NorthAndSouth
Member
Agreed. I also decided not to share on social media, and its just a personal choice. No need to feel bad about it.
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People posting "me too" on social media if they've been sexually harassed/assaulted
- Thread starter ElectricBlanketFire
- Start date
Agreed. I also decided not to share on social media, and its just a personal choice. No need to feel bad about it.
PixelatedBookake
Junior Member
I was sexually harassed in the workplace fairly recently which helped me (as a guy) understand on some level how a woman could feel in that situation. It was a very confusing, stressful feeling. It was hard to describe to other people. I'm glad #MeToo is allowing women to come out and share their experiences. That is very brave and I salute you!
Jzero
Member
The point still stands, I don't want a sugar mama so don't touch me
Me too. Years back when I was working in a hotel, one of the higher ups in management always used to brush up against me, hold my shoulders or rub them whilst breathing loudly. It's not that serious compared to other people but it did make me feel extremely awkward every time she was around.
Damn, sorry to hear it. Sharing would probably help, as there are very few situations where sharing doesn't help (at least years after the fact, after facing it for a long time, etc), but fuck if it isn't a powerfully stressful and terrifying prospect. Totally fair enough not to.
lifeexpectancy
Member
The first great love of my life had been raped. She was only 17. My first wife had been raped. Over half the women I have dated have admitted to some form of sexual assault experience, and thats just the ones willing to share that painful truth with me.
I fear it may be approaching 90% in some areas of the U.S. as well as some countries where women are even less empowered.
I fear it may be approaching 90% in some areas of the U.S. as well as some countries where women are even less empowered.
hey_monkey
Banned
It's good advice.
Stopping people from interrupting women is such an easy, tiny way to help. Stopping them from talking over us, from ignoring us, from repeating our ideas as though they are our own. It happens so often.
Listening even when a woman seems "too angry" is another. Swallow that anger. Stop talking for a minute. It can hurt. Listen anyway.
It's not always about having a discussion. Sometimes it's just about sharing a moment or being heard. I'm glad you disengaged. I hope you learn to let go of that feeling like you need to discuss, though. We all have to learn that sometimes it's better not to push things. Every moment isn't a debate or discussion.
You're one voice telling her that it's assault. That it's rape. There are thousands of others telling her that's just how it is. I know because I've heard it all, too. Just like men are told to "get over it" or "suck it up" or whatever. We're all told all the time to just accept and move on.
It's frustrating. It's impossible.
Yes. This is probably the case for every woman everyone knows.
Choppasmith
Member
#metoo
Yeah I can completely relate with this. If anything, I feel like it bothers me more now because I'm at about the age of the same man who did it to me as a child. If mentioned it a few times before, I'd rather not get into it.
I do have a story to get off my chest though. I've been thinking a lot about it with these people coming forward. I was with a girl, the two of us straight out of HS (about 15 years ago). We got to talking, started flirting and eventually making out. I stayed at her place for a movie and started making out again. Things then began getting "touchy feely". Now I was eager and horny, but the LAST thing I wanted to do was be overbearing or do anything without her consent. I wanted to be romantic like what you see in the movies (cheesy I know, but I wanted it to be as pleasant an experience as possible for both of us, to be completely opposite of what I experienced, fear, dread, and pain) I would gauge her reactions and I asked her several times, "Is this okay?" and she would just nod. Didn't go all the way. Just left her place hoping to hang out again. When I met up with her the next day, I found that she was ignoring me. I didn't confront her about it or anything just kissed her on the cheek and said I'd see her later. I go home and find out she broke up with me via voice mail. I just shrugged it off and never saw her again. Over the years I've wondered what I could've done differently. But lately, with the stories surfacing in Hollywood, it made me think, "What if she quietly went along with it because she was scared I'd flip out? If I was some big famous guy, would she accuse me of rape?" Felt like utter shit the other day and nearly cried. I couldn't live with myself if she was out there recalling the memory in horror, feeling too scared to say no.
perfectchaos007
Member
One of my feminists friends on FB posted "I don't get the purpose of this #metoo trend" which drew me in. Then I kept reading. She goes on to say 100% of women have been sexually harassed at some point whether at work, or at school, ALL WOMEN have experienced cat calling, social media stalking, or had an inappropriate sexual comment thrown at them. She concludes by saying its unfortunate guys don't realize all women are sexual harassment victims.
Pretty sure the trend is for improving awareness for men because women already know how bad it is. It's easier to prove that it is a problem when women they personally know share their stories.
I'm not going to share all of mine, but being grabbed on the shoulders by a teacher standing behind me, dudes "playfully" touching my butt, being catcalled, etc. After a while it feels like there's nothing you can do to stop it, it doesn't matter what clothes you wear or how you present yourself, there's always that initial mistrust of men after years of this BS.
Which sucks for the men who aren't creeps, because their fellow peers are ruining their first impressions.
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
So based on my FB feed it's all the women huh.... 
OG Shaka Zulu
Member
Harrassment is probably 100% easily. But yes, this is to raise awareness.
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
Think of all the people who aren't admitting "me too" as well, out of shame. This is only the tip of the iceberg.
I had a female coworker grab my ass in the last 4 months. I didn't, and don't, really know how to feel about it, it did not make me feel comfortable and I haven't really talked to her since.
I'm not sure if this one counts but another grabbed my bicep a little too long, and a little too squeezingly. I don't really have biceps so idk.
I'm not sure if this one counts but another grabbed my bicep a little too long, and a little too squeezingly. I don't really have biceps so idk.
Yeah, I wouldn't put it on facebook or anything, but I have had my ass grabbed at work, had a roomate creep into my bed while I was asleep, and had people ignore "no."
But whatever, this isn't about me.
Chmpocalypse
Blizzard
Sexual harassment is a form of assault.
Yes. Sadly I have some people on my FB feed who are saying things like shouldnt put harassment with assault and some people are too sensitive about harassment.
😑
Valkerionseven
Member
If it's an unwanted/unappreciated touch or advance (physically or verbally) then yes I would say it counts. I think a lot of people need to be more aware that any unwanted sexual advance or touch ect. w/e you want to call it counts. Things can be unwanted and taken as a joke sure/a part of the fun, but we also need to be more honest when it's not.
It's been happen more recently in my life sadly for the first time really in my life now that I go out more. Living abroad in a country with almost no black people, and particularly being a black male with all the stereotypes I come across all kinds of stuff I generally try to ignore but sometimes just can't. People staring at my crotch as the first thing they do when they meet me, or so say hi. Multiple times I've been groped and what not by complete strangers which is always weird.
Thankfully I've had friends be pretty understanding about how that can make people feel and have them make the point clear in the native language they need to not do things like that without consent.
Crazyorloco
Member
Very sad seeing all the me toos.
I'm sure this is for men too, but I see that all the women on my Facebook have put:
""If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote 'Me too.' as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem."
So it'll awkward for a male to post it you know? pretty much "you're not part of of this".
Men.
I'm sure this is for men too, but I see that all the women on my Facebook have put:
""If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote 'Me too.' as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem."
So it'll awkward for a male to post it you know? pretty much "you're not part of of this".
Men.
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
Yup.
PersonAndStuff
Member
Old forum friend posted #MeToo as did Abby Russell. I know I've never met these people in person but I feel mad/sad.
Also me, most are from university settings with other drunk people, where I'm expected to be more into sexual advances by women, but there are two others that I remember better.
By an older female boss who's touching made me uncomfortable a couple of times.
And by an ex-girlfriend with more overtly sexual inappropriate grabbing in situations when we run into each other downtown.
I know they both made me uncomfortable at the time. Whenever the first situation comes up in conversation it's usually met with laughs and comments of what a creep the lady was. I don't mention the 2nd situation, because in my mind I don't think people would view it as something that should have made me uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure everyone I know has at some point, regardless of gender, been sexually harassed. Some experience it significantly more often than others do though. It also effects some more than it does others.
By an older female boss who's touching made me uncomfortable a couple of times.
And by an ex-girlfriend with more overtly sexual inappropriate grabbing in situations when we run into each other downtown.
I know they both made me uncomfortable at the time. Whenever the first situation comes up in conversation it's usually met with laughs and comments of what a creep the lady was. I don't mention the 2nd situation, because in my mind I don't think people would view it as something that should have made me uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure everyone I know has at some point, regardless of gender, been sexually harassed. Some experience it significantly more often than others do though. It also effects some more than it does others.
Choppasmith
Member
My siblings and I were essentially "saved" thanks to my oldest sister confronting our abuser. If it wasn't for him it would have never stopped. I mean ymmv, I can't speak for all instances, but a trademark of abuse is control with the victim feeling powerless. I wouldn't rush in blindly, but I wouldn't ignore it either.
Essentially every woman under 50 on my FB friend list (and plenty over that age) has shared their experience in some capacity either via a simple me too or quite a few who've gone into detail about an instance or fifteen. I actually do not think I've seen a male post it yet in my own circle. I'm sure there have been guys who've experienced it but I think there is certainly still a clear divide on this sort of topic by gender. A lot of guys are not comfortable with even proclaiming something like this.
The extremely high percentage of ladies posting it is very, very troubling but as others have said not surprising. We have a fucked up society.
It sounds like by the end she concluded exactly why this is important. There are a lot of guys who don't realize all women deal with this. Did she sort of back track her statement at that point?
The extremely high percentage of ladies posting it is very, very troubling but as others have said not surprising. We have a fucked up society.
It sounds like by the end she concluded exactly why this is important. There are a lot of guys who don't realize all women deal with this. Did she sort of back track her statement at that point?
ProtoSound
Neo Member
When I was 9 years old a babysitter forced me and my 7 year old brother to have sex with her. Or at least attempted sex. I wasn't sure if there was actual penetration since I was 9 and had no fucking clue what was happening.
Not sure how you would classify that but it really fucked up my attitude towards sex and created a real unhealthy obsession that dominated my teens and twenties. The sad thing was I refused to recognize that incident as a bad thing,. Thankfully, as I have gotten older, I've been able to recognize what it was and the trauma it has caused me.
So, me to.
Not sure how you would classify that but it really fucked up my attitude towards sex and created a real unhealthy obsession that dominated my teens and twenties. The sad thing was I refused to recognize that incident as a bad thing,. Thankfully, as I have gotten older, I've been able to recognize what it was and the trauma it has caused me.
So, me to.
As a man I can think of two really. But that's the thing. Women face this much more often and my experiences were well into adulthood and I had the tools to deal with it where as a lot of women aren't so lucky. People of both sexes are assholes and this is more than just being an asshole but there's far more men who contribute to this.
Both my sisters and my wife.... come on fellas we can do better no? Ton's of girl's I know have posted it well.
My wife alone on two seperate occasions (once in highschool and then in her early 20s) has had two whip their dicks out in public and start masturbating in front of her.
SMDH..
My wife alone on two seperate occasions (once in highschool and then in her early 20s) has had two whip their dicks out in public and start masturbating in front of her.
SMDH..
Oh my God, I'm so sorry
When I was 9 there was this teenage boy who would invite me to his house after school, I enjoyed going because it was the only place I was allowed to play Grand Theft Auto. One of the times I went he raped me. A few weeks after the police turned up, turns out he'd been doing similar things to other kids. The police told my parents what had happend.
It wasn't really the rape that was the most damaging part, it was how everyone else dealt with it. The first thing I was asked wasn't "are you okay" it was "are you gay". Truth was, I was gay. Growing up gay would have been hard enough, but thinking your sexuality and feelings towards the same sex were the result of a rape, was damaging in ways I can't explain
It wasn't really the rape that was the most damaging part, it was how everyone else dealt with it. The first thing I was asked wasn't "are you okay" it was "are you gay". Truth was, I was gay. Growing up gay would have been hard enough, but thinking your sexuality and feelings towards the same sex were the result of a rape, was damaging in ways I can't explain
Yoshi
Headmaster of Console Warrior Jugendstrafanstalt
I think it is a matter of definition. In the broadest sense of sexual harassment, that includes social media stalking or catcalling, it is likely you approach like 95% of all people. If you even go as far as including comments that pertain to sexuality (e.g. gendered slurs), then you will probably end up at close to 100%. Personally, I would be more strict in my understanding and would only say "me too" if I was forced to have sexual intercourse (or activities, like a forced intimate kiss), repeated groping by the same individual or similar stuff. Since this has not happened, I will not say "me too". But of course, individual perceptions vary, as do individual definitions of terms, so if you do a social media activity rather than a scientific study, you will of course end up with all kinds of individual definitions that do not allow for much interpretation other than: A lot of people have at one point in their life been treated in a way they perceive as sexual harassment and it would certainly be preferrably if people were more sensible about their behaviour towards other people to prevent giving other people a hard time like this.
Now for sexual abuse in the strictest sense, as there have been many dreadful stories in this very discussion, it is devastating to see that even then you approach a significant percentage of people having suffered from it.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
I remember in the first day of 8th grade in a science class a guy in front of me was just fondling the girl in the next seat. Like trying to finger her ass through her jeans. The girl was always trying to brush him off and it was a real wtf moment for us in the back row.
I wish I had spoken up about it, but you're in 7th grade, first day and the power dynamic of teacher to student, especially in middle school is huge.
I wish I could go back and tell that guy to fuck off, even if I got a detention or suspended, which seems like a murder sentence in middle school.
And I won't lie. I've done some "nice guy" bullshit and even maybe harassed someone. But I am ashamed and embarrassed, especially now in my late twenties. Maturity sometimes doesn't happen until you are older. It's both a sign of brain development and cultural Patriarchal bullshit you grow up with.
I wish I had spoken up about it, but you're in 7th grade, first day and the power dynamic of teacher to student, especially in middle school is huge.
I wish I could go back and tell that guy to fuck off, even if I got a detention or suspended, which seems like a murder sentence in middle school.
And I won't lie. I've done some "nice guy" bullshit and even maybe harassed someone. But I am ashamed and embarrassed, especially now in my late twenties. Maturity sometimes doesn't happen until you are older. It's both a sign of brain development and cultural Patriarchal bullshit you grow up with.
KarneeKarnay
Member
I'm not sure if this counts, but the reaction from the teachers will stick with me forever.
I was in primary school and a older boy from another class sat next to me during a lesson. He stuck his hands down my pants. I immediately told the teacher.
The teacher told me and I will never forget the words. "Stop lying and that's no excuse to interrupt my class."
Some context. I have Asperger Syndrome. I'm high functioning on the scale, but for the longest time I couldn't lie. I didn't understand what a lie was. If someone asked me something, even if it got me in trouble, I always told the truth.
My teacher knew this and still called me a liar. When I said I wasn't a liar I was sent to the Head Teacher and my mum was told that I had been lying.
My mum took me out of the school today and within a month I was at a new school. I was 5 or possibly 6. I don't think the kid was doing it to get off on it, but the thing I will always remember was the teacher's reaction. It was the first time I felt injustice. For a long time I felt awful about it. What did I do? How could I have handled it better?
I still think about it time to time. This is the first time I've ever told this to anyone.
I was in primary school and a older boy from another class sat next to me during a lesson. He stuck his hands down my pants. I immediately told the teacher.
The teacher told me and I will never forget the words. "Stop lying and that's no excuse to interrupt my class."
Some context. I have Asperger Syndrome. I'm high functioning on the scale, but for the longest time I couldn't lie. I didn't understand what a lie was. If someone asked me something, even if it got me in trouble, I always told the truth.
My teacher knew this and still called me a liar. When I said I wasn't a liar I was sent to the Head Teacher and my mum was told that I had been lying.
My mum took me out of the school today and within a month I was at a new school. I was 5 or possibly 6. I don't think the kid was doing it to get off on it, but the thing I will always remember was the teacher's reaction. It was the first time I felt injustice. For a long time I felt awful about it. What did I do? How could I have handled it better?
I still think about it time to time. This is the first time I've ever told this to anyone.
neurosisxeno
Member
My girlfriend isn't a huge fan of it. She has been through a lot and isn't opposed to women speaking out, she just doesn't love this method of doing so. I support my friends speaking out on the matter, but understand that with her experiences it's viewed through a different lens.
LogicAirForce
Neo Member
I'm not sure if this counts but, a while back I had an issue with a dude at work repeatedly asking me out after I already told him no. This went on for a couple months, he would ask me every few weeks and it got to the point that I dreaded having to walk through the part of the building that he worked in. It only stopped because he was fired for being an all around shit employee. I never went to HR because I knew they wouldn't help me. Its not as bad as some stories people have told, but it still sucked.
I'm not sure if I should join in with the hashtag since my experience wasn't as horrible as others.
I'm not sure if I should join in with the hashtag since my experience wasn't as horrible as others.
Earthpainting
Member
I deleted my "me too" because some of my friends saw it as an invitation to talk to me about it. They mean well, but that's pretty much the last thing I was in the mood for.
I'm not sure what counts as sexual harassment, I believe almost anyone could post 'me too'. I'm not talking about abuse, nothing really serious like that.
I've had my junk grabbed by surprise by two different girls in the past, it wasn't a mistake or anything, they just went for it. Then tried to brush it as is they tripped or something, but they hanged on to the whole thing.
I've been called dirty stuff by some girls while walking around the city, since I'm very shy I just walked faster to avoid the conversation.
I've also have been whispered unsolicited dirty stuff to my ear by a girl out of nowhere, I belove we were sitting on the floor playing some game and she went all "wouldn't you love to stick your dick in my pussy?" That was when I was like 14, and again, being so shy I was like "Nononono!" and felt like I had to leave immediately.
Edit: Oh and I had this teacher (male) who used to come by my desk when I had a question and presenter his junk in one of the corners of said desk, resting his package and showing it off.
I've had my junk grabbed by surprise by two different girls in the past, it wasn't a mistake or anything, they just went for it. Then tried to brush it as is they tripped or something, but they hanged on to the whole thing.
I've been called dirty stuff by some girls while walking around the city, since I'm very shy I just walked faster to avoid the conversation.
I've also have been whispered unsolicited dirty stuff to my ear by a girl out of nowhere, I belove we were sitting on the floor playing some game and she went all "wouldn't you love to stick your dick in my pussy?" That was when I was like 14, and again, being so shy I was like "Nononono!" and felt like I had to leave immediately.
Edit: Oh and I had this teacher (male) who used to come by my desk when I had a question and presenter his junk in one of the corners of said desk, resting his package and showing it off.
Markitron
Is currently staging a hunger strike outside Gearbox HQ while trying to hate them to death
Happened to me once in college, it was one of the older employees. I never really thought about it as sexual harassment until people started sharing all these stories. Guess that's part of the problem.
I've been pretty surprised by it, but I don't have many close female friends who would ever confide something like this in me. In fairness half my partners have told me about being harassed in the past.
I never thought it was a rare thing for women but I didn't realise it was quite this prevalent. Been quite eye-opening, in an informative (if shocking) way of course.
There have been plenty of occasions that crossed my personal boundaries but I have thankfully never been sexually harrassed to the point I really felt violated or threatened. And there have never been repeated offenders.
And for me personally I don't count things like a drunk woman I don't know hitting me on my ass. It is awkward, but it never made an impact on me personally. Emphasis on the word personally in the context of my own situations. Each person is different and I will support anyone that feels violated.
And for me personally I don't count things like a drunk woman I don't know hitting me on my ass. It is awkward, but it never made an impact on me personally. Emphasis on the word personally in the context of my own situations. Each person is different and I will support anyone that feels violated.
When I was 5 or 6 one of my cousins forced me to show my penis to them and then they shoved their tongue down my mouth. Eventually one of my aunts found us and told us to come inside before anything else happened. I try not to think about it too much which is why the details are so hazy to me.
OMG I'm sorry to quote this.
I have been on the fence about posting #metoo, because as a man I don't want to jump on something that I think was meant for women to give visibility to the issue. But also want to post because in my last two jobs I have been harassed and assaulted too, I have gone to the psychologist and I'm better, though sometimes when something reminds me of those episodes I zone out hard and feel like I go back to square one.
But just by reading the first part of the story, I had this heart sinking feeling. I know that feeling of dread I have been in that situation too, but I don't remember everything what.