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kittoo
Cretinously credulous
(10-12-2017, 10:20 PM)
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Just needed to vent GAF. Its 2AM here and dont know who to talk to.

We've been together for about 1.5 years. We met through a dating app and have been very steady (or at least I thought so). We were talking of getting married. She met my family many times. She got her family to meet me, specifically for marriage purposes.

The thing is, the week I met her parents, she was meeting someone else. She didnt know but the guy was a Facebook friend of my sister's. Somehow this guy sees pictures of my sister with my gf on FB and just asked my sister how my sister knew my gf and that he was dating her. My sister feigned that she was only a friend of a friend of my gf and asked the guy more details as part of her conversation.

The guy told that they met on the same dating app on which me and my gf met.
They've been dating for a couple of months and have met a few times. Didnt say anything about physical relations.
That my gf told him that she is single.
The guy is sure my gf likes him and that things will progress slowly and then they might think of getting married.

I am devastated. We were about to get married, I thought! I just met her family 2 weeks back! I am thinking of confronting her face to face tomorrow.

The thing is, I would think of ignoring the guy saying they both like each other etc. But why the hell is she on the dating app still and meeting guys when we were clearly in an exclusive committed relationship? I even saw the app once on her phone a few months back and when asked she said she made some friends on it before meeting me and she still talks to them on it. I thought that was OK.

I've been so trusting. I dont like doubting my partners. I never asked where she was, what she was doing, who she was with, what her plans were or anything at all. She used to say she really liked this about me- the complete trust. Now I feel betrayed and devastated.

Nothing to do other than wait for tomorrow. Just wanted vent. Thanks for listening GAF.

Update 1-

Went over to her place. Asked her calmly as to who is DK (the other guy). She says she knows him. I asked her how they met she said the dating app. On asking when she said either a little before she met me or after, she wasnt sure. She said they met twice. Once in the beginning once a couple months back when they were in the same mall and he kept asking her to meet.

She showed me the chats on Whatsapp and Fb (the first thing I checked was the app, she doesnt have it anymore). It was mostly him msging her frequently and she ignoring him, though it didnt seem antagonistic from her side either.

Her side of the story was that they met long back and she didnt like him but the guy kept pestering her about meeting and dating and taking things to the next level etc. Post that they only met once a couple of months back.

She then called the guy and kept me on speaker. It went something like this-

Her: "Hi. Did you have chat with a friend of mine?"
Him: "Yeah. Wait I will call you back."

Disconnects the phone. Doesnt call back. So she kept calling him. After 3-4 times he picks up again.

Him:"You've never called me before and now suddenly so many calls. What happened?"
Her:"Why did you tell my friend that we were dating?"
Him"We met one or two times. What else should I call it? Ok wait."

Puts us on call waiting for a long time. Then we disconnected.

After a while my sister messages me that now he is asking her why she told my gf about him claiming to date her etc. My sister tells me to call him once again and clarify everything he said, like my gf saying she is single and flirting with him etc. So we called again. Again he doesnt pick for a while but then does.

Her:"Hi. So why did you tell my friend that I was flirting with you?"
Him"I didnt say that."
Her:"Then what did you say?"
Him:"I just said that I saw her and your pics together and that I like you. Thats it."
Her:"And you said nothing like I was flirting with you or that I was single?"
Him:"No."
Her:"When I told you that I am thinking of marrying a guy and my parents are meeting him, then why are you still telling my friend all this?"
Him:"I only said I like you. Nothing else."

At this point we disconnected the call. There was no point. The guy wasnt going to accept he lied about anything.

So looks like the guy was lying. We still did have a chat about her keeping the dating app in her phone after we met, and she gave the same explanation that she used to talk to a couple of guys who had become her friends over there. Nevertheless she agreed it looks wrong and that she had deleted the app long back and had no plans of doing any such thing.

At that particular time I didnt have any reason to think she was lying, until unless she is such a master liar that somehow managed the whole situation to her benefit, despite me showing up suddenly and giving her no chance of even touching her phone before this went down. The app wasnt there. The chats were clean. The guy was called and situation clarified.

Looked like things were OK.
Then, we banged.

Update 2-


She called me in the evening again and was sounding really upset. So I asked and she said she was upset because I didnt trust her, looked at her phone (I did see her phone to see if the app was still there, in front of her only. It was unlocked and I was just so angry and frustrated I couldnt help myself) and that she had never explained herself to anyone before, so calling another guy just to clear things with me was a big deal and she was feeling bad that I turned out to be a guy who doubted her.
She says that I shouldve asked her and nothing else. So basically I have two choices forever, whenever I have even a little bit of doubt- 1. Dont do anything. 2. Ask her and believe her story.
Kinda made me feel very bad for a while. I indeed felt like a doubting bf.

As others are pointing out, on further thinking I do think some things dont add up.
If she didnt like the guy in the first meet (and turns out that the guy shifted to GF's town after around 8 months of us being together, and not very early in our relationship), why did she meet him a second time? That too after such a long time? Did they meet more times in between? Also, if the guy is as big a creep as she claims, why the hell is he not blocked and out of her life forever? Why is he still sending whatsapp and FB msgs to her, which she replies sometimes to?
Finally, if she is telling the truth in saying that they met only twice and with a gap of a year or so, why the hell was this guy messaging her a whole year without meeting and why was he allowed to do so by her?
Also, I should point out, since some people are saying that I couldve known if there was anything fishy in the chats, the chats I saw only went as back as 20 days or so. Before that nothing was there. Her explanation is that he was blocked before that and hence no chats. In those 20 days of chats I couldnt gauge much, except one red flag chat where he asked her to meet some three times and she replied-
"I am going home. Lets meet after 23rd October."
She couldve stopped at "No", or "I am going home." or simply blocked him. She had no need of letting him know she will be back on 23rd. She says she simply replied as she would to any friend that she is not available and can meet after being back on 23rd.

So....story not over yet?
DOWN
Junior Member
(10-12-2017, 10:22 PM)
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Tell her boy bye



Sorry to hear that OP but you can do better and you’ll feel better in time as you move along
Gin-Shiio
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:23 PM)
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Talking to her is the right approach. You seem relatively level-headed given the circumstances. All the best, man.
Sephzilla
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:23 PM)
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As someone who's been cheated on in the past, I'm sorry. This shit sucks and it hurts. Confront her about it and move on. If she's willing to so blatantly lie like that, you don't want any part of her. Make sure the other guy knows what she did too, since she lied to the other person as well, she's most likely going to end up completely alone because of this
HabeeNo
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:23 PM)
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Dump her
thehypocrite
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:23 PM)
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Hit the gym!! Ignore her. Move on.
JoJoShabadoo
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:23 PM)
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jeremy70583
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:23 PM)
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Sucks, but be glad you found out before you were married
ApharmdX
Banned
(10-12-2017, 10:23 PM)
Sorry to hear that.

1.5 years deserves a face-to-face break-up, so do that. Keep your emotions in check, confront with facts, and let her know that the relationship is over. Block her number and social media accounts. Move on.
nocturnalis
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:23 PM)
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You have to dump her. She's a scumbag.
foxdvd
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:24 PM)
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she is keeping her options open because she does not think of you as marriage material....

Just move on....this is not something you will be able to overcome.
foxuzamaki
Doesn't read OPs, especially not his own
(10-12-2017, 10:24 PM)
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Emotional cheating I think is even worse or at the very least it seems like she building him up as a side dude which feels like people are trying to make this socially acceptable thing, you absolutely need to confront her about this
Zombie James
Banned
(10-12-2017, 10:24 PM)
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First step:

Just found out my [ex-]girlfriend [was] cheating on me.

The Living Tribunal
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:24 PM)
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So sorry man. End it asap and cut all ties, you deserve better op.
Erv
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:24 PM)
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Take her to a restaurant. Order expensive meal. After you finish eating Pour a cup of water on her head. Tell it's over. Walk out. Forget about her
OverHeat
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:24 PM)
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Hang in there, just leave her and move on she is not worth your time. Sorry for you 🙁
zeemumu
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:24 PM)
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Tell the other guy and dump her ass
God Dayumm
Banned
(10-12-2017, 10:25 PM)
Just ghost her. Why you gotta create conflict by talking to her anymore? That rarely ends well
DirtyCase
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:25 PM)
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Not much to do besides confront her and leave her no matter what. She was essentially living a double life, with partners at the same time. Just be thankful you found out before you got engaged or married.
SOR5
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:25 PM)
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.

kai3345
Banned
(10-12-2017, 10:25 PM)
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Get in touch with the dude so she doesn't get either of you
Basketball
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:25 PM)
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Originally Posted by zeemumu

Tell the other guy and dump her ass

. Bring the pain
voOsh
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:25 PM)
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Sorry to hear about your situation, OP. Please, whatever you do, cut contact and move on. Don't accept an apology and promises to change -- that is just wasting your time and life. You seem calm and logical so I'm sure you'll land on your feet. Best of luck!
Miles X
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:26 PM)
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Originally Posted by Erv

Take her to a restaurant. Order expensive meal. After you finish eating Pour a cup of water on her head. Tell it's over. Walk out. Forget about her

Or don't, she could do you for assault, awful advice.
flkraven
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:26 PM)
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Sorry to hear man. You can confront her and see what she has to say for herself, but it is very difficult to comeback from cheating. Like you said, you will find it difficult to ever trust her again and you may always have that nagging feeling that something is up. Probably best to just cut your losses and move on. Again, sorry.

Originally Posted by kittoo

I even saw the app once on her phone a few months back and when asked she said she made some friends on it before meeting me and she still talks to them on it.

This is a big red flag imo.
ironjoe989
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:26 PM)
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Blargh. Similar things just happened to me. Be glad you're not married with kids in the picture. It makes leaving near impossible.

My advice is the same as most here. Cut and run. Talk to her naturally, but I'm not sure this fixable or even worth trying to fix it.

Sorry boss. The pain is real. I'm still feeling it.

Fist bump of sadness.
Tuck
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:26 PM)
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1. Sorry.
2. Dump her.
3. Move on.
4. Getting married after dating for one and a half years is an incredibly stupid idea.
Rvaan
Banned
(10-12-2017, 10:27 PM)

Originally Posted by zeemumu

Tell the other guy and dump her ass

2nd this
sphinx
the piano man
(10-12-2017, 10:27 PM)
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I know this doesn't sound encouraging but be glad you discovered now, you are dodging a very annoying bullet.
Zertez
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:27 PM)
Let the other guy dating her know and break up with her. Sounds like he didn't know either.
____
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:27 PM)

Originally Posted by foxdvd

she is keeping her options open because she does not think of you as marriage material....

Just move on....this is not something you will be able to overcome.

This. I’d ghost but her that’s up to you.
SatoAilDarko
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:27 PM)
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Be glad your sister was really smart and had your back.
ZombieFred
Junior Member
(10-12-2017, 10:27 PM)
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Get checked for stds.
Sephzilla
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:27 PM)
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Originally Posted by Tuck

1. Sorry.
2. Dump her.
3. Move on.
4. Getting married after dating for one and a half years is an incredibly stupid idea.

Eh, that's plenty of time to know if the person you are with is marriage material (note: only if you've been living together during that time as well)
VeeP
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:27 PM)
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Damn dude, that sucks. Good luck tmw. Hopefully you'll get a clean break and find someone better.
Straight Edge
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:27 PM)
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The other guy is talking about them getting married after meeting a few times?
mavo
Banned
(10-12-2017, 10:27 PM)
Boss X
Banned
(10-12-2017, 10:28 PM)
I dumped my cheating ass dick magnet of a girlfriend, got ripped and now she’s begging to get back into my life!
Zeke
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:28 PM)
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1.5 years and already trying to get married? The fuck man? That's really not long enough to know a person especially if you haven't lived together. Be lucky you found out before you got married or before there was a kid involved hell might not even be your kid and you would have been on the hook for child support. Word of advice in your next relationship take it slow you dodged a bullet this time next time you might not.
Omegasquash
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:28 PM)
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Confront her, commit to the outcome (breaking it up entirely), control your feelings.

Afterwards go ahead and take a few hours to wrap your head around it, then go actively do something. Yeah, hit the gym and all, but get fresh air, sleep, food/water in you. easy to forget those things in the middle of an emotional punch in the gut, but they do help.

Sorry that happened OP. Best of luck.
Tagyhag
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:28 PM)
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Sorry to hear that OP. I would cut her out and warn the guy that she may do the same to him. She doesn't deserve to be happy.

Also, your sister is smart and obviously loyal to you. Talk to her if you need someone to listen you.
Blizzard
Banned
(10-12-2017, 10:29 PM)
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My advice is don't do something vindictive. It sucks and it's painful, but be glad you found out now.

End it, get checked for STDs, hit the gym, move on. :(
Haines
Banned
(10-12-2017, 10:29 PM)
Nest thing you can do is leave her and hit the gym.

But that choice is yours.

Heartbreak is a bitch but the gym always loves back
kmax
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:29 PM)
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You know what you need to do.

After that is done, cease all contact. Completely.
Glass Shark
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:29 PM)
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.
TimeEffect
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:29 PM)
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I feel bad for the other dude too. And maybe the other, other dude.

Get tested and stuff, and make sure not to get tricked into taking her back.
GravityInsanity
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:30 PM)
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You said you are very trusting to her and that's what she really likes about you, but she continued to cheat on you for months? It time to dump her.

nekkid
It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan.
(10-12-2017, 10:30 PM)
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Leave her, and make sure the other guy finds out the details.

Might as well make her suffer for it.
HeelPower
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:30 PM)
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You have to confront her about this and then end the relationship.Make her realize the truth of who she is.

You might want to tell the other guy too ,might help him become disillusioned with her(unless he already knew that she was seeing him behind someone's back)
Algebrah
Member
(10-12-2017, 10:30 PM)
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That's the worst. Same thing happened to me about 3-4 year ago OP. There was a lot of pain but I am glad it happened before we were married. It was an unhealthy relationship.

Present day, I am happily married to a woman that is 100% better and perfect for me. We also play video games together nearly every night.

Life gets better OP. You are (going to be) single and have a great opportunity to explore.

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