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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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vern

Member
Well, I mean, are people these days just assuming all those things are going to happen unless stated otherwise or something?

From my experience most people assume you'll do fairly vanilla sex acts like oral sex with your partner. Anal stuff is less common (but still common enough😏).

You don't need to state on your profile you don't put your dick in other people's butthole, but I guess when the dirty talk starts happening and you say "I can't wait to have missionary sex with you" and then she says... "ooh that's hot daddy, you are making me so wet. What else you gonna do to me?" And then you say, "ummm nothing, just missionary all night long baby"... when that conversation occurs I think she'll get the point.
 

Subtle

Member
I slept with a 10/10 woman the other day, the most attractive woman I've ever been with. But i mean slept quite literally, I got major performance anxiety because she's over my league and couldn't get hard. Anyone have any tips on dealing with it? We're still talking and I want to make sure I don't fuck up the second go around. I'm working on the whole believing that I'm attractive enough to get her, but not having a lot of chemistry with her personality doesn't help either.
 

LordKasual

Banned
Great, am I going to have to start including "I don't do oral sex" on dating profiles or something?
I've been out of the dating game for way too long (17 years basically).


P.S. I'm perfectly fine never having oral done on me either.

P.P.S. And anything anal is absolutely not happening.

P.P.P.S. Don't tell me I have to include all that on a dating profile...

dude its a dating profile

not a sex advertisement

there's no reason you can't have this conversation in person


Oral sex is prettttttyyy BnB though....
 
I guess when the dirty talk starts happening and you say "I can't wait to have missionary sex with you" and then she says... "ooh that's hot daddy, you are making me so wet. What else you gonna do to me?" And then you say, "ummm nothing, just missionary all night long baby"...

Hot.
I didn't know they allowed that kind of lewdness on this website.
(Kidding, obviously.)

But, yeah, as the other post above this said as well, I guess it's not just that I'm not willing to do some things (which might be an acceptable part of getting to know each other), as it is I'm not willing to do almost everything (and, without going into explicit details [which I'm sure you guys don't want], I basically can't).

And while putting that all on a dating profile was a bit facetious, the general idea is, if this is something that everyone's going to be expecting at some point, I guess it might be good to get it out of the way over the initial cup of coffee, sometime around the scones.
 
I slept with a 10/10 woman the other day, the most attractive woman I've ever been with. But i mean slept quite literally, I got major performance anxiety because she's over my league and couldn't get hard. Anyone have any tips on dealing with it? We're still talking and I want to make sure I don't fuck up the second go around. I'm working on the whole believing that I'm attractive enough to get her, but not having a lot of chemistry with her personality doesn't help either.

It took me like three tries before I could have sex with my girlfriend.

Take it slow. Don't think. Just enjoy.
 

LordKasual

Banned
I slept with a 10/10 woman the other day, the most attractive woman I've ever been with. But i mean slept quite literally, I got major performance anxiety because she's over my league and couldn't get hard. Anyone have any tips on dealing with it? We're still talking and I want to make sure I don't fuck up the second go around. I'm working on the whole believing that I'm attractive enough to get her, but not having a lot of chemistry with her personality doesn't help either.

god dammit

im going to help you out ok



She's 10/10

You're in bed with her

She wants to smash



HOW IS SHE OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE

you already fucking have her


Either 1) she doesn't feel an emotional attraction with you and just wants to fuck, or 2) she's not as 10/10 in the head as you think she is, and your lack of chemistry may be due to something else

either way.........you already winning. Quit making yourself a loser. Fulfill your destiny

i know its hard to do in the moment. But just don't forget this. It's important
 

MogCakes

Member
I slept with a 10/10 woman the other day, the most attractive woman I've ever been with. But i mean slept quite literally, I got major performance anxiety because she's over my league and couldn't get hard. Anyone have any tips on dealing with it? We're still talking and I want to make sure I don't fuck up the second go around. I'm working on the whole believing that I'm attractive enough to get her, but not having a lot of chemistry with her personality doesn't help either.

Basically, you gotta get cocky with yourself and let it flow into your dick.
 

Subtle

Member
Great responses everyone. Definitely think her attraction to me is mainly physical, so I gotta keep in mind that she wants to fuck me and keep that confidence moving forward.

I'm usually not like this but zayumn she's really beautiful. And she wants to fuck me 😎
 
Great responses everyone. Definitely think her attraction to me is mainly physical, so I gotta keep in mind that she wants to fuck me and keep that confidence moving forward.

I'm usually not like this but zayumn she's really beautiful. And she wants to fuck me 😎

I've been with some super attractive women and after sex when I have a clear head, I realize that her "being hot" was all she had. I don't think hot people even make that much effort as they are constantly getting validated my all the attention they get. For me B/C women are where the best bed action is to be had in my experience.
 
You're attracted to her interest in you. Not her.

Don't bother. One day you'll probably get tired of ignoring your lack of physical attraction, and it's just going to cause more damage to her than otherwise when you break it off.

I mean, you could just work past it, and enjoy a wonderful relationship. But you should probably just be honest with yourself.

Good points. I have zero patience now that lack of physical attraction is getting to be a much bigger dealbreaker than I previously anticipated. I can't ignore it or work past it.
 

gaiages

Banned
Great, am I going to have to start including "I don't do oral sex" on dating profiles or something?
I've been out of the dating game for way too long (17 years basically).


P.S. I'm perfectly fine never having oral done on me either.

P.P.S. And anything anal is absolutely not happening.

P.P.P.S. Don't tell me I have to include all that on a dating profile...

lol no, just tell your sexual partner when that time comes.

Though I'm guessing you're being sarcastic about that.

Why against oral though? Most people will find that a tad unusual.

Has anyone dealt with a partner who's allergic to your pets?

I have a third date coming up with this amazing woman. We're compatible in major ways, different enough to excite each other, and the chemistry/interest is explosively mutual. Sex will happen soon enough. It poses some issues...

- I have a cat, she's allergic to cats.
- She lives with her parents. Her place = not an option.
- She does have allergy meds that help, but don't eliminate the symptoms. She specifically mentioned a friend whose house was too much for her that she had to get a hotel, despite taking her meds.
- I am not getting rid of the cat.
- My cat is a lovebug. She gets to know you, she'll rub all up against you.
- Small-ass apartment, no keeping the cat out of the bedroom.
- I'm too cheap for a hotel and too tall for a backseat.

Honestly, it's going to get to the point where it's either her or the cat, if the relationship continues. If you try to have both, it's going to cause a LOT of tension in the relationship. So, be prepared for that.
 
I've just witnessed the worst case of simping ever (context:china). On my floor there is a girl that works in a Karaoke club (read:prostitute). I've never seen her before today, but I hear her all the time. This evening I step out my apartment at the same time she does and she has this "nice guy" with her, usually she has left for work by 6pm, but I guess it's that time of the month, so she can't work this week.
In this apartment building you have to take your trash to the bins on the ground floor, nice guy is carrying her three trash bags for her. I side eye them while the three of us are waiting for the elevator and as the bags are translucent I can see the many damn condom wrappers in there! I listen to him "niceguying" he's taking her out to eat, I can see he's made and effort with his appearance and he's being so so attentive. She's just dressed maximum trash in a 1920's style black flapper dress and has the nastiest cheap perfume that I think she's using as a replacement for taking a shower. The damn smell of it has stuck to my clothes as I post this.

Textbook case of don't nievely white knight lost causes no matter how desperate you are. That poor guy has no idea what he's trying to getting into. My prediction for his evening is that they come back in about 2 hours, he's brought her a nice dinner maybe some clothes, he stays in her apartment for about 1 hour not getting sex (rag week). Then leaving alone.
 

vern

Member
I've just witnessed the worst case of simping ever (context:china). On my floor there is a girl that works in a Karaoke club (read:prostitute). I've never seen her before today, but I hear her all the time. This evening I step out my apartment at the same time she does and she has this "nice guy" with her, usually she has left for work by 6pm, but I guess it's that time of the month, so she can't work this week.
In this apartment building you have to take your trash to the bins on the ground floor, nice guy is carrying her three trash bags for her. I side eye them while the three of us are waiting for the elevator and as the bags are translucent I can see the many damn condom wrappers in there! I listen to him "niceguying" he's taking her out to eat, I can see he's made and effort with his appearance and he's being so so attentive. She's just dressed maximum trash in a 1920's style black flapper dress and has the nastiest cheap perfume that I think she's using as a replacement for taking a shower. The damn smell of it has stuck to my clothes as I post this.

Textbook case of don't nievely white knight lost causes no matter how desperate you are. That poor guy has no idea what he's trying to getting into. My prediction for his evening is that they come back in about 2 hours, he's brought her a nice dinner maybe some clothes, he stays in her apartment for about 1 hour not getting sex (rag week). Then leaving alone.

Ktv girls are a huge boost for a guys confidence though. They always almost nearly convince me that I'm the most handsome guy they've ever seen, my Chinese is perfect, I have a monster cock, it's their first week on the job, etc. Luckily none have fully convinced me yet and we just sing and not go home together. I love ktv.
 
Ktv girls are a huge boost for a guys confidence though. They always almost nearly convince me that I'm the most handsome guy they've ever seen, my Chinese is perfect, I have a monster cock, it's their first week on the job, etc. Luckily none have fully convinced me yet and we just sing and not go home together. I love ktv.

I've not had the "first week on the job line", I used to hear they were only doing it for a sick grandmother in hospital line. I'm not that guy to take them home either, drink, dice game and 88!
 
Guys I'm in New York and I can't think of a date idea. We already went out to the movies and at the risk of being boring I don't want to do that but I got nothing. Any ideas? I have no idea why I can't think of something. Blegh.
 

Lulubop

Member
Thanks for the recommendations. Any good sushi spots?

IDK where you are in the city, but go to the East village. Take her to bar on St. Marks (there's a ton between A and 1st ave) and then hit up a Japanese spot (There's a ton between 1st and and 2nd ave) for food after. Dunno about Sushi specifically, but you'll find something.
 

LordKasual

Banned
I've just witnessed the worst case of simping ever (context:china). On my floor there is a girl that works in a Karaoke club (read:prostitute). I've never seen her before today, but I hear her all the time. This evening I step out my apartment at the same time she does and she has this "nice guy" with her, usually she has left for work by 6pm, but I guess it's that time of the month, so she can't work this week.
In this apartment building you have to take your trash to the bins on the ground floor, nice guy is carrying her three trash bags for her. I side eye them while the three of us are waiting for the elevator and as the bags are translucent I can see the many damn condom wrappers in there! I listen to him "niceguying" he's taking her out to eat, I can see he's made and effort with his appearance and he's being so so attentive. She's just dressed maximum trash in a 1920's style black flapper dress and has the nastiest cheap perfume that I think she's using as a replacement for taking a shower. The damn smell of it has stuck to my clothes as I post this.

Textbook case of don't nievely white knight lost causes no matter how desperate you are. That poor guy has no idea what he's trying to getting into. My prediction for his evening is that they come back in about 2 hours, he's brought her a nice dinner maybe some clothes, he stays in her apartment for about 1 hour not getting sex (rag week). Then leaving alone.

doesn't make him a white knight, just makes him innocently oblivious

i really would love to see the look on his face if he actually saw the condom wrappers

the rapid eye movements as he slowly put two and two together
 
doesn't make him a white knight, just makes him innocently oblivious

i really would love to see the look on his face if he actually saw the condom wrappers

the rapid eye movements as he slowly put two and two together

"She is probably the peculiar type that wraps them with her dildo. Better safe than sorry right!"
 

Ralemont

not me
Well, I mean, are people these days just assuming all those things are going to happen unless stated otherwise or something?

Considering the amount of women who find it hard to have penetrative orgasms, I think they are well within their right to expect me to give them oral to get them there if all else fails. Works for me because I like giving oral, but yes that it pretty expected in my experience.

You can check on OKC actually as there is a question that asks, "If your partner was never willing to go down on you, how disappointed would you be?" Vast majority of women's answers are "Very".
 

TeddyBoy

Member
I've got a first date in less than hour at the Print Works in Manchester.

The girl I'm going with seems really nice, she likes games, football and Star Wars. I'm pretty nervous as I wasn't really looking for anyone and it's been a while since my last date.

Wish me luck GAF!
 

Mediking

Member
I can finally post here again (was never banned). It's time for an ANNIVERSARY POST.

Exactly one year ago on August 22nd 2016, I posted this on the first page of this awesome thread.

I.... I have returned. Gotta love the new OT title. It hits home. I gotta summon the courage and just ask a woman out! I'm subbed!!!

That was from a cute yet awkward guy at times who didn't know how to express desire to a woman correctly.

So what has changed? Did I make any progress?

OH HECK YEAH.

Alot has changed for the better.

"Give us specifics, Mediking!"

Uhhh... no. Lol. There's just been too many cases where I say something in one thread then later somebody else brings it up to me in a totally different thread. -_-

But I do wanna say thanks for all the advice earlier and all the stories I read. I was pretty cringey at times in this thread as well. I've face palmed over stuff I've said before but hey that's all part of being human.

There's nothing wrong with being true to yourself yet still acknowledging stuff has to change. And dating is a prime example of that.

Man, this long as heck post is soooo TLDR. Lmao
 
lol no, just tell your sexual partner when that time comes.

Though I'm guessing you're being sarcastic about that.

Why against oral though? Most people will find that a tad unusual.

I was being a bit sarcastic about including it in my profile, but at times it feels like I should.

As far as why - and, hey, I warned you people against asking for details, do you were warned - I've tried to on a few different people a number of different times, and I literally can't. Not to sound like a child trying to eat vegetables or something, but I literally start gagging. I think if I tried to force myself, I would literally vomit. It has nothing to do with the person's cleanliness or hygiene or anything like that, it just makes me gag to try to do that. Which is clearly a very sexy thing - especially if one is into being vomited on (hey, I'm sure that's someone's fetish). Sorry for the TMI, but you asked.

Also, again, I have no expectation of someone doing it on me (and I'm fairly indifferent to it in general), so it's not a double-standard of "I won't do it to you, but I expect you to do it to me" or anything like that. I'm not going to do it, so fair's fair, I don't have any expectation of it. It is what it is.



Considering the amount of women who find it hard to have penetrative orgasms, I think they are well within their right to expect me to give them oral to get them there if all else fails. Works for me because I like giving oral, but yes that it pretty expected in my experience.

You can check on OKC actually as there is a question that asks, "If your partner was never willing to go down on you, how disappointed would you be?" Vast majority of women's answers are "Very".

Well, I mean, there's still one's hand.

Also, one can't view the answer to questions that one hasn't answered unless one pays like $35/mo or something absurd like that.
And I took out my answers to most questions since I was tired of the nonsense "You're only x% match, so I'm not interested" (a.k.a. "I didn't actually bother to read your profile) or "You answered X to Question Y, so I'm not interested" when I probably gave all of 2 seconds of thought to Question Y, and in 90% of cases the answer really didn't matter to me (like, even if I answered X, I might be fine with A, B, and C as well). Multiple-choice questions and percentages based off of them are so absurd. A person is more than a number.
 

Seirith

Member
Has anyone dealt with a partner who's allergic to your pets?

I have a third date coming up with this amazing woman. We're compatible in major ways, different enough to excite each other, and the chemistry/interest is explosively mutual. Sex will happen soon enough. It poses some issues...

- I have a cat, she's allergic to cats.
- She lives with her parents. Her place = not an option.
- She does have allergy meds that help, but don't eliminate the symptoms. She specifically mentioned a friend whose house was too much for her that she had to get a hotel, despite taking her meds.
- I am not getting rid of the cat.
- My cat is a lovebug. She gets to know you, she'll rub all up against you.
- Small-ass apartment, no keeping the cat out of the bedroom.
- I'm too cheap for a hotel and too tall for a backseat.

Good for you for not getting rid of your cat. However, If you get and stay with her you can never have a cat, if she is that allergic that medicine does not help. Has she been to her Dr. to get prescription medicine or is she just taking an otc allergy medicine?

If it were me, that would be a deal breaker. I am not willing to give up having cats for the rest of my life.
 

Salamando

Member
Good for you for not getting rid of your cat. However, If you get and stay with her you can never have a cat, if she is that allergic that medicine does not help. Has she been to her Dr. to get prescription medicine or is she just taking an otc allergy medicine?

If it were me, that would be a deal breaker. I am not willing to give up having cats for the rest of my life.
The medicine does help, up to a point. If there's enough dander in the air, she's a Sneezy wheezy mess. I simply don't know how bad my apartment will be for her. I can make the extra effort to clean more often.

I will always pick my kitty over a girl. I don't know yet how likely it is that shell present that option, but she'll lose if she does. It's more of a potential problem than real one right now.
 
So I've been dating this girl for the past few months; met and asked her out for the first time in May, and let me tell you, she's the first in years I've felt so passionate about. She's smart, interesting, and just gorgeous. I officially asked her to be my girlfriend last month, to which she said yes :)

We do, however, have one issue...

We have yet to have sex... like, at all. Literally nothing beyond kissing. A little background: We're both substitute teachers who work in the same district, and aren't quite making enough to live on Long Island. We both live with our parents and seldom have time to ourselves. The few times we have it's like... she's not even interested. Thing is, she said that she's been with guys in the past where the relationship was almost entirely sexual, and she doesn't want this to turn into that. That, and she's nervous about her parents finding out... they've expressed to her that they both just... don't want her to have sex. We're both adults out of college, so... that I do not understand. She's also stated that she's not on birth control and doesn't want to risk it. That to me is weird, like... there are many types of sex that don't involve penetration, haha

Anyway, I'm frustrated. Willing to wait, but frustrated. I feel a bit undesirable, ya know? I know I'm a good looking guy but like, I just don't understand how it's been about 4 months and she's barely displayed any interest at all. I know I'm not thinking logically and she's explained to me why, but it sometimes just doesn't add up to me and I feel a bit anxious.

tl;dr I'm with an awesome girl whose nervous about having sex.

Anyone ever been in this situation before, GAF?
 
So I've been dating this girl for the past few months; met and asked her out for the first time in May, and let me tell you, she's the first in years I've felt so passionate about. She's smart, interesting, and just gorgeous. I officially asked her to be my girlfriend last month, to which she said yes :)

We do, however, have one issue...

We have yet to have sex... like, at all. Literally nothing beyond kissing. A little background: We're both substitute teachers who work in the same district, and aren't quite making enough to live on Long Island. We both live with our parents and seldom have time to ourselves. The few times we have it's like... she's not even interested. Thing is, she said that she's been with guys in the past where the relationship was almost entirely sexual, and she doesn't want this to turn into that. That, and she's nervous about her parents finding out... they've expressed to her that they both just... don't want her to have sex. We're both adults out of college, so... that I do not understand. She's also stated that she's not on birth control and doesn't want to risk it. That to me is weird, like... there are many types of sex that don't involve penetration, haha

Anyway, I'm frustrated. Willing to wait, but frustrated. I feel a bit undesirable, ya know? I know I'm a good looking guy but like, I just don't understand how it's been about 4 months and she's barely displayed any interest at all. I know I'm not thinking logically and she's explained to me why, but it sometimes just doesn't add up to me and I feel a bit anxious.

tl;dr I'm with an awesome girl whose nervous about having sex.

Anyone ever been in this situation before, GAF?

Be direct about it. Say you don't yo be frisky all the time either, but you do want to have some frisk.

The living situation sucks, but I get it. I'm there too. Just gotta create situations where you can be alone. Create an excuse to go out of town for a day and stay at a hotel.

Just gotta cross the threshold I think.
 
Be direct about it. Say you don't yo be frisky all the time either, but you do want to have some frisk.

The living situation sucks, but I get it. I'm there too. Just gotta create situations where you can be alone. Create an excuse to go out of town for a day and stay at a hotel.

Just gotta cross the threshold I think.
Thing is, I planned on us spending the weekend together at a house I have access to in Vermont. She expressed to me that her parents weren't comfortable and basically did not allow her to do so.

Doesn't add up to me, really. Like... we are both adults. The parents are super conservative but at what point is it even their business what she does with her boyfriend ya know?
 
Don't you have friends to ask? Try Yelp, too.
Yes, yes I do have friends. Just wondering what you guys would recommend. Don't come at me like that.
im just playing, I should start using yelp since a lot of people recommend it. Thanks for the recommendation
IDK where you are in the city, but go to the East village. Take her to bar on St. Marks (there's a ton between A and 1st ave) and then hit up a Japanese spot (There's a ton between 1st and and 2nd ave) for food after. Dunno about Sushi specifically, but you'll find something.
East village is great you're right but we work in that area and I don't know about taking a girl out at the same area she works. Dang, you're right though, that's a great area to take someone out.
I've always wanted to go to a barcade but I don't believe she likes games. Maybe I'll save that for when I got out with some friends.

Thanks a lot guys I think I got it! I'll either ask her if there's a place in Brooklyn she wants to go eat at or if not there's a burger joint my friend recommended and yelp says is solid. I might just go to st marks. Either way you guys gave me a bunch of ideas. So thanks.
 

Xun

Member
We're unofficially official, I guess?

I said to her about making things official and she said she thought we kind of were, but was hesitant to put a label on it just yet.

She said she hasn't done anything/has no intention with anyone else, so I guess we're now exclusive at least?

She's probably also hesitant since she's going back to Romania for a month and wants to see where things go when she returns, which is understandable. She was also adamant she'll want alone time/space from time to time, which I said was pretty much required in any sort of relationship.

I guess I'll see where things go when she returns?

I fear I asked her too soon, but at the same time I was fed up not knowing what the boundaries were between us two and wanted clarification.
Anyone else had anything similar?

Hopefully it does work out...
 
Anyone else had anything similar?

Hopefully it does work out...

Yeah i had that issue before because i didn't know were i stood. Big mistake.

Never ask a girl to be official. SHE needs to ask it. It needs to come from her.

Now the only thing you need to do is give her space. Don't call or text until she does.

Date other girls too.
 

Jintor

Member
Thing is, I planned on us spending the weekend together at a house I have access to in Vermont. She expressed to me that her parents weren't comfortable and basically did not allow her to do so.

Doesn't add up to me, really. Like... we are both adults. The parents are super conservative but at what point is it even their business what she does with her boyfriend ya know?

this is gonna be a sticking point and you have to figure out where you lie on it before it goes further imho.

either she's her own person or she's her parents'. She can't be both.
 
My buddy works at a restaurant with a bunch of cute girls and they are all going out tonight for some drinks. I got the invite. I just met this guy. I think I will try not predrinking before I go to this one. Ive been straight hobo'n it at home the last week. Now I gota clean myself up. I was enjoying my hobo time.
 
Thing is, I planned on us spending the weekend together at a house I have access to in Vermont. She expressed to me that her parents weren't comfortable and basically did not allow her to do so.

Doesn't add up to me, really. Like... we are both adults. The parents are super conservative but at what point is it even their business what she does with her boyfriend ya know?

How old are you both, out of curiosity?
 

Deeda

Member
Doesn't add up to me, really. Like... we are both adults. The parents are super conservative but at what point is it even their business what she does with her boyfriend ya know?

Not saying our situations are similar, but I am also someone who wanted to spend the night with my boyfriend.

My mom is super conservative and threatened to kick me out if I did. So I had to lie about it a couple of times and basically had to limit my time with my boyfriend. It sucks but I am not financially stable enough to move out.

So while your situation is unfortunate try to talk to her about it, but also try to understand it from her perspective
 
How old are you both, out of curiosity?
Her and I are 23 and 24, respectively. I'd expect this from a girl I was dating who was like, 18 or 19, but this is absurd.

Not saying our situations are similar, but I am also someone who wanted to spend the night with my boyfriend.

My mom is super conservative and threatened to kick me out if I did. So I had to lie about it a couple of times and basically had to limit my time with my boyfriend. It sucks but I am not financially stable enough to move out.

So while your situation is unfortunate try to talk to her about it, but also try to understand it from her perspective
True. I don't wanna come across as someone whose desperate to have sex though, or petty about lacking it. At the same time, I don't wanna appear meek or timid. It's a double edged sword.
 

Deeda

Member
True. I don't wanna come across as someone whose desperate to have sex though, or petty about lacking it. At the same time, I don't wanna appear meek or timid. It's a double edged sword.

Yes it is for sure. It's been four months though, you're not being desperate at all.
 

Jintor

Member
sex and sexuality is gonna be an essential part of a long term relationship and it's better to at least talk about it head on rather than let it simmer and hope your partner picks up on invisible signals
 
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