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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)

L

lexi

Banned
a7NJ8.png


I know there's a few open / closeted TransGAFfers out there, I think it's about time we got our own discussion thread; GayGAF has a good thing going with their own megathread.

We all have varying degrees of experience and knowledge, I think we need a thread to maintain a solid discussion, as opposed to talking in trans specific threads that just get locked anyway.

This thread is open to non-TG GAF, as long as you keep it civil you can pretty much ask anything.

Resources

Producers' notes on the making of MTV's 'True Life: I'm Changing Sex'

Developing a Female Voice - An incredibly detailed vlog of how to develop a female voice. Must see for any MTF, with practice, you can achieve the kind of results you hear upon opening this video.

TrannyGirl15 - Very, very long vlog. She goes from the moment she was made the decision up until some recent point. This includes HRT, post-op, and female feminization surgery.

IceColdBath - Another long vlog that I found. I believe this was the first I viewed. Introduction from Ashley's beginnings to sometime four months ago.

To get the ball rolling, I'd like to quote an account from a home hospice nurse that I absolutely adore.
'I am a genetically born female from a small rural community in Montana. I am also a Home Health/Hospice Nurse. 3 years ago, I was assigned a new patient. Her name was the same as mine, Mishelle-just spelled different. She was being put on our service for a brief course of IV antibiotics for a respiratory infection. She had the underlying disease process of COPD, or emphysema. What started out as a 7 day course, turned into a 4 1/2 month journey that touched my life and continues to touch my life to this day!

Before going to Mishelle's home, I found out that she was blind. She had been blind since the age of 18 months old. No shadow's, no nothing! I also found out that she was transgendered. I will admit my ignorance. I had absolutely no idea what that term meant. My only reference point was some 20 years prior, I went to a Drag Queen show, in Portland Oregon, with my mother! So-you can imagine what I pictured in my brain! Not the case!

I was uncomfortable around Mishelle for about 3 weeks. I was curious and wanted to ask her questions, but did not want to offend her. She must have sensed my curiosity as she broke the ice and told me, "If you have the courage to ask, I have the courage to answer." That opened the door. I was the perfect student. She gave me books to read and videos to watch. With each "assignment", I asked more and more questions and enhanced my knowledge. She then gave me her journal to read, that was typed on an old fashioned type writer (remember-she was blind). It was her deepest, darkest feelings that were written over a 3 year time period, during her transition back in 1988, in a town of about 7000 people! After I read her journal, I got it! How could I have been so blind? I understood!!! I understood that being a transsexual was not a choice, it was not a lifestyle, it came from within! I realized that it was not about "the dress", it was not about "the look." What helped me with this concept was that she was blind. She never once saw what a female vs. a male looked like. She could not look at me and say, "that is what I want to look like. That is how I want to dress."

After this, all I wanted to do was to reach out and be her friend. She lived a very lonely existence. I started to cross boundaries with her, big time, which I have never done in 20 years of being a nurse. After about 2 months of knowing her, I went to a spiritual retreat. It was the strangest thing, but when I came home, I knew why I was in her life. I knew that she was going to die and that it was my role to help her through the emotional process, but also to show her unconditional love and acceptance before she died!

I started to visit her on my off time. I introduced my husband and 2 boys (who were 9 and 12 at the time) to her. We took her under our wing and made her part of our family. Mishelle and my 9 year old son, became very close. She always thought that I was put into her life so that she could educate me and then I could in turn educate others, which I have been doing and will continue to do my part.

Mishelle did die. She died comfortably,and at peace. She knew that she was loved unconditionally and 100% accepted by myself and my family. The most beautiful part---she died with me holding her.

It was a beautiful experience that I will never forget! Not only will I not forget it, my 2 boys and husband will not forget it! So, those of you who feel nobody cares, remember this story. I care and I will do my part to open some hearts and some minds!'
Click to expand...

FAQ

Unless correct context is used these words are verboten! : Tranny, shemale, and most grievously, it. Uttering it will inflict the banhammer with swift justice!

Q: Why are you doing this?
A: There is no simple answer for this, a great start on understanding is the piece I have quoted above. A great deal of further information is contained within this thread and posted from the heart by your fellow Transgaffers. If I could summarize in a few words something that applies to me, 'I have always felt wrong, this feels right.'

Q: Can I see before pics?
A: It's not polite to ask. Some TG's feel proud of how far they're come and are OK with showing before pics (even then, sparingly) but really it's oftentimes just a part of ourselves we don't like to show or embellish on.
 
A

Android18a

Member
I read that story yesterday, it's beautiful.

Tgaf represent! Hahaha. 26-going-on-27 year old M2F Tgaffer here =)

I know its tough for a lot of us, so maybe we can sorta use this as a ranting thread for when things get a bit too much to handle. I know I get frustrated, what with the "family situation" I'm in.

Good work, Lexi!
 
i_am_ben

i_am_ben

running_here_and_there
I like your heading. it's very snazzy.

Not transgendered but thought I'd say hi anyway.
 
W

water_wendi

Water is not wet!
Wow.. thats a very touching story.

Hmmm.. i dont really have much to contribute. Standard story stuffs for me.. figured out stuff way too late (agewise.. not in regards to relationships so im kind of fortunate in that regard i think).. but better late than never. Even went through the hyper-masculine phase where i really tried to deny who i was :lol Glad that didnt last long!

My plans kind of hit the skids when i lost my job though. Been out of work so long i had to dip into my therapy/surgery money. Oh wells, ive waited 30 years.. another year or two isnt going to kill me. The urge to self-medicate is very strong though.. but ive had a couple friends that went that route and they are no longer here so.. yea, not going down that road. At least thats what i tell myself when im thinking clearly :lol

Anyway.. hihi :D
 
S

SouthernDragon

Member
Not transgendered, but want to show support.

There's an NPR podcast/show called "This American Life." Recently, they had a cast called "Someone Out There" or something like it. Part of that podcast focused on these two young transgendered boys who, uh, think? believe? are? girls. It was very touching.
 
N

NumberTwo

Paper or plastic?
FlightOfHeaven said:
Not transgendered, but want to show support.

There's an NPR podcast/show called "This American Life." Recently, they had a cast called "Someone Out There" or something like it. Part of that podcast focused on these two young transgendered boys who, uh, think? believe? are? girls. It was very touching.
Click to expand...
I listened to that one, it was weird hearing ones so young articulating their thoughts so well.
 
A

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
FlightOfHeaven said:
Not transgendered, but want to show support.

There's an NPR podcast/show called "This American Life." Recently, they had a cast called "Someone Out There" or something like it. Part of that podcast focused on these two young transgendered boys who, uh, think? believe? are? girls. It was very touching.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'll be bookmarking this. I'm not transgendered, but I support. It wasn't until recently that I started thinking about sex and gender. It really wasn't until my wife and I were looking up Youtube videos about people's transitions that we really began to understand that what is between your legs doesn't make you who you are, and what you're attracted to equally doesn't define you. Seeing the struggle some people go through to become who they feel "right" as is very touching and enlightening. I will participate in discussions, but I think I will ask questions galore in this thread... there are just things I've always wanted to know, so I hope people don't take offense.
 
A

AkuMifune

Banned
FlightOfHeaven said:
Not transgendered, but want to show support.

There's an NPR podcast/show called "This American Life." Recently, they had a cast called "Someone Out There" or something like it. Part of that podcast focused on these two young transgendered boys who, uh, think? believe? are? girls. It was very touching.
Click to expand...

Agreed. I listened to it too and found it very moving. The story of the old-school father who shaved his child's head was painful, but common I'm sure. I think the quote of that episode was the other father who said he almost wished his son was just gay, because at least society understands their place in the world now, whereas most people still only think of transgendered individuals as having some sort of mental problem.

Anyway, just wanna also show my support and hope this thread stays positive. You're all beautiful!
 
W

water_wendi

Water is not wet!
Alfarif said:
I will participate in discussions, but I think I will ask questions galore in this thread... there are just things I've always wanted to know, so I hope people don't take offense.
Click to expand...
i dont think ive ever been offended by sincere questions.
 
S

SouthernDragon

Member
Then there was the dad who stayed, but only referred to his child as "it" or "the child."

There may be grounds for criticism, but I commend him for sticking around. It must have been very hard for him to accept his child at all, never mind actually sticking around to raise them.
 
B

bjork

Member
This is fascinating to me, but so many people IRL keep it hidden. I think it'd be cool to sit down with someone TG and just pick their brain for a bit.
 
M

Mumei

Member
bjork said:
This is fascinating to me, but so many people IRL keep it hidden. I think it'd be cool to sit down with someone TG and just pick their brain for a bit.
Click to expand...

Maybe try to find out if your local area has any sort of local transgender organizations? It might be a bit awkward going your first time by yourself, but it's a place to start, and a supportive one at that.
 
D

Dead Man

Member
Yeah, not trans, but I have nothing but admiration for those who are. So much struggle just for something most of us take for granted.
 
L

lexi

Banned
will participate in discussions, but I think I will ask questions galore in this thread... there are just things I've always wanted to know, so I hope people don't take offense.
Click to expand...

Feel free to ask. People who intend to offend with their questions make it known before they ask them.
 
Fox the Sly

Fox the Sly

Member
Heh, I was wondering when I'd see a thread like this. I'm not trans myself, but I understand what it's about, about as much as one can from the outside looking in. I also have an appreciation for hot trans women too in addition to naturally-born women. :D
 
W

wRATH2x

Banned
I'm no trans, but I support you. Must feel like shit being born in a body that you can't identify with.

I have many questions I already asked optimiss and lexi, but I'm sure I'll have more.
 
W

wRATH2x

Banned
I hope you girl don't mind me asking, for those who are attracted to men. Whats the success rate for those who stayed after you told them?
 
B

bjork

Member
Mumei said:
Maybe try to find out if your local area has any sort of local transgender organizations? It might be a bit awkward going your first time by yourself, but it's a place to start, and a supportive one at that.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't even know where to look for such a thing. I keep hoping to run into a mutual friend at some point.
 
A

a Master Ninja

Member
I had a "tomboy" female friend in high school who began living life as a man during college. I'll never forget when he complained to me about how impossible dating/relationships became for him. He was born a woman, but wanted to be a man and wanted relationships with women. Problem is straight women didn't want to date him, they wanted guys who were born men. Lesbians wanted other women, not someone who was born a woman and trying to be a man. Other transgendered people (according to him) aren't after each other. I really hope he found happiness, because that is rough.

I also found this friend to be fascinating from a "Nature versus Nurture" argument perspective. He became convinced he had be born a man and was trapped in a woman's body. He was color blind, which I found interesting because this is extremely rare for women but common for men. On the other hand, his father really fucked with his head growing up. The father wanted nothing more than a son, but had only one child who happened to be a girl. So he raised this girl as if it was his son. Name, boys clothing, GI JOEs only, no Barbies allowed, etc. I can't help but wonder if things would have turned out differently had he been raised by foster parents.

I mean no disrespect to anyone with the above, I'm just relaying my thoughts and experiences as an outsider.
 
L

lexi

Banned
Wrath2X said:
I hope you girl don't mind me asking, for those who are attracted to men. Whats the success rate for those who stayed after you told them?
Click to expand...

Well in my situation, I was upfront straight away, although I'm not exactly stealth, at least I don't think I am. :p
 
M

Mumei

Member
bjork said:
I wouldn't even know where to look for such a thing. I keep hoping to run into a mutual friend at some point.
Click to expand...

Google for your the name of the area you live in and the word transgender? You'll probably find something.
 
P

PantherLotus

Professional Schmuck
I had a dear cousin come out to me a month or two ago. Do transgenders even call it "coming out?" I was the first male person he (and soon to be she) came out to, so I think he was gauging my reaction to prepare. Of course, I'm a loving dude, but I did feel silly asking all the questions.

Anyway, my point is, I have much love for people that have to go through this. I can't remotely pretend to know what it's like, but I can say you've got one regular d00d fighting gender identity education, awareness, and sensitivity.

Btw, is "tranny" offensive?
 
A

Android18a

Member
Depends how it's meant I think. I wouldn't want to be called Tranny, but at the same time it is sorta context based.

Generally I think it shows a lack of respect, though.
 
A

Arde5643

Member
PantherLotus said:
I had a dear cousin come out to me a month or two ago. Do transgenders even call it "coming out?" I was the first male person he (and soon to be she) came out to, so I think he was gauging my reaction to prepare. Of course, I'm a loving dude, but I did feel silly asking all the questions.

Anyway, my point is, I have much love for people that have to go through this. I can't remotely pretend to know what it's like, but I can say you've got one regular d00d fighting gender identity education, awareness, and sensitivity.

Btw, is "tranny" offensive?
Click to expand...
Yeah, tranny's an offensive term since it directly relates to the porn slang for m2f porn performers.
 
A

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
bjork said:
This is fascinating to me, but so many people IRL keep it hidden. I think it'd be cool to sit down with someone TG and just pick their brain for a bit.
Click to expand...

Awhile back, I really got to thinking about TG. I fancy myself as a man who has a "woman's" view of the world. I've sometimes thought that maybe I should have been female, but I feel pretty comfortable with the way I am right now. Anyway, I wanted to know what it was like to make the transition, so I started looking up Youtube videos and such. There are some real soul searching vlogs out there. One lady started from the moment she made her decision to the moment she had surgery to make herself physically female (including facial surgery). It was pretty amazing and I applaud her.

One thing I think was pretty revealing over the course of watching these vlogs was the fact that (I was looking at MtF, mind you) all of these women first started dressing "slutty," and then quickly toned it down after six or seven months. One of them said that "I realized that dressing like this didn't make me a woman... I made me a woman."

That's when all of this "clicked" for me. It was at that moment I completely began to separate gender and sex, and since then, I haven't thought of anyone who may look physically like the stereotypical idea of a male as a male if they call themselves she. Because I can't define anyone like that. You have to define yourself.

One cool side effect of my curiosity is that I've become better at speaking in a feminine voice. I was able to do a high pitched voice before, but it wasn't deciedly female. The only reason this is important is because I like to do audio stories, and my main characters are typically female. I need a convincing female voice. My wife does them, mostly, but if she's not around, I'd like to be able to do them, myself.

When I get the chance, I'll link some of these vlogs I keep referencing. I didn't Favorite them because my Youtube is linked to my Facebook... and you know what kinds of questions you will get if your favorites consist of tons and tons of vlogs by TGs. Yeah... not all of the world is as understanding as I'd like it to be.
 
L

lexi

Banned
Alfarif said:
When I get the chance, I'll link some of these vlogs I keep referencing. I didn't Favorite them because my Youtube is linked to my Facebook... and you know what kinds of questions you will get if your favorites consist of tons and tons of vlogs by TGs. Yeah... not all of the world is as understanding as I'd like it to be.
Click to expand...

Before I was out, this is how I outed myself to a particularly astute friend who noticed before I could fix it. :p
 
A

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
Android18a said:
Depends how it's meant I think. I wouldn't want to be called Tranny, but at the same time it is sorta context based.

Generally I think it shows a lack of respect, though.
Click to expand...

Yeah. I think Tranny is pretty offensive. Just hearing it reminds me of how people say it with disgust. I mean, even on GAF, people take screenshots of their desktop with the T-surprise website open as a joke.

lexi said:
Before I was out, this is how I outed myself to a particularly astute friend who noticed before I could fix it. :p
Click to expand...

Yeah. If I saw a collection of videos like this being favorited pretty quickly by a friend, I'd know something was up, and I'd ask. One or two? Not a big deal, because the video could be about anything, really. But a whole slew of them (like what I ended up watching over the course of three weeks), kind of tells you something.

Question Number 1: Now that I've sat here for about an hour thinking on it... if anyone would like to share when they FIRST realized they didn't feel right in their traditional role and when you decided to actively make a change. Kind of a "getting to know you" I guess.
 
M

mollipen

Member
I've had to stop myself a number of times in the recent past from making this thread. *laughs* So, it's funny that this thread comes along right as I've finally decided to stop holding back on being open about things around here.


AkuMifune said:
I think the quote of that episode was the other father who said he almost wished his son was just gay, because at least society understands their place in the world now, whereas most people still only think of transgendered individuals as having some sort of mental problem.
Click to expand...

That thought has certainly run through my head, especially before heading home for Christmas as part of my reason for going back was to talk to my family. Being gay is something people understand, even if they don't agree with it. You're a boy, but you enjoy boy parts instead of girl parts; that basic concept (simplified, I know) they can grasp. Attraction, especially physical, they can grasp. But when it comes down to more of a question of feelings, of identity, in a way not as easy to grasp, it can be terribly hard to understand.

And - not that I would ever saying being gay is "easy" - the way to be gay and be happy is far easier than what it takes to be trans and be happy.


PantherLotus said:
Btw, is "tranny" offensive?
Click to expand...

I've heard a lot of people say that "tranny" is our "fag" or N-word, and I know a lot of people (both in and out of the community) aren't fans of the word when it's used outside of trans folk themselves. For me, personally, the word doesn't bother me; though, I've not really gone through a lot of dealing with people on all of this just yet, so more experience with hearing the word under not-so-nice circumstances could change things for me.

I'm more a person who gets bothered by the intent of words than the words themselves. While I think it's better for people to be respectful and not use the word, if somebody does and I know they don't mean it in a harmful way, I don't make a big deal out of it unless the person is somebody who already annoys me. For me, "it" is a far, far worse term, because using that specifically makes the person being referred to sound less than human.
 
N

noah111

Still Alive
I wonder what the transgender male to female versus female to male ratio will be (on gaf). :lol Seriously though, this was expected (finally), awesome banner and OP btw.
 
A

Android18a

Member
Question Number 1: Now that I've sat here for about an hour thinking on it... if anyone would like to share when they FIRST realized they didn't feel right in their traditional role and when you decided to actively make a change. Kind of a "getting to know you" I guess.
Click to expand...

I think I've always kinda known. Always related to the girls at school better than the boys, and generally never got into the stuff the lads my age liked (action man, playing army, ninja turtles, he-man etc) and was more into barbies and plushies!

As for making a change, wanted to for years, but stuck living with a religious family... so its a case of moving out, then making the change. Hopefully this will be My Year.
 
M

mollipen

Member
Alfarif said:
When I get the chance, I'll link some of these vlogs I keep referencing. I didn't Favorite them because my Youtube is linked to my Facebook... and you know what kinds of questions you will get if your favorites consist of tons and tons of vlogs by TGs. Yeah... not all of the world is as understanding as I'd like it to be.
Click to expand...

I remember one of the first things that I did that got notice when I finally decided to start down the road of being more public about things was when my Xbox avatar suddenly went from being male to female. *laughs* Like not even 10 minutes after I did that, I got a text message from a friend basically saying "Soooo... anything new you'd like to share?"

And seriously... I guess I'm going to have to change my avatar now. I can't sit here talking seriously about trans issues with people reading my posts and seeing Mary's wacked-out face in their head speaking my words. *laughs*
 
W

water_wendi

Water is not wet!
a Master Ninja said:
I had a "tomboy" female friend in high school who began living life as a man during college. I'll never forget when he complained to me about how impossible dating/relationships became for him. He was born a woman, but wanted to be a man and wanted relationships with women. Problem is straight women didn't want to date him, they wanted guys who were born men. Lesbians wanted other women, not someone who was born a woman and trying to be a man. Other transgendered people (according to him) aren't after each other. I really hope he found happiness, because that is rough.
Click to expand...
Sounds like me in reverse with a couple differences. i want a man that wants me as a woman.. as my passability is somewhat questionable right now this is difficult in the normal dating scene. Gay guys are interested when they see me as a boy but as you can expect this doesnt really jive with me.. and once they know im mtf they are either surprised or they think im a gay man pretending or something. And although my only real interest is in men, lesbians tend to view me as like a threat or whatever until they understand im not interested in the slightest. After thats worked out things go smoothly as friends. As for dating a ftm transguy.. im perfectly fine with that if we hit it off and things go well (like any other dating relationship really).. but from my very limited experience with them in that kind of way its usually they who are dismissive of it.

I also found this friend to be fascinating from a "Nature versus Nurture" argument perspective.
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i dont know anything for certain but i have a feeling that there is a subtle environmental impact from all of the chemicals. i know fish and other lesser vertebrates are more susceptible to genetic changes like that but its something ive always kept in mind when i think of "Why?"
During my childhood there was no hard forcing of male roles on me really.. just the general expected society stuff. i got teased mercilessly for bringing my unicorns and stars Lisa Frank notebook to school and after that i think i started unconsciously paying attention to gender roles more closely in effort to fit in and be spared the frustration.

And as for the word tranny being offensive.. yes. And shemale.. omg i hate being called a shemale. That word invokes in me the down feelings of being called Sir/boy/man/Mr and the pissed off feeling of being demeaned. That being said, a good deal of the time there is no malice behind the words, just benign ignorance so its not something i typically go crazy over.

edit:
Alfarif said:
Question Number 1: Now that I've sat here for about an hour thinking on it... if anyone would like to share when they FIRST realized they didn't feel right in their traditional role and when you decided to actively make a change. Kind of a "getting to know you" I guess.
Click to expand...
Its something that i think ive always known but just never realized. i never had many toys when i was growing up.. i escaped pretty quickly into video games. When i did get toys (GI Joes, Transformers) i usually played with them like dolls making up stories like those from what i saw from Days of Our Lives :lol i also always liked "girly" colors.. pinks, purples, pastels.. id draw horses and unicorns and rainbows and stuff while all the other boys draw Bigfoot or Gravedigger lol.

The most telling part for me though was when i hit puberty i would constantly think about boys and getting pregnant. i honestly cannot remember a time when dreaming where i ever used my male body for anything sexual.. it was and has been always me being a woman with a guy, making out and whatnot. i went through a very long prude period of my life because i saw sex as pretty much worthless since i knew i couldnt have children and that screwed with my head during that time.
 
B

bjork

Member
lexi said:
Before I was out, this is how I outed myself to a particularly astute friend who noticed before I could fix it. :p
Click to expand...

I came across a myspace profile of a friend of a friend. On said profile, there's a line that says "behind every good woman is a strong gay man", and there's a photo of my cousin who is in a fairly religious household.

I haven't mentioned it to anyone because if he's not ready to come out, I'm not going to do it for him. I just remember looking at it and going "wait, I know him..."
 
A

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
shidoshi said:
For me, "it" is a far, far worse term, because using that specifically makes the person being referred to sound less than human.
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Ugh. This "it" business reminds me that at one time, black people in America were thought of as sub-human. To some people, we still are, but times have changed for the better. I can completely relate to this, though. I've found myself correctly people when, before, I would have just let it slide.
 
A

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
Android18a said:
I think I've always kinda known. Always related to the girls at school better than the boys, and generally never got into the stuff the lads my age liked (action man, playing army, ninja turtles, he-man etc) and was more into barbies and plushies!

As for making a change, wanted to for years, but stuck living with a religious family... so its a case of moving out, then making the change. Hopefully this will be My Year.
Click to expand...

Have you started the transition (living as and/or hormone therapy)? Or are you just commited to starting this year? Congratulations, by the way!

shidoshi said:
I remember one of the first things that I did that got notice when I finally decided to start down the road of being more public about things was when my Xbox avatar suddenly went from being male to female. *laughs* Like not even 10 minutes after I did that, I got a text message from a friend basically saying "Soooo... anything new you'd like to share?"

And seriously... I guess I'm going to have to change my avatar now. I can't sit here talking seriously about trans issues with people reading my posts and seeing Mary's wacked-out face in their head speaking my words. *laughs*
Click to expand...

Haha. All of my avatars are female. In every game I play, I play a female. Even when I roleplayed ages ago, I roleplayed from the perspective of a female. Yet, I couldn't transition because I would never become the person I'd want to be (who, coincidentally, looks like my wife; no, I'm not with her to fulfill any fantasies).

If you change your avatar now, it will weird me out because I've already seen her whacked out face speaking to me. AH!
 
A

Android18a

Member
Alfarif said:
Have you started the transition (living as and/or hormone therapy)? Or are you just commited to starting this year? Congratulations, by the way!
Click to expand...

Not yet :( Still stuck with religious/anti-ts family. Need to make a move.

Gonna fly away for a bit and stay with my favourite girl in aussie :p
 
A

a Master Ninja

Member
Number 2 said:
Sounds like me in reverse with a couple differences. i want a man that wants me as a woman.. as my passability is somewhat questionable right now this is difficult in the normal dating scene. Gay guys are interested when they see me as a boy but as you can expect this doesnt really jive with me.. and once they know im mtf they are either surprised or they think im a gay man pretending or something. And although my only real interest is in men, lesbians tend to view me as like a threat or whatever until they understand im not interested in the slightest. After thats worked out things go smoothly as friends. As for dating a ftm transguy.. im perfectly fine with that if we hit it off and things go well (like any other dating relationship really).. but from my very limited experience with them in that kind of way its usually they who are dismissive of it.
Click to expand...
I can't even begin to relate to how difficult this must be. I wish you luck.
 
M

mollipen

Member
Android18a said:
gaf represent! Hahaha. 26-going-on-27 year old M2F Tgaffer here =)
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I'll be honest: I recognize you thanks to your "Trap Teddy" avatar, because the moment I noticed that, I wondered if you might be trans. *laughs* I use a different image of TT on my IM account I use specifically for trans-issues. It's like, the trans folks I know gravitate toward avatars featuring Teddy, Poison, or Bridget. *heh*


Alfarif said:
Haha. All of my avatars are female. In every game I play, I play a female. Even when I roleplayed ages ago, I roleplayed from the perspective of a female. Yet, I couldn't transition because I would never become the person I'd want to be (who, coincidentally, looks like my wife; no, I'm not with her to fulfill any fantasies).
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I can't think of a game I've ever played where I didn't play as the female character if one was available. Every character I have in WoW and Phantasy Star Online is female, my Commander Shepherd is female, on and on. The two times I've done table-top RPGs - Star Wars once, D&D once - both characters were females. Even before I fully understood what was going on, I could feel the draw, and it was an escape for a problem I didn't even completely understand that I had.

I also understand the "can't transition because I can't be the person I want to be" feeling. When I finally forced myself to deal with all of this, my initial thoughts were that I'd never ever transition, because I didn't want to be a "fake" woman and because I'd never be perfect (perfect in regard to the me I feel I should be). That attitude changed, though, as I came to better understand my feelings, and understand that not being perfect is still okay.
 
A

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
Number 2 said:
The most telling part for me though was when i hit puberty i would constantly think about boys and getting pregnant. i honestly cannot remember a time when dreaming where i ever used my male body for anything sexual.. it was and has been always me being a woman with a guy, making out and whatnot. i went through a very long prude period of my life because i saw sex as pretty much worthless since i knew i couldnt have children and that screwed with my head during that time.
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That had to have been so freakin' rough. I can't even imagine. Are thinking moving forward now? Are you feeling better about where you are?

shidoshi said:
I can't think of a game I've ever played where I didn't play as the female character if one was available. Every character I have in WoW and Phantasy Star Online is female, my Commander Shepherd is female, on and on. The two times I've done table-top RPGs - Star Wars once, D&D once - both characters were females. Even before I fully understood what was going on, I could feel the draw, and it was an escape for a problem I didn't even completely understand that I had.

I also understand the "can't transition because I can't be the person I want to be" feeling. When I finally forced myself to deal with all of this, my initial thoughts were that I'd never ever transition, because I didn't want to be a "fake" woman and because I'd never be perfect (perfect in regard to the me I feel I should be). That attitude changed, though, as I came to better understand my feelings, and understand that not being perfect is still okay.
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Yeah, in every RPG, I play a female. The stories I write typically star females, or follow a female's perspective of how she sees the world as the lead male does whatever he needs to do (but she's never in a submissive role). I feel I have more in common with females than men. At one point a long time ago, I wondered heavily if I was possibly TG and needed to transition. I've come to the conclusion that sometimes, even if you're not 100% comfortable in your body, you're still 90% and you don't need to change anything. Plus... I am exactly what all the lead males in my story look or act like. Maybe I just want to be my own characters.

It's not so much being a "fake" woman, but more that I wouldn't be the woman I would feel comfortable as. I'd be chasing that elusive feeling. Like I said above, I'm probably 90-99% comfortable in my body, but there are times when I'm like "I wish I was my wife," so I could wear a certain something or act a certain way and it not be viewed as "wrong" by the world at large. Does that make a lick of sense?
 
K

KAOz

Short bus special
Not a transsexual at all, but as many other people, I want to say that this is a great idea for a thread. Good job! Might get alot of people who are hiding it, be able to talk about it openly and "ease" their minds so to say. :D

a Master Ninja said:
I had a "tomboy" female friend in high school who began living life as a man during college. I'll never forget when he complained to me about how impossible dating/relationships became for him. He was born a woman, but wanted to be a man and wanted relationships with women. Problem is straight women didn't want to date him, they wanted guys who were born men. Lesbians wanted other women, not someone who was born a woman and trying to be a man. Other transgendered people (according to him) aren't after each other. I really hope he found happiness, because that is rough.
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Just have to say, this little post stood out to me and made me smile, since you referred to your friend, as a he. That is incredibly awesome and respectful.
 
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