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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond

H

haikira

Member
Hey guys,

Recently signed up to eHarmony, and I now have my first date in a very very long time. We're meeting at a coffee place this Saturday. We've been talking for just over a week. We're both the same age, have similar interests, and I think we're both pretty shy. I think it's been going pretty well so far.

Just looking for a few pointers, if that's cool?

01. I'm very socially awkward. When first meeting, complimenting how she looks, and going for a hug would be cool? I'm just nervous if I went to hug her I'd make it really awkward. My superpower is making anything awkward.
02. Even if it's going well, it's a no no to talk second date during the first, yeah?
03. If it went well, is getting back to her the day after about a second date considered cool?

It's my opinion that it's very important to be myself, and be honest, but I also just don't want to fall into any of the big don'ts for a first date. Any other tips?
 
S

Shanlei91

Sonic handles my blue balls
haikira said:
Hey guys,

Recently signed up to eHarmony, and I now have my first date in a very very long time. We're meeting at a coffee place this Saturday. We've been talking for just over a week. We're both the same age, have similar interests, and I think we're both pretty shy. I think it's been going pretty well so far.

Just looking for a few pointers, if that's cool?

01. I'm very socially awkward. When first meeting, complimenting how she looks, and going for a hug would be cool? I'm just nervous if I went to hug her I'd make it really awkward. My superpower is making anything awkward.
02. Even if it's going well, it's a no no to talk second date during the first, yeah?
03. If it went well, is getting back to her the day after about a second date considered cool?

It's my opinion that it's very important to be myself, and be honest, but I also just don't want to fall into any of the big don'ts for a first date. Any other tips?
Click to expand...

I don't think there's 100% accurate advice that could be given since everyone is different. Some people don't like to be touched, smothered or easily are overwhelmed while others love physical contact, and enjoy it when someone is eager to make again quickly as they want to quickly establish that bond.

That said - go for the hug, if it's weird make a joke about it. Specifically feel it out - if you think the date is super into you then feel free to set up talks about a second date.
 
J

Jhoan

Member
Kanik said:
I don't think there's 100% accurate advice that could be given since everyone is different. Some people don't like to be touched, smothered or easily are overwhelmed while others love physical contact, and enjoy it when someone is eager to make again quickly as they want to quickly establish that bond.

That said - go for the hug, if it's weird make a joke about it. Specifically feel it out - if you think the date is super into you then feel free to set up talks about a second date.
Click to expand...

Pretty much. No two dates are alike. A girl I went out with in June didn't want to see me again because she found that I was too aggressive and it takes her time to warm up to people; another woman I went out with earlier in the year gently touched my hand as we were talking only to get told that she didn't want to see me again either. I think it was because she hinted that she wanted me to make a move on her in retrospect and I sat a good distance away from her.

On another note, I posted it earlier but it was overlooked so quote to reveal my current Tinder rotation of pics:



I got an unsolicted message from a South-African broad on OKC stating that she thinks I'm cool. I dunno how to respond to that so I've put it off. I would rather have gotten asked a question than a compliment because compliment messages never lead anywhere. I didn't bother following up with Tinder girl after she got bored.

I don't see myself setting up any dates until after things get back to normal in my place from Thursday on because I have a packed week. I'm not going to miss my mom being back one bit.=/
 
E

Earthbound64

Banned
So, I got together with my first person from Tinder today (after having gotten divorced back in January).
Not that I was particularly hoping for sex or anything, but just the way things went was very strange...

Everything was fine until we got back to her hotel room, she wanted to sit and relax for a few, and she turned on the television.
I figured, alright, kissing (on the arms, back, whatever, not blocking the television) is alright.
But, when I went to kiss her on the lips, apparently she really wanted to watch the news, so she asked me to leave.

I literally got cockblocked by a Trump press conference.
I'm not even mad - it's just comical.

Ah well, whatever.
 
D

Disgraced

Member
>installs tinder
>purchases tinder plus
>matches with hot girl who likes videogames
>phone freezes
>phone screen goes black
>it won't go back on

i got fucked alright

off-topic my car broke down yesterday 2

life is gud
 
J

Jhoan

Member
Earthbound64 said:
So, I got together with my first person from Tinder today (after having gotten divorced back in January).
Not that I was particularly hoping for sex or anything, but just the way things went was very strange...

Everything was fine until we got back to her hotel room, she wanted to sit and relax for a few, and she turned on the television.
I figured, alright, kissing (on the arms, back, whatever, not blocking the television) is alright.
But, when I went to kiss her on the lips, apparently she really wanted to watch the news, so she asked me to leave.

I literally got cockblocked by a Trump press conference.
I'm not even mad - it's just comical.

Ah well, whatever.
Click to expand...

giphy.gif
Click to expand...


Hahaha, CNN soured a date for me too because it was on at the hotel lounge we were at. There was nothing I could do to change the channel because someone else had the remote so we got to talking about politics and the Koch Brothers donating huge amounts of money to two of the biggest museums in NYC (I found that questionable whereas she didn't have a problem with it). Plus she was annoyed that drinks were overpriced and I was too aggressive which made her feel uncomfortable; that was the straw that broke the camel's back for her so she stood up and left. This was via CoffeeMeetsBagel.

Slightly off-topic and I deserve all the face palms in the world for this but I had a captain oblivious moment on Sunday. I was walking to a section of the city that I've never been to but had been meaning to check out when a group of a three attractive girls in their early twenties approached me. The girls asked me for the time, I took out my phone (my watch is permanently dead but my wrist is used to the weight so I still wear it) and told them.

They thanked me and I proceeded to go along my merry way. When I walked about two blocks south I looked back and thought they might have been following me but made nothing of it (it could have also have been that they were lost). It was only after walking a few more blocks south that I had an epiphany: they were bored and wanted me to talk them. I could have gotten a number or two. I didn't turn back unfortunately and when I looked back after walking said amount of blocks, they were gone. =/
 
M

Moodz

Member
So this is quite amazing, or not haha...

Last week I spent a week in Dublin. I had an amazing time.
I only had time for one tinder date and it was fun. But between tinder and happn, I had close to 40 matches in that week. I couldn't believe it.
I don't know if it's because I said I was French and alone for a week...

Now I'm back to my small City in the south of France and I'm back to 1 match every 100 or 200 girls I liked. Shit is depressing... Bring me back there!

I'm not the type to swipe right on everyone, I only swipe right on the girls I'd like to meet, but still...
 
S

Shanlei91

Sonic handles my blue balls
Moodz said:
So this is quite amazing, or not haha...

Last week I spent a week in Dublin. I had an amazing time.
I only had time for one tinder date and it was fun. But between tinder and happn, I had close to 40 matches in that week. I couldn't believe it.
I don't know if it's because I said I was French and alone for a week...

Now I'm back to my small City in the south of France and I'm back to 1 match every 100 or 200 girls I liked. Shit is depressing... Bring me back there!

I'm not the type to swipe right on everyone, I only swipe right on the girls I'd like to meet, but still...
Click to expand...

Haha well certain geographic areas are more into certain apps than others. Tinder's algorithm does treat a large change in GPS as if it were a new account - i.e. when on vacation you're pushed ahead of locals in the swiping queue. Clearly you need to go on vacation more!

Earthbound64 said:
So, I got together with my first person from Tinder today (after having gotten divorced back in January).
Not that I was particularly hoping for sex or anything, but just the way things went was very strange...

Everything was fine until we got back to her hotel room, she wanted to sit and relax for a few, and she turned on the television.
I figured, alright, kissing (on the arms, back, whatever, not blocking the television) is alright.
But, when I went to kiss her on the lips, apparently she really wanted to watch the news, so she asked me to leave.

I literally got cockblocked by a Trump press conference.
I'm not even mad - it's just comical.

Ah well, whatever.
Click to expand...

Classic Trump. This echoes my statement a few posts up about how all people are different so it's hard to give solid advice. Invited the girl I've been seeing over to watch Netflix because we joked about how awful but addictive CW shows are. I turn on my Xbox and she goes "I thought we were going to makeout. We're not really gonna watch Riverdale, right?"
 
T

TheBear

Member
Is there a way to use Tinder and not be discoverable by Facebook friends? I want to give it a go but there's a lot of people I would prefer not see me on there, at least for the time being. If I skew my age a certain way will that avoid me matching with people of that age?
 
E

Earthbound64

Banned
Kanik said:
Classic Trump. This echoes my statement a few posts up about how all people are different so it's hard to give solid advice. Invited the girl I've been seeing over to watch Netflix because we joked about how awful but addictive CW shows are. I turn on my Xbox and she goes "I thought we were going to makeout. We're not really gonna watch Riverdale, right?"
Click to expand...

Also, to be clear, she wanted to watch it because "she wanted to see what kind of crazy things Trump was saying now," not "she needs to listen to the latest directives from her leader's mouth" or something like that. Just in case anyone wondered.
 
T

True Savior

Member
TheBear said:
Is there a way to use Tinder and not be discoverable by Facebook friends? I want to give it a go but there's a lot of people I would prefer not see me on there, at least for the time being. If I skew my age a certain way will that avoid me matching with people of that age?
Click to expand...

There's an option on tinder not to see facebook friends while swiping.
 
E

Earthbound64

Banned
Has anyone had an issue with Tinder where matches will disappear if you back out of the conversation? I just had it happened twice in a row. I'm positive that it's not that the person just happened to randomly unmatch me then, since with one of them I was right in the middle of a conversation, and with the other one we had just started a conversation (and, yes, I know it's possible that people could choose to unmatch you at those points - just go with me here).

With both of them, when I hit the back button to go out of the conversation back to the list of matches, that person - who should have been at the top of the list of matches - was no longer on my list of matches. And, as I said, with this happening twice in a row with two different people in two completely different situations but under the exact same conditions, I'm guessing that it's just another example of Tinder acting stupid as it often does. But, has this happened to anyone else? Should I just never leave a conversation? Goodness knows what I would ever do if I had two conversations at the same time (not that that's likely to happen).

Annoying though, since both of these people actually seemed to be real, and not bots like most of my "matches" :(
 
D

devilhawk

Member
Hadn't been on Tinder in 2017. Actually had my info and app deleted, or so I thought. I re-download and finally get logged-in this past weekend only to discover I had 100 plus matches and dozens of messages. Just total insanity. Don't know really where to start, but whatever.

My point is I can't imagine the number of swipes and messages that guys and girls are doing to people that aren't even active and haven't even thought about the app in who knows when. Not being able to see some sort of last activity really is total shit.
 
S

Shanlei91

Sonic handles my blue balls
devilhawk said:
My point is I can't imagine the number of swipes and messages that guys and girls are doing to people that aren't even active and haven't even thought about the app in who knows when. Not being able to see some sort of last activity really is total shit.
Click to expand...

You can sort view "only active" users when on the paid subscription. This is probably major reason to ever pay. For reference, in NYC you'll be swiping for eternity. With "only active users" checked off, you'll be swiping for a few minutes before it runs out of people.
 
T

True Savior

Member
TheBear said:
Huzzah. What about Bumble? Does that use FB?
Click to expand...

I think it's also integrated with Bumble. I don't know if that option is available though. I know on Tinder it was the default option, on Bumble it certainly wasn't cause I immediately saw a friend after a bunch of swipes.

Earthbound64 said:
Has anyone had an issue with Tinder where matches will disappear if you back out of the conversation? I just had it happened twice in a row. I'm positive that it's not that the person just happened to randomly unmatch me then, since with one of them I was right in the middle of a conversation, and with the other one we had just started a conversation (and, yes, I know it's possible that people could choose to unmatch you at those points - just go with me here).

With both of them, when I hit the back button to go out of the conversation back to the list of matches, that person - who should have been at the top of the list of matches - was no longer on my list of matches. And, as I said, with this happening twice in a row with two different people in two completely different situations but under the exact same conditions, I'm guessing that it's just another example of Tinder acting stupid as it often does. But, has this happened to anyone else? Should I just never leave a conversation? Goodness knows what I would ever do if I had two conversations at the same time (not that that's likely to happen).

Annoying though, since both of these people actually seemed to be real, and not bots like most of my "matches" :(
Click to expand...

If they have disappeared they must have unmatched or were deleted/blocked. When you unmatch Tinder asks for a reason so it's impossible to happen with only one click.

Have you scrolled through the match list? Cause I have been talking with girls, receiving messages, etc, and a few times it doesn't update the conversation to the top of the list. But if I scroll down they are there.
 
J

Jhoan

Member
Is there a way to filter between unliked matches on OKC or is that a premium feature? It's been driving me nuts seeing a bunch of girls that I liked but un-reciprocated mutual likes on my match rotation! I feel like now that OKC is pushing towards making Likes meaningful, it's a bigger pain in the ass to find gems to message out of the blue.

Also it looks like OKC just rolled out a new update on the desktop version because you can now message users about any section of their profile and I got prompt to not send out any lewd messages.

I've been chatting with a Chinese/Salvadoran girl on Tinder and feel like I'm closing in on a date.She mentioned that she's currently sporting a buzz cut in one of her pics but I don't mind because I find her attractive regardless of the fact.

Spoiled Milk was right: the pineapple on pizza question has been working quite well. I think a pizza date is in my future even though I'm going to be eating nothing but pizza for most of this weekend so I'll be sick of it for a while! I told her that I've never had traditional Hawaiian pizza (Canadian ham with pineapple). xD
 
E

Ernest

Banned
Raxus said:
I need to step up my selfie game (which was none until recently)
Click to expand...
No selfies! People will think you're a loser/loner. Get some friends to take pics of you doing stuff, get a couple full-body shots in there too, then have THEM pick the best ones to post.
 
B

Bleepey

Member
Is tinder gold worth it? I am thinking of upgrading from a 5s to a 6 partially cos i need a new phone and two because swiping on a 5s is shit. I was wondering is swiping on a 6 still shit? Aso would my money be better spent on an Android. I think the only reason i still have an iphone is because of my whatsapp messages and overcast
 
T

True Savior

Member
Bleepey said:
Is tinder gold worth it? I am thinking of upgrading from a 5s to a 6 partially cos i need a new phone and two because swiping on a 5s is shit. I was wondering is swiping on a 6 still shit? Aso would my money be better spent on an Android. I think the only reason i still have an iphone is because of my whatsapp messages and overcast
Click to expand...

What?

You can just click instead of swipe.
 
D

Disgraced

Member
How the fuck do I write a bio? I hate selling myself. Do I just state what I'm looking for? Which, honestly isn't that specific. I'm kind of easygoing and experimenting. (Shit, maybe I should say that.)

And I DON'T FUCKING GET the problem with selfies! Agh! Like... I am sort of a loner. There's nothing wrong with that! I work full-time and go to school a little! That's partly why I'm looking for somebody. I'm not taking the kind in the mirror.

Am I supposed to call one of my friends and say

"Ey dude... we need to hang out... because I need you to take some photos of me for my dating profile."

And I'M NOT HIRING A FUCKING PHOTOGRAPHER FOR MYSELF

Why is this world so vain?
 
E

Earthbound64

Banned
Disgraced said:
And I DON'T FUCKING GET the problem with selfies! Agh! Like... I am sort of a loner. There's nothing wrong with that! I work full-time and go to school a little! That's partly why I'm looking for somebody. I'm not taking the kind in the mirror.

Am I supposed to call one of my friends and say

"Ey dude... we need to hang out... because I need you to take some photos of me for my dating profile."

And I'M NOT HIRING A FUCKING PHOTOGRAPHER FOR MYSELF
Click to expand...

You could just... I don't know... Ask a random person to take a picture of you?
Like, ask someone at work, or someone at school, or something.
Or just stop some random person, and be like "Hey, this lamp post over here is pretty cool, do you mind taking a picture of me by it?"
 
D

Disgraced

Member
Earthbound64 said:
You could just... I don't know... Ask a random person to take a picture of you?
Like, ask someone at work, or someone at school, or something.
Or just stop some random person, and be like "Hey, this lamp post over here is pretty cool, do you mind taking a picture of me by it?"
Click to expand...
These are things I've considered. But for one, random people take shitty pictures. For two, I for one took a photography class in high school and took photos for the yearbook, a film class in college, am a wannabe artist, and understand composition and most of all, my own flaws. My selfie-portraits cannot be that bad.

Do you people get up in the morning and say

"I'm going to drive to a landmark and wait for passerby to take my photo in front of it."

It just sounds like the most ridiculous thing in the world to me. Sometimes I think I wasn't meant for this generation or timeline. I don't think I'm built for online dating. It's one of the most demoralizing things in the world for me. And yet in my loneliness I seek and apparently it's the hottest avenue this century.
 
D

Disgraced

Member
Ey baby, I had this old lady take my picture in front of the Banana Cuckoo Springs. It was cuckoo! I manufactured this image of me having a good time so that you think I'm adventurous.

How is that authentic? Don't answer that. The answer, if recall correctly, is that you're not supposed to be authentic.

Fucking hell.
 
E

Earthbound64

Banned
Disgraced said:
These are things I've considered. But for one, random people take shitty pictures. For two, I for one took a photography class in high school and took photos for the yearbook, a film class in college, am a wannabe artist, and understand composition and most of all, my own flaws. My selfie-portraits cannot be that bad.
Click to expand...

If you're not being sarcastic, it sounds like you might have a bit of an issue there.
Calm down. You're not replicating the Mona Lisa here or something.
I'd hate to see what you go through for "dick pics"


Disgraced said:
Do you people get up in the morning and say

"I'm going to drive to a landmark and wait for passerby to take my photo in front of it."

It just sounds like the most ridiculous thing in the world to me. Sometimes I think I wasn't meant for this generation or timeline.
Click to expand...

I mean, that's what people did on vacations from the invention of the camera up until about a decade ago.
So, if not from any time in the history of photography, what "generation or timeline" do you think you were meant for?
 
E

Earthbound64

Banned
Plenty of Fish really is kind of annoying.

Someone marks that they want to meet me
I send them a message
They delete the message without reading it and block me

Like, I don't even get people.

EDIT: And no, it wasn't one of the constant stream of fake/spammer profiles, otherwise it obviously wouldn't have even registered as a blip on my radar.
 
E

Ernest

Banned
Talked to a girl about a recent online-dating encounter. Unsolicited, some dude sent her a pic, not of his dick, but of him having taken a dump in his pants.
So the next time you complain about being ghosted, try to understand the kind of shit women have to deal with.
 
B

Bleepey

Member
Bleepey said:
Is tinder gold worth it? I am thinking of upgrading from a 5s to a 6 partially cos i need a new phone and two because swiping on a 5s is shit. I was wondering is swiping on a 6 still shit? Aso would my money be better spent on an Android. I think the only reason i still have an iphone is because of my whatsapp messages and overcast
Click to expand...

I haqdn't updatd to ios 10 and that's why it was garbage. But anyhow is Tinder plus worth it, if it saves on swiping i don't mind. I tried bumble boost and it still seems that I have to swipe to get a decent number of matches. Also what happened to tinder groups
 
R

Raxus

Member
Earthbound64 said:
Plenty of Fish really is kind of annoying.

Someone marks that they want to meet me
I send them a message
They delete the message without reading it and block me

Like, I don't even get people.

EDIT: And no, it wasn't one of the constant stream of fake/spammer profiles, otherwise it obviously wouldn't have even registered as a blip on my radar.
Click to expand...

Yeah PoF really annoys me. Having more luck with Bumble. Problem is the distance some woman are are 40ish miles away at times.
 
B

Beren the Empty-Handed

Member
I didn't know this thread existed!

I just joined the online dating scene like a month ago. On Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid. I've been on a few dates already, but nothing has come from it so far. I switched up my pictures about a week and a half ago, and apparently that was the ticket, cause I had to take myself out of Tinder and Bumble because I've got too many matches to actually act on. And I stopped swiping on OkCupid but couldn't deactivate my profile cause I've still got some dates coming up for after I get back from a vacation and I've been chatting with those women. Is there a way to take yourself out of the running on OkCupid but not deactivate your account? Cause women have started just cold messaging me even though I'm not swiping on anyone and don't want to set up any dates. I can't find an option to simply make myself invisible though.

Disgraced said:
Am I supposed to call one of my friends and say

"Ey dude... we need to hang out... because I need you to take some photos of me for my dating profile."
Click to expand...

I did exactly that. They were totally cool with it and really supportive, and have asked me how things have been going. One of my friends got super into it too and tried to make a bar hop into a photoshoot. Your friends would probably be happy to help. I had no photos of myself (nobody in my family really does pictures, so I probably get it from them) so that was the only option aside from taking endless selfies of myself.
 
G

GK86

Homeland Security Fail
Link.

Tinder Gold, the dating app’s new premium subscription tier (which includes a feature that lets you see who’s already liked you without any swiping) is finally rolling out to the U.S.

Tinder Gold and Likes You were originally tested in Argentina, Australia, Canada and Mexico at the end of June. Today, however, the the feature rolls out to all Tinder users across the globe.
Click to expand...

Tinder Gold pricing is still being tested, but the current price is $4.99/month. The company told Buzzfeed that, during testing in other countries, your average Tinder Gold user received around 60 percent more likes compared to free Tinder users.
Click to expand...
 
T

True Savior

Member
Earthbound64 said:
Anyone having any luck with this?...
Click to expand...

I haven't even updated the app and the tinder gold option appeared straight away. I even got a notification about it.

The price, to me, is 32€ per month 😂😂😂

It says I have 10+ likes.

I honestly feel the option is a bit redundant. At least super-like had a uniqueness to it.
 
J

Jhoan

Member
I took something of an unintended break from dating last month. Lately I'll get on Tinder and CMB to do the daily grind and check my OKC for visitors but eh, I find it unfululling to message girls. Maybe it's a lack of effort on my end to try to message girls a second time who's messages fizzled. At one point I listed outright on my message me section of OKC that I live with family and mentioned that need to be okay with it which must have decreased visitors.

I had this one girl visiting my profile who who finds referring to women as "girls" offensive. She also identified as a feminist but I still found that odd. I see way more attractive and interesting girls on the streets as I type this post.

The girl from July left something of a bad taste in my mouth with her it's not you, it's me speech. It's about a year since I had sex and it kind of blows. I guess I'm just venting. With September here, I'll keep busy for the next month or so with a few volunteer gigs and NY Comic Con next month.
 
S

Shanlei91

Sonic handles my blue balls
I asked the girl who I was seeing about twice a week, for two months, to define the relationship. Mostly because I was about to travel on vacation alone and felt guilty at the idea of using Tinder. She then revealed that she was in an open relationship with a guy she lived with.

Online dating was a mistake.

So crazy - I'm cool with people having open relationships, although they aren't for me, but I think people should be open about that stuff. That's the kind of thing you tell a person before the first date. And once I said I was no longer interested she began to go cray. I'm both bummed out, because I really liked her, and really perplexed that I dated someone for two months without knowing a whole other side to them. I guess another thing to keep an eye out for?

Reinstalled my apps and have a couple of dates lined up. But between that and my previous long term tinderella disaster, I'm thinking maybe I should join a church or activity group to meet a woman the old fashion way. It feels like the internet fosters sociopathic tendencies.

Could be worse: Woman ends Tinder date stuck in window trying to grab her own poop

Jhoan said:
The girl from July left something of a bad taste in my mouth with her it's not you, it's me speech. It's about a year since I had sex and it kind of blows. I guess I'm just venting. With September here, I'll keep busy for the next month or so with a few volunteer gigs and NY Comic Con next month.
Click to expand...

While it's great that you have things lined up to keep you occupied, it won't solve your dry spell! Maybe try remaking your OKC from scratch with a fresh account, mix up your pics and try to pepper in some dates into your schedule. If only to make sure you don't lose your groove.
 
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