Well, Im on NeoGAF right now so what Im feeling right now is...lets go with disgust? Disgust and sadness.
Something I wish people could see about me, is the knowledge Ive gleaned from this thread; that behind every person crying about SJWs, calling others snowflakes, gloating about tears and trolling, whatabouting minority issues, rallying about free speech for white supremacists and racists, both sidesesing, pointing at Antifa, hating feminism, misinterpreting and doubling down on gender identity is a sad, lonely, depressed person who has given up on their own salvation and turned it into hate and anger at people who they feel have failed them when theyve done nothing to try themselves. That when someone hears institutional racism keeping blacks down or white privilege what they really are thinking is But what about my problems? Im not happy either and Im having a tough time. Where are my outraged individuals? Where are my marches in the streets? Why dont they care about me? like the self-absorbed black hole of suffering that they are, so dense that not even empathy can escape it. That when someone types up some scathing critique of feminism or says misogyny isnt real or message Anita Sarkeesian that shes a cunt theyre thinking, Why wont anyone care for me? Why is love so out of reach for me? What is that special something inside of me that Im missing that causes others to find happiness in each other? Why cant I ever be given that chances? because apparently a woman not wanting to suck their unused dick after longing desperately from afar is a staggering crime that needs to be punished. That every outward claim of snowflake is backed by the certainty of a hurt from something innocuous someone said to them once, that every small injury that theyve accumulated theyll deliver back to others 1000 fold and layer them on a scarred back so deep itll look like an open wound, that every person who feels like black people are taking all the sympathy for themselves so no one will turn and look at their problems defend their freedom to say nigger so they can feel that petty, self-smirking satisfaction at relieving some of that anger and jealousy. I wish people could see the confirmation and sure certainty I have in claiming that so many people use their sadness as a weapon to strike those that they feel have wronged them by not caring about them, so stuck in themselves that they cant see how anyone who isnt just like them may have just a bit more trouble living today than they do.
Something else I would like people to see through my eyes is that after suffering for depression since as far back as I have memories, I somehow managed to not turn into a selfish piece of shit who lashed out at others around me for my own failings and misgivings at the barest of hurt feelings. You cant help depression; but you can help what you do with it. The choices you make are still you. So depression isnt a blank check to be a complete and utter toolbox to others, to type your inarticulate mouth-dribblings on the internet and lambast all the people you perceive have it better than you, who suffer differently from you or voice their problems that arent your own, to hatefuck your own anger online for everyone to see before going back into your fortress of sadness, self-loathing and loneliness. None of those things are your depression; theyre you. Every hateful thing you spew, every pit in your stomach you get when you see others living happily, every ideological piece of bullshit you convince yourself of because its too painful to actually admit its wrong; thats all you. And you can be better.
But chances are, you wont. You can and you could, but you wont. Because change is hard and requires taking responsibility for yourself. It requires introspection and you are too scared to glance into that cavernous emptiness inside of you for fear youll fall in and never stop falling. And no one will help you because you have fought and scratched anyone who got too close and the people you are near are completely self-absorbed in their own hate and anger to ever reach out a hand to you.
So I wish people could see in me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that things can and do get better even if its one arduous step at a time. But you have to choose to try. You have to choose not to blame others. You have to choose not to be angry at the world for not caring about your selfish and self-absorbed problems and work on them yourself. You have to BE a better person than the garbage you have shown yourself to be. Because if thats who you really are? If youre really that awful and miserable person who loves hurting other people because it makes you hurt just a little less? Maybe you should believe that little voice inside of yourself that thinks the world would be better off without you.
And for the rest of you that arent going through hard times, arent suffering from depression or feel like they have some place in the world; well, youre just fucking cunts then, arent you?
