[SpectreFire]

Oh man I know this feeling, I actually think I'm going insane. This is meant to be fun, but I can't help stressing about it all.

[Log4Girlz]

Oh man I know this feeling, I actually think I'm going insane. This is meant to be fun, but I can't help stressing about it all.

I've learned to kill my feelings.

[Chinner]

I always feel like I've got a hold over my emotions but usually something comes and puts be back a few steps. i guess that's life!

[Minamu]

SpectreFire: does she really have a reason for meeting up after talking to you for THREE hours on the phone? O_o Sounds like a nice date to me instead.

[Johnlenham]

While I'm not much of a fan of Eastern philosophies, one thing I do like out of Lao Tzu for instance is the saying that the one that is most true to the Tao of Nature (path of nature or enlightenment) is the one that does not care. Stop caring about your negative thoughts, what might have been or what is, and forget how people feel about you. Forget it now and forever. Are relationships and dating tiring? It can be, but forget the emphasis and biological drive. Forget about the way society may be like today or the expectations you have to prove. Since it's Spring/Summer, I recommend this: Get at least 2-3 hours of Sunlight a day, more positive people will need less. This means actually going out and doing something outdoors even if it's just biking or walking or whatever. You'll feel better and the world will feel more open. Negative thinking may lead to various forms of depression and sunlight will counteract that somewhat. Then start to self-improve, but not because you want to be more attractive but because this is life and you'll have wasted it by being that nobody retail guy that does nothing that nobody else notices. Being someone requires effort else we are all just mindless drones in an uncaring machine. Work out because it improves your life and try walking/jogging/running daily depending on your fitness level. Bring more organization into your life by dressing well, cleaning up, and keeping things tidy in your life. A messy habit brings a messy life. Ultimately, this is all to learn one thing. Discipline. Look at all the times in your life where you're playing games, listening to music or otherwise killing time and letting your life pass by without notice. Decrease that. Yes, there's something to be said about having hobbies but since you only live once, make room for trying a variety of things and doing only the most enjoyable of those. Start multi-tasking. One less game a year can translate into 4-5 significant works by the worlds greatest men from which you can learn from, and you can read these on the way to work, sitting on the can, eating dinner, etc. My favorite is The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, I suggest reading that. Once you have that discipline and self-worth down, your confidence will flow from it and that will help you through pretty much everything life can throw at you. You don't have to be a jerk or a player, but try to be virtuous and when I mean that I mean the Roman concept of virtue, from the root virs "of men". Aspire to be great and proudly claim what you're good at. Treat all other people and things in life as equal to you or lesser but never greater. Never bow or scrape to anyone regardless of their position of power or threats and never sit in silence where you can speak your mind. Once you are done growing up to being in active control of your own life, all the things you want in terms of sociability will be yours to take simply because everyone else will be too lazy to have done what you just did. Assemble a circle of good friends or people you can talk to. This thread can be helpful to that but nothing beats one on one interaction, since we evolved for that.

Nice post!

[Empowe]

The point of that phrase is that the opposite will make you seem like a desperate creep that will fall for the first girl that gives attention. You don't want to give off that vibe. Speaking of vibe, would you post a pic of yourself? I only ask because you say that people seem to ignore you or not want anything to do with you. You must be saying something with the way you carry yourself. If you don't want to post the pic for some advice, simply work on things like posture, take care of yourself better, smile and be friendly with others. Eye contact by itself can be creepy, so don't expect to magically have connections with others with this.

I don't know if I'd post a picture, but I do know that I feel I look unnatural and 'stiff' in pictures that have been taken of me even when I am not posing or expecting a picture. I have a unibrow, too. Would that really stop people chatting to me, though?

One of the reasons I've never believed in these self help motivating speeches is because you listen to them and you get hyped up and confident feeling good. Then you actually step out into the real world and you still have to face reality. All the time I gotta deal with either rejection or the cold shoulder. My so called "friends" even though I wouldn't go that far joking about how girls don't want to be with me and so on. I don't let it get to me too much but it's still the reality of my situation.

You sound much like me. My reality is what I experience when I go out the front door. There's a reason I am a lonely man, or perhaps many reasons. I am who I am. Clearly people are not attracted to me, perhaps because of my looks and lack of social development. I don't know.

I even had a woman tell me to "Fucking move" simply because I passed by in front of her as she was leaving the store! A customer. That absolutely crushed my confidence, and I couldn't stop thinking about it all night. I didn't retaliate, but I watched on and saw her shaking her head as she continued out.

My work friend tells me that there's no women suited to me in my workplace, or even the area I live in! Then where are they?! In imaginary mythical land?

While I'm not much of a fan of Eastern philosophies, one thing I do like out of Lao Tzu for instance is the saying that the one that is most true to the Tao of Nature (path of nature or enlightenment) is the one that does not care. Stop caring about your negative thoughts, what might have been or what is, and forget how people feel about you. Forget it now and forever. Are relationships and dating tiring? It can be, but forget the emphasis and biological drive. Forget about the way society may be like today or the expectations you have to prove. Since it's Spring/Summer, I recommend this: Get at least 2-3 hours of Sunlight a day, more positive people will need less. This means actually going out and doing something outdoors even if it's just biking or walking or whatever. You'll feel better and the world will feel more open. Negative thinking may lead to various forms of depression and sunlight will counteract that somewhat. Then start to self-improve, but not because you want to be more attractive but because this is life and you'll have wasted it by being that nobody retail guy that does nothing that nobody else notices. Being someone requires effort else we are all just mindless drones in an uncaring machine. Work out because it improves your life and try walking/jogging/running daily depending on your fitness level. Bring more organization into your life by dressing well, cleaning up, and keeping things tidy in your life. A messy habit brings a messy life. Ultimately, this is all to learn one thing. Discipline. Look at all the times in your life where you're playing games, listening to music or otherwise killing time and letting your life pass by without notice. Decrease that. Yes, there's something to be said about having hobbies but since you only live once, make room for trying a variety of things and doing only the most enjoyable of those. Start multi-tasking. One less game a year can translate into 4-5 significant works by the worlds greatest men from which you can learn from, and you can read these on the way to work, sitting on the can, eating dinner, etc. My favorite is The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, I suggest reading that. Once you have that discipline and self-worth down, your confidence will flow from it and that will help you through pretty much everything life can throw at you. You don't have to be a jerk or a player, but try to be virtuous and when I mean that I mean the Roman concept of virtue, from the root virs "of men". Aspire to be great and proudly claim what you're good at. Treat all other people and things in life as equal to you or lesser but never greater. Never bow or scrape to anyone regardless of their position of power or threats and never sit in silence where you can speak your mind. Once you are done growing up to being in active control of your own life, all the things you want in terms of sociability will be yours to take simply because everyone else will be too lazy to have done what you just did. Assemble a circle of good friends or people you can talk to. This thread can be helpful to that but nothing beats one on one interaction, since we evolved for that.

I like the sound of this, but I'd have to adopt the mindset of "I am such a great person, I enjoy my own company, even though others don't enjoy my company." "That girl that just ignored me missed out on a great guy."

If I was a man that had had relationships, and had a woman/women express interest in me and enjoy being with me, I'd find that so much easier. I'd be able to refer to those experiences with women in my mind, and know that any woman that rejects me missed out on somebody that has showed other women a great time.

I can keep telling myself that I am a great guy, that they missed out. That I enjoy my own company all of the time, and that I am developing myself. But they really haven't missed out on anything. They meet a funny, smart guy that is relatively, or really good looking, and then they're happy. I am still that non-entity that they take no interest in because I walk funny, appear meek or timid, or am just plain ugly. Or all three.

They have not missed out on anything.

I feel that to develop myself in the manner you describe, I'd need to have or have had healthy relationships. I'd need to have those emotional connections.

I think people say this because when a girl is giving off signals that she's interested, it's honestly pretty easy to move things forward with her (90% of the time, you still have to be the one to initiate, though). The thing is, you have to make yourself attractive first. A lot of things factor in to your overall attractiveness (god-given looks, clothes, body, confidence, humor, height, etc.). Some of these things you can't change (I'm relatively short, for example) so you just have to make up for this by working on the other things. Also, girls differ on what they find attractive so don't get too down on yourself if some girls don't pay attention to you

I don't initiate conversation because women's behaviour around me is awkward or equivalent to holding a trash can lid up in front of her face with the words 'Don't talk to me' written on it.

I'm about to run out the door to class, but real quickly you are absolutely right about the bolded part. Things do not just fall into place. Some people have it come to them easier than others, but nobody gets to the top in any endeavor without a serious fucking work ethic. I think where you're going wrong is not with recognizing this fact, but by being so pessimistic and dismissive of what it means. Yes, media and popular culture do emphasize some pretty unrealistic ideas of what makes someone a success, and a lot of people do buy into that bullshit, but you have to understand that most people are walking around with some kind of story, burden, experience, or general feeling of unease that makes them look outside of their lives for support or an escape. Everyone is vulnerable in some way, and recognizing that is the first step to opening yourself up to a more fulfilling social experience with others. You can be someone who others turn to for that escape. If you make someone laugh when they're having a run of the mill day, you will stand out. If you make a small effort to be a little bit more fun to be around than the average person, even if you aren't feeling particularly great yourself, then you will be noticed. The healthy relationships with women are simply a byproduct of this attitude. There is a lot of stupid bullshit out there, but if you think you're the first person to recognize that fact, then you are delusional. Believe it or not there are some really smart people out there who also see the world for what it is but don't wallow in self pity over it.

Again, great post. I will try to take what you say on board.

That's because you keep telling yourself it's bullshit. It's as easy as that. Like he said, it's all mind set. Like with so many others, it wouldn't do you any harm to see some new perspectives on this stuff. Edit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIX6V_Cpyq8 This was me almost a year ago, to the day. Your argument is invalid :)

I'd love a new perspective on this. Perhaps then I'd feel like I can get on with my life.

I could indulge entirely in other activities, I guess. Forget women, focus on enjoying myself doing my own thing. But to do that I'd have to be comfortable with the reality that I've always been a loner, and the thought of being alone forever, while I look on at the happy couples and attractive women around my place of work. I don't know if I can get over that barrier.

[CAW]

I've learned to kill my feelings.

Share how please.

I ended up removing and blocking the girl I was seeing. on FB. I just kept going on her page and it was like all that time we spent meant nothing to her (even though she also kind of said that). But literally since the day we called it quits she's added like 10 guys and has been posting all shit like she's not feeling a thing and hasn't messaged me or anything, which is fine. It just sucks that it's like I meant nothing to her and she's already moved on. Anyway I removed and blocked her on FB, which will prob help since I spend a lot of time on there. Some women can be cold as ice!

[LosDaddie]

I ended up removing and blocking the girl I was seeing. on FB. I just kept going on her page and it was like all that time we spent meant nothing to her (even though she also kind of said that). But literally since the day we called it quits she's added like 10 guys and has been posting all shit like she's not feeling a thing and hasn't messaged me or anything, which is fine.

Is this the girl who had/has a ton of guy friends? The girl who was like 10yrs younger than you? Am I remembering this correctly?

If so, then her behavior is quite normal for a girl who has a ton of guy friends; They date 1 of these guys, flirt with the rest, and basically hop from guy/relationship to guy/relationship until their mid-to-late 20s when their biological clock starts to tick and they decide to settle down. They don't really mourn the end of any 1 relationship because they have plenty of Plan B guys who are more than willing to shower her with attention/gifts.

Like the saying goes: The best way to forget about an ex is to find another GF.

[Log4Girlz]

Share how please. I ended up removing and blocking the girl I was seeing. on FB. I just kept going on her page and it was like all that time we spent meant nothing to her (even though she also kind of said that). But literally since the day we called it quits she's added like 10 guys and has been posting all shit like she's not feeling a thing and hasn't messaged me or anything, which is fine. It just sucks that it's like I meant nothing to her and she's already moved on. Anyway I removed and blocked her on FB, which will prob help since I spend a lot of time on there. Some women can be cold as ice!

By being old, i'm 32 haha.

Is this the girl who had/has a ton of guy friends? The girl who was like 10yrs younger than you? Am I remembering this correctly? If so, then her behavior is quite normal for a girl who has a ton of guy friends; They date 1 of these guys, flirt with the rest, and basically hop from guy/relationship to guy/relationship until their mid-to-late 20s when their biological clock starts to tick and they decide to settle down. They don't really mourn the end of any 1 relationship because they have plenty of Plan B guys who are more than willing to shower her with attention/gifts. Like the saying goes: The best way to forget about an ex is to find another GF.

Its true, if a girl looks decent enough, they are surrounded by dick. They date around constantly, any one guy they lose they can easily pick up another.

[luckyboyceo]

While I'm not much of a fan of Eastern philosophies, one thing I do like out of Lao Tzu for instance is the saying that the one that is most true to the Tao of Nature (path of nature or enlightenment) is the one that does not care. Stop caring about your negative thoughts, what might have been or what is, and forget how people feel about you. Forget it now and forever. Are relationships and dating tiring? It can be, but forget the emphasis and biological drive. Forget about the way society may be like today or the expectations you have to prove. Since it's Spring/Summer, I recommend this: Get at least 2-3 hours of Sunlight a day, more positive people will need less. This means actually going out and doing something outdoors even if it's just biking or walking or whatever. You'll feel better and the world will feel more open. Negative thinking may lead to various forms of depression and sunlight will counteract that somewhat. Then start to self-improve, but not because you want to be more attractive but because this is life and you'll have wasted it by being that nobody retail guy that does nothing that nobody else notices. Being someone requires effort else we are all just mindless drones in an uncaring machine. Work out because it improves your life and try walking/jogging/running daily depending on your fitness level. Bring more organization into your life by dressing well, cleaning up, and keeping things tidy in your life. A messy habit brings a messy life. Ultimately, this is all to learn one thing. Discipline. Look at all the times in your life where you're playing games, listening to music or otherwise killing time and letting your life pass by without notice. Decrease that. Yes, there's something to be said about having hobbies but since you only live once, make room for trying a variety of things and doing only the most enjoyable of those. Start multi-tasking. One less game a year can translate into 4-5 significant works by the worlds greatest men from which you can learn from, and you can read these on the way to work, sitting on the can, eating dinner, etc. My favorite is The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, I suggest reading that. Once you have that discipline and self-worth down, your confidence will flow from it and that will help you through pretty much everything life can throw at you. You don't have to be a jerk or a player, but try to be virtuous and when I mean that I mean the Roman concept of virtue, from the root virs "of men". Aspire to be great and proudly claim what you're good at. Treat all other people and things in life as equal to you or lesser but never greater. Never bow or scrape to anyone regardless of their position of power or threats and never sit in silence where you can speak your mind. Once you are done growing up to being in active control of your own life, all the things you want in terms of sociability will be yours to take simply because everyone else will be too lazy to have done what you just did. Assemble a circle of good friends or people you can talk to. This thread can be helpful to that but nothing beats one on one interaction, since we evolved for that.

I missed this on the last page, but great post! I'd hope that anyone having self-improvement issues would read through this post in its entirety. It's a great road map to starting on your better life.

I like the sound of this, but I'd have to adopt the mindset of "I am such a great person, I enjoy my own company, even though others don't enjoy my company." "That girl that just ignored me missed out on a great guy." If I was a man that had had relationships, and had a woman/women express interest in me and enjoy being with me, I'd find that so much easier. I'd be able to refer to those experiences with women in my mind, and know that any woman that rejects me missed out on somebody that has showed other women a great time. I can keep telling myself that I am a great guy, that they missed out. That I enjoy my own company all of the time, and that I am developing myself. But they really haven't missed out on anything. They meet a funny, smart guy that is relatively, or really good looking, and then they're happy. I am still that non-entity that they take no interest in because I walk funny, appear meek or timid, or am just plain ugly. Or all three. They have not missed out on anything. I feel that to develop myself in the manner you describe, I'd need to have or have had healthy relationships. I'd need to have those emotional connections.

I understand that results (and confidence in particular) are very hard to gain when everything in your life thus far has reinforced your reasoning for not being confident, but the things you listed are all things you can change. If those truly are your reasons for not being confident in yourself, you should feel good about the fact that you were able to diagnose what it is about yourself that you don't like. There are a lot of people in this thread who struggle with self-improvement because they don't know what it is that they need to change about themselves in the first place.

You walk funny? Research some videos on youtube that show proper walking techniques. It's actually more common than you may think. A lot of fitness gurus emphasize proper walking form as the first step to getting in shape. You're definitely not alone here.

You appear meek and timid? Work out. Honestly, there's no better confidence booster than a good workout. You don't even need a gym, in fact, I'd encourage you not to use a gym at first. Research a good plyometric exercise (P90x?) that you can do in your own home and on your own time, if you like that, then think about joining a gym, but I think you'll find that you can do a lot just in your own home.

You're ugly? I'm willing to bet that you aren't. A lot of people think they're ugly, but in reality they've just yet to find what works best for them aesthetically. Dress better, get a new haircut, grow a beard/shave, get in shape. Create a new you. All of this will contribute to your self-confidence, which will put you way above where you are now.

My point is that you aren't as helpless as you think you are. Yes, a lot of this is just regurgitated information that we constantly preach in this thread, but we preach it because it works. You can do this just like anyone else.

Share how please. I ended up removing and blocking the girl I was seeing. on FB. I just kept going on her page and it was like all that time we spent meant nothing to her (even though she also kind of said that). But literally since the day we called it quits she's added like 10 guys and has been posting all shit like she's not feeling a thing and hasn't messaged me or anything, which is fine. It just sucks that it's like I meant nothing to her and she's already moved on. Anyway I removed and blocked her on FB, which will prob help since I spend a lot of time on there. Some women can be cold as ice!

I know how you feel. Your situation is strikingly similar to mine, in that she was able to end things and move onto someone else (the same day in fact), like I meant nothing to her. It's a tough pill to swallow, and to be honest, I keep coughing mine back up. Unfortunately, I find that when that happens it just makes a situation all that more difficult to get over. It will probably sting for a little bit but I think you're moving in the right direction.

You made the right move in removing her. There's a lot of truth to the whole "out of sight, out of mind" technique. Just be prepared to deal with the inevitable message that she'll send you in the coming weeks about how she'd like to remain friends/hangout in the future. While she may not be regretting her decision now, she will in the future, because she's missing out on an awesome dude in yourself. Tell yourself that, because it's true. Best of luck!

[pgtl_10]

I have a delima. There is this coworker that I've known for a year and a half. I don't think she has a boyfriend. From what I know she doesn't have a boyfriend. In fact her last date left her hanging on her b'day. I didn't realize I had any serious feelings for her until I saw flowers on her desk at Valentines I felt demoralized. A co-worker told me she had no boyfriend recently.

In recent weeks she has grown rather cool to me. I wonder if she senses something. I feel she no longer even wants to talk to me. I try to ignore that as my own misconception but I can't ignore is my feelings toward her. I don't know if I could lock it up inside me any longer. I'm pretty sure she'll say no but it kills me not to try. She is a co-worker in an office environment so this could get rough. Any advice?

[Cubsfan23]

I have a delima. There is this coworker that I've known for a year and a half. I don't think she has a boyfriend. From what I know she doesn't have a boyfriend. In fact her last date left her hanging on her b'day. I didn't realize I had any serious feelings for her until I saw flowers on her desk at Valentines I felt demoralized. A co-worker told me she had no boyfriend recently. In recent weeks she has grown rather cool to me. I wonder if she senses something. I feel she no longer even wants to talk to me. I try to ignore that as my own misconception but I can't ignore is my feelings toward her. I don't know if I could lock it up inside me any longer. I'm pretty sure she'll say no but it kills me not to try. She is a co-worker in an office environment so this could get rough. Any advice?

Going by what you said, It will not end well if you "go for it". That's my wisdom, not advice

[SpectreFire]

SpectreFire: does she really have a reason for meeting up after talking to you for THREE hours on the phone? O_o Sounds like a nice date to me instead.

Wait. What? I don't understand the question.

[Xun]

Going to a new place this saturday, but I'm going simply to have a laugh (as always) with a couple of mates of mine.

If I speak to girls somehow, great, since I honestly feel I need to push myself into those situations more. But I will try and meet new people in general, because that could potentially branch my friends out more and aid in opening me up further. Then again, if that doesn't happen it isn't the end of the world.

I thought (as suggested in the past) that I'd create a fake persona about myself, so I may do that for a laugh. It could help I guess.

[grumble]

I have a delima. There is this coworker that I've known for a year and a half. I don't think she has a boyfriend. From what I know she doesn't have a boyfriend. In fact her last date left her hanging on her b'day. I didn't realize I had any serious feelings for her until I saw flowers on her desk at Valentines I felt demoralized. A co-worker told me she had no boyfriend recently. In recent weeks she has grown rather cool to me. I wonder if she senses something. I feel she no longer even wants to talk to me. I try to ignore that as my own misconception but I can't ignore is my feelings toward her. I don't know if I could lock it up inside me any longer. I'm pretty sure she'll say no but it kills me not to try. She is a co-worker in an office environment so this could get rough. Any advice?

Your dilemma can be solved by answering a question then getting her to:

Your question: are you friends, would you consider going out just the two of your normally? Because if you don't honestly think it could be a real relationship and don't consider her an actual friend don't do it. Casual dating at work is a bad call.

Her question: ask her if she's dating anyone. Frankly the fact that you don't already know this concerns me, but if she says no then that's your chance. If she says no, graciously move on and never mention it again because you're going to work with her.

[CAW]

Is this the girl who had/has a ton of guy friends? The girl who was like 10yrs younger than you? Am I remembering this correctly?

It is yes. GAF warned me from the start with this one, months ago, but did I listen? No.

By being old, i'm 32 haha.

Must be experience because I'm 31 and I'm just as bad as when I was in my teens. I haven't had many relationships though and this has been the first one in a long time so I think I just wanted it too bad. I'm tired of being single.

While she may not be regretting her decision now, she will in the future, because she's missing out on an awesome dude in yourself. Tell yourself that, because it's true. Best of luck!

Thanks for that little confident boost, I appreciate it.

I think this is also difficult on me because I have nothing to do right now. I'm on holidays from work and all the plans I had made were with her so now I'm sitting here on the PC all day doing NOTHING but thinking of her and this situation. I've went out with a few friends and it helps but for the most part I just sit here and dwell on it all. I'm hoping to go out this weekend and meet some new people (women, hopefully).

[Danielsan]

Had my date last night. It was fantastic. We've been chatting on a daily basis for the past 8 days and my biggest fears were that we'd either have nothing left to talk about or wouldn't be compatible. I couldn't be further off base. The chemistry we had through instant messaging was even stronger in real life. The hours simply flew by. Also, I knew she was good looking based on her photographs/webcam but man, she's a real stunner. Her smile is just to kill for.

I blew it at the end though, as I always tend to do. Did not kiss her. I only got to give her a three kisses goodbye as my train rolled in. Hopefully I get to see her again soon.

[Jimothy]

Okay, Gaf. This is my first post in this thread.

There's a new girl at work I only started really talking to tonight. She caught my eye immediately when she first walked in, but it wasn't until tonight I actually mustered up the balls to have a conversation with her. We basically talked about how much we hated working there, and we shared a few laughs about our insane coworkers. Anyway, just before her shift ends, she asks for my number. I give it to her, then see a text from her when I get home from work. We've been texting back and forth for the last hour, and she's texting some pretty suggestive stuff. I've responded a couple of times kind of brushing it off with attempted witty comebacks, but the fact is, I am horny as fuck and she seems to be to. I am really at a loss for what to do. I realize the whole "don't dip your pen in company ink" thing, but god damn do I want to get laid.

Any advice for what to do? Should I ask her out to a movie or something outside of work, or am I already proper fucked because of us being coworkers and all that entails?

[luckyboyceo]

Had my date last night. It was fantastic. We've been chatting on a daily basis for the past 8 days and my biggest fears were that we'd either have nothing left to talk about or wouldn't be compatible. I couldn't be further off base. The chemistry we had through instant messaging was even stronger in real life. The hours simply flew by. Also, I knew she was good looking based on her photographs/webcam but man, she's a real stunner. Her smile is just to kill for. I blew it at the end though, as I always tend to do. Did not kiss her. I only got to give her a three kisses goodbye as my train rolled in. Hopefully I get to see her again soon.

Don't sweat the kiss, man. Being the first date and all, I doubt there were really any expectations of that on her end. If things go as well as they did tonight on your second date, then go for it.

Glad to hear it was a success!

Okay, Gaf. This is my first post in this thread. There's a new girl at work I only started really talking to tonight. She caught my eye immediately when she first walked in, but it wasn't until tonight I actually mustered up the balls to have a conversation with her. We basically talked about how much we hated working there, and we shared a few laughs about our insane coworkers. Anyway, just before her shift ends, she asks for my number. I give it to her, then see a text from her when I get home from work. We've been texting back and forth for the last hour, and she's texting some pretty suggestive stuff. I've responded a couple of times kind of brushing it off with attempted witty comebacks, but the fact is, I am horny as fuck and she seems to be to. I am really at a loss for what to do. I realize the whole " don't dip your pen in company ink", but god damn do I want to get laid. Any advice for what to do? Should I ask her out to a movie or something outside of work, or am I already proper fucked because of us being coworkers and all that?

If it's really something you want to pursue, I wouldn't let work stop you. Yes, there could be potential ramifications in the workplace if things don't go as planned, but don't let that be the reason to miss out on a potentially good experience.

Why not ask her to grab a drink after work? Seems pretty easy. I'd avoid movies seeing as there isn't much time to communicate during them, unless of course it's a movie at your place.

Regardless, sounds like you're in a position of power here. She's obviously interested in you, so I'm willing to be that whatever you suggest she'd be up for.

[Fancy Corndog]

Share how please. I ended up removing and blocking the girl I was seeing. on FB. I just kept going on her page and it was like all that time we spent meant nothing to her (even though she also kind of said that). But literally since the day we called it quits she's added like 10 guys and has been posting all shit like she's not feeling a thing and hasn't messaged me or anything, which is fine. It just sucks that it's like I meant nothing to her and she's already moved on. Anyway I removed and blocked her on FB, which will prob help since I spend a lot of time on there. Some women can be cold as ice!

That is just how some people move on. Basically, she doesn't feel as bad as you specifically because she's acting like that. Think about the bad times, not the good times. Don't take it so personally.

Okay, Gaf. This is my first post in this thread. There's a new girl at work I only started really talking to tonight. She caught my eye immediately when she first walked in, but it wasn't until tonight I actually mustered up the balls to have a conversation with her. We basically talked about how much we hated working there, and we shared a few laughs about our insane coworkers. Anyway, just before her shift ends, she asks for my number. I give it to her, then see a text from her when I get home from work. We've been texting back and forth for the last hour, and she's texting some pretty suggestive stuff. I've responded a couple of times kind of brushing it off with attempted witty comebacks, but the fact is, I am horny as fuck and she seems to be to. I am really at a loss for what to do. I realize the whole "don't dip your pen in company ink" thing, but god damn do I want to get laid. Any advice for what to do? Should I ask her out to a movie or something outside of work, or am I already proper fucked because of us being coworkers and all that entails?

This one is pretty easy. When a girl texts you at night and is obviously interested like that, just ask her what she's doing. If she's not doing anything, she probably wants to come over- so give her the opportunity. Tell her you're about to watch a movie by yourself or something and ask her if she wants to come watch it with you. By the sound of it, you won't get halfway through the movie.

[Argyle]

Wait. What? I don't understand the question.

He is saying that you should spend less time on the phone, more time in-person. (I agree.)

It's great that you had a nice conversation but I think you should have saved that for the first date.

I think your problem is that you get overly excited when you have a date planned so you end up feeling crushed when it doesn't work out. Remember that until you meet up in real life, you aren't anyone to her, just text on a screen, so don't feel bad if she flakes out on you. Ideally you should feel the same thing about her - text on a screen, we'll see how it works out in real life. Now, I agree that flaky people are rude and I don't think people should be like that, but it is what it is, better for your own sanity to learn to shrug it off.

I planned a lot of first dates after work on weekdays so that it really wasn't like OMG WEEKEND RUINED when things didn't happen. That said, I didn't get flaked on that often (may have been an older crowd for me, though, also this was a few years ago), so maybe there is something you are doing before you arrange the first date that is messing you up somehow? Tell us what you are doing, maybe we can help.

[jaxword]

I thought that perhaps I might get chance to talk to somebody in a gym, or get approached. I am not sure I am willing to dedicate years of my life to an exercise regiem just so I can attract a woman.

You should be dedicating years of your life to exercise REGARDLESS of whether you can or cannot attract a woman.

That kind of lazy attitude isn't going to help in ANY aspect of life.

One year from now, would you prefer to be in better shape and have marginally better chances or...be in the same shape (or worse), still jerking it to internet porn and still moping over the lack of changes?

You have to WANT to change.

[Houston3000]

I can keep telling myself that I am a great guy, that they missed out. That I enjoy my own company all of the time, and that I am developing myself. But they really haven't missed out on anything. They meet a funny, smart guy that is relatively, or really good looking, and then they're happy. I am still that non-entity that they take no interest in because I walk funny, appear meek or timid, or am just plain ugly. Or all three. They have not missed out on anything. I feel that to develop myself in the manner you describe, I'd need to have or have had healthy relationships. I'd need to have those emotional connections.

This part stuck out to me.

Your confidence is bottomed out, through the floor. You need to do something to boost your confidence. Very very few people are naturally ugly, I highly doubt you are and I'll almost bet anything you're just out of shape, probably have shit for fashion sense, and don't maintain your hair/facial hair well.

I don't know if you're overweight or underweight but either way start exercising and fixing your diet. I've bulked up considerably in less than 4 months, I know it might sound vain but when I pass in front of a mirror now in my tanktops I can't help but be impressed with how good looking I am. Then that first time a girl grabs your arm on a date only to compliment how strong your arms feel it's awesome. So that would be my advice from personal experience, I couldn't do it by myself so I joined a gym and let the monthly payments motivate me :) but it's definitely possible to do it on the cheap if you don't have money (I might cancel my membership this summer and just start focusing on Calisthenics and a few store-bought dumbbells). Not only has it improved my looks but the benefits of being stronger are handy and working out 3 or 4 days a week can be construed as a good hobby.

[Minamu]

Wait. What? I don't understand the question.

He is saying that you should spend less time on the phone, more time in-person. (I agree.) It's great that you had a nice conversation but I think you should have saved that for the first date. I think your problem is that you get overly excited when you have a date planned so you end up feeling crushed when it doesn't work out. Remember that until you meet up in real life, you aren't anyone to her, just text on a screen, so don't feel bad if she flakes out on you. Ideally you should feel the same thing about her - text on a screen, we'll see how it works out in real life. Now, I agree that flaky people are rude and I don't think people should be like that, but it is what it is, better for your own sanity to learn to shrug it off. I planned a lot of first dates after work on weekdays so that it really wasn't like OMG WEEKEND RUINED when things didn't happen. That said, I didn't get flaked on that often (may have been an older crowd for me, though, also this was a few years ago), so maybe there is something you are doing before you arrange the first date that is messing you up somehow? Tell us what you are doing, maybe we can help.

Yes, this :) Sorry.

[Thommunist]

Hey GAF, I'm kind of dealing with a dilemma and I'm just wondering what you guys think of it.

So last Wednesday I went to the club and met a really interesting girl who I talked to for a couple of hours. This usually wouldn't sound like a problem, but here's the catch: I've been studying in Taiwan since last year August and I'm going back home to the Netherlands in about four weeks. I've already arranged a date for monday next week and although I'm definitely looking forward to that, I'm still not sure if this can go anywhere with only month left. Personally I want to give it a try, especially since it has been a while since I had such a fun and meaningful conversation with an interesting girl. I can speak Chinese near fluently, so I suppose it would at least be easier to communicate about the possibilities if things do get serious. I'm still not sure though. GAF, what's your take on these kinds of situations? I see lots of solid advice flying around in this thread, so I'm definitely interested in what you guys think about it. Many thanks!

[Sarye]

This part stuck out to me. Your confidence is bottomed out, through the floor. You need to do something to boost your confidence. Very very few people are naturally ugly, I highly doubt you are and I'll almost bet anything you're just out of shape, probably have shit for fashion sense, and don't maintain your hair/facial hair well. I don't know if you're overweight or underweight but either way start exercising and fixing your diet. I've bulked up considerably in less than 4 months, I know it might sound vain but when I pass in front of a mirror now in my tanktops I can't help but be impressed with how good looking I am. Then that first time a girl grabs your arm on a date only to compliment how strong your arms feel it's awesome. So that would be my advice from personal experience, I couldn't do it by myself so I joined a gym and let the monthly payments motivate me :) but it's definitely possible to do it on the cheap if you don't have money (I might cancel my membership this summer and just start focusing on Calisthenics and a few store-bought dumbbells). Not only has it improved my looks but the benefits of being stronger are handy and working out 3 or 4 days a week can be construed as a good hobby.

*slow clap* I couldn't have said it better myself.

Everyone should be working on self improvement, whether they are in a relationship or not. Just pick one thing.. or two things and work on it. Self analyze yourself. What areas would you like to work on? Your posture? your walk? your speech? (yes there is speech therapy). How about your clothes? A sport? Your body?

No one is saying to improve yourself for women. Improve yourself for yourself. I can honestly say that I am a much better person now than I was a year ago. And a year before that I was a much better person than the year before that. They were little things too. Like learning how to dress properly. Or learning how to walk with my head straight and correct posture without slouching all the damn time. Improving yourself also helps with your confidence which will radiate to other people. Now again, don't be doing this for other people. You should be doing this for yourself... otherwise you will just be disappointed.

Remember, If you do nothing, then you're not going to change a year from now, you will look back and realize you are the same person with no hope. Is that who you want to be? I hope your answer is no.

How does this help with women? It's no secret that if you have something to offer them, they will be interested. And if you improve yourself, that will increase your chances. note: I said increase your chances.. not a guarantee. But hey, a 50% chance is better than a 25% chance right?

Empowerer Blarg, I was in the same boat as you. I haven't even kissed a girl or go on a date until I was in my twenties. I've been called, "retarded" and "weird" my whole life growing up. This isn't some bullshit thing people are telling you. I started to get my life together and work on myself. Years and years later, I am still the same weird person, but I have a lot of confidence, with a lot to offer. I owned my weird tendencies, and people stopped caring about them... probably because I stopped caring about them.

I recently met up with an old friend whom I haven't seen in a while. She told me that I seem different, and that I became pretty attractive. What changed in appearance since we last met? I learned how to dress properly and put gel in my hair. Objectively, that is the only thing that changed.

[Minamu]

Long distance rarely ever work. Keep it casual either way.

[Lone_Prodigy]

Hey GAF, I'm kind of dealing with a dilemma and I'm just wondering what you guys think of it. So last Wednesday I went to the club and met a really interesting girl who I talked to for a couple of hours. This usually wouldn't sound like a problem, but here's the catch: I've been studying in Taiwan since last year August and I'm going back home to the Netherlands in about four weeks. I've already arranged a date for monday next week and although I'm definitely looking forward to that, I'm still not sure if this can go anywhere with only month left. Personally I want to give it a try, especially since it has been a while since I had such a fun and meaningful conversation with an interesting girl. I can speak Chinese near fluently, so I suppose it would at least be easier to communicate about the possibilities if things do get serious. I'm still not sure though. GAF, what's your take on these kinds of situations? I see lots of solid advice flying around in this thread, so I'm definitely interested in what you guys think about it. Many thanks!

Go for it. Just be honest about your intentions. "Hey I really like you and I'd like to spend more time with you, but I'm only in town for a few more weeks so I'm not really looking for anything serious right now."

[jdub03]

Should a guy be paying for 100% of everything when you've been dating a girl for a couple of months (half a year or more). I'm speaking strictly in terms of going out to eat and going to events.

[Sarye]

Should a guy be paying for 100% of everything when you've been dating a girl for a couple of months (half a year or more). I'm speaking strictly in terms of going out to eat and going to events.

no... and I'm old fashioned.

[jdub03]

no... and I'm old fashioned.

Well my girl feels like I should, unless I'm unable to (no money). I'm willing to pay, but I'm not sure that's how it should be for the duration of our relationship. I also don't know how to bring that type of thing up and what she would say if I did.

[Cubsfan23]

this is why you avoid the problem in the first place......just hook up at your/her place.

[Ra1den]

Should a guy be paying for 100% of everything when you've been dating a girl for a couple of months (half a year or more). I'm speaking strictly in terms of going out to eat and going to events.

The paying thing is a pain in the ass. You don't want to look like you're trying to buy a girl's affection, but you also don't want to look like a cheapskate. It's reason enough to try to stick to stuff like picnics or walks or whatever that don't cost money whenever possible.

If she straight up told you that she expects you to pay for everything because you are the man, then keep things consistent with this "traditional" view and have her keep up her end of the bargain for the female side. She should be cooking for you, sewing your jeans when needed, etc.

If she isn't doing this stuff, then why should this traditional burden only fall in your lap while she gets off doing nothing?

[vicissitudes]

Tell her she's a grown woman and she can pay for her own things.

[Wormdundee]

Should a guy be paying for 100% of everything when you've been dating a girl for a couple of months (half a year or more). I'm speaking strictly in terms of going out to eat and going to events.

Absolutely not. A relationship is a partnership. But I mean, you swing it to relative incomes. If the girl is dirt poor and you've got plenty of cash it would be nice to cover her stuff sometimes. But not 100% of everything 100% of the time. That's just ridiculous.

[Count Dookkake]

Paying for everything is okay, if you get pretty much whatever you want whenever you want.

Are you getting those terms?

[Sanky Panky]

Should a guy be paying for 100% of everything when you've been dating a girl for a couple of months (half a year or more). I'm speaking strictly in terms of going out to eat and going to events.

Does she offer to pay for things? does she give you presents? does she tell you "sorry that I'm broke..." etc etc?

It's all about intentions. I was raised to always pay for the girl, but I'm no sucker. Next time going to an event, tell her "hey the price for the ticket is $X, is that cool?", and see how she responds.

[VASPER]

So i need some help GAF, i started seeing a girl about 3 weeks ago have gone out on 2 dates and TBH I'm really not feeling it. I am just not that interested in her, this also has to be said that i just had a heart punch by a different girl about 4 weeks ago and i figured asking this new girl out would get my mind off the old one. It has but I'm not interested in this new girl because of a few reason and i know this Isn't going to work in the long run. So my question is this, i am suppose to go see her tonight and i just don't really want to but i don't want to hurt her feelings (i know far to well how this feel getting dumped many time myself) Is their any way not to be a dick in this situation, i feel as if i am just too nice some times because i can relate but i don't want her to feel like she is getting closer to me while I'm moving farther from her. GAF help, worst case i go see her tonight and after that tell her I'm really not feeling it, or should i nip in the bud and just tell her i cant see her anymore?

[The Antitype]

It figures that the first older woman I've ever dated will be a 29 year old stripper.

I always go for the crazy ones.

[Ra1den]

So i need some help GAF, i started seeing a girl about 3 weeks ago have gone out on 2 dates and TBH I'm really not feeling it. I am just not that interested in her, this also has to be said that i just had a heart punch by a different girl about 4 weeks ago and i figured asking this new girl out would get my mind off the old one. It has but I'm not interested in this new girl because of a few reason and i know this Isn't going to work in the long run. So my question is this, i am suppose to go see her tonight and i just don't really want to but i don't want to hurt her feelings (i know far to well how this feel getting dumped many time myself) Is their any way not to be a dick in this situation, i feel as if i am just too nice some times because i can relate but i don't want her to feel like she is getting closer to me while I'm moving farther from her. GAF help, worst case i go see her tonight and after that tell her I'm really not feeling it, or should i nip in the bud and just tell her i cant see her anymore?

Play the gay card.

[vicissitudes]

Play the gay card.

"Three simple words: I am gay."

[Lone_Prodigy]

So i need some help GAF, i started seeing a girl about 3 weeks ago have gone out on 2 dates and TBH I'm really not feeling it. I am just not that interested in her, this also has to be said that i just had a heart punch by a different girl about 4 weeks ago and i figured asking this new girl out would get my mind off the old one. It has but I'm not interested in this new girl because of a few reason and i know this Isn't going to work in the long run. So my question is this, i am suppose to go see her tonight and i just don't really want to but i don't want to hurt her feelings (i know far to well how this feel getting dumped many time myself) Is their any way not to be a dick in this situation, i feel as if i am just too nice some times because i can relate but i don't want her to feel like she is getting closer to me while I'm moving farther from her. GAF help, worst case i go see her tonight and after that tell her I'm really not feeling it, or should i nip in the bud and just tell her i cant see her anymore?

See her tonight. Tell her you're not feeling it, sorry you led her on, it's not working out. Dump her ASAP before she gets too attached to you.

[The Antitype]

So i need some help GAF, i started seeing a girl about 3 weeks ago have gone out on 2 dates and TBH I'm really not feeling it. I am just not that interested in her, this also has to be said that i just had a heart punch by a different girl about 4 weeks ago and i figured asking this new girl out would get my mind off the old one. It has but I'm not interested in this new girl because of a few reason and i know this Isn't going to work in the long run. So my question is this, i am suppose to go see her tonight and i just don't really want to but i don't want to hurt her feelings (i know far to well how this feel getting dumped many time myself) Is their any way not to be a dick in this situation, i feel as if i am just too nice some times because i can relate but i don't want her to feel like she is getting closer to me while I'm moving farther from her. GAF help, worst case i go see her tonight and after that tell her I'm really not feeling it, or should i nip in the bud and just tell her i cant see her anymore?

Tell her that you're not feeling it. That it has nothing to do with her, but that there's something wrong with you that you need to address first before you're ready to move forward with somebody else.

I've used that line a bunch of times on girls, and every time it's ended up with a hug and a 'good luck'.

[SpectreFire]

So the date didn't happen. Texted her today to confirm a time and place, no reponse.

I really don't understand people sometimes. Are people that insecure about saying no that they're completely fine stringing you along at ridiculous lengths?

[Jipan]

Well guys, I went for the number but unfortunately, she has a boyfriend. She got on the elevator, I walked down the hall back to my locker like a boss. I feel liberated because I was really nervous when it came time to leave and ask her for it.

It stung for a few minutes but it wore off afterwards. Getting rejected feels good. So I'm proud of myself for doing it.

[Minamu]

So the date didn't happen. Texted her today to confirm a time and place, no reponse. I really don't understand people sometimes. Are people that insecure about saying no that they're completely fine stringing you along at ridiculous lengths?

Too bad. It's not the end of the world though. Don't send any more messages until she contacts you. Then do a dinner at home or something instead. And don't do any more three hour conversations over the phone. We'd all prefer to have those in person.

And yes, turning someone down can be very difficult.

[SpectreFire]

Too bad. It's not the end of the world though. Don't send any more messages until she contacts you. Then do a dinner at home or something instead. And don't do any more three hour conversations over the phone. We'd all prefer to have those in person. And yes, turning someone down can be very difficult.

Not treating it as if it was. I don't mind the long phone conversations though, people are different, not everyone hates them as the internet vividly likes to think. There's nothing distinctly wrong with it or anything and I hardly doubt that's the reasons why she flaked, unless she's just completely insane.

[luckyboyceo]

Well guys, I went for the number but unfortunately, she has a boyfriend. She got on the elevator, I walked down the hall back to my locker like a boss. I feel liberated because I was really nervous when it came time to leave and ask her for it. It stung for a few minutes but it wore off afterwards. Getting rejected feels good. So I'm proud of myself for doing it.

Great mindset. Really proves that regret is a million times worse than rejection. Had you not done it, you'd still be thinking about it right now.

Also, sorry to hear about your date falling through, SpectreFire. No worries though, a flake is a flake and you're better served spending your time elsewhere.

[Cubsfan23]

Not treating it as if it was. I don't mind the long phone conversations though, people are different, not everyone hates them as the internet vividly likes to think. There's nothing distinctly wrong with it or anything and I hardly doubt that's the reasons why she flaked, unless she's just completely insane.

so you're not going to learn from this and keep repeating the mistake of hours long phone calls?

[SpectreFire]

so you're not going to learn from this and keep repeating the mistake of hours long phone calls?

I wouldn't say it's a mistake. Who cares how you get to know someone? It's the message that counts, not the medium.

There's nothing really that happened during this whole thing that I haven't already known. Girls flake out for no reason and you kind of have to be prepared for it. If anything, the only mistake I made was assuming, or rather hoping that she was mature enough not to do that.