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Spinluck
Member
(08-24-2016, 06:46 PM)
Spinluck's Avatar
Well it's been about 2 months so I think I should open up because it's eating away at me.

At the end of June I got on Tinder looking because I was bored. Matched with a girl, and we talk quite a bit, eventually we meet up for a movie. Goes good, we hug, and then part ways. We talk like all day (through text), and I end up going over her place one night. We watch a movie, eat pizza, and have a good time. We hug, then I go home. Next date, I take her out for dinner, then we went back to her place again. Played some Mario Kart and DKC together, after that we decided to watch some Broad City. That night, I snuggle next to her, and before a left, I kissed her.

Next day, she doesn't text me at all, and as I'm getting off of work. I text her saying that I'm sorry for the kiss, she asks why, and then I answer that it caused her to act strange. She says that I shouldn't regret it, and that she's been quiet because she's confused. I ask her, "over what?" And she says that she doesn't know what she wants. Says she wants someone to hangout with and talk to like boyfriend but not a boyfriend. So we agree to let things go back to the way they were.

Next day I don't text her much at all and she notices, and proceeds to call me out on it. "I feel like you're not talking to me as much since I told you I'm confused." I apologize and explained that I thought she needed time or space to think. She says sorry for doing that to me, and we begin talking again.

Anyway, sometime in July she needed help moving out of her apartment. I bring a friend of mine to help, and we're flirting like crazy throughout the day. Hey parents were there and I got to meet them too. They seemed really cool and we all ate dinner together afterwards. Anyway, she invited me over that night because she wants to see me. But I come with the intention of just chilling since I'm still under the impression she wants things friendly. We watch a movie, fall asleep, and then I hug her and leave. On the way home, she text me that she wishes I could've stayed the night (I couldn't because of work). I say me too. She then says that she wanted me to kiss her and I said that i didn't want to try and pull anything romantic to make things worse for her. And it's left at that.

We talk some (pretty much every day), and then I ask her out to go see Lights Out. We go out, see the movie, I kiss her multiple times, we go back to her place and cuddle. Before I leave, I kiss her a few times goodbye, and then head home. On the way home, she texts me asking me why every kiss was just a peck tonight. I tell her that she didn't seem like she's wanted to do more and kept complaining about being tired and hungry. At this point I'm starting to get confused. Anyway, that's the last time that I see her (end of July).

She's a school teacher and said that when school was back it'd be hard for us to see each other (early August). I try to invite her out for breakfast and she says yes, as long as it's really early because she has a shit ton of things to do. She cancels last minute. I then ask her out again, she cancels saying that she has a night out with coworkers planned. I ask her to Suicide Squad, "I'll be too busy" (and then she sees it with her dad the following Sunday). One day she says, "depending on how much I get done, maybe you can spend the night tonight?" I say cool, I'll text you after work. She says, "just to sleep and cuddle, I'm not trying to fuck you or anything." I agree. I get off of work and she says, "I'm exhausted, I can't tonight, I'm sorry." I then tell her I have no idea what's going on and explain that I'm not sure what I can and can't do because idk where her mind is, she apologizes and says maybe she should back off and not drag me along while she's lost. I ask her if that's what she's leaning towards and she hits me with "not necessarily."

Anyway, I ask her out and she says she's too busy preparing school stuff. But invites me to come over her place. On the way she says something came up and if I'm already on my way I can still come. But I decided not to because she said it'd be really hard to see me in her current state. I ask her what's wrong and get the following message:

"I might as well just tell you. I was seeing a guy I work with all last school year. He didn't want to commit to me, but he wasn't seeing anyone else. He all of a sudden dropped me when summer started. Stopped talking to me, hanging out, everything. I called him out on it, and he eventually apologized and said he just lost interest. Now I have to see him every day at work again and act like nothing is wrong. This afternoon, he posted a snapchat with another girl and it about killed me. So there you go. I caught feelings for a guy that didn't care about me at all. That's why I'm a fucking mess."

She tells me she has no hopes with getting with this dude again, but ever since school started we haven't talked as much and go days without talking to each other. I haven't talked to her since Friday, and our last exchange was is us flirting and whatnot sending selfies to each other. If I texted her now I'd get a response, but I was hoping to see if she'd reach out to me. My biggest problem right now is that i just want closure, or to know what the hell is going on. Should I text her or play her game? I sent the last text and it was me calling a pic she sent me cute with a joke in there.

PS: after the first time she told me she was confused, I reactivated my Tinder and saw that she was still on there. It really sucks because I let my guard down with this girl and felt a connection. She says she thinks we have a connection but doesn't know if it's just friendly or more. At this point I need help moving on or whatever I need to do because it's emotionally taxing on me and my work schedule is cruel.
Last edited by Spinluck; 08-24-2016 at 06:53 PM.
Gotdatmoney
Member
(08-24-2016, 06:47 PM)

Originally Posted by urge26

Thanks for the sarcasm, like I said I tend to over evaluate and overthink things. I'm looking for a relationship and not a fuck buddy, and sex on a first date usually results in weirdness moving forward.

Whether the person wants to date you or have you as a fuck buddy has absolutely zero to do with whether you have sex on the first date. Sex on date one doesn't mean anything.
SeanC
Member
(08-24-2016, 06:50 PM)
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Originally Posted by ZackieChan

Two things:

1) avoid that overinvestment at all costs. Talking to multiple girls helps this.

2) move for an in-person meetup asap. Like, within a dozen messages. Great texting means nothing until you meet irl.

Need to find multiple girls first. Working on that. Still early on this (2/3 weeks)

The girl I dig we didn't get to a dozen messages yet, were still feeling each other out (about 6 overall). I really want to meet her irl, far better in person myself, but the silence kind of put a stop to that and I feel like I'm restarting. Sometimes you just stop talking, that's fine, but she did make the first move, still has me as a "fav" and was chatty then nada.

This is going to be interesting. I have two or three apps I'm running plus Match and Zoosk (eh...not too big on Zoosk) so it's not going to be for lack of trying.
gwailo
Banned
(08-24-2016, 06:51 PM)

Well it's been about 2 months so I think I should open up because it's eating away at me.

Jesus Christ, man, I'm exhausted after just reading that. She's flaky as fuck and doesn't value your time. The "too busy" excuse is fucking ridiculous. She works a job where she gets off at 2 or 3, you seriously don't think she can spare an hour to meetup for drinks/coffee? Plus cancels on you three times? Fuck that noise. TBH I think she is trying to get things going again with that guy at work and keeping you as the nice guy backup. Quit wasting your time with her.
Spinluck
Member
(08-24-2016, 06:56 PM)
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Originally Posted by gwailo

Jesus Christ, man, I'm exhausted after just reading that. She's flaky as fuck and doesn't value your time. The "too busy" excuse is fucking ridiculous. She works a job where she gets off at 2 or 3, you seriously don't think she can spare an hour to meetup for drinks/coffee? Plus cancels on you three times? Fuck that noise. TBH I think she is trying to get things going again with that guy at work and keeping you as the nice guy backup. Quit wasting your time with her.

Yup, I figured between that and her getting high all the time. It's just hard for me to leave it on that note.
gwailo
Banned
(08-24-2016, 06:59 PM)
Trying to find closure with someone like that will be next to impossible. It's also not really necessary for someone that you've really only known for a couple of months. You have your reasons; she's a lazy pothead with some narcissism thrown in for good measure. Just delete her contact info and move on.
SeanC
Member
(08-24-2016, 07:00 PM)
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Originally Posted by Spinluck


"I might as well just tell you. I was seeing a guy I work with all last school year. He didn't want to commit to me, but he wasn't seeing anyone else. He all of a sudden dropped me when summer started. Stopped talking to me, hanging out, everything. I called him out on it, and he eventually apologized and said he just lost interest. Now I have to see him every day at work again and act like nothing is wrong. This afternoon, he posted a snapchat with another girl and it about killed me. So there you go. I caught feelings for a guy that didn't care about me at all. That's why I'm a fucking mess."

To me, it sounds like she's hoping there's a chance with this guy and now that she sees him everyday is hoping even more, so she's not willing to commit to anything else with anyone else. You (and I would imagine others as she put herself back out there) were caught up in that.

Just flat-out send a text about a date instead of flirting with selfies. If that's what you want then that's what you need to put out there. If she goes for it, then great. If not, and she says no or flakes again, at least you gave it one final shot and can rid yourself of her.
ZackieChan
Member
(08-24-2016, 07:03 PM)
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Originally Posted by Spinluck

Giant post

I don't even need to read this to know you should just move on.
WolfeTone
Member
(08-24-2016, 07:03 PM)
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Originally Posted by Spinluck

Well it's been about 2 months so I think I should open up because it's eating away at me.

I agree with gwalio. Don't bother with this person. I think you made a few mistakes, she seemed to ask for space and you gave it to her which is good, but then she made signs that she wanted you to kiss her more (straight up said it to you) and you still backed off. Maybe you went a bit cold on her because you were feeling confused too.

For the most part though, this person doesn't value you or your time. You were her backup. You deserve someone who likes you as much as you like them.

You say you want closure? What does that mean? You want her to text you saying it's not going anywhere? Be honest with yourself, what kind of relationship could you have with this girl knowing all the things you know now? If I were you, I'd just delete her number and walk away. Or maybe send her a text saying something to the effect of 'I had fun, but it's too much for me' and then bail. Give yourself closure that way if you need to.
Bread
Whole Wheat
(08-24-2016, 07:04 PM)
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Sorry spin, that sounds pretty annoying. It's probably best that you move on, 2 months of wishy washy shit like that will drag you down and it's not worth it.
Spinluck
Member
(08-24-2016, 07:08 PM)
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Yeah thanks guys, honestly with her current issues she isn't really worth fighting for. Gonna take a break from all this for a bit and just focus on me for now.
Gotdatmoney
Member
(08-24-2016, 07:15 PM)

Originally Posted by Spinluck

Well it's been about 2 months so I think I should open up because it's eating away at me.

At the end of June I got on Tinder looking because I was bored. Matched with a girl, and we talk quite a bit, eventually we meet up for a movie. Goes good, we hug, and then part ways. We talk like all day (through text), and I end up going over her place one night. We watch a movie, eat pizza, and have a good time. We hug, then I go home. Next date, I take her out for dinner, then we went back to her place again. Played some Mario Kart and DKC together, after that we decided to watch some Broad City. That night, I snuggle next to her, and before a left, I kissed her.

Next day, she doesn't text me at all, and as I'm getting off of work. I text her saying that I'm sorry for the kiss, she asks why, and then I answer that it caused her to act strange. She says that I shouldn't regret it, and that she's been quiet because she's confused. I ask her, "over what?" And she says that she doesn't know what she wants. Says she wants someone to hangout with and talk to like boyfriend but not a boyfriend. So we agree to let things go back to the way they were.

Next day I don't text her much at all and she notices, and proceeds to call me out on it. "I feel like you're not talking to me as much since I told you I'm confused." I apologize and explained that I thought she needed time or space to think. She says sorry for doing that to me, and we begin talking again.

Anyway, sometime in July she needed help moving out of her apartment. I bring a friend of mine to help, and we're flirting like crazy throughout the day. Hey parents were there and I got to meet them too. They seemed really cool and we all ate dinner together afterwards. Anyway, she invited me over that night because she wants to see me. But I come with the intention of just chilling since I'm still under the impression she wants things friendly. We watch a movie, fall asleep, and then I hug her and leave. On the way home, she text me that she wishes I could've stayed the night (I couldn't because of work). I say me too. She then says that she wanted me to kiss her and I said that i didn't want to try and pull anything romantic to make things worse for her. And it's left at that.

We talk some (pretty much every day), and then I ask her out to go see Lights Out. We go out, see the movie, I kiss her multiple times, we go back to her place and cuddle. Before I leave, I kiss her a few times goodbye, and then head home. On the way home, she texts me asking me why every kiss was just a peck tonight. I tell her that she didn't seem like she's wanted to do more and kept complaining about being tired and hungry. At this point I'm starting to get confused. Anyway, that's the last time that I see her (end of July).

She's a school teacher and said that when school was back it'd be hard for us to see each other (early August). I try to invite her out for breakfast and she says yes, as long as it's really early because she has a shit ton of things to do. She cancels last minute. I then ask her out again, she cancels saying that she has a night out with coworkers planned. I ask her to Suicide Squad, "I'll be too busy" (and then she sees it with her dad the following Sunday). One day she says, "depending on how much I get done, maybe you can spend the night tonight?" I say cool, I'll text you after work. She says, "just to sleep and cuddle, I'm not trying to fuck you or anything." I agree. I get off of work and she says, "I'm exhausted, I can't tonight, I'm sorry." I then tell her I have no idea what's going on and explain that I'm not sure what I can and can't do because idk where her mind is, she apologizes and says maybe she should back off and not drag me along while she's lost. I ask her if that's what she's leaning towards and she hits me with "not necessarily."

Anyway, I ask her out and she says she's too busy preparing school stuff. But invites me to come over her place. On the way she says something came up and if I'm already on my way I can still come. But I decided not to because she said it'd be really hard to see me in her current state. I ask her what's wrong and get the following message:

"I might as well just tell you. I was seeing a guy I work with all last school year. He didn't want to commit to me, but he wasn't seeing anyone else. He all of a sudden dropped me when summer started. Stopped talking to me, hanging out, everything. I called him out on it, and he eventually apologized and said he just lost interest. Now I have to see him every day at work again and act like nothing is wrong. This afternoon, he posted a snapchat with another girl and it about killed me. So there you go. I caught feelings for a guy that didn't care about me at all. That's why I'm a fucking mess."

She tells me she has no hopes with getting with this dude again, but ever since school started we haven't talked as much and go days without talking to each other. I haven't talked to her since Friday, and our last exchange was is us flirting and whatnot sending selfies to each other. If I texted her now I'd get a response, but I was hoping to see if she'd reach out to me. My biggest problem right now is that i just want closure, or to know what the hell is going on. Should I text her or play her game? I sent the last text and it was me calling a pic she sent me cute with a joke in there.

PS: after the first time she told me she was confused, I reactivated my Tinder and saw that she was still on there. It really sucks because I let my guard down with this girl and felt a connection. She says she thinks we have a connection but doesn't know if it's just friendly or more. At this point I need help moving on or whatever I need to do because it's emotionally taxing on me and my work schedule is cruel.

Holy fuck, reading this was emotionally draining. I have the solution through brother.

Step 1. Delete her number
Step 2. Delete her from any social media
Srep 3. Do a new activity you always wanted to try. Make time for it. I dont care how busy you are.
Step 4. If you ever find yourself ending a date 3 at her house with a hug and dry dick, bail right then and there.
Step 5. Pursue other women. Be forward about this shit being dates and not friendship
SeanC
Member
(08-24-2016, 07:15 PM)
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Originally Posted by Spinluck

Yeah thanks guys, honestly with her current issues she isn't really worth fighting for. Gonna take a break from all this for a bit and just focus on me for now.

Did the same a while ago, feel better because of it. Also more confident even if things are different.
urge26
Member
(08-24-2016, 07:15 PM)
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Originally Posted by Spinluck

Yeah thanks guys, honestly with her current issues she isn't really worth fighting for. Gonna take a break from all this for a bit and just focus on me for now.

Easiest thing to do is erase her totally, including social media. If you still keep that you'll find yourself checking up on her.
Seik
something about preservation I guess
(08-24-2016, 07:24 PM)
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Originally Posted by Spinluck

Well it's been about 2 months so I think I should open up because it's eating away at me.

Welp, that was exhausting.

Go see elsewhere, drop her as she's clearly wasting your time. I knew someone that played with me the same way for months and it killed me emotionally in the end. Except we banged a couple of times in the process, but it was always shit like ''I'm not sure if I want more, etc. etc.''.

You'll find someone that actually wants to spend time with you, work/fatigue or not.
Mory Dunz
Member
(08-24-2016, 07:35 PM)
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A school teacher?

I honestly thought she was 17 reating that story. Not that you're without a little blame, but goodness that girl.


Anyhoo. Never talk to her again imo. I recommend this for this specific type of person...seems to feed off playing with emotions.

And silence will likely cause her to chase you...hard. Especially if the coworker ignores her. Good luck.
Messofanego
Member
(08-24-2016, 08:02 PM)
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Spinluck, she sounds like the type of person who will run after you when you ghost her or tell her you're breaking up cause she desperate but you're gonna have to stand firm. If she's still going for that other dude, let her sort her shit out and don't get involved. You don't need this drama draining your life. Move on to someone who actually gives a shit about you rather than playing you like a fiddle.
stn
Member
(08-24-2016, 08:27 PM)
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Originally Posted by Spinluck

Well it's been about 2 months so I think I should open up because it's eating away at me.

Next date, I take her out for dinner, then we went back to her place again. Played some Mario Kart and DKC together, after that we decided to watch some Broad City. That night, I snuggle next to her, and before a left, I kissed her.

Honestly? I think she intended to have sex after you made it to her place. If not, you shouldn't have snuggled.

Next day, she doesn't text me at all, and as I'm getting off of work. I text her saying that I'm sorry for the kiss, she asks why, and then I answer that it caused her to act strange. She says that I shouldn't regret it, and that she's been quiet because she's confused. I ask her, "over what?" And she says that she doesn't know what she wants. Says she wants someone to hangout with and talk to like boyfriend but not a boyfriend. So we agree to let things go back to the way they were.

You need to stop apologizing for things you do. Also, she knows what she wants. She initially started dating you because she either wanted sex or a relationship. She clearly does not want a relationship because she was taken back by your snuggling. Therefore, I assume she was looking for a hook-up.

Next day I don't text her much at all and she notices, and proceeds to call me out on it. "I feel like you're not talking to me as much since I told you I'm confused." I apologize and explained that I thought she needed time or space to think. She says sorry for doing that to me, and we begin talking again.

Again, stop apologizing.

Anyway, sometime in July she needed help moving out of her apartment. I bring a friend of mine to help, and we're flirting like crazy throughout the day. Hey parents were there and I got to meet them too. They seemed really cool and we all ate dinner together afterwards. Anyway, she invited me over that night because she wants to see me. But I come with the intention of just chilling since I'm still under the impression she wants things friendly. We watch a movie, fall asleep, and then I hug her and leave. On the way home, she text me that she wishes I could've stayed the night (I couldn't because of work). I say me too. She then says that she wanted me to kiss her and I said that i didn't want to try and pull anything romantic to make things worse for her. And it's left at that.

Eh, too much melo-dramatic talking for my liking. You could have easily responded with "Maybe next time ;)" when she said she wished you would have kissed her. Instead, you gave a very gloomy and passive response.

We talk some (pretty much every day), and then I ask her out to go see Lights Out. We go out, see the movie, I kiss her multiple times, we go back to her place and cuddle. Before I leave, I kiss her a few times goodbye, and then head home. On the way home, she texts me asking me why every kiss was just a peck tonight. I tell her that she didn't seem like she's wanted to do more and kept complaining about being tired and hungry. At this point I'm starting to get confused. Anyway, that's the last time that I see her (end of July).

This question is actually "Why have we been kissing so much and not fucking yet?"

She's a school teacher and said that when school was back it'd be hard for us to see each other (early August). I try to invite her out for breakfast and she says yes, as long as it's really early because she has a shit ton of things to do. She cancels last minute. I then ask her out again, she cancels saying that she has a night out with coworkers planned. I ask her to Suicide Squad, "I'll be too busy" (and then she sees it with her dad the following Sunday). One day she says, "depending on how much I get done, maybe you can spend the night tonight?" I say cool, I'll text you after work. She says, "just to sleep and cuddle, I'm not trying to fuck you or anything." I agree. I get off of work and she says, "I'm exhausted, I can't tonight, I'm sorry." I then tell her I have no idea what's going on and explain that I'm not sure what I can and can't do because idk where her mind is, she apologizes and says maybe she should back off and not drag me along while she's lost. I ask her if that's what she's leaning towards and she hits me with "not necessarily."

Oh for fucks sake.

Anyway, I ask her out and she says she's too busy preparing school stuff. But invites me to come over her place. On the way she says something came up and if I'm already on my way I can still come. But I decided not to because she said it'd be really hard to see me in her current state. I ask her what's wrong and get the following message:

"I might as well just tell you. I was seeing a guy I work with all last school year. He didn't want to commit to me, but he wasn't seeing anyone else. He all of a sudden dropped me when summer started. Stopped talking to me, hanging out, everything. I called him out on it, and he eventually apologized and said he just lost interest. Now I have to see him every day at work again and act like nothing is wrong. This afternoon, he posted a snapchat with another girl and it about killed me. So there you go. I caught feelings for a guy that didn't care about me at all. That's why I'm a fucking mess."

Blah blah blah no. She's not a "fucking mess."

She tells me she has no hopes with getting with this dude again, but ever since school started we haven't talked as much and go days without talking to each other. I haven't talked to her since Friday, and our last exchange was is us flirting and whatnot sending selfies to each other. If I texted her now I'd get a response, but I was hoping to see if she'd reach out to me. My biggest problem right now is that i just want closure, or to know what the hell is going on. Should I text her or play her game? I sent the last text and it was me calling a pic she sent me cute with a joke in there.

There's no point of playing her game.

PS: after the first time she told me she was confused, I reactivated my Tinder and saw that she was still on there. It really sucks because I let my guard down with this girl and felt a connection. She says she thinks we have a connection but doesn't know if it's just friendly or more. At this point I need help moving on or whatever I need to do because it's emotionally taxing on me and my work schedule is cruel.

Of course she reactivated her Tinder. She wants a hook-up. It is absolutely and painfully obvious, man. She's been waiting for you to seal the deal for a while. That's why she's confused as to whether you are just friendly or more. Your mistake was allowing yourself to go to her house without making a really physical move. You were better off making a bold move and being turned down than what actually occurred. At this point I'd honestly message her the following: "We've been kissing and cuddling too long. Let's fuck."

If she refuses, move on. If she accepts, reignite the chemistry based on that and see where it takes you. But don't continue texting and cuddling aimlessly, she will completely drop you the moment she meets a new guy.
ajfoucault
Member
(08-24-2016, 08:29 PM)
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By far match.com was what worked better for me. I tried Zoosk and Bumble as well. Not good results.
Messofanego
Member
(08-24-2016, 09:13 PM)
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Originally Posted by SeanC

Been doing it as well for a few days, but I'm still waiting patiently. Haven't quite come across a bagel I'm into yet where I want to reach out and say howdy.

I'm sending a message to this girl today I was talking to last week on Match. She went silent, not sure why. Seemed we were chatting back and forth pretty well then nothing.

Last resort, just a "Hey, really enjoyed talking and wanted to see if you're still interested" kind of thing. If not, then not. We can move on. If she says yes, tho...going to ask her to coffee.

Originally Posted by ZackieChan

If you send a message, it should be asking her to meet you for a date. Don't ask if she's still interested. Just ask her out and you'll get the answers you need.

Yeah, I've done this and it's a pretty clear ultimatum to them whether they're actually interested in you but were just genuinely busy with life or they don't want to meet you but don't mind being text buddies because it's so easy. For the latter, you should just bail.
Spinluck
Member
(08-24-2016, 09:52 PM)
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Thanks for all the replies guys, you all have been a big help in the spin recover process.

Originally Posted by stn

Honestly? I think she intended to have sex after you made it to her place. If not, you shouldn't have snuggled.


You need to stop apologizing for things you do. Also, she knows what she wants. She initially started dating you because she either wanted sex or a relationship. She clearly does not want a relationship because she was taken back by your snuggling. Therefore, I assume she was looking for a hook-up.


Again, stop apologizing.


Eh, too much melo-dramatic talking for my liking. You could have easily responded with "Maybe next time ;)" when she said she wished you would have kissed her. Instead, you gave a very gloomy and passive response.


This question is actually "Why have we been kissing so much and not fucking yet?"


Oh for fucks sake.


Blah blah blah no. She's not a "fucking mess."


There's no point of playing her game.


Of course she reactivated her Tinder. She wants a hook-up. It is absolutely and painfully obvious, man. She's been waiting for you to seal the deal for a while. That's why she's confused as to whether you are just friendly or more. Your mistake was allowing yourself to go to her house without making a really physical move. You were better off making a bold move and being turned down than what actually occurred. At this point I'd honestly message her the following: "We've been kissing and cuddling too long. Let's fuck."

If she refuses, move on. If she accepts, reignite the chemistry based on that and see where it takes you. But don't continue texting and cuddling aimlessly, she will completely drop you the moment she meets a new guy.

I think you're wrong about the sex thing. I don't think she was simply just looking for a guy to fuck.
If she was she has an odd way of showing it based off my previous hook ups.
FLAguy954
Junior Member
(08-24-2016, 09:56 PM)
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Originally Posted by Bread

Sorry spin, that sounds pretty annoying. It's probably best that you move on, 2 months of wishy washy shit like that will drag you down and it's not worth it.

This. I went through that shit with a girl for a week and a half and even that is too long.

Originally Posted by stn

Honestly? I think she intended to have sex after you made it to her place. If not, you shouldn't have snuggled.


You need to stop apologizing for things you do. Also, she knows what she wants. She initially started dating you because she either wanted sex or a relationship. She clearly does not want a relationship because she was taken back by your snuggling. Therefore, I assume she was looking for a hook-up.


Again, stop apologizing.


Eh, too much melo-dramatic talking for my liking. You could have easily responded with "Maybe next time ;)" when she said she wished you would have kissed her. Instead, you gave a very gloomy and passive response.


This question is actually "Why have we been kissing so much and not fucking yet?"


Oh for fucks sake.


Blah blah blah no. She's not a "fucking mess."


There's no point of playing her game.


Of course she reactivated her Tinder. She wants a hook-up. It is absolutely and painfully obvious, man. She's been waiting for you to seal the deal for a while. That's why she's confused as to whether you are just friendly or more. Your mistake was allowing yourself to go to her house without making a really physical move. You were better off making a bold move and being turned down than what actually occurred. At this point I'd honestly message her the following: "We've been kissing and cuddling too long. Let's fuck."

If she refuses, move on. If she accepts, reignite the chemistry based on that and see where it takes you. But don't continue texting and cuddling aimlessly, she will completely drop you the moment she meets a new guy.

Man, I was going to post similar responses to Spinluck's post but I was lttp lol.

By the way Spinluck, I agree with stn that she was indeed looking to have sex with you initially but for some reason you failed to escalate and be more assertive about it.
Spinluck
Member
(08-24-2016, 10:07 PM)
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Originally Posted by FLAguy954

This. I went through that shit with a girl for a week and a half and even that is too long.



Man, I was going to post similar responses to Spinluck's post but I was lttp lol.

By the way Spinluck, I agree with stn that she was indeed looking to have sex with you initially but for some reason you failed to escalate and be more assertive about it.

Through the abundance of text she made it clear what her thoughts on sex were, but I agree. I could've been way more assertive and missed things along the way.
Last edited by Spinluck; 08-24-2016 at 10:29 PM.
SeanC
Member
(08-24-2016, 10:08 PM)
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Originally Posted by Messofanego

Yeah, I've done this and it's a pretty clear ultimatum to them whether they're actually interested in you but were just genuinely busy with life or they don't want to meet you but don't mind being text buddies because it's so easy. For the latter, you should just bail.

Well I'm in luck, I heard back and she wants to keep it going. Sending a nice response, with it ending about grabbing coffee next week. Five/six back and forths is enough to ask to coffee, right? At this point we're just asking stuff about each others' profiles/likes/dislikes (which is fine, she's very interesting) but it feels like just going through the motions and would prefer to talk that stuff up in person, otherwise what the hell is left to talk about if we do meet?

Side note: matches on Coffee Meets Bagel today were nice, liked four profiles. Hope they like back.
ZackieChan
Member
(08-24-2016, 10:19 PM)
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It should be your first message. Stop dicking around with small talk and ask her on a date.
SeanC
Member
(08-24-2016, 10:32 PM)
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Originally Posted by ZackieChan

It should be your first message. Stop dicking around with small talk and ask her on a date.

Ok, but how long before I take her to my place and we watch Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer? Second date?

(Dicking done, all on her yes or no at this point.)
ZackieChan
Member
(08-24-2016, 10:34 PM)
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Originally Posted by SeanC

Ok, but how long before I take her to my place and we watch Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer? Second date?

(Dicking done, all on her yes or no at this point.)

Assertiveness is attractive. If they are turned off by it, they probably just wanted a texting partner anyway. Then it's time to move on.

Show her your basement on 2nd date.
NIGHT-
Member
(08-24-2016, 10:35 PM)
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Going on a date with a 22 year old(I'm 31). Wish me luck! She seems very awesome and has her shit together.
Will the Thrill
Member
(08-24-2016, 10:39 PM)
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Update on my date from yesterday, it seemed to go well and it was fun to not just go for dinner and talk the whole time. I shot her a text after I got home that I had a good time, Never responded, oh well.

College classes started up again today so at least I have more to do now, asked another girl out on tinder and she said yeah (She has to find time though).
SeanC
Member
(08-24-2016, 10:42 PM)
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Originally Posted by NIGHT-

Going on a date with a 22 year old(I'm 31). Wish me luck! She seems very awesome and has her shit together.

Good luck!

I have a friend who's 33 and dating a 24 year old, but she's seriously one of the more mature, smart and level-headed people I've ever met (more than he is, actually). Some people are mature beyond their years and vice-versa.
bluethree
Member
(08-24-2016, 10:44 PM)
I used to not want to date girls that age (I'm 32) but now I don't care. I've been on several dates with early 20 somethings recently (none of them worked out but it was still fun).
NIGHT-
Member
(08-24-2016, 10:46 PM)
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Originally Posted by bluethree

I used to not want to date girls that age (I'm 32) but now I don't care. I've been on several dates with early 20 somethings recently (none of them worked out but it was still fun).


I find that people around my age 28-32 seem to always have kids when it comes to online dating. I would really like to avoid dating someone with kids.
ZackieChan
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(08-24-2016, 10:46 PM)
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Originally Posted by bluethree

I used to not want to date girls that age (I'm 32) but now I don't care. I've been on several dates with early 20 somethings recently (none of them worked out but it was still fun).

Yeah, it's pretty cool. The women I've dated in their 30s have been looking for something very serious, and I am not. Skewing younger is better for my lifestyle.
Tambini
Member
(08-25-2016, 12:14 AM)
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I'm going on a second date tomorrow, we like eachother, we had fun last time and text a lot since but I'm just bad at showing affection, like she probably thinks I don't like her in that way much but it's not the case
ZackieChan
Member
(08-25-2016, 12:15 AM)
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Originally Posted by Tambini

I'm going on a second date tomorrow, we like eachother, we had fun last time and text a lot since but I'm just bad at showing affection, like she probably thinks I don't like her in that way much but it's not the case

How are you bad at showing affection? I think I am quoted in the OP about being physical - go read that.
Tambini
Member
(08-25-2016, 12:19 AM)
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Originally Posted by ZackieChan

How are you bad at showing affection? I think I am quoted in the OP about being physical - go read that.

Just initiating it I guess, its not that I don't like it. thanks I'll try to be playful, we're going bowling so perfect time to go for it I suppose
Nudull
Member
(08-25-2016, 12:30 AM)
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I was pretty disappointed with Coffee and Bagels. Even OKC gave me a few people, but C&B was completely dry. Online dating is soul-crushing, but it's my only means of finding dates right now.
urge26
Member
(08-25-2016, 01:12 AM)
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Originally Posted by ZackieChan

Assertiveness is attractive. If they are turned off by it, they probably just wanted a texting partner anyway. Then it's time to move on.

Show her your basement on 2nd date.

Agreed completely... granted I date women in their early to mid thirties and if you get the right signs they don't want you to pussy foot around.
Daria
Member
(08-25-2016, 02:34 AM)
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I went silent for a while and ended up reconnecting with a girl I was friends with in high school. We've been talking since February (she counts our first date as the anniversary date) and it seems to be going good. She truly cares for me and I came the realization that a lot of the stuff women do is purely out of love, even if I don't happen to see it that way sometimes.

She did move out of state after graduating college, currently lives 5 hours away with her dad and has a FT job which she doesn't really like. I spent the Summer here after taking it off of school but unfortunately have to move back home next Monday to finish the semester. I am dreading it. I hate the thought of having to leave. I am in the middle of flip flopping between majors and am cutting it very close to not meeting deadlines for college transfers in January. I wish she would move back up in January so I could go to school in-state but she says there's no jobs up there for her and that she doesn't really like the state anyway. The only other option that I think would ideal is if we both met half way and I apply for the school roughly midway between my hometown and her parents. Is that too much to ask of someone? Am I being selfish with some of these thoughts? What if we move for my school but then she's out of job for who knows how many months? I would have just sent our relationship into the inferno.
NIGHT-
Member
(08-25-2016, 03:04 AM)
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Well, I heard the dreaded words that no guy wants to hear...

After my day tonight, I texted her saying I had a good time and i'd like to do it again. She said she agreed and that we would make good "friends". First time I've got the "friend zone" message after a date, and it sucks. We talked and laughed the whole time, so I assume she just wasn't physically attracted. Oh well


Edit

I asked her if she just wasn't attracted to me and she responded with


"Well, no. I was. I just didn't get any kind of vibe. You are really cool. I just trust my instincts a lot and didn't get a relationship vibe."
Last edited by NIGHT-; 08-25-2016 at 03:13 AM.
vern
Member
(08-25-2016, 03:16 AM)
vern's Avatar

Originally Posted by ZackieChan

Yeah, it's pretty cool. The women I've dated in their 30s have been looking for something very serious, and I am not. Skewing younger is better for my lifestyle.

You and me both. I like the younger chicks, more fun, less baggage, not trying to marry me.
stn
Member
(08-25-2016, 03:55 AM)
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Originally Posted by NIGHT-

Well, I heard the dreaded words that no guy wants to hear...

After my day tonight, I texted her saying I had a good time and i'd like to do it again. She said she agreed and that we would make good "friends". First time I've got the "friend zone" message after a date, and it sucks. We talked and laughed the whole time, so I assume she just wasn't physically attracted. Oh well


Edit

I asked her if she just wasn't attracted to me and she responded with


"Well, no. I was. I just didn't get any kind of vibe. You are really cool. I just trust my instincts a lot and didn't get a relationship vibe."

Don't ask a girl why she isn't into you. Just assume she's not attracted to you and move on. This is for your benefit, not hers. She can say whatever she wants after you ask her why she's not into you, but the result will always be the same. The why? is irrelevant.

Originally Posted by Spinluck

Through the abundance of text she made it clear what her thoughts on sex were, but I agree. I could've been way more assertive and missed things along the way.

Why does it matter what she texted you? People bullshit all the time. A person can text whatever he/she wants. Ignore what people say, pay attention to everything else they do. One of the bigger mistakes in dating is putting too much stock into what a person says.
Spinluck
Member
(08-25-2016, 05:05 AM)
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Originally Posted by stn

Don't ask a girl why she isn't into you. Just assume she's not attracted to you and move on. This is for your benefit, not hers. She can say whatever she wants after you ask her why she's not into you, but the result will always be the same. The why? is irrelevant.


Why does it matter what she texted you? People bullshit all the time. A person can text whatever he/she wants. Ignore what people say, pay attention to everything else they do. One of the bigger mistakes in dating is putting too much stock into what a person says.

Actions speak louder than words
LionPride
Banned
(08-25-2016, 05:15 AM)
You know ladies and gents, I tried being a Thot, I don't think it's for me. Especially since there's this girl who really likes me who I really like. Quite hard to be a thot when you actually care about a person
DrBo42
Member
(08-25-2016, 05:36 AM)
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Matched with a hot librarian type on tinder and had a brief conversation around midnight last night. Asked her if she'd like to grab a drink (you know where this is going) and nothing. Pinged her today and also nothing. Do people actually ghost on this thing rather than just unmatching? I don't understand, haha.
Your Entertainer
Member
(08-25-2016, 05:41 AM)
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Originally Posted by DrBo42

Matched with a hot librarian type on tinder and had a brief conversation around midnight last night. Asked her if she'd like to grab a drink (you know where this is going) and nothing. Pinged her today and also nothing. Do people actually ghost on this thing rather than just unmatching? I don't understand, haha.

The less thought and pride you put into this the better. Nothing means something until you actually meet up and something happens in person
Spinluck
Member
(08-25-2016, 05:42 AM)
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Originally Posted by LionPride

You know ladies and gents, I tried being a Thot, I don't think it's for me. Especially since there's this girl who really likes me who I really like. Quite hard to be a thot when you actually care about a person

Pretty much. Hookups have become sort of old hat for me at the moment. I want companionship. Fucking a girl on and off for months with things going nowhere adds nothing to my life at this point.
DrBo42
Member
(08-25-2016, 05:48 AM)
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Originally Posted by Your Entertainer

The less thought and pride you put into this the better. Nothing means something until you actually meet up and something happens in person

Nah I get that, just seems bizarre to not do what the app is designed to do in that situation.
ZackieChan
Member
(08-25-2016, 05:53 AM)
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Originally Posted by DrBo42

Nah I get that, just seems bizarre to not do what the app is designed to do in that situation.

Eh, maybe they don't know about it? Maybe they don't care? It doesn't really matter.

Originally Posted by LionPride

You know ladies and gents, I tried being a Thot, I don't think it's for me. Especially since there's this girl who really likes me who I really like. Quite hard to be a thot when you actually care about a person

Wtf is a thot
LionPride
Banned
(08-25-2016, 05:59 AM)

Originally Posted by Spinluck

Pretty much. Hookups have become sort of old hat for me at the moment. I want companionship. Fucking a girl on and off for months with things going nowhere adds nothing to my life at this point.

I wanted the hookups, but this girl came in and my plan went away. Plan was to be a thot before I get to college because there is a chance imma be that way once I get out in the world. Got committment issues and shit

Originally Posted by ZackieChan

Wtf is a thot

That
Ho
Over
There

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