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Am I overreacting about my girlfriend?

I

ironmang

Member
Fliesen said:
I can imagine your girlfriend liking the attention of guys that are not you. It gives her confidence and maybe she likes the ‘thrill’ of seeing how someone reacted to her just approaching them and dancing for 20 seconds. Big whoop.

The secret to a good relationship is both partners being equally confident. Insecurities (like the ones you’re demonstrating) are relationship poison.

Also, she’s not “taken”. She’s in a relationship.
Click to expand...

Nothing wrong with having boundaries as long as they're reasonable and clearly stated. Not wanting her to dance with random guys in that kind of setting isn't unreasonable. Having boundaries doesn't automatically make someone insecure.

lol'd@the bolded though. it's the same fuckin thing. don't be that tryhard progressive guy.
 
cromofo

cromofo

Member
I can't imagine myself dancing with other girls while I'm out with my girlfriend.

I'd expect the same from her.
 
J

jesu

Member
I think once you start comparing your relationships to Nintendo games, it's time to move on.
Or something.
 
M

Messofanego

Banned
Septic360 said:
Let it slide for now but if it happens again then make a conscious effort to record it.

Then have a chat to her and show her the clip. Just talk it out in a calm manner.

So yeah obviously nothing to really worry about now but something to bear in mind mate.
Click to expand...
Creepy...
Kevtones said:
If you're younger, don't text or call her for a few days. Then pick up friendly and act like everything's cool. If she's mad, keep your cool and just say 'I'll call you when you've relaxed'. CLICK.
Click to expand...
Saying something like that will have the opposite effect...
 
L

Llyranor

Member
I was at a wedding reception today and I saw the bride dancing with other guys. Even her dad! And she seemed to have a really good time too. Should I have told the groom?
 
F

Fliesen

Member
Llyranor said:
I was at a wedding reception today and I saw the bride dancing with other guys. Even her dad! And she seemed to have a really good time too. Should I have told the groom?
Click to expand...

mario-wedding-amiibos.jpg



ironmang said:
Nothing wrong with having boundaries as long as they're reasonable and clearly stated. Not wanting her to dance with random guys in that kind of setting isn't unreasonable. Having boundaries doesn't automatically make someone insecure.
Click to expand...

I'm not arguing against having certain boundaries, and you're spot on with them having to be explicitly stated as to not cause any feelings of betrayal when certain - up until then only 'implied' - boundaries have been overstepped.
But what's so bad about dancing, specifically, though? I mean, i get it if we're talking about grinding bodies against each other, or some super sensual salsa dancing - but regular ass club-dancing? That's why i called it "insecurites", because i don't think any person who feels secure about themselves and the role in their relationship would feel threatened / annoyed just because their partner is having fun, dancing with other people for 20 seconds at a time. - not to a degree where i'd make a big deal of it, at least.

Unless his girlfriend had been ignoring him in favor of other people or the dancing had been of very physical nature (which they didn't, cmiiw), i don't see the issue.
 
F

Finale Fireworker

Member
There are lots of flippant and snarky comments here, but the answer to this is the same with virtually every "am I overreacting?" question.

If your partner does something outside your comfort zone, or seems to straddle the boundaries of your relationship, talk to them about it. Tell them how you feel, hear what they have to say about it, and decide together what future protocol will be. It is entirely possible you will concede you overreacted as a result of this conversation. Or maybe they will apologize and say you are right. Or maybe you will both be at odds and need to find a way to move forward in spite of it.

If you are unable to do this with your partner, you have a poor relationship and whatever happened is the least of your problems.

Also, in the future, don't use Super Mario as any sort of parallel to your lives. Just trust me on this one, okay?
 
F

FreeMufasa

Junior Member
Random question but I'm curious. When you gaffers think of dancing together with someone, what comes to mind? If possible post a gif
 
P

pigeon

Banned
Finale Fireworker said:
There are lots of flippant and snarky comments here, but the answer to this is the same with virtually every "am I overreacting?" question.

If your partner does something outside your comfort zone, or seems to straddle the boundaries of your relationship, talk to them about it. Tell them how you feel, hear what they have to say about it, and decide together what future protocol will be. It is entirely possible you will concede you overreacted as a result of this conversation. Or maybe they will apologize and say you are right. Or maybe you will both be at odds and need to find a way to move forward in spite of it.

If you are unable to do this with your partner, you have a poor relationship and whatever happened is the least of your problems.

Also, in the future, don't use Super Mario as any sort of parallel to your lives. Just trust me on this one, okay?
Click to expand...

This is a very good post.

Also, when you have sex, don't forget to try to finish when the timer ends with a 3, 6, or 9.
 
P

Polioliolio

Member
Peach doesn't even kiss Mario anymore in some if these games.

Is it Mario maker where you beat the 5 hard levels, save Peach, and she just stares at Mario from like 8 feet while happy music plays?

Also, in my experience, 2-3 years is where relationships that aren't going to work start fizzling big time. Since you both love going out and partying, it's only a matter of time man...

..Is my take away.
 
I

ironmang

Member
Fliesen said:
I'm not at arguing against having certain boundaries, and you're spot on with them having to be explicitly stated as to not cause any feelings of betrayal when certain - up until then only 'implied' - boundaries have been overstepped.
But what's so bad about dancing, specifically, though? I mean, i get it if we're talking about grinding bodies against each other, or some super sensual salsa dancing - but regular ass club-dancing? That's why i called it "insecurites", because i don't think any person who feels secure about themselves and the role in their relationship would feel threatened / annoyed just because their partner is having fun, dancing with other people for 20 seconds at a time. - not to a degree where i'd make a big deal of it, at least.

Unless his girlfriend had been ignoring him in favor of other people or the dancing had been of very physical nature (which they didn't, cmiiw), i don't see the issue.
Click to expand...

I think drunk club dancing with a strange guy/girl who's shown interest definitely crosses boundaries for most people even if it's for a short period. Throwing around "insecurity" talk will more than likely make them hold it in and do more damage than encourage them to be open about it. Nobody wants to be seen as insecure or jealous.
 
B

broscientific

Member
A similar thing happened to me last weekend. I was out clubbing with my girl and she said she was going to get another drink. I said OK and kept dancing. A few seconds later, I looked over at the bar and saw her talking to some guy behind the bar, she was handing him money and he was handing her a glass in return. She was only gone for a few minutes and didn't linger to talk to the guy after he gave her her glass, but she did it a few more times over the course of the night and kept talking to the same guy each time.

I'm really worried and kind of concerned about this, what do you guys think ?
 
B

BlueTsunami

there is joy in sucking dick
broscientific said:
A similar thing happened to me last weekend. I was out clubbing with my girl and she said she was going to get another drink. I said OK and kept dancing. A few seconds later, I looked over at the bar and saw her talking to some guy behind the bar, she was handing him money and he was handing her a glass in return. She was only gone for a few minutes and didn't linger to talk to the guy after he gave her her glass, but she did it a few more times over the course of the night and kept talking to the same guy each time.

I'm really worried and kind of concerned about this, what do you guys think ?
Click to expand...

Thats known as the 'New Dick Exploratory Phase' by the Council of Concerned Boyfriends of America
 
M

MazeHaze

Banned
Whenever I see someone use the word cuck, I immediately assume they're the worst kind of person. Can't get past it tbh.
 
A

Astral

Member
I'm sure most will agree with me, but I don't think being drunk excuses certain behaviors like grinding up on dudes, making out, fucking, etc. That said, what OP describes sounds like absolutely nothing.

But, if you say that you guys go together like Mario and Peach then she's probably cheating on you. Sorry bro.
 
M

Mechanized

Member
Vertical dancing, not a big deal. Horizontal, big deal.

Girls just like dancing, doesn't really mean anything. Although the role reversal usually has consequences, because of course it does.
It's just one of those things, if it makes you uncomfortable say so. I don't fucking know.
 
C

Crossing Eden

Hello, my name is Yves Guillemot, Vivendi S.A.'s Employee of the Month!
Septic360 said:
OP, you're not overreacting.

You two are adults and you discussed precisely the kind of behaviour she exhibited previously and she's done that again.

Let it slide for now but if it happens again then make a conscious effort to record it.

Then have a chat to her and show her the clip. Just talk it out in a calm manner.

So yeah obviously nothing to really worry about now but something to bear in mind mate.
Click to expand...
^
OP no matter what NEVER listen to this person for relationship advice if this the thought that crossed their mind.
 
N

nOoblet16

Member
It's just dancing.
I was dancing with a friend of mine once and when I said I was leaving, she gave me a peck on the cheek and said goodbye. Her BF was there too, those two are now married.

There was this one time during the early days of my relationship with my ex she was dancing for a good while with my best mate (who didn't know we were a thing) and they were both drunk, while I was speaking to my other friends and dancing with them. After a while she came up to me, told me to "steal her away" from my best mate cause he started to get a bit handsy (don't blame him cause he didn't know) and then she danced with me the rest of the night and told me it means something special when she is with me.

Point being, it's you who she's going home with at the end of the day...not that random dude. So don't think too much over some drunk dancing for 20 seconds in a club.
 
E

Emperor_Uriel

Member
Septic360 said:
Let it slide for now but if it happens again then make a conscious effort to record it.

Then have a chat to her and show her the clip. Just talk it out in a calm manner.
Click to expand...

People are reacting poorly to this suggestion, but it's actually a pretty common and effective tactic in tackling inappropriate behavior from people who are drunk/high. I've even seen it used in therapy to great effect.

Chances are, your GF would not do this while sober and would be appalled by her behavior if she saw it with her own eyes. I would consider this, but only if you feel it's appropriate.
 
D

daripad

Member
I admit the Mario and Peach comparison was super cute but then the Bowser was just ugh.

I think you're overreacting OP and you should just have fun with your girlfriend.
 
G

Glass Shark

Banned
I don't know enough about the club scene to comment on that particular situation, but I have to admit your first paragraph makes alarm bells go off in my head.
 
T

tonysidaway

Member
Emperor_Uriel said:
People are reacting poorly to this suggestion, but it's actually a pretty common and effective tactic in tackling inappropriate behavior from people who are drunk/high. I've even seen it used in therapy to great effect.
Click to expand...

It's deeply creepy to film people without their knowledge, particularly in a leisure situation. That is fairly universally taboo, I'd think.

And where did this word "inappropriate" spring from? This is a voluntary act of dancing, in an appropriate place, by a human being. You can't treat an autonomous person as a chattel, a servant or an employee. If they're in a relationship with you, it doesn't mean you own them.
 
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