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Is anyone else just faking it?

P

PixelatedBookake

Junior Member
I've found that I don't really care about many things. It's kinda hard for me to start caring about people and how the feel about me for some reason. For the longest time (and even now) if someone were to ask me if I were happy, I would never be able to answer "yes" Despite this, I go out of my way to let people think I am happy and to make others happy. I was even voted "Most Friendliest Male" in high school.

This doesn't mean I'm sad though. Just.... content. Small things make me happy for short bursts. Like listen to music I love, cooking a recipe I found online, or enjoying a video game. I've settled for Bs and Cs in college and have yet to get a single A. I don't even think I care about my IT major very much. I'm just doing it so I have more job doors open for me in the future. But I fake enthusiasm for the subject I'm front of dad and others in the family to look like I have my shit together.

Is this normal? I've been to therapy for a few months in the winter of last year but don't feel like it helped to much. I thought my therapist was a nice lady but I don't think she did a very good job addressing my problem. I mean, she is a university counselor I saw multiple times for free, but still. I can't afford a therapist that isn't free lol

What about you guys? I'm not sure if everybody feels this at some points but I've felt this way for what could almost be considered my entire life. Maybe me being punished as a kid by my parents for crying a lot and being emotional let me to be less emotional? I dunno?

Thoughts? Suggestions? Anyone else with the same situation?
 
D

darkziosj

Member
I used to stress over everthing, then i just stopped giving a crap about everything, i think im in the same boat as you op.
 
J

Jackpot

Banned
All the education and work I ever did I did because they were the least worst option. I'm happy with video games, food, film, tv, and browsing the internet. It has sustained me for years and I do not see myself tiring of it soon.
 
X

xxmagiksxx

Neo Member
I'd urge you to check out Jordan Peterson.

It's important to have something you're working towards. Simply being content is not a healthy stable mindset.

That said, I dont exactly have a ton of information about your particular life. But you seem to realize there is a problem in your life somewhere, else, why make this post?

Think long and hard about what really matters to you, then act accordingly. Everything else will fall into place.
 
S

SUBZERO-08

Member
What you wrote in the OP pretty much describes me as well. I did do well in school, but it was for the same reason as you wrote (to open up job opportunities).
 
Razorback

Razorback

Member
I think it's normal in the sense that it's probably what most people feel like on average. On a bell curve, I'd imagine most people don't feel super happy or super depressed. You seem to fall comfortably in the middle. Can't get any more normal than that.
 
D

DavidDesu

Member
xxmagiksxx said:
I'd urge you to check out Jordan Peterson.

It's important to have something you're working towards. Simply being content is not a healthy, stable mindset.
Click to expand...

Why? Why must people forever be striving for something if they're just happy being as they are? Maybe to your mindset it seems wrong to just be content in one place but that's your own issue of presumably needing to always "advance" in life. For many if things are fine what is the point of stressing, putting in extra effort just to get to what to them is an arbitrary achievement or level of progression? If you're content then basically you're winning already. We're not all the same!
 
P

PSqueak

Banned
Truth is always more complex than that, people might say yes even tho they don't feel it at that moment, but they have a bigger understanding of the situation, you might not feel it at one time, but you can sometimes know that in the bigger scheme of things, you have it nice.
 
M

MGrant

Member
What setting are you gauging this in? At work, sure, most everyone's faking it. We're not especially happy to be working a lot of the time (depending on the job of course), but being professional in the West means you have to appear unfazed by life's annoyances.

If you're not ever happy, excited, or satisfied, even outside of work, it's time to make a change. That shit will eat at you and some real problems will start to develop psychologically. In my experience, at least.
 
styl3s

styl3s

Member
xxmagiksxx said:
I'd urge you to check out Jordan Peterson.

It's important to have something you're working towards. Simply being content is not a healthy, stable mindset.
Click to expand...
What if you have nothing to work towards or want to work towards? It's very rare i find things in life that bring me legit joy and happiness and when it does i only experience that happiness for a short period of time.
 
O

OrangeGrayBlue

Member
I feel pretty apathetic too sometimes. Not sure how to help it. I find people telling me stories about their day or some experience they had recently and finding it hard to be invested, and similarly not bothering to share details about myself because I can't imagine anyone would really care beyond paying attention out of courtesy.
 
Dice//

Dice//

Banned
8cbb89f592da30782ef4f53557b91bea.jpg
 
C

captjohnboyd

Member
Lol not the best advice from posters so far. Edit. Since I wrote this people came to the rescue lol.

Seems to be you're suffering from depression. Lots of times people who suffer from depression (myself included over the years) won't recognize it as such. Depression isn't always feeling terrible or suicidal. Sometimes it's just a feeling of apathy like you're describing.

If you're being productive in your life and engaging in healthy living, which it sounds like you are, it may be a simple case of chemical imbalance. I've found that exercise, staying productive, eating healthy and working towards goals were all things that helped me when I was in a funk but they don't always do the trick. In those cases where no matter what sort of positive changes I was making helped I sought out meds. Lexapro helped me quite a bit over the years and I never had to stay on it for too long. I would suggest going to another therapist as well as Psychiatrist.

Sometimes you have to try several before you find one that suits you and works well with you. Don't give up after just seeing one that doesn't help.

As far as having the money for them almost every major city has options for people with lower incomes. Try looking into some of your local churches they often have resources or know where to direct you. There's also usually a city hotline for mental health that can direct you to sliding scale services. I was seeing my last therapist for $10 a visit.

Finally remember that it's not an overnight thing and it's not all on the therapist to make you better. You have to ask yourself the tough questions like what youre unsatisfied with in your life and what would make you truly happy. But if you work hard and find the right therapist you should be able to make great headway. Being "content" is fine but it sounds like you have plenty going for you and there's no reason you shouldn't be really happy like so many other people are. Hope this helps some
 
P

PixelatedBookake

Junior Member
MGrant said:
What setting are you gauging this in? At work, sure, most everyone's faking it. We're not especially happy to be working a lot of the time (depending on the job of course), but being professional in the West means you have to appear unfazed by life's annoyances.

If you're not ever happy, excited, or satisfied, even outside of work, it's time to make a change. That shit will eat at you and some real problems will start to develop psychologically. In my experience, at least.
Click to expand...

There are things I like to do because they give me a sense of accomplishment, like working out, cooking, playing video games. But when it comes to interacting with people on a daily basis, I feel like I'm putting on a happy mask of some sort. I was always seen as the funny student up from elementary to high school and tried to make jokes so I'd be popular and not get bullied (was anyway), maybe that may be an element of it. Pretend to act a certain way as a shield of some sort. If they like the "fake me", I win. If they dislike the "fake me", I don't lose because they don't like the "fake me", not the real me, y'know?
 
G

gatling

Member
Sorry you dealt with that shit from your parents when you were younger. It can carry over into your adult life for sure.

I used to be a people pleaser and rubbed elbows to stay connected in my career. Was pretty miserable and was forcing it for sure. So, I disconnected and started focusing inward while enriching my personal life in other ways not connected to work. I haven't felt better, even though some of the same stresses are there.
 
B

Bronetta

Ask me about the moon landing or the temperature at which jet fuel burns. You may be surprised at what you learn.
Every damn day, my friend, every damn day.

The world doesnt give a shit about us or our problems so its easier to just go around with a fake smile on your face.
 
D

DerekOfTheDykes

Member
xxmagiksxx said:
I'd urge you to check out Jordan Peterson.

It's important to have something you're working towards. Simply being content is not a healthy, stable mindset.
Click to expand...

Disagree wholeheartedly.

Different people have different mindsets in life. Some people need to constantly strive to express themselves, or push themselves. Others are content merely to live a peaceful life and find joy in small experiences.

There is no single healthy, stable mindset. If the thought of being simply "content" doesn't bother you, then how are you unhealthy?
 
O

OrangeGrayBlue

Member
backslashbunny said:
TBH strangers usually give no shits unless your story is particularly interesting to them.

On the other hand, I really love hearing my friends talk to me about their lives, things going on, accomplishments, sadness, etc. I love them, I care for them, and I want to know how they are!
Click to expand...

True. I could count on one hand the amount of people that applies to though, and even in cases like that I usually feel a little apprehensive about sharing too much.
 
P

PixelatedBookake

Junior Member
Bronetta said:
Every damn day, my friend, every damn day.

The world doesnt give a shit about us or our problems so its easier to just go around with a fake smile on your face.
Click to expand...

But like, my dilemma is in how long can I manage that before I end up with nothing. I have drive to some extent, but no end goal. Nothing I'm really working towards. I do want to start a family at some point, but it's hard to find connections with people romantically when you don't really give a fuck about your future like that. There's no passion. Ya feel me?
 
C

Choppasmith

Member
I'm in the exact same boat OP. I have generalized anxiety. I saw a therapist a couple years and that helped but after a while sessions with her just felt like "Okay, you're not married, no girlfriend, can't drive so... yeah, your life kinda sucks *shrugs*" and I stopped seeing her.

It doesn't help that lately my young half-sister who's a little over half my age (I'm 33 and she's 20) is happily married and just had her first kid that makes me feel even worse about my own shortcomings.

I feel "stuck" right now more then anything else. Finding time to practice driving is difficult (and I've been told I can't date if I can't drive) and I REALLY have no social interaction outside of work. But like you, OP, I'm content with what I have and yet...I'm not.

Best advice that's helped new this past couple weeks is you have to do what's best for YOU. I've been playing more video games without worrying what my sister/roommate would want (thankfully she totally understand where I'm coming from and giving me space)
 
B

brianjones

Member
giphy.gif


styl3s said:
What if you have nothing to work towards or want to work towards? It's very rare i find things in life that bring me legit joy and happiness and when it does i only experience that happiness for a short period of time.
Click to expand...

Can relate to this a lot

my only goals in life appear to be sitting on my ass consuming media
 
A

Acyl

Member
Is it normal to feel that way? I don't think there's a "standard" way to feel. Everyone is different. I know some happy-go-lucky people that really feel good often, and they're not faking it. That certainly shouldn't be the standard. Your line of thinking is closer to the average I guess.

I think you found your "default" setting for how you feel. Like this feeling of indifference is what you feel when you aren't doing anything. So my advice: focus on something!

You know how to fake a positive attitude, which is good for professionalism at work. At home, you don't need to be fake. You can let go, but as people have suggested - it helps to make goals and achieve them, no matter how small.

Right now things only make you happy for short bursts. Well, that's fine and normal. Most people can't feel happy all the time. If you set a goal for yourself, maybe getting an A in one class, or cooking a challenging recipe, you will feel enjoyment from accomplishing that, whether long term or short term. Then you make this a habit.
 
M

MGrant

Member
PixelatedBookake said:
There are things I like to do because they give me a sense of accomplishment, like working out, cooking, playing video games. But when it comes to interacting with people on a daily basis, I feel like I'm putting on a happy mask of some sort. I was always seen as the funny student up from elementary to high school and tried to make jokes so I'd be popular and not get bullied (was anyway), maybe that may be an element of it. Pretend to act a certain way as a shield of some sort. If they like the "fake me", I win. If they dislike the "fake me", I don't lose because they don't like the "fake me", not the real me, y'know?
Click to expand...

I get you. I'm the same way sometimes. You learn that strangers don't like you if you don't appear almost manic when you're out and about (and as a manic depressive, I could tell you stories about how much more people like me when I'm hypomanic). It sounds like anxiety, maybe panic disorder, but I'm not a psychiatrist.

Whatever it is, it sounds like you're bright, motivated to perform, but also overcompensating to be more popular, which is a dead-end game in my experience. You should get it checked out. Find a professional to talk to; it helped me out a lot.
 
R

Ri'Orius

Member
One anecdote among many, but:

That sounds like me in college. I graduated '08, and since then it's gotten much worse. I got a great job, but never had the work ethic to really keep at it. Got laid off a few years later. Bounced around a couple other companies, but similar deal: I slacked off, and either was fired or left when the writing was on the wall. Never had any trouble finding a job (I'm in computer programming, live in a great city for it, and I'm great at the interviews), but I now have no faith in my ability to keep one.

So I've been unemployed for a couple years now, burning through savings. Vaguely making progress on an app, but the hours I'm putting in on it are dismal. I've seen various therapists over the years, been diagnosed with depression, tried various treatments (pharmacological and otherwise). And of course half-assedly tried all the usual advice internet randoms will give to this sort of situation ("just stop giving a fuck!" "find a new hobby you're passionate about!"). Still prone to spending an entire day on Reddit and/or Netflix because I can't muster the drive to even play a video game, much less do something productive.

Maybe what you're experiencing is normal. But... maybe keep an eye on it. In my experience (and contrary to what I heard a lot of at college) a real job is a lot harder than going to most of your classes and turning in most of the homework. I coasted through college on fumes and have since been unable to hack it in the real world. Maybe if I'd worked harder back then I'd've been able to keep it up. Maybe if I'd gone to a therapist when I started struggling at the first job I'd've been able to keep it.
 
X

xxmagiksxx

Neo Member
styl3s said:
What if you have nothing to work towards or want to work towards? It's very rare i find things in life that bring me legit joy and happiness and when it does i only experience that happiness for a short period of time.
Click to expand...

I feel your struggle, I was in that place for around a year, and it took a seriously traumatic event to get out.

You have to find something that is inherently rewarding (e.g. be a good person) and then define smaller goals to get to that point, until something is reachable.

If you just stop and think a moment, something you need to do will call out to you. Clean your room, or call someone you love, but don't talk to enough. And just go from there.
 
P

pretty done

Member
In my head, everyone who isn't rich or very wealthy is faking it. How could anyone be truly happy being just another cog in the corporate wheel? Life is awful.
 
D

Draper

Member
Typically, but right now I'm just in a state of depression. A muslim girl I was dating for about 3 years recently ended it believing that she couldn't reconcile the whole thing with her family and thus didn't want to lose them.

So in an effort to not end my life, I chose to commit to a form of job/social/lifestyle suicide. I moved across the country to live with an ex- we're friends and she wanted to help. I thought the adjustment would help me, but being here having no friends, no family, no job- well, the memories of her are just consuming me. I'm not sure what to do.
 
X

xxmagiksxx

Neo Member
DerekOfTheDykes said:
Disagree wholeheartedly.

Different people have different mindsets in life. Some people need to constantly strive to express themselves, or push themselves. Others are content merely to live a peaceful life and find joy in small experiences.

There is no single healthy, stable mindset. If the thought of being simply "content" doesn't bother you, then how are you unhealthy?
Click to expand...

In my life, I can observe two fundamental sources of pleasure -- one is the pleasure of satisfaction, of being content. It's important for sure, but if I stay there for too long, eventually I only saw the pain in life.

The second is chasing a goal. I'm not saying chase success. It is rewarding to see yourself make progress towards a goal. And it's an extremely healthy pleasure, because (generally) when moving toward a goal, you'll also be helping either yourself or someone else or producing something.
 
P

PixelatedBookake

Junior Member
I've recently started working a 40 hour a week job on a regular schedule for the first time (I've had jobs before, but none this structured) and faking happiness there feels natural because it helps create a better work environment for my team members and the customers I interact with. But on the other hand I feel this encourages my fairness around others. Dunno what I should do about that.
 
ThatStupidLion

ThatStupidLion

Member
I hear you man. After my quarterlife crisis, ive given up on life. Just waiting to get things over with. Ive lost all passion and motivation which i used to have a lot of. Im expecting when my first child is born(due in nov) itll give me a meaning to live and something to care about wholeheartedly.

But truly ive just been on cruise control for the last 5 years. Much less stressfull but i still feel guilty and like shit that im so apathetic
 
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