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Had a foursome, but couldn't get it up

T

t1gerjaw

Member
It's kind of hard to write about this, but I'll try the best I can. English is not my first language, so please excuse any mistakes.
First I'm a 27 year old guy in a 5 year old relationship with my girlfriend, semi-fit, and non-smoker. I also don't take any depression or anxiety meds.
This year we started to get closer to couple who we've been friends for a long time. A few dinners, some flirting, drinking, and suddenly somebody suggested that we should do something more sexual.
Ok, everybody agreed, and we traded partners. The first time this happened we only went as far as a blowjob.
Skipping ahead a few weeks, last night we decided to get together again to drink and have some fun. We really didn't plan anything.

We bought a bottle of tequila, a few beers and snacks and started our night. The night went on and things started to get heated so we decided to go to bed.
That's when shit started to go wrong for me. I was hard before the act itself, and technically I got it up and even penetrated (for a short time), but it started to go limp. I just couldn't maintain an erection. Sometimes, I could get it semi-hard, but not enough for penetration, and even wasted 3 condoms trying.
I felt bad for the girl I was with, because I find her really attractive and she tought I didn't like her and that it was her fault that I could not get hard. I felt bad for my girlfriend who was having fun with the other guy, and I felt bad for him too, because I decided that we all should stop since I was not having fun and I didn't think it was fair.

Since then I've been trying to understand what happened to me.
Maybe it was the alcohol. We drank A LOT of beers and almost the whole bottle of tequila, maybe a little bit of anxiety which made me nervous in front of everybody and so on.
I don't know GAF, I'm an idiot. They said it wasn't my fault, that it happens to everybody, but it didn't make me feel better.
Now I feel like I disappointed everybody and that I'm a failure of a man.
I still want to try it again, but don't know if they will agree. My ego is bruised as fuck.

Sorry, I really needed to get this off my chest.

Edit: I'll add a few things that I said in this thread.

t1gerjaw said:
Oh, but I did go down on her, more than once.

I'll try to clarify the "fairness" thing. I know it's shitty, but it would make me feel even worse not being able to do anything and just watch.
Click to expand...

Maybe fair wasn't the right word.


t1gerjaw said:
Jesus Christ guys, once again.

I did go down on the other girl, three times. I fingered her, even fucked her good for a few moments.

But there was a point where my mouth was really dry, I wasn't in the mood anymore and said that it was enough for me.

Everybody stopped and went to sleep.
Click to expand...


I changed the title too, but there was some girl on girl action.
 
LordPezix

LordPezix

Member
Don't worry man, try again, my first time was a little weird. Try going on some faux dates like switching partners just to get comfortable first.
 
P

Pai Pai Master

Banned
I do think too much alcohol will amplify the pressure and anxiety you might feel before doing something like that especially if it's just been fooling around before.

It's definitely not your fault so don't feel like you're inadequate or anything, but I'd recommend drinking less and maybe talking through it first to ease some of the pressure? I like to talk it through with all the partners beforehand to get everyone comfortable, and finding out what everyone wants from the interaction really turns me on.
 
T

Tagyhag

Member
Sounds like it was the alcohol, it happens OP. Anxiety could also be a problem, especially if your girl was getting it good.

Communicate and try again?
 
R

RadioJoNES64

Banned
giphy.gif
 
P

PorygonVandal

Member
Doesn't that mean that at the end you watched a threesome?

Jokes aside, nervousness and alcohol can kill your erection and if you try to attack it again fast it's probably that the anxiety of remembering what happened the last time will come again and you will get the same result...

So rather try again on 1 on 1 to boost confidence or try to drink less alcohol....
 
MastAndo

MastAndo

Member
Alcohol, condoms and a pressure to perform are a recipe for disaster for lots of guys. I've been there more times than I like to admit. I find this is only alleviated by going a bit easier on the booze, thinner condoms (or eventually no condom) and being comfortable with the person you're with. Not much else you can do beyond that, but don't feel bad/take it as an indication of your manhood lacking.
 
M

Messofanego

Banned
I'm guessing the alcohol played a big part which decreases sexual activity and male performance. The science on this is well known.

"Studies have been conducted that indicate increasing levels of alcohol intoxication produce a significant degradation in male masturbatory effectiveness (MME). This degradation was measured by measuring blood alcohol concentration (BAC) and ejaculation latency.[9] Alcohol intoxication can decrease sexual arousal, decrease pleasureability and intensity of orgasm, and increase difficulty in attaining orgasm.[9]"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_and_sex
 
B

Busty

Banned
Is there such a thing as Reverse Viagra?

Well guess what, there is now and that other chap has it.

He was playing you all along.

.
.
.
.
.
Or something.
 
T

Trey

Member
It happens. If it becomes a trend (months of erectile dysfunction), see a doctor.

Maintain a balanced diet and don't go crazy with the alcohol. You'll be fine.
 
llien

llien

Member
At 27, with someone you like, (and, I assume, no problems after, boners at night, yadayada) it surely is alcohol.

PS
And, wow, impressive.
 
T

theaface

Member
Alcohol, anxiety or both. Very standard stuff. The thing about that particular brand of anxiety? It can snowball and rear it's head again with a vengeance if you try again. Suggest you don't try the foursome again for a little while and focus on getting back to basics with your SO to rebuild your confidence.
 
Jezbollah

Jezbollah

Member
Tequila dick, more like. It happens OP.

Just remember that you can do other stuff to her if you cant get it up.
 
M

magnetic

Member
Nickle said:
Pretty shitty to make them stop out of "fairness".
Click to expand...

Yeah, that's the weird part.

You should just have gone down on her or use your fingers or something. Having sex doesn't have to depend on the guy having a boner, you could have still have had fun without making the whole situation grind to a halt.

The limp dick didn't have to ruin your fun, but your upset ego did.
 
A

Angry Grimace

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
Pop a viagra to make sure you get the deed done the next time to set up all of the glorious future encounters.
 
S

Shadybiz

Member
Just the booze and probably nervousness. No big deal.

Nickle said:
Pretty shitty to make them stop out of "fairness".
Click to expand...

Yeah, this for sure. I'm not into that scene at all, but if I were, I don't think I would call for an end to the event just because it wasn't working out for me.
 
D

demosthenes

Member
Messofanego said:
I'm guessing the alcohol played a big part which decreases sexual activity and male performance. The science on this is well known.

"Studies have been conducted that indicate increasing levels of alcohol intoxication produce a significant degradation in male masturbatory effectiveness (MME). This degradation was measured by measuring blood alcohol concentration (BAC) and ejaculation latency.[9] Alcohol intoxication can decrease sexual arousal, decrease pleasureability and intensity of orgasm, and increase difficulty in attaining orgasm.[9]"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_and_sex
Click to expand...

Reminds me of the comic about coding and what happens when they get too much alcohol "Windows me".
 
F

FallingEdge

Member
Get a hold of some Viagra and try again.

That being said, you still have to be turned on and mentally into the whole situation.
 
T

t1gerjaw

Member
magnetic said:
Yeah, that's the weird part.

You should just have gone down on her or something. Having sex doesn't have to depend on the guy having a boner, you could have still have had fun without making the whole situation grind to a halt.
Click to expand...

Oh, but I did go down on her, more than once.

I'll try to clarify the "fairness" thing. I know it's shitty, but it would make me feel even worse not being able to do anything and just watch.
 
R

Rixxan

Member
Too much to drink, that simple. You're also best not mixing alcohol and generally steering clear of dark liquor on nights you're looking to throw down.

But I also thought it was a general rule of thumb for those in the lifestyle to always have "help" on hand, ala Cialis or equivalent
 
S

Saganator

Member
Psyched yourself out most likely. I used to get nervous before sex and couldn't get it up. When I eventually got more comfortable the problem went away.
 
V

Van Bur3n

Member
Bruv, you made them stop? Talk about no fun allowed. Could have at least cucked this one out for the sake of everyone else.
 
S

shandy706

Member
Only time this happened to me was when I was physically exhausted.

Lay off the alcohol and make sure you're well rested.

(girl had the same reaction "You're not attracted to me/it's her fault")
 
BiGBoSSMk23

BiGBoSSMk23

A company being excited for their new game is a huge slap in the face to all the fans that liked their old games.
Whiskey dick, and seeing your girl getting dicked next to you probably emasculated you.

You're probably the competitive type and sounds like you "shrunk" from the challenge.
 
G

gutter_trash

Banned
Factor 1: alcohol
Booze removes performance prowess to limp city.
avoid booze if you can.

Factor 2: lack of intimacy.
Yeah, on porn it looks like fun but psychologically and in reality one may get a shut down when intimacy is thrown out the window.
 
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