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Estellex
Member
(11-30-2017, 08:58 PM)
I have a dark past and I am trying to move on and accept it. I wronged a lot of people and pissed them off really badly.

I am scared that my past might come back to haunt me. How do I live in the present and stop worrying about this?
Sub Boss
Member
(11-30-2017, 09:00 PM)
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Can you tell us a bit about this dark past, have you tried asking for forgiveness
Euphor!a
Banned
(11-30-2017, 09:00 PM)
Find the people you've wronged and make amends...?
Estellex
Member
(11-30-2017, 09:00 PM)

Originally Posted by Euphor!a

Find the people you've wronged and make amends...?

This is an obvious approach but I think they don't want anything to do with me.
Xenobureido
Banned
(11-30-2017, 09:00 PM)
I'm not sure I can forgive, Lime ヽ(´ー`)ノ
Wolfgunblood Garopa
Member
(11-30-2017, 09:05 PM)
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There is no absolution or forgiveness. You can only do your best going forward.
MedIC86
Member
(11-30-2017, 09:41 PM)
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Originally Posted by Wolfgunblood Garopa

There is no absolution or forgiveness. You can only do your best going forward.

This or move to a new state/province/country to start a new life.
golfham
Banned
(11-30-2017, 09:43 PM)
If they want nothing to do with you, then you can only move on with your life and try to not repeat past mistakes.
jufonuk
Member
(11-30-2017, 09:47 PM)
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Trick someone at an advertising firm to give you a job.

Serious answer,

Apologise to those you have wronged try to make amends , forgive yourself and never do it again.
i-Lo
Member
(11-30-2017, 09:48 PM)
i-Lo's Avatar
Get into the Republican party in the state of Alabama.

On a more serious note- if facing your past is too shameful or may cause damage which may consider far too great to handle then keep on living and focus on other things. It'll occupy less time in your thoughts over time and remember to never repeat the same offences again. And try to redeem yourself through other acts or keep at least keep on trying but the scales may never be balanced. Regret is a powerful tool but be careful not let it consume you completely.
gabelsqt
Member
(11-30-2017, 09:50 PM)
Make a list of everything you think you've done wrong and who have you offended and think of a way to make it up for each one of them.

Do it like a checklist, get rid of your guilt one piece at a time. Your past will always haunt if you do not clear your conscience before moving on.
BANGS
Member
(11-30-2017, 09:59 PM)
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Do your best to make amends to past victims, and whatever happens just move on...
Northeastmonk
Member
(11-30-2017, 11:09 PM)
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Forgiveness is what you need to seek. Forgive yourself for making the mistakes and then ask for forgiveness from the person. If not, then forgive yourself and move on.

Now a days blame is all you see in the world. You never see anyone focusing on forgiveness.

You don't have to agree or be friends with someone just because you forgave them.
Krappadizzle
Member
(11-30-2017, 11:23 PM)
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Forgive yourself and live the right way. When your past inevitably catches up with you confront it with the humility and respect the offended deserve and make amends as best you can. Some things can't be forgiven, work to never be in that/those situations ever again.
ssolitare
Member
(11-30-2017, 11:26 PM)

Originally Posted by Krappadizzle

Forgive yourself and live the right way. When your past inevitably catches up with you confront it with the humility and respect the offended deserve and make amends as best you can. Some things can't be forgiven, work to never be in that/those situations ever again.

Exactly. If you can't make amends, set a new example again by starting to live the way that you find right.

It takes work to up and change, so be mindful of that.
///PATRIOT
Member
(11-30-2017, 11:30 PM)
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Apologise to them without expecting forgiveness, you can start from there.
Say the things you did wrong to them,
Say that you are not waiting for forgiveness, you are just apologizing because you own them at least that much, then turn around and walk away.

If you own them money, save some and return it as soon as possible.
t-storm
Member
(11-30-2017, 11:49 PM)
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Define "dark"...
Estellex
Member
(12-01-2017, 12:36 AM)

Originally Posted by t-storm

Define "dark"...

pissed off a lot of people.
Osukaa
Member
(12-01-2017, 12:42 AM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

I have a dark past and I am trying to move on and accept it. I wronged a lot of people and pissed them off really badly.

I am scared that my past might come back to haunt me. How do I live in the present and stop worrying about this?

Your past will always follow you around due to the guilt that you are feeling. I think that the best you can do is to first forgive yourself which is hard because of the weight of the hurt/anger that others will probably have against you for who knows how long. So to counter that I would suggest to just let things go and take it a day at a time. Im not saying to forget what you did but use it as a stepping stone to prevent the mistakes you make going forward. Some things we do can never be "fixed" but I believe that alot of people do change and do realize the mistakes they made in the past.

I've got my own demons to face and it is not easy trust me I understand as do many others. I would say to just try to live your life and depending on what you did maybe you can give back or fix what you did to others. If its something that involves deeper hurt or pain then honestly all you can do it just live and try to become a better person that what you have been.

I cant really give much more advice as it depends on what you have done. Maybe if you give a hint, we here can offer better advice.
Damerman
Member
(12-01-2017, 01:04 AM)
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Originally Posted by Wolfgunblood Garopa

There is no absolution or forgiveness. You can only do your best going forward.

Ive been saying this for a long time. Redemption is a frivalous notion that abusers fabricated to make themsleves feel better. Its a myth. This is coming from a person who has abused others and has been abused by others.
///PATRIOT
Member
(12-01-2017, 01:06 AM)
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Originally Posted by Damerman

Ive been saying this for a long time. Redemption is a frivalous notion that abusers fabricated to make themsleves feel better. Its a myth. This is coming from a person who has abused others and has been abused by others.

So what should be abuser's destiny be?
Damerman
Member
(12-01-2017, 01:37 AM)
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Originally Posted by ///PATRIOT

So what should be abuser's destiny be?

All i know is that once an act is commited, its recorded on the universe’s ledger forever. There is no taking it back and there is no making up for it, because making up for it requires resources that could have been spent elsewhere. Make peace with that if u can, i know i struggle with it often.
Skar
Member
(12-01-2017, 02:28 AM)
Keep your head up and look forward. The only fhing you can do is live better. Actions speak louder than words.
ThisGuy
Member
(12-01-2017, 02:30 AM)
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https://youtu.be/aOnKCcjP8Qs

Depends. If its that bad, move and start over.
Estellex
Member
(12-01-2017, 02:36 AM)

Originally Posted by ThisGuy

https://youtu.be/aOnKCcjP8Qs

Depends. If its that bad, move and start over.

Yea planning to move to another city and hopefully start a new, fresh life there.
CampbellzSoup
Member
(12-01-2017, 02:38 AM)
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-Minsc-
Member
(12-01-2017, 02:42 AM)
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Time.

Learn from our mistakes, proceed to walk in the opposite direction (though not forget) and forgive our selves. After much thought I feel there's no need to seek forgiveness from others, or rather we are to not seek it. Of course we can still want the forgiveness. It's up to them to choose to forgive. As well, learn to find our own grudges and forgive those around us.

If, or when, the time comes to face the past, face it.

Thanks for sharing. You've asked questions which I have not been able to ask myself. I find that helps.
EverydayBeast
Member
(12-01-2017, 02:48 AM)
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Really? Who cares. Focus on making new interactions and experiences.
LookAtMeGo
Member
(12-01-2017, 04:42 AM)
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I got into some shit when I was younger. I moved across the country and started a new life. Depending on how bad you fucked up and what kinda people you were involved with, this is an option.
nush
Member
(12-01-2017, 05:02 AM)
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If its family you gotta make it right as they will be around you forever. If it's just other people eventually you'll lose touch and move in different social circles so the issue will resolve itself.
Expansion Pack
Member
(12-01-2017, 05:19 AM)
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You can't make a thread like this and not tell us what you did, man.
Holy Order Sol
Member
(12-01-2017, 05:41 AM)

Originally Posted by Damerman

the universe’s ledger

tf
wondermega
Junior Member
(12-01-2017, 06:36 AM)
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Originally Posted by Holy Order Sol

tf

I think he's referring to karma. You get what you give and you give what you get, basically. Be a bad person and it will come back to you in some way. Be a good person, and likewise that will effect your life as well.

To the OP, pissing people off is not unusual in and of itself. If you were selfish, childish, thoughtless, well that's on you, but at least you have some recognizance of that. No one can turn on a dime - not easily - but realizing what you are is a good first step, what you have done. Don't hate yourself for it though, don't just shrug it off "i am what I am, what are ya gonna do.." If you really intend to change, start behaving the opposite of how you would before. Live a life more meaningful and thoughtful of others. You don't have to try to be the best, just try to be better. If it leads you to happier times, then this stuff won't torture you so much any longer.
jadedm17
Member
(12-01-2017, 10:30 AM)
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Originally Posted by Wolfgunblood Garopa

There is no absolution or forgiveness. You can only do your best going forward.

Always forward, never straight.

You can't control the past but you can control the future....
Well, you can control how you act and try to do better daily.
-Minsc-
Member
(12-01-2017, 11:35 AM)
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I'd say forgiveness and moving forward are one in the same. The lack of forgiveness is standing in place.
Social
Member
(12-01-2017, 12:20 PM)
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You can try to become a superhero. A dark past is a big plus for that one.
OCD Guy
Member
(12-01-2017, 01:32 PM)
You can't change the past, so it's pointless wasting the present stressing about it.

Also often if you've done someone really bad, they don't want to know anyway, so apologising often does little good.

The best thing you can do is try and be a better person moving forward, everyone makes mistakes, it's whether you learn from them that's important.
OrionFalls
Banned
(12-01-2017, 02:21 PM)
What did you do that is so dark that you’re moving to another city? Pissing people off doesn’t result in such drastic measures.
Damerman
Member
(12-01-2017, 03:11 PM)
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Originally Posted by Holy Order Sol

tf


Originally Posted by wondermega

I think he's referring to karma. You get what you give and you give what you get, basically. Be a bad person and it will come back to you in some way. Be a good person, and likewise that will effect your life as well.

I don’t believe in karma. When i say “recorded in the ledger” i mean, what happens, happens and you’re going to have consequences. You cant pretend it didn’t happen, you cant change it, you can’t “rectify” it. If anything, universe’s ledger walks hand in hand with the law of conservation of mass. You cant create time for time you wasted in the past, you cant erase mental trauma you caused, you cant make it as if physical trauma never happened. It happened and it will always have happened.
Tijmen
Member
(12-01-2017, 03:17 PM)
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Your past will always haunt you which actually is great. It'll allow you to not make the same mistakes you made back in the day. The choice is yours.
wondermega
Junior Member
(12-01-2017, 09:04 PM)
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Originally Posted by Damerman

I don’t believe in karma. When i say “recorded in the ledger” i mean, what happens, happens and you’re going to have consequences. You cant pretend it didn’t happen, you cant change it, you can’t “rectify” it. If anything, universe’s ledger walks hand in hand with the law of conservation of mass. You cant create time for time you wasted in the past, you cant erase mental trauma you caused, you cant make it as if physical trauma never happened. It happened and it will always have happened.

I think we agree, we just have different terms for how to refer to this. Basically yes, everything you do has consequences, effects your reputation, what people say about you/ how they treat you, etc.
golfham
Banned
(12-01-2017, 09:15 PM)

Originally Posted by jadedm17

Always forward, never straight.

You can't control the past but you can control the future....
Well, you can control how you act and try to do better daily.

“Never backward, always forward. Always.“
chromhound
Member
(12-01-2017, 09:19 PM)
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Church helped me alot with my old past
Harlock
Member
(12-01-2017, 09:24 PM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

I have a dark past and I am trying to move on and accept it. I wronged a lot of people and pissed them off really badly.

I am scared that my past might come back to haunt me. How do I live in the present and stop worrying about this?

Estellex
Member
(12-01-2017, 11:51 PM)

Originally Posted by OrionFalls

What did you do that is so dark that you’re moving to another city? Pissing people off doesn’t result in such drastic measures.

I was really REALLY annoying and flirty and as a result, pissed off a lot of people. Clubs and many social circles ostracized me.
wondermega
Junior Member
(12-02-2017, 01:14 AM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

I was really REALLY annoying and flirty and as a result, pissed off a lot of people. Clubs and many social circles ostracized me.

You sound pretty average by that description. Are you sure you're not just being sensitive and over thinking things? You sound kind of young. When you are older, no one will give a shit and may actually like you more for actually having a little character! But also if you are older that means you will not care what other people think at that point, anyway..
Ubername
Member
(12-02-2017, 01:18 AM)
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Originally Posted by Damerman

Ive been saying this for a long time. Redemption is a frivalous notion that abusers fabricated to make themsleves feel better. Its a myth. This is coming from a person who has abused others and has been abused by others.

Good point.
PlayALLtheGames
Barber: Whatchu want?
Me: I've got $24
Barber: Say no more fam
(12-02-2017, 02:03 AM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

This is an obvious approach but I think they don't want anything to do with me.

You're not asking them to have something to do with you. Just let them know you recognize what you did was shitty and apologize. They can make the decision whether they want anything to do with you after that but at least you'll have done something good.
OrionFalls
Banned
(12-02-2017, 12:25 PM)

Originally Posted by Estellex

I was really REALLY annoying and flirty and as a result, pissed off a lot of people. Clubs and many social circles ostracized me.

Is that all? Seems a bit of an overreaction to move towns because you flirted with people.
anaslexy
Member
(12-02-2017, 01:11 PM)
Train your mind to look forward to the things you want to achieve and forget for what happens. It's like building a muscle and won't happen overnight. Everytime you think about your past, interrupt your thought and think about something different.

Eventually it will be come second nature.

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