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WhatNXt
Member
(12-02-2017, 01:36 PM)
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Originally Posted by PlayALLtheGames

You're not asking them to have something to do with you. Just let them know you recognize what you did was shitty and apologize. They can make the decision whether they want anything to do with you after that but at least you'll have done something good.

This is exactly it. "Making amends" means making something right, and if they don't want anything to do with you, you can do one of two things:

1) you can trust that they're happy not speaking to you, and trust that they will get over whatever happened in time. In this case, you needn't contact them at all.
2) if you think they would appreciate the closure or gesture of an apology, you could offer them one and state that you have (or are trying) to change.

You shouldn't expect anything to go back to how it was before, or expect them to want anything to do with you in future, but that isn't (or shouldn't) be why you do it. You should do it to square things with your own conscience, and so you can say to yourself - "I can't change the past, it will be with me forever - but I've done what I can". Whether its option 1 or 2, you need to move on.

If you're a good person, and you want to be a good person, others will gravitate to you. You will form new relationships and friendships, and begin to write a new story with your life - a story that shows the lessons of the past have been learned - and you will be able to be proud of yourself and let go of this guilt.


Originally Posted by Estellex

I was really REALLY annoying and flirty and as a result, pissed off a lot of people. Clubs and many social circles ostracized me.

So you pursued people you shouldn't have right? Who cares! The amount of people who do this on a daily basis must be astronomical. If it was bad judgement, so be it, but don't kick yourself for it the rest of your life. Pick yourself up and learn from it.
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
(12-02-2017, 02:29 PM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

I was really REALLY annoying and flirty and as a result, pissed off a lot of people. Clubs and many social circles ostracized me.


Sounds pretty tame are you holding back on what you really did?
OrionFalls
Member
(12-02-2017, 03:03 PM)
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Originally Posted by CarpeDeezNutz

Sounds pretty tame are you holding back on what you really did?

Something doesn’t quite add up. Either OP is over reacting and needs to calm down, or he wasn’t being “flirty and annoying” but he was, in fact, being rather predatory.
One Eyed Willy
Member
(12-02-2017, 04:45 PM)
Move to a new area
Start fresh with friend circle
Seek inner forgiveness (religion perhaps)
Potentially seek out and make amends with those you pissed off

A combination of the above should help
Sosokrates
Member
(12-02-2017, 09:09 PM)
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Do positive shit that distracts you from these thoughts.
And have good security.
MC Safety
Member
(12-03-2017, 02:05 PM)
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Originally Posted by One Eyed Willy

Move to a new area
Start fresh with friend circle
Seek inner forgiveness (religion perhaps)
Potentially seek out and make amends with those you pissed off

A combination of the above should help

New friends and a new location won't help. It's called doing a geographic, and what you're doing is putting the emphasis on external sources.
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
(12-03-2017, 03:21 PM)
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Originally Posted by MC Safety

New friends and a new location won't help. It's called doing a geographic, and what you're doing is putting the emphasis on external sources.


Yeah, I don’t get how people do not realize that. You’re still going to be who you are just somewhere else. Need to change internally.
Rellik
Banned
(12-03-2017, 05:44 PM)

Originally Posted by Estellex

I was really REALLY annoying and flirty and as a result, pissed off a lot of people. Clubs and many social circles ostracized me.

Ah so you sexually abused someone then.

Enjoy life in misery, scumbag.
wondermega
Junior Member
(12-03-2017, 07:47 PM)
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Originally Posted by Rellik

Ah so you sexually abused someone then.

Enjoy life in misery, scumbag.

Where did you get that from?
andythinkpad
Member
(12-03-2017, 08:18 PM)
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Move to a different city and start over.
OrionFalls
Member
(12-03-2017, 09:10 PM)
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Originally Posted by Rellik

Ah so you sexually abused someone then.

Enjoy life in misery, scumbag.

That’s a hell of a jump. There’s a few people on here I’ve noticed who love to play the ‘pedo’ and ‘rapist’ cards without any concrete evidence. That shit is a dangerous game.
Kadayi
Member
(12-03-2017, 09:23 PM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

I have a dark past and I am trying to move on and accept it. I wronged a lot of people and pissed them off really badly.

I am scared that my past might come back to haunt me. How do I live in the present and stop worrying about this?

A life in Liberty City beckons

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M80K51DosFo

but in all seriousness. The only person whose opinion you can change is your own, so concentrate on that and try and be the best version of you moving forward (life is a work in progress, mistakes will occur). If you're ever confronted about past misdeeds, own it and make your apologies there and then. (Yeah, I fucked up, I'm sorry, I can't undo the past, but I'd like to make amends if I can). There is zero point trying to chase forgiveness.
gfxtwin
Member
(12-03-2017, 09:26 PM)
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Cut off everyone you know, move to a rural part of another state and bible up.
Estellex
Member
(12-03-2017, 09:36 PM)

Originally Posted by Rellik

Ah so you sexually abused someone then.

Enjoy life in misery, scumbag.

Depends on what you mean by abuse. Verbal abuse.... yea..

Physical? no.
hunchback
Member
(12-03-2017, 11:47 PM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

I was really REALLY annoying and flirty and as a result, pissed off a lot of people. Clubs and many social circles ostracized me.

I can understand how that would effect your life but that's hardly a dark past. I'm not trying to be mean but this sounds more like mistakes that you've made growing up.

A dark past is when you move to Montana for 2 year's. No phone, no tv and only go to the store if necessary. You finally move home when someone tells you it's safe.
pramod
Junior Member
(12-04-2017, 07:47 PM)
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Get locked up into a remote Chinese prison, get into fights everyday, then join a cult of ninjas.
Bruce Wayne1
Member
(12-04-2017, 08:14 PM)
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How does this affect your life? Is it effecting job prospects? Vital parts of your life? Quality of Life? Small town or large city?

Tbh this should be last resort unless you have a job lined up in a new place.
Estellex
Member
(12-04-2017, 10:15 PM)

Originally Posted by Bruce Wayne1

How does this affect your life? Is it effecting job prospects? Vital parts of your life? Quality of Life? Small town or large city?

Tbh this should be last resort unless you have a job lined up in a new place.

Well I am scared I might see those people again. It is a pretty small city that I live in.
herod
Member
(12-04-2017, 11:20 PM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

I have a dark past and I am trying to move on and accept it. I wronged a lot of people and pissed them off really badly.

I am scared that my past might come back to haunt me. How do I live in the present and stop worrying about this?

Evilore?
ScientificNinja
Member
(12-04-2017, 11:36 PM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

I am scared that my past might come back to haunt me.

If it does, it does. Don't waste time worrying over something you have no control over.

Originally Posted by Estellex

How do I live in the present and stop worrying about this?

Focus. When you catch yourself dwelling on the past, stop it.
OrionFalls
Member
(12-05-2017, 12:05 AM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

Well I am scared I might see those people again. It is a pretty small city that I live in.

I’m really beginning to doubt you were just flirting with people. Flirting doesn’t make you scared of people. So how about you start being honest with us?
Vigilant Walrus
Junior Member
(12-05-2017, 12:20 AM)
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We're never promised forgiveness. You can use your life to atone by doing as much good as you can. It seems to me that, if you can make up for some of the damage you've done by saving others, you might be able to tolerate yourself better and learn to live with yourself.

But no matter what you've done, any good deed cannot undo that thing. Just like a good deed cannot be undone no matter how much evil you've done. Even the worst of people have aspects of their personality that is admirable, and even the best of people have aspects of their personality that is off putting.

Because all humans are flawed, floppy and mushy beings that try to act civilized, but it's mostly a facade. We're still very much a product of our violent ancestors. It still carry us, and it will take a lot longer for us to evolve into peaceful Golden Retrievers. But even then, a Golden Retriever can snap. And raised in a bad way, even that goofy peaceful dog can be a fucking nightmare.




As far as guilt, I don't see the appeal. A great deal of people fetishize guilt like a form of atonement. But feeling guilty itself is a state of being selfishly self absorbed and indulging in ones own self loathing. Feeling guilty does not proactive undo or mediate the situation.

And making or encouraging others to feel guilty or shame manifests itself in ways that make people toxic.
Estellex
Member
(12-05-2017, 12:31 AM)

Originally Posted by OrionFalls

I’m really beginning to doubt you were just flirting with people. Flirting doesn’t make you scared of people. So how about you start being honest with us?

I was flirting and being annoying and did some/said some cringey things. What's there to doubt?
Nester99
Member
(12-05-2017, 01:00 AM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

I was flirting and being annoying and did some/said some cringey things. What's there to doubt?



Being annoying and saying dumb things is not a "dark past"


so your either a drama queen getting all riled up about nothing (ie being annoying and saying dumb shit) or your not being honest with us (and yourself)


If you are being a drama queen, then that is a good thing as it is easier to fix.

Live by 4 rules.

1) Is it the truth?
2) Is it fair to all concerned?
3) Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
4) Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

If something can not pass the 4 way test, then odds are you should not do it or say it.

Then you can go up to each person you felt you annoyed and say "hey, I have been doing some soul searching lately and i have come to the realization I have not be the person I really want to be. I said and have done things I regret. I wanted to let you know that I am sorry if I caused you any grief and that I am really putting some work into being a better person and a better friend.


Good luck on your journey.
Estellex
Member
(12-05-2017, 01:02 AM)

Originally Posted by Nester99

Being annoying and saying dumb things is not a "dark past"


so your either a drama queen getting all riled up about nothing (ie being annoying and saying dumb shit) or your not being honest with us (and yourself)


If you are being a drama queen, then that is a good thing as it is easier to fix.

Live by 4 rules.

1) Is it the truth?
2) Is it fair to all concerned?
3) Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
4) Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

If something can not pass the 4 way test, then odds are you should not do it or say it.

Then you can go up to each person you felt you annoyed and say "hey, I have been doing some soul searching lately and i have come to the realization I have not be the person I really want to be. I said and have done things I regret. I wanted to let you know that I am sorry if I caused you any grief and that I am really putting some work into being a better person and a better friend.


Good luck on your journey.

Thanks man. I will do some self-reflection and I will definitely learn from my past and not do the things I did.
OrionFalls
Member
(12-05-2017, 08:13 AM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

I was flirting and being annoying and did some/said some cringey things. What's there to doubt?

As mentioned, being flirty and annoying is not a reason to pack your bags and move to another town. Being flirty and annoying is not considered a dark past. Sexually harassing someone and being rapey is. I think there’s something you’re not telling us. You don’t have to tell us the truth, of course, but you’ll only “escape” the past when you’re honest with us and yourself.
Froli
Member
(12-05-2017, 08:19 AM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

Thanks man. I will do some self-reflection and I will definitely learn from my past and not do the things I did.

how long has it been since this "dark past" happened?
Estellex
Member
(12-05-2017, 09:29 AM)

Originally Posted by OrionFalls

As mentioned, being flirty and annoying is not a reason to pack your bags and move to another town. Being flirty and annoying is not considered a dark past. Sexually harassing someone and being rapey is. I think there’s something you’re not telling us. You don’t have to tell us the truth, of course, but you’ll only “escape” the past when you’re honest with us and yourself.

Lmao at your assumptions.

I am packing away and leaving town for a majority of reasons but the main one if of course, to get away from it all.

When you are annoying and flirty to the point where it pissed people off then your reputation can take a nose dive and rumors and spread. If it is within the proximity then other social circle and hear about this rumor.

I am not only moving away to get away from all this but it is going to give me a chance to live on my own, go to a different school and to a city that I enjoy much more than my current one.

I am pretty much killing four birds with one stone by doing this.
OrionFalls
Member
(12-05-2017, 09:41 AM)
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It’s not an assumption. You created the thread and named it dealing with a dark past. Up until now, after I’d called you out for it, you hadn’t mentioned anything about wanting to relocate due to a new job, independence, etc. You just provided us with very vague details about your dark past including “flirting and being annoying” which, again, is not a dark past. It’s just a nuance. If you want to carry on living in denial, go ahead.
Estellex
Member
(12-05-2017, 09:46 AM)

Originally Posted by OrionFalls

It’s not an assumption. You created the thread and named it dealing with a dark past. Up until now, after I’d called you out for it, you hadn’t mentioned anything about wanting to relocate due to a new job, independence, etc. You just provided us with very vague details about your dark past including “flirting and being annoying” which, again, is not a dark past. It’s just a nuance. If you want to carry on living in denial, go ahead.

Now you are insinuating that I am in denial. It is rational that a person wouldn't divulge information about their past or anything that they once did wrong to strangers. Of course I am going to be vague. I am not going to go into details on some online forum. If anything I would go to a professional therapist or something.

Maybe my definition of a dark past differs and it seems that way. I have been known to become paranoid and a lot of anxiety issues which may have contributed to that. The only thing left for me to do is embrace my past, learn from it and move on to become a better person.

BTW: I made a thread saying I was moving out, being independent, and going to school a week ago. http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthre...664&highlight= IF you still don't believe me.
wondermega
Junior Member
(12-05-2017, 10:52 AM)
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"Leaving behind a dark past" is kind of an ominous way to put things, so do not be too surprised when some people on this forum start wanting to hear some dirt. Especially as it's rather quiet around here lately regarding the personal drama. That being said, you (or anyone) should never feel pressured into talking about details, especially personal ones, on an online forum (ESPECIALLY in an online forum!) for a whole bunch of reasons. Hopefully you've gained some enlightenment from what's already been discussed here.
Estellex
Member
(12-05-2017, 11:09 AM)

Originally Posted by wondermega

"Leaving behind a dark past" is kind of an ominous way to put things, so do not be too surprised when some people on this forum start wanting to hear some dirt. Especially as it's rather quiet around here lately regarding the personal drama. That being said, you (or anyone) should never feel pressured into talking about details, especially personal ones, on an online forum (ESPECIALLY in an online forum!) for a whole bunch of reasons. Hopefully you've gained some enlightenment from what's already been discussed here.

Yea I am smart enough to know what the poster above me really wanted. I did gain some enlightenment. Thank you.
OrionFalls
Member
(12-05-2017, 12:15 PM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

Yea I am smart enough to know what the poster above me really wanted. I did gain some enlightenment. Thank you.

“What I really wanted” was for you to clear up whether you’re either a sexual predator or just someone who is making a mountain out of a molehill. The way you’re acting puts you in the former, as far as I’m concerned.
WinterIsComing
Member
(12-05-2017, 12:17 PM)
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Originally Posted by Rellik

Ah so you sexually abused someone then.

Enjoy life in misery, scumbag.

Thatescalatedquickly.jpg
Froli
Member
(12-05-2017, 12:42 PM)
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Still didn't answer when did this dark past happened. Or is it just recent lol
OrionFalls
Member
(12-05-2017, 01:20 PM)
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Originally Posted by WinterIsComing

Thatescalatedquickly.jpg

Not really surprising when OP states he’s leaving town because he “flirted” with someone.
Xenobureido
Banned
(12-05-2017, 02:01 PM)

Originally Posted by Rellik

Ah so you sexually abused someone then.

Enjoy life in misery, scumbag.

You're an idiot.
Estellex
Member
(12-05-2017, 07:23 PM)

Originally Posted by OrionFalls

“What I really wanted” was for you to clear up whether you’re either a sexual predator or just someone who is making a mountain out of a molehill. The way you’re acting puts you in the former, as far as I’m concerned.

Really do explain how my acting is putting me into the former. You are pressuring me for information which I am not comfortable to divulge. Going by that logic, people that don't want to give you the information that you wanted are "sexual predator". I am not sure how I should be acting because I feel like I am acting rationally. As far as I am concern, you seem like the type of person that would press someone for information when you smell a hint of deception about something personal that doesn't really even affect you. I can safely say that I wouldn't be the only one uncomfortable by what you are doing.

You are being extremely nosy about my past for some reasons. Notice how I made a thread a week ago, before I even created this thread about me wanting to move for school and independence: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthre...664&highlight=
Apparently that flew over your head when I posted this recently.

Also notice that I said many clubs and social settings ostracized me. This means that people know what I did. IF I did anything illegal, I wouldn't be here posting this thread and would be more worried about legal preceding.

Originally Posted by Froli

Still didn't answer when did this dark past happened. Or is it just recent lol

Like a year ago, lol.
OrionFalls
Member
(12-05-2017, 09:27 PM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

Also notice that I said many clubs and social settings ostracized me. This means that people know what I did. IF I did anything illegal, I wouldn't be here posting this thread and would be more worried about legal preceding.

No club or society would ostracise you for, as you put it, flirty and annoying behaviour. Not to the extent of you having to relocate to another town, anyway.
AvenueWinning
Member
(12-05-2017, 09:29 PM)
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Ask the German's how to deal with a "Dark Past" after the shit that went on in the 40s
Estellex
Member
(12-05-2017, 09:32 PM)

Originally Posted by OrionFalls

No club or society would ostracise you for, as you put it, flirty and annoying behaviour. Not to the extent of you having to relocate to another town, anyway.

Well I already stated that wasn't the only reason I am relocating to a new city.
Crazyorloco
Member
(12-06-2017, 04:39 PM)
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Be the person you want to be. Now. And make a conscious effort to maintain that.

Originally Posted by Rellik

Ah so you sexually abused someone then.

Enjoy life in misery, scumbag.

He didn't even say what happened and this is the response he gets. This is a person that feels guilty for the things he has done in the past and wants advice on how to deal with his feelings.

I think some people in this thread want to know the juicy details for their entertainment, instead of thinking about his current state of mind. I wouldn't feel comfortable disclosing anything either if individuals jump the gun immediately like this one.
Nester99
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(12-06-2017, 09:21 PM)
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Originally Posted by Estellex

Really do explain how my acting is putting me into the former. You are pressuring me for information which I am not comfortable to divulge. Going by that logic, people that don't want to give you the information that you wanted are "sexual predator". I am not sure how I should be acting because I feel like I am acting rationally. As far as I am concern, you seem like the type of person that would press someone for information when you smell a hint of deception about something personal that doesn't really even affect you. I can safely say that I wouldn't be the only one uncomfortable by what you are doing.

You are being extremely nosy about my past for some reasons. Notice how I made a thread a week ago, before I even created this thread about me wanting to move for school and independence: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthre...664&highlight=
Apparently that flew over your head when I posted this recently.

Also notice that I said many clubs and social settings ostracized me. This means that people know what I did. IF I did anything illegal, I wouldn't be here posting this thread and would be more worried about legal preceding.


Like a year ago, lol.

If you are trying to be less annoying this is not the way to do it.
Estellex
Member
(12-06-2017, 09:34 PM)

Originally Posted by Nester99

If you are trying to be less annoying this is not the way to do it.

You are right. I should have just ignore that dude and not post at it. Sorry, I am still in the process of changing.

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