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My Brother's Last Wish: To Leave a $500 Tip...For Pizza
- Thread starter Seth C
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Princess Viola
Member
All I can say is I truly hope he awakes from the coma and learns that no matter what happens, suicide is never an answer.
I say this as someone who has attempted suicide twice.
I say this as someone who has attempted suicide twice.
My condolences to you and your family. I really hope your brother pulls through. Suicide is not an easy thing to understand, and anger is a normal reaction. I don't think it's quite the cowardly action people make it out to be, though. It doesn't seem like your brother did it out of attention. Did he have a history of depression?
I really hope so. With any luck he will be fine, and hopefully in the moments after doing what he did and losing consciousness he realized it wasn't what he wanted to do. Hopefully. Hopefully he is okay and it provides him realization that it isn't what he wants.
Alligatorjandro
Banned
Right now just worry about him getting better.
Yep.
When I was in elementary school, I was bullied. I remember sobbing/shouting "I wish I was dead" with tears running down my face when I came home one day. I'm sure, looking back on it, it sent chills down my parents' spines.
And don't write this off as the mindless rantings of a child: I never was the type to do things just for attention. I never attempted suicide, or thought of ways to commit suicide, or imagined committing the act, but I can say that in emotional outbursts, the words "I wish I was dead" parted my lips, and that I meant them, and those feelings of endless despair DID exist for me.
Most people don't know what it feels like to be truly, truly miserable. They call suicide a selfish/dick move because it hurts the people who care about you the most. Yet they think asking someone to suffer for 50-60 years just for the sake of those around them isn't a dick move. Because that's what they're asking.
When someone tries to commit suicide, it's because they feel life isn't worth living anymore, that all it will bring them is further pain and suffering. They aren't deliberately ignoring those who care about them, or saying "Screw my brother and parents, I don't care how they feel if I'm gone." At least, not deliberately. Rather, their brains are dominated by thoughts of how they've hurt those around them, or how those around them have hurt them. They CAN'T see any light in the tunnel. All they see is darkness.
To the OP: I hope your brother recovers, and I hope for his sake he never sees that you were "unsympathetic" to losing him. Because the last thing someone suffering from depression needs is further abandonment.
Ingueferroque
Banned
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
That's awful. I'm so sorry, Seth. I hope he recovers and you're all able to work through and get past this.
I mean it's like the ultimate second-chance. I remember reading some article about this guy who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. He ended up living actually, but I remember one point in the article where he described his jump. He said that once he jumped and was in the air, he realized that every problem in his life could have easily been fixed, except for one. That one was that he was in the middle of the air, about to plunge down into the water below and likely die.
All I can say is, I know it's hard on you, but being bitter and mean about it is just going to push him away. You need to just be with him right now and try and help him through this. You can scold him and tell him he's an asshole later on down the line when he's better, but don't push him away. Trust me, you'll regret it if you do and something happens. Please just give him another chance.
Indrid Cold1
Member
Seth, my very best regards to you and yours.
I actually felt ashamed to be a small part of this community just now while I was reading the back and forth debating going on in a thread in which one of us is actually living through this shit. No empathy at all. Shocking behaviour.
I actually felt ashamed to be a small part of this community just now while I was reading the back and forth debating going on in a thread in which one of us is actually living through this shit. No empathy at all. Shocking behaviour.
PedroPanache
Member
I think anger is a perfectly reasonable and rational response. On the surface, it seems like your brother has committed a selfish act because his girlfriend left him, but I'm sure this was just the final straw in a series of underlying problems. A good family friend took their life almost 2 years ago, and it was hard to live with the devastating effect it had on those she left behind. The tragedy was that we knew it was coming, we tried to help but in the end we couldn't. I didn't blame her because I understood the exceptional circumstances, it was just heartbreaking to not be able to get through to her that she wasn't the burden to us she thought she had become.
I hope you get to talk to your brother again, I really do.
Escape Goat
Member
Terrible thing to experience. Sorry to hear, Seth C 
Captain_Spanky
Member
Just to chime in as another depression/suicide survivor I'll agree with those that said the key thing is you are not rational, at least not in the conventional sense. The times I've attempted it it's never been about selfishness or cowardice (and the lashing out that implies). For me it's like entering a fugue state, afterwards I'm completely shocked that I would even consider it, but at the time it's like a cold, calculating voice takes over and makes a very rational argument for why it should happen. There have been times as well when it's just overwhelming, unbearable emotion, like the "jumper and the flames" quote implied.
What I'm trying to say is people commit/attempt suicide in all sorts of mind sets and for all kinds of reasons and those generalizing have never had to deal with mental illness in themselves or others. Lucky them. I can sympathize with the OP feeling hurt, angry, even unsympathetic, those are all initial reactions to the overwhelming hurt such an event brings out. Try and realise that your brother may have been acting in a similarly impulsive, but ultimately more final manner. And that even if he did it "for attention" that is still a sign of deep mental imbalance and he needs help. Do not judge his reasons, just support the fuck out him.
What I'm trying to say is people commit/attempt suicide in all sorts of mind sets and for all kinds of reasons and those generalizing have never had to deal with mental illness in themselves or others. Lucky them. I can sympathize with the OP feeling hurt, angry, even unsympathetic, those are all initial reactions to the overwhelming hurt such an event brings out. Try and realise that your brother may have been acting in a similarly impulsive, but ultimately more final manner. And that even if he did it "for attention" that is still a sign of deep mental imbalance and he needs help. Do not judge his reasons, just support the fuck out him.
No.
Pkm:
If you truly care about your brother, go over to his place now, and tell him how you feel, and try to get him the help he needs to turn his life around. Becuase if you lose him, you'll be questioning why you didn't try to do anything the rest of your life. Probably you'll be asking yourself that question if you lose him and you try to help him, as well.
But if you try to help him now, there's a chance you can make a difference. So go do it.
Its hard to ask for help. A person's worst enemy is their self. He probably wanted to ask for help, but discouraged himself from seeking it.
SnakeswithLasers
Member
It's really sad how little people are willing to understand, support, and sympathize with mental illness. You wouldn't tell someone with any other genetic disease that threatens their health that you are unsympathetic, why do that to people who suffer from brain imbalances?
I'm sorry for your situation, but you should take the opportunity to learn about mental illness and open yourself up to the fact that not everyone lives inside the same head and our experiences and reactions are shaped uncontrollably by the firings and chemical releases in our individual brains.
I'm sorry for your situation, but you should take the opportunity to learn about mental illness and open yourself up to the fact that not everyone lives inside the same head and our experiences and reactions are shaped uncontrollably by the firings and chemical releases in our individual brains.
CornBurrito
Member
People don't view mental illness as "real." Nobody would tell someone with a broken leg to "walk it off" but people seem to work under the assumption that mental illness can be overcome entirely with willpower.
I think they confuse "Mind over matter/body" as meaning you can will youself to anything, failing to realize that it REALLY means "your mind dominates every aspect of your life."
GungHo
Single-handedly caused Exxon-Mobil to sue FOX, start World War 3
I understand where you're coming from. I've been there, but with a friend who was like a brother instead of a flesh-and-blood brother. We grew up together from kindergarden, served together, went to school in the same city he was working just to stay close, etc... except for that first 5 years, we might as well have been twins. I knew he was upset about something, but didn't know how deep he was, and I kick myself to this day for not seeing that storm and for not being able to intervene.
So, I can tell you that it's ok to be angry, and sad, and scared, and depressed, and helpless, and hopeless, and confused, both with yourself, with the "cause", and with your brother. All I can say is however it turns out, I hope in the long run everyone can get to a better place, either through natural healing, or therapy, or time, or happy pills... whatever works. For right now, though, try to put aside what you can and be there for your mom, because she needs you more than ever.
This is true. I think people sadly don't bother to try and understand it because it's not something they could ever imagine or conceptualize unless they have experienced it themselves. Also, it's not always as easy to see and when it is clear, it's written of as "Wow, that guy's crazy" or "Lunatic." Media has played a role in desensitizing us to what mental illness truly is and people really suffer because they don't get the sympathy and emotional support from friends, family, and the rest of society. I think that must lead to even more feelings of isolation.
Seth I wish you and your family the best. I sincerely hope your brother pulls through and that he finds peace in life.
On the subject of suicide, it's not a blanket of cowardice or non-cowardice. However in certain situations, faithfully believing the quotient of your current and future pain is somehow greater than those around you's future pain from your passing is not a utilitarian thought. It's built from self and I don't think it's wrong to correlate selfishness with it.
Your life (in most cases) can get better and it's conceivable that you may at one point be happy. If you commit suicide, those around you can't bring you back, and as some have attested to, the questions and pain are forever.
That said, mental illness can block this type of rationale. The pit of hopeless caves in at some point and the pain can just suffocate you beyond the worth of digging out. I don't condone it, I don't pretend to fully understand it; but I can't fully assert the selfishness of it one way or another. At some point suicide can become a form of righteous selfishness, but in most instances it's tragic instance brought on by mental illness or an acute form of hopelessness.
On the subject of suicide, it's not a blanket of cowardice or non-cowardice. However in certain situations, faithfully believing the quotient of your current and future pain is somehow greater than those around you's future pain from your passing is not a utilitarian thought. It's built from self and I don't think it's wrong to correlate selfishness with it.
Your life (in most cases) can get better and it's conceivable that you may at one point be happy. If you commit suicide, those around you can't bring you back, and as some have attested to, the questions and pain are forever.
That said, mental illness can block this type of rationale. The pit of hopeless caves in at some point and the pain can just suffocate you beyond the worth of digging out. I don't condone it, I don't pretend to fully understand it; but I can't fully assert the selfishness of it one way or another. At some point suicide can become a form of righteous selfishness, but in most instances it's tragic instance brought on by mental illness or an acute form of hopelessness.
Escape Goat
Member
A GAFers brother is comatose after hanging himself and GAF is using the thread to debate the morality of his actions.
Never change, GAF.
Never change, GAF.
Impeccable
Member
user8503492
Banned
Ive been trying for the last 10 years. Talking to him, sending him Emails since its easier for me to express my feelings written. He always agrees, says he loves me too and I'm right, says he's gonna change...but nothing ever does.
I have a wife, kid, house etc..Plus Im unemployeed, just finished taking some classes and our on the job hunt. Im so overwelmed in my own life being a crutch for another person is hard no matter how much I love him.
My go to thing I alwasy say to him is "I will help you ANYWAY I can cause I love you. But first you need to take the first step..just a single step to help yourself."
Never happens.
To be honest tho..I was just like him..
What helped me? Oddly enough at 19 I got my GF pregnant and from that day I havent had a moment of self destruction. Once I was responsible for another life my selfishness and self destructive behavior and mind-set of "No one cares about me, why should I care about myself stopped"
Crazy to think bringing a child into this world most likely saved my own life.
Willkiller
Banned
Don't. And keep working on your music man, it's awesome!
indigo-cyclops
Member
Best wishes for him, hope he pulls through. Tough situation for sure.
This is all there is to it and it happens all the time. You see a bum on the street and say "get a job" but mental illness is what puts people on the street most of the time. They just can't cope with a normal life. The same goes with suicide victims.
OP. All the best to you and your family. I hope it all works out.
SnakeswithLasers
Member
If he can try to understand that mental illness exists as a genuine thing, then that can only help him and his family through the tragedy. Sticking your head in the sand isn't always the best way to cope (but I admit, it can help a lot).
adamsappel
Member
I'm sorry, Seth.
I wouldn't blame the girlfriend. If you get back with someone over a suicide attempt, it probably reinforces the idea that it works and could become a constant refrain later on. The breakup wasn't the only reason he did this, and she probably had to endure a lot in the relationship as well. There are no easy ways to lay blame here.
I wouldn't blame the girlfriend. If you get back with someone over a suicide attempt, it probably reinforces the idea that it works and could become a constant refrain later on. The breakup wasn't the only reason he did this, and she probably had to endure a lot in the relationship as well. There are no easy ways to lay blame here.
Please don't. I guarantee there are people who love you and would be devestated and confused. Whatever pain or struggle you feel right now; it will be placed on them if you take your life. Anyone who cares for you will find ways that they have failed you.
Please, tell the people you love. Be serious about it, and seek help. See a psychiatrist. Let them medicate you of need be. It's okay. Everyone around you would far prefer that to being without you. Please, please, tell everyone you love the way you are feeling and let them help you and help you find help. I'm begging you.
I'm grown up enough to not say what you deserve to hear right now. I've spoken no ill regarding my brother. I expressed my own mixed and completely unstable emotional state. Kindly don't speak to me again. Thank you.
Please don't Sadsic. There are people right here on this forums who greatly respect you and would feel a heavy lost if you did this, including myself. Before I was a member, I've been in your thread listening to the music you've created. You're talented and I hope you can focus your energy and emotions in that area as well as get help.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_theorem
Everything you do is based purely on perception, and perception is influenced by so many physical and psychological factors. Many of them aren't even on a conscious level, and it's not always really possible to influence these factors. So your normative opinion of what a (depressed) person should or shouldn't do is slightly disconnected from reality.
From what I remember from my episodes of depression (a long time ago, luckily), that DFW quote seems pretty spot on.
Seth, I hope it will get better.
I haven't read past the first page, but the OP said:
Seems to me like the OP steered the discussion in that direction.
But I do feel bad for the OP. I have no idea what something like this is like.
As much sympathy as I myself feel for the OP's brother, it's important to understand and sympathize with the OP as well. He's going through his own emotional turmoil and I can't imagine the confusion and hurt he is feeling right now. Anger is an understandable emotion, whether it is needed and rationalized or not. Anger is just one of the easiest and most common emotions to feel and that's the way he's channeling his pain. he may regret these feelings all together later, but either way, he's struggling right now as well. Not only does he have his brother to worry about, but his brother's girlfriend and the rest of his family.
I hope things work out Seth C. I'm praying for you and your family
I am not unsympathetic to whatever pain and struggles brought him to this point, in any way. It breaks my heart that he ever reached this point. There is, however, nothing I can currently do for him. He is commotose and being held at 91 degrees Fahrenheit until 4:30am. All I can do is help support those who love him and are struggling. I have not left the hospital. I've had 1 hour of sleep. The doctors are there for my brother. I am there for my mother. Thus, I come to GAF to be there for me. Thanks to those who understand that and are willing to offer support, understanding, or distraction. It helps me hold together for those who count on me to be the strong one.
VelvetMouth
Member
Since none of us know the reasons why Seth's brother did what he did and none of us are at the hospital watching his mother breakdown, how about giving the armchair psychologist thing a break. Go demonstrate your intimate knowledge of the human mind on some other thread and give Seth a place to vent his feelings. Anger, guilt, those are normal human feelings when something shitty like this happens.
I know you guys want him to act in a certain way that you read about on wikipedia, but human emotions don't work like that.
I know you guys want him to act in a certain way that you read about on wikipedia, but human emotions don't work like that.
echoshifting
Banned
Thank you, I have been spitting words at my keyboard trying to put this together. You said it perfectly.
If he doesn't want to read other peoples reaction he maybe shouldn't post on a public board.
I hope he recovers to the point that he is capable of making that decision, should he choose to. Have a nice day.
VelvetMouth
Member
Or how about you just fuck off with your know it all bullshit and give the guy who's going through a really difficult time a break? There are tons of other threads for you to show off in.
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