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I blocked 2 out of 3 toilets at work today......

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R

RionaaM

Unconfirmed Member
PlayerReady said:
I hate it when friends do a poo at my house. Had a friend do a poo and then had a wank. I know because he used a condom and tried to get rid of it through the window but it got stuck on the ledge. I spotted it from my bedroom window and confronted him about it. He told me it was routine for him to have a shit followed by a wank.He was quite offended because "he had even used a condom". I suppose he meant he avoided filling my toilet bowl with his spunk and this I should be grateful.

Moral of the story don't let friends use your shitter.
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Who the fuck masturbates after taking a dump? Does he get turned on by the smell of feces? That's sick, man.

gamma said:
Thank you.

TheVampire
Toilet Blocker
(Today, 06:12 AM)
Click to expand...
Haha, awesome.
 
S

Snkfanatic

Banned
PlayerReady said:
I hate it when friends do a poo at my house. Had a friend do a poo and then had a wank. I know because he used a condom and tried to get rid of it through the window but it got stuck on the ledge. I spotted it from my bedroom window and confronted him about it. He told me it was routine for him to have a shit followed by a wank.He was quite offended because "he had even used a condom". I suppose he meant he avoided filling my toilet bowl with his spunk and this I should be grateful.

Moral of the story don't let friends use your shitter.
Click to expand...

What the...who uses a condom to jerk off?

lol
 
A

Archer

Member
Tashi said:
Lol OP you're the man.

You gotta flush in segments though. Flush the shit alone, then the TP in segments as well.

Break it down man
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mc_hammer10-1333061508.gif


original.gif


tumblr_mimo364QwC1rdgga1o1_500.gif
 
B

BangBro

Banned
Because I often excrement oversized shits, I prefer to poop at work which has larger tubes and better anonymity.

BTW, I'm heading to the work's toilets now, brb.
 
R

Regret Truth

Member
RyanardoDaVinci said:
Learn to shit, dude.

1. Look after every sploosh and flush if necessary.
2. Flush the shit and the paper separately.
3. Fold the paper. Don't bunch/ball it up, or wrap it around your hand.
4. Flush the paper in stages in necessary.

I've only clogged toilets when I was a kid and didn't know any better, or I was operating unfamiliar equipment i.e. "You gotta hold/jiggle the handle and sacrifice a virgin to even flush the water in bowl."
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Holy Shit LOL! This is hilarious and insightful at the same time.

RyanardoDaVinci said:
Also, when using an unfamiliar toilet for the first time, flush it once before you put any shit in there to see how it does with just the water.
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Brilliant!
 
C

Clydefrog

Member
I have a love/hate relationship with work bathrooms. It’s so nice getting paid to poop but I hate it when someone comes in the stall next to me and unleashes hell and/or grunts like a caveman.
 
SeriousApes

SeriousApes

Member
One time at work I left a really solid one. The toilets there just suck everything in, but they don't do the water swirl thing like my toilet at home. I needed the swirl. It was just sitting there like a gnarled piece of ginger. I wanted to sneak out and get a ruler or something to break it up with. Eventually it did go down, but man, that was nerve-wracking.
 
H

heyf00L

Member
We call the "ninja" one there a "torpedo". I've never done it, but my brother claims to have. Is such a thing even possible?
 
M

Mr Swine

Banned
heyf00L said:
We call the "ninja" one there a "torpedo". I've never done it, but my brother claims to have. Is such a thing even possible?
Click to expand...

Yup, happened once to me but its called Ghost shit. Travels so fast it breaks the sound barrier so when you look down there is nothing there...

NOTHING THERE
 
V

velociraptor

Junior Member
TheVampire said:
So I had a late breakfast and hadn't taken a shit in a few days because I've been constipated.

A few hours ago I had to go really bad and I took a mammoth sized shit and must of used too much toilet paper and after flushing it blocked the toilet. I panicked and left the mess as it was and got the hell outta there.

Then a bit later I had to go again and when I checked the cubicle I was in before the toilet was still blocked so I used the one next to it.

Somehow I blocked it again with an equal mammoth sized shit with a combination of too much toilet paper and blocked that one too. Again I couldn't do anything about it and got the hell outta there. This one was even worse as the shit colored water started to rise and overflow over the rim.

Soon it's going to be the lunch time rush and there is now only one working toilet available for all the people here.

I feel really bad but if they had of had a plunger or something in the bathroom I would of made a good effort to unclog it but they don't have one.

I think there’s a shitstorm coming :S
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Wow mate, that's fucking shit.

Here is what you should always do:

1. Lay down a couple of sheets to prevent splashback
2. Shit
3. Lid down, flush.
4. Clean
5. Wet wipe
6. Voila

Step 3 is critical. Always flush after your shit. A wad of tissue paper in conjunction with your shit is a recipe for disaster. Toilets cannot handle this terrible combination.
 
T

thomaser

Member
Septimius said:
"For no good reason, or the completely irrational fear of something unharmful, I restrict the natural functions of my body so not as to put myself out of my comfort zone. I am extremely rigid in this, and I even take pride in it".

Oh, I'd hire the shit out of you.
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I wouldn't. He probably farts all day.
 
B

Billen

Banned
Come on op, you could at least have rigged some cameras for us to watch the mayhem that followed after lunch.

Then again, should of, would of, could of.

I'm sorry!
 
Wag

Wag

Member
Rudyard Kipling
If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
 
C

Clydefrog

Member
I just took my largest shit of the year. It looked like the Big Island of Hawaii the way it extended over the toilet’s water-line. A lesser toilet would have been defeated but thankfully my workplace has toilets that flush like jet engines. The last thing I do before I leave the stall is flush so I have time to escape before the mixing piss and shit particles fly all over the place. I actually looked back in to make sure the toilet got it all. It did. Ah, relief.
 
T

todahawk

Member
dude, you need to be more strategic with your flushes. I know you were happy just to take a shit after three days of constipation but still... you'll never live this down if they find out.
 
F

FoxSpirit

Junior Member
OP, you need to tell us. Has anything happened? Was it as boring as life normally goes?? Did it turn out someone was turned on???
 
T

TheVampire

Banned
FoxSpirit said:
OP, you need to tell us. Has anything happened? Was it as boring as life normally goes?? Did it turn out someone was turned on???
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I kinda avoided the bathroom area for the rest of the day and ate lunch at my desk so I don't know lol

Although I took a piss the next morning and both toilets were unblocked so the janitor must have worked on them that night.

I physically feel heaps better though :D
 
T

terrible

Banned
Tashi said:
Lol OP you're the man.

You gotta flush in segments though. Flush the shit alone, then the TP in segments as well. Break it down man
Click to expand...

Depends on the toilet. Some splash up when you flush. You can't do those ones in segments unless you're suggesting he stands up each time he flushes, and, ugh. I don't want to think about that. I'd rather block a toilet.
 
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