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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|

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btkadams

Member
I've been feeling a lot of anxiety lately. I've been really freaked out about school finishing. My last semester of my degree is over, i've got a job lined up, and I'm totally confident I'll do fine in all of my classes. It's not really about that stuff ha. My parents are both hyping the shit out of me being done with school, and so are my friends. I'm really scared though. I haven't been putting a lot of thought into what I want to do or where I want to live and graduation has just come out of nowhere. I've got this decent job, but no real attachment to it or huge interest.

The biggest thing that has been really plaguing my thoughts is this feeling like I'm cutoff. I have met so many people in university, and now I'm done. I have very few gay friends, and I'm confident I won't meet many potential bfs/friends at this job where 99% of the company is 45+. I just feel like I'm completely trapped now and won't meet anyone at all.

I've been looking at joining local gay organizations, but the ones in calgary are very unpopulated. It's a big city, but it seems like nobody is actually doing anything, and the people that actually are organizing events are waaay older than me. It's all like bowling things and other stuff I'm totally not interested in.

I've been on gay apps, websites, and everything for months (since september when i got dumped). I've tried meeting people and have had 2 dates. One just wanted sex (he wasn't reeeeally my type, so i didn't bother) and the other just was a horrible match. It seems like it's going to be hard to just go that route. I need to be able to meet people in person through friends and stuff, because that's so much more natural. My friends just barely hang with new people, so that's not really an option either.

I've also been having thoughts about moving to Vancouver. I have some friends there, so I could probably handle the move that way, but it just seems so impulsive that it's hard to imagine myself doing it. I'm not even sure if it would solve my gay friends/dating issues that I have here. I'm an extroverted guy, but I'm not at all close to being the type of person to just walk up to strangers alone and start conversations, make friends, etc. I always need someone there. This just makes it seem like i'll have the same issues. I love the city and want to experience the downtown life in Vancouver, but I don't want to make a huge mistake. My ex also lives there, and I don't want people to think I'm moving there to be close to him, and i also don't want myself to get sucked into his BS again and date him.

I guess there isn't really much advice to give me, but I just don't really know what I should be doing or what I should be thinking. Has anybody been in this situation before and gotten out of it? I know we are always talking about joining local gay organizations and stuff, but I've honestly been looking and there doesn't seem to be much. I want to meet new gay people to friends with and I want to have non-internet-based dates. This seems impossible. This has put me in a really depressed state for the past couple months.
 
I too tried looking everywhere for dates and the guys I picked were horrible matches across the board, most of them only looking for sex or a guy with a six pack. I live in small rural town (55,000 people or so) and I thought I had seen all the gay guys this town had to offer. I didn't date anyone (or even had sex) for about 6 months and out of the blue, I met someone I liked and we're still together about a year later.

IMO just let things happen. It sounds cliché but sometimes things just come your way when you let them. By all means keep going out and meet people but stressing over it won't help much.
 

Ollie Pooch

In a perfect world, we'd all be homersexual
I guess there isn't really much advice to give me, but I just don't really know what I should be doing or what I should be thinking. Has anybody been in this situation before and gotten out of it? I know we are always talking about joining local gay organizations and stuff, but I've honestly been looking and there doesn't seem to be much. I want to meet new gay people to friends with and I want to have non-internet-based dates. This seems impossible. This has put me in a really depressed state for the past couple months.
In a similar situation - looking for mates - after moving to Brisbane. We have 2-3 friends here who we see quite often, but finding it hard to meet people beyond that. Doesn't help that I work from home (which should change soon) but adjusting to a new area or new way of life and trying to fit people around that is hard. I had a huge circle of friends back home so it's been a bit of an adjustment. We've joined some personal training groups, and play squash and stuff like that, and make sure to go out a lot.

But as a mate told me (when I had a bit of a meltdown over it) it just takes time. You can't force it and you can't expect it to happen overnight - any opportunity to meet people to become friends/partners is a potentially good one though, I think. So try not to turn down too much stuff. I think the internet can be a real good way of meeting people, too. Especially for gay guys. You can use it without relying on it - so don't shun that.
 

BeesEight

Member
I've also been having thoughts about moving to Vancouver. I have some friends there, so I could probably handle the move that way, but it just seems so impulsive that it's hard to imagine myself doing it. I'm not even sure if it would solve my gay friends/dating issues that I have here. I'm an extroverted guy, but I'm not at all close to being the type of person to just walk up to strangers alone and start conversations, make friends, etc. I always need someone there. This just makes it seem like i'll have the same issues. I love the city and want to experience the downtown life in Vancouver, but I don't want to make a huge mistake. My ex also lives there, and I don't want people to think I'm moving there to be close to him, and i also don't want myself to get sucked into his BS again and date him.

Why are you thinking of moving? Just a change of scenery/be with friends?
 

Cosmic Bus

pristine morning snow
I don't know that you'd be any happier in Vancouver, btk. I have friends there and they've all remarked numerous times (in amusingly generalized terms) that the gays there are all cunts and the straights are douches. They make some friends through work and that's about it...
 

B-Dex

Member
I don't know that you'd be any happier in Vancouver, btk. I have friends there and they've all remarked numerous times (in amusingly generalized terms) that the gays there are all cunts and the straights are douches. They make some friends through work and that's about it...

People in Van are all bitches and cunts. I'd move somewhere else. Also you won't be able to afford to live anywhere.
 

btkadams

Member
first off, thanks for the replies guys.

I too tried looking everywhere for dates and the guys I picked were horrible matches across the board, most of them only looking for sex or a guy with a six pack. I live in small rural town (55,000 people or so) and I thought I had seen all the gay guys this town had to offer. I didn't date anyone (or even had sex) for about 6 months and out of the blue, I met someone I liked and we're still together about a year later.

IMO just let things happen. It sounds cliché but sometimes things just come your way when you let them. By all means keep going out and meet people but stressing over it won't help much.
i get what you mean. it's just a hard truth to think i can't really do anything about it right now.
In a similar situation - looking for mates - after moving to Brisbane. We have 2-3 friends here who we see quite often, but finding it hard to meet people beyond that. Doesn't help that I work from home (which should change soon) but adjusting to a new area or new way of life and trying to fit people around that is hard. I had a huge circle of friends back home so it's been a bit of an adjustment. We've joined some personal training groups, and play squash and stuff like that, and make sure to go out a lot.

But as a mate told me (when I had a bit of a meltdown over it) it just takes time. You can't force it and you can't expect it to happen overnight - any opportunity to meet people to become friends/partners is a potentially good one though, I think. So try not to turn down too much stuff. I think the internet can be a real good way of meeting people, too. Especially for gay guys. You can use it without relying on it - so don't shun that.
yeah, i understand. hopefully, when i move out of my parents place and into a more central neighbourhood, i'll be able to go to meet new locals. i guess it will just take time.
Why are you thinking of moving? Just a change of scenery/be with friends?
reasons:
1. change of scenery (and it's a lot greener than calgary).
2. more urban/dense (i love cities).
3. better public transportation.
4. gay community.

they're all important to me, but i'll be honest in saying that the gay community is the biggest reason.
I don't know that you'd be any happier in Vancouver, btk. I have friends there and they've all remarked numerous times (in amusingly generalized terms) that the gays there are all cunts and the straights are douches. They make some friends through work and that's about it...
that's what i hear as well, but i still feel compelled. i visited there a month ago for about a week and saw more gay couples in the street holding hands than straight couples. i want to be in a place like that. i also loved the milder temperatures and the city itself.
People in Van are all bitches and cunts. I'd move somewhere else. Also you won't be able to afford to live anywhere.
i'm well aware of the higher living costs. i can afford it (budget will be a bit tighter obviously).

let me also be clear that i'm not merely infatuated with the thought of living in vancouver because of a week-long trip. my extended family all lives there (has my whole life), i visit there several times a year, and i lived there as a kid.
 

Cosmic Bus

pristine morning snow
I actually want to move up to Vancouver too, but it's a lot harder and more expensive to immigrate to Canada than people tend to think. We'll see.

Having the whole "gay community" thing isn't important to me at all, tbh... I just want the chance to finally be physically there with someone that I care about. :\ Plus I would come see you DJ, btk!
 

btkadams

Member
I actually want to move up to Vancouver too, but it's a lot harder and more expensive to immigrate to Canada than people tend to think. We'll see.

Having the whole "gay community" thing isn't important to me at all, tbh... I just want the chance to finally be physically there with someone that I care about. :\ Plus I would come see you DJ, btk!

aw :)
 

sphinx

the piano man
I would appreciate if someone had an answer:

why are we gay people such pussies in regards to commitment? Everybody wants sex but all those guys are sooo not able to truly bond with anyone and even those saying "I want either friends or LTR" don't have the mindset for that.

after 3 years living together with my partner, he wasn't willing to give any step that would turn our relationship into something serious like: getting married, investing in some business together, relocating together if one got a better, substantial job. Any hetero couple would give those steps, why not us? we instead separated when things began to turn serious, after 3 fucking years... and we are 35 both not 21, it's somethng I'll never understand. Why not enjoy a house with people and things going on instead of sleeping alone every night and get to have sex with moronic strangers?

why are we living in a constant cycle of couple of years together and then part ways, remain single some months, fuck around, find the next true love, rinse and repeat. Who the fuck wants that???
 

Sadsic

Member
im not sure if this is the right place to ask but oh well:

how do i tell if im gay or bisexual? ive mostly had sex with women but have also had sex with a few men, and i really dont know what way i lean...
 
I would appreciate if someone had an answer:

why are we gay people such pussies in regards to commitment? Everybody wants sex but all those guys are sooo not able to truly bond with anyone and even those saying "I want either friends or LTR" don't have the mindset for that.

after 3 years living together with my partner, he wasn't willing to give any step that would turn our relationship into something serious like: getting married, investing in some business together, relocating together if one got a better, substantial job. Any hetero couple would give those steps, why not us? we instead separated when things began to turn serious, after 3 fucking years... and we are 35 both not 21, it's somethng I'll never understand. Why not enjoy a house with people and things going on instead of sleeping alone every night and get to have sex with moronic strangers?

why are we living in a constant cycle of couple of years together and then part ways, remain single some months, fuck around, find the next true love, rinse and repeat. Who the fuck wants that???

Some people? Not everyone wants the same thing.
 
im not sure if this is the right place to ask but oh well:

how do i tell if im gay or bisexual? ive mostly had sex with women but have also had sex with a few men, and i really dont know what way i lean...

Ultimately labels don't matter. If you're having fun, continue to have fun.

But if you really want to know, how do you feel when your having sex with a woman? Do you like it?

When having sex with a guy, do you sometimes get the sudden urge to have sex with a woman?
 

BeesEight

Member
I would appreciate if someone had an answer:

why are we gay people such pussies in regards to commitment? Everybody wants sex but all those guys are sooo not able to truly bond with anyone and even those saying "I want either friends or LTR" don't have the mindset for that.

I would guess that has more to do with age than orientation. I could be wrong, though, but I think my age bracket wouldn't be big into commitment no matter who they're sleeping with.

im not sure if this is the right place to ask but oh well:

how do i tell if im gay or bisexual? ive mostly had sex with women but have also had sex with a few men, and i really dont know what way i lean...

I would say you're bi but this often comes down to different definitions. At the end of the day, it's just a label and not particularly meaningful. Though I can understand the desire to have some answer for that question.

So, for an indepth answer, you should probably take a deeper look at it. Do you like having sex with women or do you force yourself to do it out of some sense of obligation? Emotionally, do you feel more attracted to one sex or the other? Bisexuality is a very complex orientation that can manifest in many different ways.

For example, I'm a fluid bisexual. So typically I have a predominant preference for one gender but that preference will switch over time and back again. I go through phases of being very attracted to men then phases where I find men sexually repulsive but women incredibly attractive. Some bisexuals will be more sexually attracted to one gender but emotionally attracted to another. Some will be attracted to both but like having sex with one more than the other.

Back to my original answer, I would say you're bisexual because you enjoy having sex with both. Unless there is more to it that you haven't shared?
 

btkadams

Member
I would appreciate if someone had an answer:

why are we gay people such pussies in regards to commitment? Everybody wants sex but all those guys are sooo not able to truly bond with anyone and even those saying "I want either friends or LTR" don't have the mindset for that.

after 3 years living together with my partner, he wasn't willing to give any step that would turn our relationship into something serious like: getting married, investing in some business together, relocating together if one got a better, substantial job. Any hetero couple would give those steps, why not us? we instead separated when things began to turn serious, after 3 fucking years... and we are 35 both not 21, it's somethng I'll never understand. Why not enjoy a house with people and things going on instead of sleeping alone every night and get to have sex with moronic strangers?

why are we living in a constant cycle of couple of years together and then part ways, remain single some months, fuck around, find the next true love, rinse and repeat. Who the fuck wants that???

i can totally understand not wanting to settle down when you're in your 20s, but 35? i would totally be looking for someone to go longterm/serious at that point. i don't think you're alone in how you feel.
 

RatskyWatsky

Hunky Nostradamus
im not sure if this is the right place to ask but oh well:

how do i tell if im gay or bisexual? ive mostly had sex with women but have also had sex with a few men, and i really dont know what way i lean...

Just do what feels best and be yourself. Don't worry about which label you might/might not fit into.
 
So I'm thinking of joining one of those dating sites :/

So I've been thinking which pic of mine to use and I think I should use this one. Some of my friends agree it's a good one, as it's casual/friendly and unpretentious . I just want GayGAF's objective input hehe.

2iNVL.jpg


EDIT: Too big, added smaller one :)

So many hotties on GAF holy crap lol. You shouldn't have any problems meeting people :)
 

Sadsic

Member
I would say you're bi but this often comes down to different definitions. At the end of the day, it's just a label and not particularly meaningful. Though I can understand the desire to have some answer for that question.

So, for an indepth answer, you should probably take a deeper look at it. Do you like having sex with women or do you force yourself to do it out of some sense of obligation? Emotionally, do you feel more attracted to one sex or the other? Bisexuality is a very complex orientation that can manifest in many different ways.

For example, I'm a fluid bisexual. So typically I have a predominant preference for one gender but that preference will switch over time and back again. I go through phases of being very attracted to men then phases where I find men sexually repulsive but women incredibly attractive. Some bisexuals will be more sexually attracted to one gender but emotionally attracted to another. Some will be attracted to both but like having sex with one more than the other.

Back to my original answer, I would say you're bisexual because you enjoy having sex with both. Unless there is more to it that you haven't shared?

This gets really confusing... my first sexual experience was when I was 8 and was raped by a man, but honestly I think I enjoyed it.

I had then become a sexual being at a very early age and experimented with a neighbor girl but was caught and was basically forced to be shamed by my family, friends, teachers, hell even my rabbi. However, this basically imbued me with a very deep "shame fetish", and by the time I was 15 I was letting myself be fully submissive in relationships, mostly with boys who wanted a ragdoll to play with... apparently i was a good dick sucker lol

I came out as gay to my mom when I was 16, but after that I had a steady relationship with a girl for the next 3 years, and I was fully in love with her... however the sex was sort of "off", and after a while I was really bored with the physical relationship and we ended the relationship mutually.

i have had mostly girlfriends since, and have found out that I find black women extraordinarily hot, but find it hard to get off to most other women. What really makes me attracted to someone is shame... like if they have body shame, i am so aroused. i feel off of shame, i am shame.

I had a threesome recently with a male and female and I think I was more attracted to the male, but i did get off in the girl's mouth once, although I was thinking about the boy when i did this.

when I have sex with a woman it feels good, but mentally i feel really detached sort of, like it takes hours of sex for me to really feel much, but with a man i can feel sort of... dirty and safe at the same time. I really feel good being submissive, like im supposed to be this way. i can 100% be dominant, but goddammit i love feeling tied up against my will with my legs split open
 

BeesEight

Member
This gets really confusing... my first sexual experience was when I was 8 and was raped by a man, but honestly I think I enjoyed it.

I had then become a sexual being at a very early age and experimented with a neighbor girl but was caught and was basically forced to be shamed by my family, friends, teachers, hell even my rabbi. However, this basically imbued me with a very deep "shame fetish", and by the time I was 15 I was letting myself be fully submissive in relationships, mostly with boys who wanted a ragdoll to play with... apparently i was a good dick sucker lol

I came out as gay to my mom when I was 16, but after that I had a steady relationship with a girl for the next 3 years, and I was fully in love with her... however the sex was sort of "off", and after a while I was really bored with the physical relationship and we ended the relationship mutually.

i have had mostly girlfriends since, and have found out that I find black women extraordinarily hot, but find it hard to get off to most other women. What really makes me attracted to someone is shame... like if they have body shame, i am so aroused. i feel off of shame, i am shame.

I had a threesome recently with a male and female and I think I was more attracted to the male, but i did get off in the girl's mouth once, although I was thinking about the boy when i did this.

when I have sex with a woman it feels good, but mentally i feel really detached sort of, like it takes hours of sex for me to really feel much, but with a man i can feel sort of... dirty and safe at the same time. I really feel good being submissive, like im supposed to be this way. i can 100% be dominant, but goddammit i love feeling tied up against my will with my legs split open

This... actually really sounds like something you should discuss with a therapist. I really recommend that you see one.
 
So I'm thinking of joining one of those dating sites :/

So I've been thinking which pic of mine to use and I think I should use this one. Some of my friends agree it's a good one, as it's casual/friendly and unpretentious . I just want GayGAF's objective input hehe.

2iNVL.jpg


EDIT: Too big, added smaller one :)

Hey bro, wassup?

You're cute. You wont have probs meeting anyone.

PS-Caps are awesome. Keep it on.

5960d63f-1.jpg
 

Sagitario

Member
Looking good, Space!

Not a cap picture, but here I am turning [for better or worse] 28 D:

3514643sftw.jpg


I took the yearly birthday pic to compare it next year and see the changes and stuff.
 

GothPunk

Member
So do people on GAF ever hookup with each other?
For a while it seemed like Ruffles and MidnightScott were going to bone each other, but I don't think that panned out. I think their slutiness cancelled each other out. My present and previous boyfriends have been gaffers (both whom I met through the GayGaf Skype chat). My ex also has a Gaf account. I guess I can't get enough of dat Gaf... :f

I also think there are a couple of others who have hooked up or are in the process of doing so... *wink wink nudge nudge* It's not my place to say but you know who you are!
 

Delio

Member
For a while it seemed like Ruffles and MidnightScott were going to bone each other, but I don't think that panned out. I think their slutiness cancelled each other out. My present and previous boyfriends have been gaffers (both whom I met through the GayGaf Skype chat). My ex also has a Gaf account. I guess I can't get enough of dat Gaf... :f

I also think there are a couple of others who have hooked up or are in the process of doing so... *wink wink nudge nudge* It's not my place to say but you know who you are!

>_> <_< *Whistles*
 

i_am_ben

running_here_and_there
For a while it seemed like Ruffles and MidnightScott were going to bone each other, but I don't think that panned out. I think their slutiness cancelled each other out. My present and previous boyfriends have been gaffers (both whom I met through the GayGaf Skype chat). My ex also has a Gaf account. I guess I can't get enough of dat Gaf... :f

I also think there are a couple of others who have hooked up or are in the process of doing so... *wink wink nudge nudge* It's not my place to say but you know who you are!

shhhh they must never know of our secret love.
 

B-Ri

Member
I am nearing now 6 months since my major break up, 6 months single. I look really different, im in much better shape, I hardly recognize myself, and I wonder if this is the person that was being held back during that relationship, or if this is a person I think I want to be or what, I dont know.

heres my latest picture, my hairs gotten real tall and the beard real thick

Photo-Apr-11-7-01-59-AM-e1334153015517.png


as always you can follow me on tumblr/twitter/fb

http://tumblr.brianmoreno.com
 

Sofo

Member
So do people on GAF ever hookup with each other?
My boyfriend got me into GAF, so I guess it doesn't count!

Speaking of which, just got back from his place, after full 10 days together. It pains me to leave but I am glad to know that the next time I visit will be the one I move in for good. Can't wait, even if I'm a bit scared of myself! I have a lot of genes to fight (particularly my mother side), which are linked to cleaning obsession/being bitchy. >: I'm satisfied to say that at least for the "bitchy" part, that hasn't been a problem so far!
 

Fantastical

Death Prophet
Finding specific Tumblr blogs about things you find hot is fun.

I found some good ones on rugby guys (athletes with the best legs) and gingers. :)
 

Lear

Member
Finding specific Tumblr blogs about things you find hot is fun.

I found some good ones on rugby guys (athletes with the best legs) and gingers. :)

I just found one about guys in glasses (and not much else). I'm in heaven.

Totally gonna need links to the ones you mentioned. For research purposes. Yeah, research...
 

red13th

Member
I don't think I'm allowed to post it, right? I'm in a public place right now anyways but Google is your friend. ;) Basically when I find anything hot I search that and "tumblr" at the end.

Of fucking course you are allowed to post a link to a blog about rugby players' legs, since sexy legs are objectively among the most important things in the world.
 

Fantastical

Death Prophet
Of fucking course you are allowed to post a link to a blog about rugby players' legs, since sexy legs are objectively among the most important things in the world.

It's not specifically about their legs, I just think they have the best legs. Seriously people use Google. It's not hard to find. It was the first thing that came up after searching "rugby guys tumblr". There are probably better ones, I just saw it for a quick morning wood fix this morning.
 

twobear

sputum-flecked apoplexy
It's not specifically about their legs, I just think they have the best legs. Seriously people use Google. It's not hard to find. It was the first thing that came up after searching "rugby guys tumblr". There are probably better ones, I just saw it for a quick morning wood fix this morning.

presumably you already know about the COMPLETELY ADORKABLY HOT david williams?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11SAsbtFivI
 

_Isaac

Member
I completely agree about the tumblr thing. They can sometimes be oddly specific. The other day I stumbled onto a tumblr that was all about hot fit guys that got chubby in college. :p
 
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