Similar back ground here. I think the SE Asian beating works for us, it knocks out the shitty tantrums and builds character. My mom also stopped after I was 10 for some reason and never did it again. My aunts and uncles slapped me around whenever I was being a shithead as a kid. I think its great for our background and culture. For WYPIPO...not sure.
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Physical punishment for kids? Does it work?
- Thread starter The Futurist
- Start date
Skellig Gra
Member
I don't think that's quite fair. Most parents that hit their kids are doing it because its what they were taught as a child. If you felt it worked for you as a child you'll most likely do it as a parent. If you hated it and hate your parents you won't.
ostrichKing
Member
This is why long studies have been done on this and science doesn't rely on anecdotal evidence...there is absolutely NO evidence to support physically hurting your children...
GingerNathan
Member
We've never hit our son and at sixteen he seems to have turned out ok. Having said that he did skip college a few days ago to play video games online with friends, I found out when the college texted me informing us of his absence. I called him let him know that I knew and that I was disappointed, and that as soon as I get home he won't be playing video games for the rest of the week including this weekend as punishment. Within two hours he texted me with a list of jobs he'd done around the house that needed doing (emptied dishwasher, put some clothes on a cycle and hung them on the line when done, walked the dog etc). He still won't be playing any games until Monday. :/
old manatee
Banned
Why would you want to teach an impressionable child that physical violence is a valid way to settle a dispute?
dreamcastmaster
Banned
It's been suggested before that on GAF parenting topics replies from parents and non parents should be self identified. A lot of non parents give idealistic advice they have not but into practice.
PhantomThief
Banned
Cmon man what are these responses! Life is not so cut and dry/ black and white!
Senteevs
Member
I was sometimes hit as a child. I'm fine. I definitely think I deserved it for some of the disrespectful shit I did.
I don't hit my son although he sometimes can be a real asshole. He's 3. I just tell him that it's wrong. Doesn't work yet. I hope it will. No doubt I am tempted to sometimes slap him but I'm resisting the urge.
I don't hit my son although he sometimes can be a real asshole. He's 3. I just tell him that it's wrong. Doesn't work yet. I hope it will. No doubt I am tempted to sometimes slap him but I'm resisting the urge.
Rhomega Beta
Member
Baby Boomers will swear by it. On the other hand, my uncle's always been a bad apple, so it doesn't seem to have worked.
Research has been pretty conclusive in determining that corporal punishment does more harm than good. YMMV as in all cases.
Kids can be fucking assholes depending on a lot of factors -- their age (the terrible threes is real, I'm living through that now), how they've been raised, etc etc. It's extremely naive to think that hitting them a little is going to straighten them up.
Kids can be fucking assholes depending on a lot of factors -- their age (the terrible threes is real, I'm living through that now), how they've been raised, etc etc. It's extremely naive to think that hitting them a little is going to straighten them up.
RageWaffles
Member
I was spanked (or hit with belts or other objects), and it did not work. I just made me feel angry, especially if I felt like I did nothing wrong. I think this has also caused anger to get tangled up with a lot of other emotions for me.
(When I really fucked up, my parents or other adults would talk to me about it, and that was very effective. It made me feel ashamed instead of physically and emotionally hurt.)
(When I really fucked up, my parents or other adults would talk to me about it, and that was very effective. It made me feel ashamed instead of physically and emotionally hurt.)
The Futurist
Member
I can obviously only speak of my experience and the people that grew up around me, but I've seen plenty of cases where taking away a toy or a time out didn't work.
Kids who weren't disciplined enough and grew up to be complete fuck ups.
What do you do when words aren't enough?
Kids who weren't disciplined enough and grew up to be complete fuck ups.
What do you do when words aren't enough?
Futurevoid
Member
Raising my voice is generally enough with my children. They fear me taking away their most coveted possessions more than anything (i.e. their tablets or their favorite toys). They know I'll do much worse as I've made certain toys disappear for extended periods of time to teach a lesson on good behavior.
I can count the amount of times I've spanked my kids on one hand. It's hardly been necessary when the respect is there.
No matter what discipline is being doled out its always important to ask "Do you understand why I'm taking this away?" or why you're doing whatever it is that you're doing. If you're children can't answer that question - then you're just making yourself feel better when you're angry instead of actually disciplining your child.
I will say, I grew up in a very strict Hispanic house hold. My mother used to spank me with a thin plastic slipper on the back of my legs when I was young. To the point where she would leave welts. When I got older, she graduated to a plastic wiffle ball bat about the arms. Later it was whatever instrument she could find in my teens when I outgrew her. It's how she grew up and how she knew to keep her children in line. Alongside that she was also the most supportive human being in my life and did everything she could in a home that never had money to keep me clothed, fed and to ensure I had some of the nicer things in life while she went without.
I'm 40 years old and to this day I've never felt an iota of ill will against her. She and I have an amazing relationship today and the ass whoppings I took as a kid are almost an in-joke between us and my dad/sister. Say of that what you will but it was the fear of my mother that many times kept me from making some seriously bad decisions in life. Could that message have been delivered in a better way? Yeah. Am I raising my children the same way? No. However, there are generational and cultural issues at play when discussing these things. For better or worse.
I can count the amount of times I've spanked my kids on one hand. It's hardly been necessary when the respect is there.
No matter what discipline is being doled out its always important to ask "Do you understand why I'm taking this away?" or why you're doing whatever it is that you're doing. If you're children can't answer that question - then you're just making yourself feel better when you're angry instead of actually disciplining your child.
I will say, I grew up in a very strict Hispanic house hold. My mother used to spank me with a thin plastic slipper on the back of my legs when I was young. To the point where she would leave welts. When I got older, she graduated to a plastic wiffle ball bat about the arms. Later it was whatever instrument she could find in my teens when I outgrew her. It's how she grew up and how she knew to keep her children in line. Alongside that she was also the most supportive human being in my life and did everything she could in a home that never had money to keep me clothed, fed and to ensure I had some of the nicer things in life while she went without.
I'm 40 years old and to this day I've never felt an iota of ill will against her. She and I have an amazing relationship today and the ass whoppings I took as a kid are almost an in-joke between us and my dad/sister. Say of that what you will but it was the fear of my mother that many times kept me from making some seriously bad decisions in life. Could that message have been delivered in a better way? Yeah. Am I raising my children the same way? No. However, there are generational and cultural issues at play when discussing these things. For better or worse.
ostrichKing
Member
Using your strength and position of power to physically beat a child or choosing to find alternative methods to solve problematic behavior is a pretty black and white cut and dry choice...
It depends what you mean. Here's a good report drawing from multiple studies:
http://www.naturalchild.org/research/gershoff_punishment.pdf
Generally speaking the findings were:
On average, hitting children will result in compliance more often than not. However, hitting children leads to more aggressive behavior from children, which leads to the need for more physical punishment, and it becomes a real vicious cycle. Studies found this was true even when accounting for children who were abnormally aggressive to begin with.
But besides that, hitting children has severe negative side effects that render the question "does it work?" almost irrelevant. It leads to aggressive and antiosocial behavior in adults, who are then more likely to hit their own children. It unlinks the concept of morality from behavior and punishment (children don't understand why what they're doing is wrong, just that they'll receive violence as a result). It teaches children (who then become adults) that violence can be an expression of love, leading to abusive relationships outside of the parent/child sphere.
And it goes on and on. If you are a betting person, don't take the chance just because you're exasperated.
http://www.naturalchild.org/research/gershoff_punishment.pdf
Generally speaking the findings were:
On average, hitting children will result in compliance more often than not. However, hitting children leads to more aggressive behavior from children, which leads to the need for more physical punishment, and it becomes a real vicious cycle. Studies found this was true even when accounting for children who were abnormally aggressive to begin with.
But besides that, hitting children has severe negative side effects that render the question "does it work?" almost irrelevant. It leads to aggressive and antiosocial behavior in adults, who are then more likely to hit their own children. It unlinks the concept of morality from behavior and punishment (children don't understand why what they're doing is wrong, just that they'll receive violence as a result). It teaches children (who then become adults) that violence can be an expression of love, leading to abusive relationships outside of the parent/child sphere.
And it goes on and on. If you are a betting person, don't take the chance just because you're exasperated.
PixelatedBookake
Junior Member
One of my old co-workers would go on about how she was gonna beat the shit out of her (future) kids when they act up. When I have kids I'll just take their things away and try explaining to them where they fucked up.
benicillin
Banned
You don't have to be a parent to accept the years of research that says don't hit your children.
crimzonflame
Member
OP, I used to think the same way as you and advocate beating kids, because as I kid I was physically punished as well and I turned out to be 'ok'. I now believe that hitting a child is never ok. Looking back I realized that there were many times where my parents could have just talked to me instead of slapping me across the face. My parents stopped hitting me when I turned 8 or 9 cause I feel they knew it wasn't an effective form of punishment.
I was smacked as a kid and I was still a little asshole regardless, I just got better about hiding it. It's interesting hearing people consider this child abuse now, because growing up in the early 90s it was just the done thing, I think most of my friends got smacked on the bum occasionally.
I don't plan to ever have kids but if I did I wouldn't hit or spank them. There are better ways to dissuade from bad behaviour than instilling fear.
I don't plan to ever have kids but if I did I wouldn't hit or spank them. There are better ways to dissuade from bad behaviour than instilling fear.
Impeccable
Member
Never, ever does it work and there is science behind it.
If you cant muster up the adulthood to not strike a child do not have kids.
If you cant muster up the adulthood to not strike a child do not have kids.
Yes there totally is. As has been mentioned, there's plenty of effective punishments without spanking. The most important thing is explaining why the bad thing is bad in a way that the kid understands and acknowledges, when that happens punishment is almost not even necessary.
But sometimes, I think that capital punishment can be a good thing. My kids are not stupid, I do my best to explain the difference between right and wrong and the consequences of their mistakes, for the most part they get it. But kids in general are stupid and little bro, if you throw a glass jar at your sister, you're getting a spanking and a time out and I'm gonna tell you why you're stupid.
AlteredForms
Banned
Are you still within India? It changes from different countries, as within Europe there's little physical harm when it comes to parents and their children.
N7 MRP Weasel
Banned
I'm not making a stand and trying to say its right but growing up in the places i did around the type of people i did. Disciplining your child was normal, nothing extreme, just the occasional belt or twisting of an ear and all that was everyday...
Sure its a far cry from the TV white suburban type family the rest of the world sees on television where they sit in the corner or reality TV where we see a kid call his mom a bitch and tell her to fuck off. That was not a thing, being disrespectful in any way to our parents or catching an attitude was game over.
Once again, not every kid needs this, but some do, i know i did i was hard headed, now will i do that to my kids if i ever have any, absolutely not, mostly because i don't have the heart for all that.
Sure its a far cry from the TV white suburban type family the rest of the world sees on television where they sit in the corner or reality TV where we see a kid call his mom a bitch and tell her to fuck off. That was not a thing, being disrespectful in any way to our parents or catching an attitude was game over.
Once again, not every kid needs this, but some do, i know i did i was hard headed, now will i do that to my kids if i ever have any, absolutely not, mostly because i don't have the heart for all that.
Seganomics
Member
I would definitely feel like a failure if I raised my hand to my daughter. No doubt about it.
The Futurist
Member
Nah, born and raised in the US. My parents came from India.
That's fair to a point. I have no children, but my mum is a former childhood development lecturer and my father a family doctor for more than 30 years, specialising in mental health and psychology. I tend to listen to their expertise in the matter and I don't think that completely devalues my opinion on the matter
If I see someone abusing their child in public or private, I'm likely to report it, and feel that is the right thing to do.
There's no reason to hit your child. You're in a position of power. It can very easily have lasting effects. There are many parts of life that aren't so black and white, but even though I can conjure up a situation wherein it is good to kill someone, it is still categorically bad to kill someone. It's just as categorically bad to hit someone.
SonicXtreme
Member
have you ever tried to get a child under control
Shake Appeal
Member
Beating your children is, according to just about every piece of research into this, unequivocally bad for them. Don't do it.
mocolostrocolos
Member
There is nor evidence of God and yet people keep believing on it.
j/k
I stand for how my life has developed given the educational model my parents.
Guys, I'm not talking about a reiterative beating. I'm talking about extreme situations when kids don't listen to their parents despite all the 'reasonable' talking, or even grounding.
PhantomThief
Banned
I agree but a corrective slap is not the same as a beating.. i wouldnt ever suggest an actual beating.
SomedayTheFire
Member
It's never ever ever OK. On a physical and emotional level it's horrible abuse.
So what? We all should struggle to reach ideals when it comes to raising children. "You weren't there" isn't a good excuse to hit your child, and in a situation like this, I don't think the conditions surrounding a situation can excuse physical abuse.
Saying you need to have a kid to speak on the matter is backwards for so many reasons
ostrichKing
Member
I'm sorry...there is never an excuse for beating a child ever...and yes I am a parent, and yes I've had a child not want to listen to words...there is always an alternative...
4 is a cutie
Banned
I guess it technically can, though in my personal experience it didn't help. Like, I remember making a notebook with methods on how to hurt family members (my mom and older siblings) as revenge because they were all into physical punishment. At a point I had to physically stop my mom from whipping me with belts, with tears in my eyes.Though i'm sure there were other factors involved, I grew up with a uncomfortable distance towards these people, and negative emotions associated with those distant memories certainly didn't help.
old manatee
Banned
Yeah a thousand times. it can be really frustrating if you don't resort to hitting them, but somehow I've managed.
Sparkedglory
Member
It depends. I think spankings should be a last resort, but i don't personally think that spankings in and of themselves are bad. Please don't go out there and actually beat your child, but if you absolutely must, then a spanking is ok, but as I said before, as a last resort.
It really just depends on each individual child. I know plenty, including myself that we're grateful for them in the long run, and others that weren't.
It really just depends on each individual child. I know plenty, including myself that we're grateful for them in the long run, and others that weren't.
ostrichKing
Member
"A corrective slap"...yep...that will teach them...why is it that decades of studies that show all the negative results of this behavior still mean nothing to you and other proponents of physical abuse?
Just because you FEEL like it has its uses doesn't really help. It's a heavily researched field, and research keeps showing that it never has a good effect, and that it very often has a bad effect. Anyone can scare their kids into shutting up, but that's a terrible metric to gauge your parenting by.
I was only ever hit when I did something dangerous and came out the other side unharmed, I think the idea was they wanted us to associate dangerous shit with pain, even if we got lucky. 1 slip trying to jump from our roof to the neighbour's pool and we'd smash into the metal fence or concrete. We never slipped, but when our parents saw us.. Playing "Old Man Avalanche" also resulted in "physical punishment". One of my childhood homes had a steep, rocky ravine sort of thing, one of us would climb down to the bottom while "Old Man Avalanche" was at the top using my grandpa's old walking stick to push large rocks down the slope for them to dodge as they climbed up.
Basically anything that was "You fucking morons could have killed yourselves/eachother" resulted in a bit of a beating.
Basically anything that was "You fucking morons could have killed yourselves/eachother" resulted in a bit of a beating.
benicillin
Banned
How do you think teachers get 10+ children all under control at once without smacking them?
dr3upmushroom
Banned
I've given my children light "taps"/spanking to kinda snap their attention but never use any sort of physical punishment that would make them cry or hurt them. Often times when parents hit their kids, it's out of their frustration and their feeling of not having control of a situation. That's why it's good to breath before losing your temper. But yeah, in this day and age people should not be beating their children. It's sad to see that people often feel that beating build "character" and humble people.
ClosingADoor
Member
Your aunts and uncles slapped you around? If my family would have done that, they'd have some major problems with my parents. Would you really trust your family members to hand out physical punishment to your kids? That sounds like a recipe for disaster.
PhantomThief
Banned
Because it did not have an adverse affect on me as a child.
ElectricBlanketFire
Member
There are experts in their field without children.
Terrible.
Beating a child isn't about teaching them anything, it's about making your pathetic cowardly ass feel better.
A child who is beat as punishment learns
1. If something or someone bothers or upsets you, the proper response is to use violence. The kids I deal with at school who punch and kick other kids over petty meaningless conflicts, are the ones getting beat at home.
2. You should be afraid of people you love and that's normal. Fearing people close to you, expecting to be physically hurt for mistakes you make is a part of life.
A child who is beat as punishment learns
1. If something or someone bothers or upsets you, the proper response is to use violence. The kids I deal with at school who punch and kick other kids over petty meaningless conflicts, are the ones getting beat at home.
2. You should be afraid of people you love and that's normal. Fearing people close to you, expecting to be physically hurt for mistakes you make is a part of life.
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