movie so you don't have to finish at the same time.

That stalky dude from the Dating Age thread (the one who grabbed some chick's arm in a supermarket) posted his story in here because he thought this was the place to talk about it.

[shanshan310]

I know I'd want to visit MY doctor for... Wait a minute, all of my doctors have been old ladies with frizzy hair. D: edit: How about we go in for some "Hellooooooo nurse!" instead.

My doctor is a buff ex military guy in his late 30s called Dr Valentine. I'm not even joking. :p

[Emitan]

My doctor is a buff ex military guy in his late 30s called Dr Valentine. I'm not even joking. :p

Shop around and turn this into a nonpornographic movie

[BladeWorker]

My doctor is a buff ex military guy in his late 30s called Dr Valentine. I'm not even joking. :p

I can't decide if I'd find that appealing or intimidating as a patient.

[Good Job Bob]

It'd be nice to get some female opinions on this:

"Girls Guide to The Avengers" Sexist tripe or cutesy satire?