[Zeppu]

I don't see the issue to be honest.

Isn't this how conversation works? When talking to someone there are several ways to ask the same question.

Let's say I know someone works at an IT company. I could potentially ask:
What is your position at your company?
What jobs do you do at your company?
Are you developer, support, or...?

For the last question a stuck up person would answer: "No!" and be offended that his job position 'systems administrator" wasn't mentioned in the original list. A normal person would answer. "No, ..." and continue conversation with explaining their situation or position.

We are not robots. We don't have one way to phrase a sentence. The nurse could've potentially been alternating between "Do you have a sexual partner", "Are you sexually active", "Do you have a husband/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend" and she landed on that one with the girl in the OP. Maybe she realized that in 'the bible belt' people got flustered when asked things which would question their sexual orientation or sexual activity.

If a straight man was asked whether he was gay (or a question which implies he's gay) and he replied angrily that he wasn't and "how dare you assume I am", most of you would label him as close minded and homophobic and probably rightfully so. If you ask a gay man a question which implies he's straight then he has the right to get offended.

Doesn't really make any sense to me.

[Hari Seldon]

Maybe she was pulling a House and trying to trick her into admitting a medically relevant STD.

[Emerson]

I don't see the issue to be honest. Isn't this how conversation works? When talking to someone there are several ways to ask the same question. Let's say I know someone works at an IT company. I could potentially ask: What is your position at your company? What jobs do you do at your company? Are you developer, support, or...? For the last question a stuck up person would answer: "No!" and be offended that his job position 'systems administrator" wasn't mentioned in the original list. A normal person would answer. "No, ..." and continue conversation with explaining their situation or position. We are not robots. We don't have one way to phrase a sentence. The nurse could've potentially been alternating between "Do you have a sexual partner", "Are you sexually active", "Do you have a husband/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend" and she landed on that one with the girl in the OP. Maybe she realized that in 'the bible belt' people got flustered when asked things which would question their sexual orientation or sexual activity. If a straight man was asked whether he was gay (or a question which implies he's gay) and he replied angrily that he wasn't and "how dare you assume I am", most of you would label him as close minded and homophobic and probably rightfully so. If you ask a gay man a question which implies he's straight then he has the right to get offended. Doesn't really make any sense to me.

I agree. If my doctor asked me "Do you have a boyfriend or husband?" while it would be a little strange statistically to ask that, I'd say "no, I have a girlfriend" and leave it at that. No need to be so put out by everything.

It's just a standard question that healthcare people ask. The vast majority of people are heterosexual so if you're going to ask one way or the other that's the one that makes sense.

[RobotNinjaHornets]

When I order pizza online they call me and ask if I intended to order it with no cheese or tomato :C

More ontopic: I find it funny how people are getting unnecessarily angry over someone getting unnecessarily angry. Though I will say that the doctor girl person had a better reason for being annoyed than everyone in this thread getting annoyed at her.

[robertsan21]

ok talk about SHIT getting out of hand, the world needs to stop being so fucking sensative.

I guess soon it will be illigal to buy a boy cars as toys and dolls for girls... WTF the "gay" community is starting to be to fucking sensative. Stop this crap now.

[Dead Man]

I agree. If my doctor asked me "Do you have a boyfriend or husband?" while it would be a little strange statistically to ask that, I'd say "no, I have a girlfriend" and leave it at that. No need to be so put out by everything. It's just a standard question that healthcare people ask. The vast majority of people are heterosexual so if you're going to ask one way or the other that's the one that makes sense.

The point is that it is quite possible to ask in a way that makes no assumptions.

[Emerson]

The point is that it is quite possible to ask in a way that makes no assumptions.

Of course it is, and that's the way I do it personally. But still, nobody should give a shit.

[Sho_Nuff82]

Jesus do people have to be on all the time?

This.

If you fight all the small battles people will not give a shit about the big ones. She sounds like an asshole.

[The Anti-Monitor]

There are a lot of gender neutral ways to ask about it, nurse should've probably used one.

However, we're still on a transition period, and homosexuality (and bisexuality) is still fairly rare. I see no malice on it, I've always though the intention is far more important than what someone says, and I have no problem to correct people who assume I'm part of the enormous majority.

[shanshan310]

edit: Also, she's straight. Just a feminist.

How am I not surprised.

Come on. From what she has told us there seems like no homophobic intent at all. Yes the doctor could have worded it better, but really its not that bad.

[JGS]

Treating people as less important just because they're statistically less common is gross.

This is why there are follow up questions. You ask off the majority (It's a waste of time and efficiency otherwise) and you get clarification from there.

Seems like she was starting something that was a non-issue.

Maybe she was getting a pregnancy test lol.

EDIT: I guess the doctor could say SO instead, but this is all pretty silly and shows how pointless social networks can be.

[beelzebozo]

i live in a town where 99% of the population wears hats, but i've just never worn hats. every time i go in for an appointment at my dentist, the hygienist asks me, "hey, did you forget your hat in the lobby?" and at that point, i am just superfly tnt about to explode.

[leadbelly]

I don't know. I'm kind of sick of the way every dumb stupid little thing has to be analysed and dissected in this way.

[shanshan310]

I don't know. I'm kind of sick of the way every dumb stupid little thing has to be analysed and dissected in this way.

Me too. I kinda feel sorry for the doctor. People tend not to think that much about what they say.

[shagg_187]

I don't know. I'm kind of sick of the way every dumb stupid little thing has to be analysed and dissected in this way.

Back in our days™ there was no facebook and you could say any shit you wanted to without anyone pointing fingers at you, and if they did you just deny you said it.

[skinnyrattler]

You know what's uncomfortable? Worried I make the wrong assumption. Or prefacing my question with, 'I don't want to offend..' But since I'm a big boy, I get over it and just do it. It's how we communicate. People say my oldest child looks like me. Except he was from my wife's previous marriage. We all have those uncomfortable moments.

Tell this bitch to get over herself. Either correct the question or move on. There is clearly not a way to communicate if you just sit there. Did homosexuality become the majority? Of course people will ask if she has a husband until the numbers change dramatically.

[Zeppu]

Me too. I kinda feel sorry for the doctor. People tend not to think that much about what they say.

And it's stupid that they should have to think that much before everything. The intent doesn't seem to be malicious and while it may be just me, I feel better talking to people in a 'human' conversation-like way rather than listening to unambiguous, pre-formulated questions like I'm being interrogated or filling out a form or talking to customer service.

[SpinningBirdKick]

I'm so glad I don't have a Popular Social Network™ account.

This is a thread that shouldn't have been made.

Who cares?

[skinnyrattler]

The other side of this coming from a health professional is the way patients interpret questions. Since there are 7 billion people on the planet, there appears to be 7 billion ways to answer a direct question. You guys may think the nurse may be off but I've asked people, specifically, straight forward questions like, 'Are you nauseous?' and get what would be interpreted as weird answers.

My solution is to ask multiple questions that ask the same thing if it's important enough. A routine question doesn't exist for me. I have to talk to them and get a sense of who they are in a short amount of time, then have to re-ask over and over again if there seems to be vagueness. Then, at times, summarize what I think they just told me.

My whole point is that naturally, I'll tease info out like this and never stick to a 'script' and could offend. You ever ask someone if they are having anal sex? What if you don't know that person, is it easy? I've asked that to heterosexual males and gotten weird looks. However, usually people are at the doctors to discuss intimate details and some things have to be asked.

[leadbelly]

Me too. I kinda feel sorry for the doctor. People tend not to think that much about what they say.

Yeah. It is also a matter of some people looking way too deeply into what people say. It's just this overly-sensitive world we now live in.

It's like sometimes you'll hear about some celebrity who has said something apparently controversial. You read about it and you're like, "Is that all it was?". It's like people seem to make such big deal out of nothing these days.

[J-Rod]

I don't think the nurse's question indicates that she is a bigot or lacks empathy.

[rezuth]

So some bible versus to sooth people and the nurse assumes she has a bf because that is the norm. We are suppose to be upset over this?

[Game-Biz]

It's pretty ridiculous. ALL THE TIME people automatically aussume that I am a male. I am a male and I may look and talk like a male as well, but what gives people a fucking right to naturally assume and treat me like a male when I could very well be a female. As if males and females are supposed to fit into the Bible's strict gender stereotypes that fucking preach hate. I'm moving to fucking Canada, fuck this shit.



lulz.

Pizza, by the way, is defined as bread, cheese, sauce, and pepperoni. This is fact verified by science.

[Flo_Evans]

Funny enough when I was in Canada someone from the tourism dept. wanted to interview me about my visit.

They asked if I was married/living with someone or had a "partner". I thought it was kind of funny, but also nice in a way.

[Keru_Shiri]

Eh, for all we know, this could be one of this girl's peeved. Everyone gets mad over dumb shit. Just look at Gaming Side for proof.

[IsntChrisL]

Stupid thing to get all bent up about. Every doctor's office I've been to has asked me if I had a girlfriend/wife/kids. I live in southern California.

[tiff]

Okay so now I'm really confused.

It's pretty typical "I feel so bad for my privilege that I'm going to start getting offended on behalf of other!"

Of course I'm sure she doesn't even realize how bad it seems that she assumes the nurse is a bigot based on an innocent question and his/her religious beliefs.

[Lambtron]

Given the huge amount of bullshit in the world that everyone has to put up with, sometimes things like this, that seem small, just really push your buttons. I completely understand why she was pissed. I hate the idea of perpetuating ideas that it's okay to act like non-straight people are an "other" because they make up a smaller portion of the population. There are things in this world, big and small, visible and invisible, which push this idea forward. Acting like the small things don't matter perpetuates this shit. It doesn't matter if she's straight, gay, a feminist, whatever. Her point is valid even if it's maybe not being expressed in the best manner.

And as far as the comparison between sexual orientation and food allergies, I know lots of people with food allergies, and not a single one of them fears violent reactions to their allergies. Just sayin'.

[tiff]

At some point you have to make some concessions for the sake of convenience, though. I mean, you aren't going to question to gender identity of every biological male you meet on the remote chance that they may be transgender, correct?

That said I agree the nurse could have asked in a more tactful and straightforward way and as a professional he/she should have done so, I just don't think it's worth getting upset about.

[TheMan]

At some point you have to make some concessions for the sake of convenience, though. I mean, you aren't going to question to gender identity of every biological male you meet on the remote chance that they may be transgender, correct? That said I agree the nurse could have asked in a more tactful and straightforward way and as a professional he/she should have done so, I just don't think it's worth getting upset about.

i have to agree with you here. bible verses on the wall should not be allowed (if it's a private hospital affiliated with a religion i guess it's their right, but i still don't like it). as for assuming the girl was straight, it's not a huge deal unless she was discriminated against for answering that she was a lesbian. otherwise, it was a mistake probably based on the fact that most patients are straight, and no harm came to anyone so whatevs.

[blame space]

beezlebozo your town sounds awesome

[poppabk]

The question 'Are you sexually active?' makes no such assumption.

It also doesn't let you know if a woman is having sex with a man which has lots of different medical indications than having sex with another woman.
"are you sexual active? "
"yes"
"with a man or a woman or both? "
doesn't seem like it would be any less offensive.

[Mammoth Jones]

This gamestop preorder level shit.

LOL. It's just a question. She should correct her casually without blinking an eye and move on. Why is this a big deal?

[Aselith]

You know what's uncomfortable? Worried I make the wrong assumption. Or prefacing my question with, 'I don't want to offend..' But since I'm a big boy, I get over it and just do it. It's how we communicate. People say my oldest child looks like me. Except he was from my wife's previous marriage. We all have those uncomfortable moments. Tell this bitch to get over herself. Either correct the question or move on. There is clearly not a way to communicate if you just sit there. Did homosexuality become the majority? Of course people will ask if she has a husband until the numbers change dramatically.

If it makes you feel better I think both are entirely possible unless they're pointing to something specific. Like we definitely pickup mannerisms and expressions from our parents and friends that aren't really genetically-inherited. What they may be picking up on is how similar his expressions and mannerisms are to your own

[James Woods]

The nurse simply should have given her clam to eat, and then gauged the avarice of which she devoured the deliciousness.

[opticalmace]

I don't understand this thread at all.

What am I supposed to be mad about again? And is the magazine cover supposed to mean something?

[Aselith]

I don't understand this thread at all. What am I supposed to be mad about again? And is the magazine cover supposed to mean something?

FUCKING HETERONORMATIVE! I want to see dudes holding hands not in the background either. In the GODDAMN foreground. This is bullshit.

[M-PG71C]

I work as a RN, this is either small talk or he/she is asking questions related to an assessment. In our full-assessment of a patient, when they are either first admitted in or transferred to a new unit, questions related to sexual activity (among many many others) are asked.

Let me be very careful and articulate how I feel about this: I don't give a fuck about whatever political/sociopolitical/cultural bullshit you have to spew today. It's not here or the now.

If I ask a question like, "Are you sexually active?" or "Do you have a boyfriend or husband?" its because I need to figure out one if you are indeed sexually active and if you have a boyfriend or husband, I need to know if they are going to be given privileges to your medical history and record.

I have a crapton of questions for you, nearly 70 or 80 items, and I need answers prompt. I have other patients to see, assess, pass pain medicine, or call the doctor for. I cannot spend all damn day on sensitivity issues. It's not relevant to the care you're going to see nor is it necessary for the administration of care en large. I'm happy to be patient and caring, and really loving too, but I will not take kindly to a bitch/asshole that makes too many assumptions. I don't care who you fuck, I just need to know if you do or don't.

There are far more heterosexuals than homosexuals, its a presumption. Don't take offense. Truly, its all good. I'm sure there are better fights to take on then fighting a nurse over petty bullshit. Fight those fights.

[Redford]

I agree with Eusis in that this is pretty much just a casually posted update on someone's Twitter, which is meant for such things.

It was also a stupid thing to make a thread about.

Yeah, when you can't find a point to disagree with and disparage OP about, just make sure to say the thread shouldn't have been made to make up for it.

[qcf x2]

Is there a lesson to be learned here?

Yes, being a dick / bitch gets you bonus atheist points. Have you ever read this forum?

[quadriplegicjon]

So is the nurse supposed to ask if she's "dating/seeing someone" or just not at all? I mean, it makes since that we shouldn't assume someone's sexuality like that. I suppose it's something to think about for the future although that's something I would never ask some random stranger. Seems like a pretty small thing to whine/get preachy about though. Chick's trying hard to be a feminist/atheist/alt person/whatever and I respect that but damn, slow your roll. Who's in the wrong? Is anyone in the wrong? Is this really a big deal? Is there a lesson to be learned here?

Finding out if someone is in a relationship/sexually active is actually important for a number of things (risk factors, getting to know a patient, etc.)... but, you are not supposed to assume someone is straight. At least that is what they are teaching in med schools nowadays. Your questions are suppossed to be gender neutral unless the patient specifies.

[nVidiot_Whore]

I think maybe the bible verse added to the uncomfortableness of the situation?

I'd find it slightly annoying at best, but I also don't live my life as a minority that is thought of as "wrong" by a large percentage of the population around me.