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Is anyone else just faking it?

TTOOLL

TTOOLL

Member
I'm kind of on the same boat. There aren't really many things that excite me right now and it's been like this for a while. Real life interactions with colleagues, friends and coworkers are really difficult for me, I would avoid 90% of them if I could.

Fun fact, I'm a teacher and have a great fake relationship with my students and everybody else actually. I believe I'm good at faking it.
 
A

ArrrCee

Neo Member
I think there is a difference between being content and being depressed. You seem concerned that you're content, which I would think means you are not content at all...
 
E

Ernest

Banned
Yup, same here.

I think this line from Rick & Morty sums it up best:

"Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's going to die, come watch TV."
 
S

spock

Member
If you are content in the sense you don't see a need to strive for certain things or meet the expectations of others and are not having issues in other areas (like hygiene, anger, anxiety, etc.). Than all might be just fine. You don't have to grasp for "stuff" just because that what others do. Nor do you need to become toiled in the narratives of others unless you choose to.

Have you ever read anything on Buddhism? Might be insightful for you current point in life. Than again maybe not. Though that's ok to, as is that. :)
 
Y

yanipheonu

Member
Imposter Syndrome is a thing.

Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome or the imposter experience) is a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud". Despite external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. Some studies suggest that impostor syndrome is particularly common among high-achieving women.
Click to expand...

There's a compulsion to have a "reason" why we do certain things or feel a certain way.

The trick for me was realizing that you don't need a grand reason behind your every action. You can do what you want because that's what you want to do. No need to defer yourself.
 
B

Bronetta

Ask me about the moon landing or the temperature at which jet fuel burns. You may be surprised at what you learn.
PixelatedBookake said:
But like, my dilemma is in how long can I manage that before I end up with nothing. I have drive to some extent, but no end goal. Nothing I'm really working towards. I do want to start a family at some point, but it's hard to find connections with people romantically when you don't really give a fuck about your future like that. There's no passion. Ya feel me?
Click to expand...

I feel you man. I was also the child who got beat up for crying, or yelled at for stuff others did. It'll only get worse when you get out of school. At least in school you have goals to strive for and some element of socializing with classmates and friends. Going out and meeting people isnt hard but like... Is it genuine you know. Easier to just stay home playing video games or meeting with the same old friends.

I wish I had some advice for you since Im in the very same roadblock myself but truth be told I need some advice myself. I thought things get better as you get older but it feels the opposite.
 
S

Sapientas

Member
I feel like pretty much everyone has that same feeling, at least at some point during their lives.
Content is pretty much the perfect word to describe my mood. Happiness is such a fleeting thing it's hard to achieve it everyday. Even so, I don't think that's a issue or that I need to change something immediately.
Have long term goals, but don't expect too much from them while you enjoy your everyday life. It's all cool.
 
T

The Silver

Member
honestly sometimes I can't even tell if I'm naturally very positive or extremely cynical and apathetic. I'm pretty sure I'm the latter but I just can't muster to bring that side of me out around people. I end up being positive and always looking on the bright side whether I'm drunk or high or just normally talking to people, it's weird cause that feels "right" but then I'm alone again I feel like I was just faking it.
 
D

dhlt25

Member
yep, I feel the same way, I don't really put effort in anything anymore, I do just enough to get by and have no clear goal in mind. I could be doing a lot better but I just have no motivation, I just want to quit and travel the world but that's not possible either.
 
J

jph139

Member
I think that's okay. I don't think it's possible to really be "happy" all the time. No matter what kind of a life you live - paycheck to paycheck, multi-millionaire, bachelorhood, married with children - eventually it just becomes normal. The edges get sanded down. The highs aren't as high and the lows aren't as low.

As long as you have things that make it worthwhile to get out of bed in the morning - even if it's little stuff like playing a video game or trying a new recipe - you're fine. I'm in the same boat. Can't complain.

That being said, I sort of suspect you're lonely, if only because you didn't mention friends or an SO anywhere, and your relationships at work seem "fake." That's the only thing that sticks out to me as fundamentally unfulfilling. Are there people in your life that you can have an honest, deep conversation with? That you can let down your walls with and relax around? As someone that's mostly a loner, my apathetic moods sort of go away when I'm with people I actually enjoy being around.
 
D

disappeared

Banned
"Of all the fake they say it takes to make it well I don't know man
No matter how high you roll you'll always know you're just the store brand
Pushing against the waves, keelhaul years of the same program
Some of the faces change but not the game and not the tune
Because you know how it goes"

-Matthew Good
 
M

Makai

Member
xxmagiksxx said:
I'd urge you to check out Jordan Peterson.

It's important to have something you're working towards. Simply being content is not a healthy stable mindset.

That said, I dont exactly have a ton of information about your particular life. But you seem to realize there is a problem in your life somewhere, else, why make this post?

Think long and hard about what really matters to you, then act accordingly. Everything else will fall into place.
Click to expand...
Are you Jon Blow?
 
W

wanderingprostheyltite

Member
brianjones said:
Can relate to this a lot

my only goals in life appear to be sitting on my ass consuming media
Click to expand...

Think this is me. My most content or "happy" these days is doing some writing to good tunes while drinking coffee and getting into a solid creative groove, or something simple like following a series of a TV show with my gf. Like, I kinda want to travel more, but apparently that shit can wait, and I'm mostly okay with that.
 
B

BriareosGAF

Member
Sounds like you've managed to structure your life so there is little chance of failure, by modulating your ambition sufficiently. With no chance of failure, you can't be embarrassed or humiliated/bullied. But there is also no thrill or passion. Start small, force yourself to go to a museum. Then spend a week not cooking any dishes you know how to cook for dinner. Discover a hiking trail nearby, join a trail running club. Go to a concert that won't be well attended. Buy a bicycle and spend a weekend day getting lost in your town riding on weird backstreets. Stop at a cafe you've never been to for lunch. Keep a diary.

Eventually, fail at something spectacularly, and realize that's okay.
 
P

Piano

Banned
pretty done said:
In my head, everyone who isn't rich or very wealthy is faking it. How could anyone be truly happy being just another cog in the corporate wheel? Life is awful.
Click to expand...

On the contrary, I think most of those rich, wealthy people look miserable.
For me, spending time with people I care about and building a sense of community = meaning
 
lem0n

lem0n

Member
Everyone does it, I think. Some just are way better at hiding it. I occasionally fake it because I don't care about much either. If I have my place to live, my hobbies, my close friends and my girlfriend, what else do I need? I'm working towards trading in my car for a nicer one. That's all I need to keep me motivated. After that I'm saving for a bigger place to live. Maybe computer parts in the meantime. I've been like this since I can remember, and shit just happens on it's own. I find my way, I stay content and happy, and I get stuff figured out. Life honestly isn't too complicated, man. I make sure mine isn't. I think that's what allows me to keep a level head.

BriareosGAF said:
Sounds like you've managed to structure your life so there is little chance of failure, by modulating your ambition sufficiently. With no chance of failure, you can't be embarrassed or humiliated/bullied. But there is also no thrill or passion. Start small, force yourself to go to a museum. Then spend a week not cooking any dishes you know how to cook for dinner. Discover a hiking trail nearby, join a trail running club. Go to a concert that won't be well attended. Buy a bicycle and spend a weekend day getting lost in your town riding on weird backstreets. Stop at a cafe you've never been to for lunch. Keep a diary.

Eventually, fail at something spectacularly, and realize that's okay.
Click to expand...

I like this, a lot.
 
B

Bronetta

Ask me about the moon landing or the temperature at which jet fuel burns. You may be surprised at what you learn.
Piano said:
On the contrary, I think most of those rich, wealthy people look miserable.
For me, spending time with people I care about and building a sense of community = meaning
Click to expand...

Money cant buy happiness but I'd rather cry in a mansion.
 
Falcs

Falcs

Banned
Yeah. I fake it, but only at work. Out of work I keep it pretty real. I got a happy life in general. Great wife, nice house, etc. No need to fake anything there.

But at work.. pffssh.. Yeah I'm fake as shit. You name it, I fake it.

I pretend:
I care about my clients.
I care about what my boss thinks.
I agree with my boss.
My work means something to me.
I'm at work for reasons other than money.
I care about everyone I work with.
I enjoy my work.

At work, I'm a fraud.
 
lem0n

lem0n

Member
falcs said:
Yeah. I fake it, but only at work. Out of work I keep it pretty real. I got a happy life in general. Great wife, nice house, etc. No need to fake anything there.

But at work.. pffssh.. Yeah I'm fake as shit. You name it, I fake it.

I pretend:
I care about my clients.
I care about what my boss thinks.
I agree with my boss.
My work means something to me.
I'm at work for reasons other than money.
I care about everyone I work with.
I enjoy my work.

At work, I'm a fraud.
Click to expand...

You recognize this and that's what matters in the end. You don't believe your own bullshit, and that's a looooot of people's issue.
 
BizzyBum

BizzyBum

Member
pretty done said:
In my head, everyone who isn't rich or very wealthy is faking it. How could anyone be truly happy being just another cog in the corporate wheel? Life is awful.
Click to expand...

But money doesn't buy happiness, right?

I always call bullshit on that statement. If I were rich or won a 300 million dollar lotto tomorrow my happiness would go from 10% to 200% overnight. Everything I currently worry about and stress over is due to money. All my issues would literally disappear if I were rich.

Have a nice home paid off
Have a nice car paid off
Never have to work and can do whatever the fuck I want
Buy whatever clothes you want
Eat great food whenever
Date hotter women
Travel the world
Never have to worry about healthcare or retirement plans
If you or a loved one gets sick you have the funds to get the best doctors in the world

How the fuck could you not be happy?
 
entremet

entremet

Member
falcs said:
Yeah. I fake it, but only at work. Out of work I keep it pretty real. I got a happy life in general. Great wife, nice house, etc. No need to fake anything there.

But at work.. pffssh.. Yeah I'm fake as shit. You name it, I fake it.

I pretend:
I care about my clients.
I care about what my boss thinks.
I agree with my boss.
My work means something to me.
I'm at work for reasons other than money.
I care about everyone I work with.
I enjoy my work.

At work, I'm a fraud.
Click to expand...
Lol. Sounds like a job. That's why we trade in money to do it.

There are a few lucky souls that their jobs are literally play, but most of us have to grin and bear it.
 
M

marrec

Banned
I used to think I was faking it but then I realized that I'm actually just this amazing.

I was fake faking it.
 
T

thoseAREmySHOES

Member
BriareosGAF said:
Sounds like you've managed to structure your life so there is little chance of failure, by modulating your ambition sufficiently. With no chance of failure, you can't be embarrassed or humiliated/bullied.
Click to expand...

This is me, and as a result, my anxiety is through the roof. I've refined my comfort zone to the point of almost no return. I've basically starting believing a lot of the nihilist stuff in this thread, too.
 
S

shandy706

Member
Nope, happy just to wake up in the morning.

Watched my father die at 32 just wanting 5 more minutes with his kids.

Literally happy for every second I get. Lucky to be here.

Granted, I have faked enjoying events or situations I didn't want to be at/in. But that's due to it not being a thing I may want to do.

Like the wedding reception I have to go to this Saturday. Boooo, haha
 
F

Forerunner

Member
I find it pretty normal, I’ve pretty much have been doing it since becoming an adult. My family said they saw a huge shift in me after my time in the military, personally I don’t think I changed, however they are probably right. When I first entered the service I was enthusiast and happy, however then I just saw all the bullshit and crap and I just stopped giving a shit. I pretty much just started doing what is expected of me and that’s it. When I went to college it was the same way, I just did the standard to pass. I ended up with a 3.30 gpa which is fairly average, but I didn’t give a shit really. College was just something I had to do to get ahead in life. It’s like that at my current job also. All these inmates whining about their problems I don’t give a fuck about, however I’m paid to act like I give a shit. So I just go along with it.

Everyone I interact with (family, friends, coworkers, and inmates) say I’m a good guy and easily approachable. However, when all these people talk to me I just don’t give a shit. I give off the impression that I care about their problems or their daily lives. However, the only thing going through my mind is “Why are you talking to me?” “Are you done yet?”

I probably have depression or something is wrong with me, but whatever. It is what it is.
 
R

RoyaleDuke

Banned
Yeah I think to a large extent I am, but I don't know. I'm trying to write myself into a better life or die trying. I hate living in rural colorado.

I guess the better question is what is life really?

The answer is usually nothing.

jb1234 said:
With a hot tub. And swimming pool.
Click to expand...

I've always liked you JB.

We're at least likeminded bros I think.

Now you just have to tell me about what type of swimming pool and what type of hot tub before we become besties.
 
M

metalslimer

Member
I've felt like that since I moved to a new location. I had felt pretty happy in my old spot and while it was kind of predictable I had some great friends and loved life for the most part. Now I have to fake liking where I live, a lot of new "friends", and sometimes my overall situation
 
J

jb1234

Member
RoyaleDuke said:
I've always liked you JB.

We're at least likeminded bros I think.

Now you just have to tell me about what type of swimming pool and what type of hot tub before we become besties.
Click to expand...

:brofist:

Indoor, underground. Hot tub attached to the pool, but at a slightly higher elevation. Maybe a waterfall too. ... hrm, now I have to really think about this...
 
B

Brandson

Member
As an aside, and not totally on point, I'm reminded of the Steve Martin quote: "Fake confidence is just as good as real confidence."

There's something to be said for not being significantly affected, either negatively, or positively, to anything, and just being generally content. Contentedness may not feel like much of anything, and that's not necessarily bad. I wouldn't say I often get that happy or excited about anything, but am capable of deriving enjoyment from some things. As long as you actually feel something if you make someone feel good or bad, I wouldn't worry too much.

The worst for me is pretending to find things funny that my friends or colleagues present as funny. Unless something is purely unexpected, it can't be funny for me, and I find most attempts at humour to be obvious. I don't want to make people feel bad, but it's also tough to fake that, so as I've gotten older I've stopped even trying.

Another thought is to find a creative outlet you enjoy spending time doing, and work on getting good at it. That may help if you feel you're in a rut.
 
E

Extra Sauce

Member
I fake having a Blu-ray player. It's really a DVD player but my friends believe me because we only use it to watch Netflix.

Sometimes at night I cry while staring at the "unable to load disc" error.

My advice is, it's not about how many friends you have but establishing meaningful relationships. Which is the tricky part. Or you get lucky and it's easy. Sorry,
that's all I got.
 
E

Ernest

Banned
BriareosGAF said:
Sounds like you've managed to structure your life so there is little chance of failure, by modulating your ambition sufficiently. With no chance of failure, you can't be embarrassed or humiliated/bullied. But there is also no thrill or passion. Start small, force yourself to go to a museum. Then spend a week not cooking any dishes you know how to cook for dinner. Discover a hiking trail nearby, join a trail running club. Go to a concert that won't be well attended. Buy a bicycle and spend a weekend day getting lost in your town riding on weird backstreets. Stop at a cafe you've never been to for lunch. Keep a diary.

Eventually, fail at something spectacularly, and realize that's okay.
Click to expand...
You just described my 30s, to a T !

Now a few years into my 40s, having done pretty much all I want to do with my life, I just kinda don't care any more. I've been all around the world, I've started businesses, I've gotten degrees, I've written/performed music, dated amazing women - and I guess I expected to be a family man by now - not necessarily wanting to be one, just expecting. But of the 2 relationships with the most potential for marriage, I ended one and the other one was ended for me. And while I miss that second one, it's probably for the best, since she felt that I was good with or without her, almost in equal measure.

So I'm basically, "now what"?

I always felt that "what you create/produce [subtracted by] what you consume = your worth as a person"
And throughout my 20s and 30s, I was mostly in the positive, but no longer, and I really don't care. I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just not motivated to want anything or really do anything. I have a trip with some friends this weekend - hiking in the mountains, white-water rafting, etc. I'm sure it'll be fun, but I've done it all before, and I'll be just as happy staying home.

Maybe if I had a family I'd be motivated by that, but then I'm kinda glad I don't have one either.

So yea, it's this weird purgatory; I'm not at all unhappy about anything (except for maybe Trump), but I'm not particularly excited for anything either. I just went out on a bunch of dates with a bunch of women - and nothing against them, but I honestly didn't care one way or another about any of them. I think I'm actually "happier" alone, at least for now.

Part of it isn't even that I'm "demotivated", it's more that I'm good with anything, so why put extra effort into something when the payoff is the same if I do something with zero effort?
 
D

drtomoe123

Member
BizzyBum said:
But money doesn't buy happiness, right?

I always call bullshit on that statement. If I were rich or won a 300 million dollar lotto tomorrow my happiness would go from 10% to 200% overnight. Everything I currently worry about and stress over is due to money. All my issues would literally disappear if I were rich.

Have a nice home paid off
Have a nice car paid off
Never have to work and can do whatever the fuck I want
Buy whatever clothes you want
Eat great food whenever
Date hotter women
Travel the world
Never have to worry about healthcare or retirement plans
If you or a loved one gets sick you have the funds to get the best doctors in the world

How the fuck could you not be happy?
Click to expand...

Once you didn't have to worry about money, your real buried/existential worries would come out in full force.
 
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