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I think I've been wiping wrong my entire life.

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R

Reversed

Member
This thread is making me want to get a bidet to save on toilet paper tissues (also to solve the problem on the gif above).
 
B

BoosterDuck

Banned
Knugen said:
Why can't the West adapt to bidets already? Are the toilet paper manufacturers bribing our politicians?
Click to expand...

because bidets are disgusting and I'm not a fan of having wet buttcheeks with soggy toilet paper bits stuck in my asshole

wet wipes are the superior booty sanitation devices, they're portable and eliminate the filth to leave you feeling fresh

Jotaka said:
V6fRjILm.jpg

A civilized person need a civilized toilet.
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I'm sure poopers are going to love sitting down on a seat covered in dry piss
 
I

I Stalk Alone

Member
Iron Badger said:
because bidets are disgusting and I'm not a fan of having wet buttcheeks with soggy toilet paper bits stuck in my asshole

wet wipes are the superior booty sanitation devices, they're portable and eliminate the filth to leave you feeling fresh



I'm sure poopers are going to love sitting down on a seat covered in dry piss
Click to expand...

You either sit down to take a piss or lift the toilet seat. Not that hard Einstein, or have you never used a Japanese bidet? Not a fan of soggy butts but a fan of having dried shit smeared all over his asshole.

Seriously if you are getting toilet paper stuck on your bunghole you are doing it wrong.
 
B

BoosterDuck

Banned
I Stalk Alone said:
You either sit down to take a piss or lift the toilet seat.
Click to expand...

that's a big ass toilet seat, I'm sure I'll love sitting down on something that easily catches booty hairs and dirt

I Stalk Alone said:
Not that hard Einstein, or have you never used a Japanese bidet? Not a fan of soggy butts but a fan of having dried shit smeared all over his asshole.
Click to expand...

here's the answer to your problems m8

ZNQKaVo.jpg
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every toilet needs these

I Stalk Alone said:
Seriously if you are getting toilet paper stuck on your bunghole you are doing it wrong.
Click to expand...

if you're not getting toilet paper stuck on your bunghole then you're not wiping hard enough
 
M

Moose Biscuits

It would be extreamly painful...
Fold the paper, wipe in a back and forth motion around the butthole. Remove paper, inspect, and if dirty then repeat with new paper until clean (then maybe a couple of times extra).
 
B

BamfMeat

Member
Iron Badger said:
that's a big ass toilet seat, I'm sure I'll love sitting down on something that easily catches booty hairs and dirt



here's the answer to your problems m8



every toilet needs these



if you're not getting toilet paper stuck on your bunghole then you're not wiping hard enough
Click to expand...

Those things ARE great, but they're a waste of water because you can't flush more than 2-3 down at a time.

So basically, you're just ruining the environment by using them.
 
D

DJ88

Member
Iron Badger said:
If you're not getting toilet paper stuck on your bunghole then you're not wiping hard enough
Click to expand...

That's the magic of a bidet, there's no need to wipe hard. Almost all the shit is washed away before a single wipe. A light wipe or two dries and finishes the job easily. No toilet paper bits, No soggy asshole.

if you've actually used a bidet and had those problems, you're severely fucking up a very easy process.

Saying a bidet is disgusting is objectively wrong.
 
J

Jumeira

Banned
Iron Badger said:
because bidets are disgusting and I'm not a fan of having wet buttcheeks with soggy toilet paper bits stuck in my asshole

wet wipes are the superior booty sanitation devices, they're portable and eliminate the filth to leave you feeling fresh



I'm sure poopers are going to love sitting down on a seat covered in dry piss
Click to expand...

What type of Bidets have you been using ? None of this is a problem. Wipes are a decent alternative, as long as you wet wipe.

Also, wait till you find out eastern style squatting is much better for your health then our western toilets.
 
Y

yyzjohn

Banned
On the subject of wiping, since this thread is already open, how many times do you typically need to wipe before you're clean? I find I have to wipe multiple times AND do multiple flushes so as not to clog the damn toilet. Am I unique in this? It's not uncommon for me to have to wipe like 5-6 times and still finding crap to wipe away. Is my ass in bad shape?
 
S

Seirith

Member
crimsondynamics said:
At home, one wipe, front to back, then jump into the shower and use plenty of soap with the shower hose.

Outside, alternating wipes - front to back, then back to front, two times each direction, then place neatly folded tissue in the crack and pull up the underwear.

Wear the folded tissue like a sanitary napkin for an hour or two (depending on how much I walk), then go back to the toilet, spread the cheeks so the tissue falls in the toilet, then wipe another four times, but with a bit of water in the tissue to really make sure it's all clean (or if I'm lucky, they will have alcohol to clean the seats, then I'll use that).

Hate having any kind of olfactory or visual indicator that I've gone number two, especially on the underwear.

Sadly, bidets aren't common here, there is literally no space at all for a separate bidet, and nobody sells those fancy two-in-ones.
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That sounds seriously very uncomfortable...

Seriously, people have really weird bathroom issues...I go, wipe and go on with my day. I see no reason to shower, wad paper into my butt or any other odd thing after using the bathroom. I wipe and go.
 
S

Stencil

Member
HawksWinStanley said:
I've always gone between the legs back to front (BLB2F), why wouldn't you? Your legs are spread so you're getting prime access without having to lift a leg or stand. I never understood the shitty balls argument because I, like most people, have a taint that acts as a generous buffer between the two. I don't start wiping and then keep the toilet paper pinned against my body til I reach my belly button. You can feel where you're supposed to end the wiping motion and it's long before you reach the back of your sack. And if you're that worried about it then boom, your other hand can easily move everything out of the way.

BLB2F lets you check out how much more work you have to do and then just drop it right into the water, keeping everything contained in the bowl. Do most people go from the side? So you're just pulling shitty tissue out from under yourself and flinging shit particles into the air before you look at the paper and then drop it into the bowl in front of you? And doesn't that just have risks of getting it on your thigh or the seat?
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I mean. Okay you raise some good points. But, I'd rather have to lift to look at the tissue to see my progress than risk getting shit on my taint. Plus you've gotta lift your junk and all that.
 
C

Conor_Fool

Banned
Mammoth Jones said:
Yea. No. I had a beautiful young woman wipe my ass for me and it was the most soul crushing experience of my life. I was so miserable. Could barely stand. And I mean I ate a BIG meal of grits and gravy and mutton before my operation. So right when I'm ready to get that all out of me she has to clean it up? I wanted to die.

She was nice and professional but I could tell she was judging me the entire time. I couldn't make eye contact afterwards.

I will never let someone wipe my ass again.
Click to expand...
Slightly off topic, but I had to get a shot directly inside my asshole a few years back. Was about 18 or 19 and there was a cute nurse just a few years older than me. The doc has me bent over the chair, ass out and face down, as he calls in his nurse in training to presumably watch the spectacle. Nope. She was instructed to hold my cheeks apart as he put the shot in.

Did not make eye contact with her again
 
B

Blobbers

Member
wipe > check > fold > wipe
repeat 3 times with each square. I personally make a square with 3-4 sheets, depending on the mood

and yes you should check your stool, for blood and other stuff
 
T

Timedog

good credit (by proxy)
Wrap an old shirt or rag around your finger, stick it up your ass, then spin. Even cleaner than a bidet. Inner asshole cleanliness is the new zeitgeist.
 
B

Bakercat

Member
Conor_Fool said:
Slightly off topic, but I had to get a shot directly inside my asshole a few years back. Was about 18 or 19 and there was a cute nurse just a few years older than me. The doc has me bent over the chair, ass out and face down, as he calls in his nurse in training to presumably watch the spectacle. Nope. She was instructed to hold my cheeks apart as he put the shot in.

Did not make eye contact with her again
Click to expand...

You should of told her about how much video games have progressed since the 90's while they gave you the shot.
 
S

Sheriff_Battlesnake

Banned
I don't understand the poop balls or tainted taint arguments. It's never happened to me while wiping back to front.

This is an irrational fear that is holding the masses back from comfortable dooks.
 
n0razi

n0razi

Member
Soap and water everytime you uncivilized cretins... Also, people who wear shoes indoors are equally uncivilized
 
D

Deleted member 1235

Unconfirmed Member
Op you are an animal. Wipe your ass on your hand from front to back then clean your hand with your paper followed by the mouth like every normal person was taught by their parents.
 
N

Night Hunter

Banned
I have read every last post in this thread and all I have to say is that every day we seem to stray further from god.

May he have mercy on your souls...
 
M

MacGurcules

Member
rtcn63 said:
You can use your dick to wipe
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I would think, given the size of the average GAF gentleman, most people here would be using the standard technique of stowing the last couple of inches of their dick in the butthole. Really far more comfortable and discreet than having it snake halfway down a pantleg.
 
Subpar Spatula

Subpar Spatula

Banned
Easiest and most efficient outside of a bidet is the pinch method: take tp and lean over, place tp over anus and pinch residual poo. Do this till pinching leaves little. Stand and wipe normally. Sometimes the pinch method causes you to accidentally thumb your anus but this will improve your sex life over time.
 
R

Rolfgang

Member
Solo said:
Sometimes. I'm pretty regular. Probably at least twice.
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My man! Average is 2 - 3 times a day, but on some cheeky days I can squeeze out a fourth.

And of course you wipe from front to back, whilst standing and using folded toilet paper. Crumbling is way too inefficient.

On the topic of a bidet: goddamn son, I'm not going to use a semi-shower on my asshole multiple times a day. I'm not a dog or a character in a Hentai. Jeez...
 
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