It's hard for any of us here to give you advice on the subject but I'm sorry you went through all of that. I would use it as ammunition to drive me forward with no other goal than to show my piece of shit family that I'm doing well without their torment. Hatred is bad, but can be one hell of a motivator, but don't hate yourself for the selfishness of other people and the evil that exists. I had a roommate in the military that had really bad panic attacks among other things and they found a pill that worked well for him but I can't recall what it is.
You NEED someone to talk to for sure. Holding all of this in is just making things worse because we all need to vent sometimes. Whether it's a therapist or anyone for that matter, it helps to get things out instead of bottling it up. There are some great therapists out there who actually care about their patients so look up the highly reviewed doctors in your area if you need to.
As far as the pills causing organ issues, I'm with you there. Mine's for spinal cord damage and an autoimmune disease that takes things out one by one, but all the pills they put me on just gave me more problems to deal with so I understand your issues there. Hell, some of my pills are actually anti-depressants that had a side effect of numbing the nerves so they're giving them to me for that rather than what they're really intended for. I'm up to like 15 different pills and now have more problems with no solutions except less pain. They originally weren't even going to do my surgery on Friday due to all of the liabilities such as my heart which came from the pills they put me on for crying out loud. However, one or two pills that are FDA approved with few side effects are worth a shot. Finding a doctor that cares and will take you through each pill and test the side effects is the hardest part. My cousin had a chemical imbalance in her brain that randomly made her completely change and lose motor functions but they at least stopped the bad problems for her.
I'd recommend disability as well if nothing changes within a set time period you set for yourself. I'm 23 and can't come to the conclusion of getting disability at my age because I feel it's giving up, but deep down inside, I know it's the only option right now so at least think about it if nothing improves within a year or so. It's a tough thing to accept but sometimes it's the only thing to accept, but keep fighting and trying before coming to that conclusion. All the while, make sure to keep records from doctors, hospitals, homes, etc. so that you have evidence to help you get disability if you ever come to that. That's what I've been doing for a while now to build a case.
Just keep fighting man. Hope is something that's used a lot, but it really is important to keeping people going and fighting. Hope of a better future, better health, a family of your own. You can't give up before life really begins. No can imagine what you've been through, but we can support you in getting back on your feet and showing people they were wrong about you. I wish you the best.
By the way, how is your dad treating you now? Is he supportive?
