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freshair · Mar 22, 2012

Megidolaon said:
Guys I need some advice. I guess I'll give the whole story.

Give back the 3DS and just be up front with him. You have no romantic feelings for him and you're uncomfortable receiving a gift like this.

Because a lot of the times guys have trouble 'understanding' rejection unless it's a flat out NO. If you say things like "you're in a really bad place right now" and "aren't ready to commit" (even though that may be true), in their mind, they still think they will have a shot at it "some day".

hawkshockey11 · Mar 22, 2012

Alright I am in a little predicament here.

Got out of a relationship about 2 months ago. Girl at work who I find attractive started hitting on me really hard ( she grabbed my crotch once in a flirty "accidental" way!). I knew she was in to me but I didn't know what to do so I basically friendzoned her.

She just got out of a 3 year relationship (was given an engagement ring, boyfriend then dumped her. Later she found out he was sleeping with other girls the whole time.) about 4 months ago. I basically flirt with everyone and everything. I don't do it on purpose it is just my humor and the way I talk.

She ended up casually dating some guy that came in to work quite a bit and I thought that was the end of it.

One day I was feeling depressed with ex issues and she talked me calm. Eventually she said she tried everything to get my attention and that she really liked me, but I didn't bite and she got depressed. She felt incompetent and unattractive because she couldn't get my attention. I told her I liked her to, but wasn't sure I was ready. I still don't feel ready to be honest. A lot has improved but some things are still in progress. We basically agreed that it was unfortunate and too late now.

Yesterday was my first day back to work in over a week and she was there along with another girl my age. Apparently I was "flirting" too much with the other girl and she got jealous or something and was sort of hostile the rest of the night. As I basically expected she sent me a text after I left that she felt ignored and didn't want to get in the way , yada yada. I then told her that I didn't know how she felt about me. I thought she was getting serious with that guy, but she basically told me it wasn't going to work and that she wanted me.

I told her we had to do something outside of work for a change, basically asked her out. Now I like her and I am attracted to her but she is kind of a bitch sometimes. Never to me but to other people. She is also 23 and I am 18. Also I was getting used to the single life. No idea what to do...

lawlohwhat · Mar 22, 2012

hawkshockey11 said:
Alright I am in a little predicament here.

Got out of a relationship about 2 months ago. Girl at work who I find attractive started hitting on me really hard ( she grabbed my crotch once in a flirty "accidental" way!). I knew she was in to me but I didn't know what to do so I basically friendzoned her.

She just got out of a 3 year relationship (was given an engagement ring, boyfriend then dumped her. Later she found out he was sleeping with other girls the whole time.) about 4 months ago. I basically flirt with everyone and everything. I don't do it on purpose it is just my humor and the way I talk.

She ended up casually dating some guy that came in to work quite a bit and I thought that was the end of it.

One day I was feeling depressed with ex issues and she talked me calm. Eventually she said she tried everything to get my attention and that she really liked me, but I didn't bite and she got depressed. She felt incompetent and unattractive because she couldn't get my attention. I told her I liked her to, but wasn't sure I was ready. I still don't feel ready to be honest. A lot has improved but some things are still in progress. We basically agreed that it was unfortunate and too late now.

Yesterday was my first day back to work in over a week and she was there along with another girl my age. Apparently I was "flirting" too much with the other girl and she got jealous or something and was sort of hostile the rest of the night. As I basically expected she sent me a text after I left that she felt ignored and didn't want to get in the way , yada yada. I then told her that I didn't know how she felt about me. I thought she was getting serious with that guy, but she basically told me it wasn't going to work and that she wanted me.

I told her we had to do something outside of work for a change, basically asked her out. Now I like her and I am attracted to her but she is kind of a bitch sometimes. Never to me but to other people. She is also 23 and I am 18. Also I was getting used to the single life. No idea what to do...

Based on the description you've given of her, she sounds like a headcase. It's not going to work with someone she's seeing, but she's still 'getting serious'? It sounds like she's putting bait out there to get you more interested, but she's still refusing to commit to being single.

If you're still interested in her, you could feel it out in a direct manner, but be up front about your intentions. You said that you don't feel ready for anything serious, so make sure she knows that.

hawkshockey11 · Mar 22, 2012

lawlohwhat said:
Based on the description you've given of her, she sounds like a headcase. It's not going to work with someone she's seeing, but she's still 'getting serious'? It sounds like she's putting bait out there to get you more interested, but she's still refusing to commit to being single.

If you're still interested in her, you could feel it out in a direct manner, but be up front about your intentions. You said that you don't feel ready for anything serious, so make sure she knows that.

I thought she was getting serious. Wasn't true though. I know she is a borderline headcase, but I believe most of it is the loneliness. She told me she was depressed and lonely in the winter and she didn't act or feel like she usually does as a result.

Tess3ract · Mar 22, 2012

Megidolaon said:
I just want to be single and have platonic friends and just focus on my life. I don't want the emotional entanglement of a relationship.

Is there anything I can do at this point where I don't become a bitch? I really never meant for this to happen. Are we still just friends?

Just tell him the bolded part.

Tell him it's not about him, you just want to focus on your own stuff for the time being and ask that you two just remain friends.

You should also ask if he wants the 3DS back, like "You got me this 3DS, do you still want it, or is it for me?"

smokeandmirrors · Mar 23, 2012

The girl I've been talking to a little bit brought me this fancy bread she made. She was very adamant about getting it to me It was delicious. And she wants me to go to a party with her tomorrow night. A little out of my comfort zone but it's time I try something different. I've never really hooked up with a girl. And I'm a little worried cause there's the chance it'll end in sex, and I haven't had it in such a long time.

Vermillion · Mar 23, 2012

hipgnosis said:
Had a fantastic date tonight, this was our second date. Holy shit. We grabbed sushi to eat at my place. Had a great time eating the sushi and spent the evening with her lying on my lap and talking about all kinds of stuff. Held hands together and cuddled the whole night. Gave her a sweet kiss when she left. She is extremely good looking, never had a girl this beautiful. She is also incredibly smart and not superficial, also has a master's in economics.

Have no idea how I'm dating a girl of this caliber. This is 10/10 material.

Made plans for future dates already. She suggested we'd meet tomorrow, but I already had plans. Gotta arrange something for next week.

Nice, dude.

Etrian Oddity · Mar 23, 2012

Jipan said:
I have no other things to report other than casually talking to chicks from my class or in the studio. Soultron's advice on talking to chicks casually without asking for any numbers, playing the eye contact game, and choosing to give a chick the number if one find her interesting is pretty solid advice. A chick that didn't know did say good night to me and smiled yesterday. I didn't smile back, but I did say good night back and thought if I knew her.

Seriously, just keep doing this, and relax. You find it incredibly odd that when you become comfortable in yourself--and a social fraternity should do this and turn you into a true man--you become far more attractive and comfort-inducing to women. Just stop thinking, and live your life with positivity. Look at your life from an objective point of view and realize how many great things are going for you. If the fraternity is worth any salt, it will only further add to your happiness and confidence and lead you to a girl. Mine did.

Oh, and word from the wise: Stop calling them frats.

MisterNugNug · Mar 23, 2012

Megidolaon said:
Guys I need some advice. I guess I'll give the whole story...

Is there anything I can do at this point where I don't become a bitch? I really never meant for this to happen. Are we still just friends?

You need to be straight with him. Its possible he's just a REALLY nice guy, but reading your post, makes me think differently. You have to tell him. The longer you drag this out, the worse its going to get, because the longer it takes; he's going to feel like he's investing more time and more of himself in a relationship that doesn't exist. And the moment you tell him the truth, yeah he might think you're a bitch or whatever. You're going to have to accept that, just like he has to accept the fact that you're not interested in dating anyone right now.

You're being straight with him. You're being honest; that's what friends do. And if he wants to be your friend then hopefully this won't become a serious issue and he'll continue to be your friend. And just like Tess3ract said, tell him you want to focus on your life before jumping into a relationship. You can't really resent someone if that's how they feel; he will though if he does in fact pine for you and you let this drag out by not wanting to come off as a bitch telling the truth.

Jhoan · Mar 23, 2012

Etrian Oddity said:
Seriously, just keep doing this, and relax. You find it incredibly odd that when you become comfortable in yourself--and a social fraternity should do this and turn you into a true man--you become far more attractive and comfort-inducing to women. Just stop thinking, and live your life with positivity. Look at your life from an objective point of view and realize how many great things are going for you. If the fraternity is worth any salt, it will only further add to your happiness and confidence and lead you to a girl. Mine did.

Oh, and word from the wise: Stop calling them frats.

I picked that word up out of habit from pop culture; it sounds pejorative. My classmate who's in the fraternity put in a good for me when I asked him. I can't help but feel like he's going to get something out of it by telling them that I joined because of him (I joined out of my own self-interests like any other person). Maybe some kind of reward, I dunno. It's hard not to think about people's ulterior motives, but that's not going to be bother me.

But at this point, I don't really care about bagging a chick's number or not; I suppose it comes from a cynicism of women that I developed after my last experience talking to a woman. I definitely have to stay positively and not let a bad experience detract me from meeting women. By making casual conversation with female classmates, I already feel like I'm improving.

The social proof the fraternity is going to give me is definitely going make me more desirable to women as opposed to being in the halls alone. I have no doubt that I'm going to meet plenty of girls through it eventually.

jdogmoney · Mar 23, 2012

I asked my girlfriend what she was passionate about. What strong convictions she had. What was right and wrong, what she cared most about. She couldn't come up with anything.

Is this a bad sign or am I crazy?

AdventureRacing · Mar 23, 2012

jdogmoney said:
I asked my girlfriend what she was passionate about. What strong convictions she had. What was right and wrong, what she cared most about. She couldn't come up with anything.

Is this a bad sign or am I crazy?

Did you just ask that out of the blue? Seems like a weird question to ask and if put on the spot i'm not sure how i would respond either.

I think you're worrying way too much if you actually think that's a big deal.

Power Glove · Mar 23, 2012

jdogmoney said:
I asked my girlfriend what she was passionate about. What strong convictions she had. What was right and wrong, what she cared most about. She couldn't come up with anything.

Is this a bad sign or am I crazy?

Hope you didn't word it like that. You have to be more piecemeal and get bits here and there to form the whole picture. Direct the conversation towards news stories or something that happened in your life that relates to the subject that you want to find out where she stands on.

Example: I was talking to a date about an event that happened in my philosophy class recently that involved evolution and religion. She reacted and gave me a good idea where she stands on those two subjects.

mcrae · Mar 23, 2012

jdogmoney said:
I asked my girlfriend what she was passionate about. What strong convictions she had. What was right and wrong, what she cared most about. She couldn't come up with anything.

Is this a bad sign or am I crazy?

yeah, the above posters make good points. i hate it when people approach conversation like that, putting me on the spot. i may be able to come up with an answer, but even if i do its most likely not complete/fully correct/thought out at all

Etrian Oddity · Mar 23, 2012

Jipan said:
I picked that word up out of habit from pop culture; it sounds pejorative. My classmate who's in the fraternity put in a good for me when I asked him. I can't help but feel like he's going to get something out of it by telling them that I joined because of him (I joined out of my own self-interests like any other person). Maybe some kind of reward, I dunno. It's hard not to think about people's ulterior motives, but that's not going to be bother me.

But at this point, I don't really care about bagging a chick's number or not; I suppose it comes from a cynicism of women that I developed after my last experience talking to a woman. I definitely have to stay positively and not let a bad experience detract me from meeting women. By making casual conversation with female classmates, I already feel like I'm improving.

The social proof the fraternity is going to give me is definitely going make me more desirable to women as opposed to being in the halls alone. I have no doubt that I'm going to meet plenty of girls through it eventually.

Good, keep staying positive. Don't worry about your last experiences--that's all in the past. Just think about the present. Count your blessings and have fun--eventually you'll find a girl who will fall in love with you.

And being in a fraternity does improve your social proof, but it's often to the girls who are not worth their salt. They see letters and that's it. The real reason fraternity men can pull the baddest girls is their own confidence, be they a douchebag or a gentleman.

PM me which fraternity you pledged, by the way.

Inversive · Mar 23, 2012

What is GAFs advice on telling friends that you like them? Should i bottle away my shit and man up or take the risk?

TurboLibre · Mar 23, 2012

Okay, here's a weird situation for you guys.

One of my best friends recently broke up with his long time girlfriend. Shortly later he rebounded with this girl, thinking it was going to be a one time thing. Well, she somehow became a part of the group and started hanging out with us pretty much daily. He wasn't thrilled about it but we all liked her, so he rolled with it and turned it into a friends with benefits thing.

Now here's where it gets weird. Over the past month she's grown to like me. Everyone in the group has taken notice and they're trying to push us together. Even the friend that was sleeping with her has taken me aside a couple of times and explicitly said we would be great together, and he wouldn't mind if anything happened. So is it weird that I'm not comfortable with this? I feel like this is a whole mess of problems waiting to happen but everyone around me seems to act like it's not that big of a deal. I do like this girl, but I'm not willing to burn bridges with my friends for her. Just trying to get other people perspective here, I am the over thinking type so it could just be me getting in my own head.

Spacebar · Mar 23, 2012

Inversive said:
What is GAFs advice on telling friends that you like them? Should i bottle away my shit and man up or take the risk?

Go for it. The longer you wait the more it will eat you up inside.

Tkawsome said:
Okay, here's a weird situation for you guys.

One of my best friends recently broke up with his long time girlfriend. Shortly later he rebounded with this girl, thinking it was going to be a one time thing. Well, she somehow became a part of the group and started hanging out with us pretty much daily. He wasn't thrilled about it but we all liked her, so he rolled with it and turned it into a friends with benefits thing.

Now here's where it gets weird. Over the past month she's grown to like me. Everyone in the group has taken notice and they're trying to push us together. Even the friend that was sleeping with her has taken me aside a couple of times and explicitly said we would be great together, and he wouldn't mind if anything happened. So is it weird that I'm not comfortable with this? I feel like this is a whole mess of problems waiting to happen but everyone around me seems to act like it's not that big of a deal. I do like this girl, but I'm not willing to burn bridges with my friends for her. Just trying to get other people perspective here, I am the over thinking type so it could just be me getting in my own head.

Your boy already gave you the clear go ahead. Proceed

with caution lol

Pein · Mar 23, 2012

Inversive said:
What is GAFs advice on telling friends that you like them? Should i bottle away my shit and man up or take the risk?

For me I bottled that shit up and I feel horrible but she has a boyfriend and I'm not looking to be in that type of situation, even though the guy is a total asshole.

If you're prepared that you could ruin the friendship because of this and you really like her I see no reason not to tell her. You'll feel much better if you tell them how you feel.

Bollocks · Mar 23, 2012

Tkawsome said:
Okay, here's a weird situation for you guys.

bros before hoes

FairyD · Mar 23, 2012

Inversive said:
What is GAFs advice on telling friends that you like them? Should i bottle away my shit and man up or take the risk?

I bottle that shit up, always hit on your friends friends.

Inversive · Mar 23, 2012

Pein said:
For me I bottled that shit up and I feel horrible but she has a boyfriend and I'm not looking to be in that type of situation, even though the guy is a total asshole.

If you're prepared that you could ruin the friendship because of this and you really like her I see no reason not to tell her. You'll feel much better if you tell them how you feel.

I'm not sure if i'm prepared to ruin the friendship and potentially alienate myself from part of my social group. However it is really eating away at me and causing some negative feelings, i really don't know what to do. Monday would have been perfect to tell her, she came round my house to chill but my best friend turned up unannounced a few hours later :/
I haven't told any of my friends about my feelings either.

The Shadow · Mar 23, 2012

Inversive said:
What is GAFs advice on telling friends that you like them? Should i bottle away my shit and man up or take the risk?

Unless you're 100% sure the feeling is mutual, I'd keep your mouth shut. That's just going to make the friendship awkward and probably ruin it.

Hang out with different people. Don't hang on him/her for friendship so much.

~Kinggi~ · Mar 23, 2012

hahaha. Oh you guys would be so proud of me. In classic Kinggi fucktard fashion for whatever reason this smoking hot girl at the gym was very much flirting with me. She saying how she is new in town and all this shit and asking me all these quesitons like she's interested and im awesome and all im going is 'fuck fuck fuck fuck wat to do! Batten down the hatches! She even extends her workout to leave when im leaving. And despite being able to keep conversation all i could muster as i left was 'nice meeting you'. Hey guys which method should i use for suicide?

Hylian7 · Mar 23, 2012

~Kinggi~ said:
hahaha. Oh you guys would be so proud of me. In classic Kinggi fucktard fashion for whatever reason this smoking hot girl at the gym was very much flirting with me. She saying how she is new in town and all this shit and asking me all these quesitons like she's interested and im awesome and all im going is 'fuck fuck fuck fuck wat to do! Batten down the hatches! She even extends her workout to leave when im leaving. And despite being able to keep conversation all i could muster as i left was 'nice meeting you'. Hey guys which method should i use for suicide?

Got her name? Facebook!

Combine · Mar 23, 2012

~Kinggi~ said:
hahaha. Oh you guys would be so proud of me. In classic Kinggi fucktard fashion for whatever reason this smoking hot girl at the gym was very much flirting with me. She saying how she is new in town and all this shit and asking me all these quesitons like she's interested and im awesome and all im going is 'fuck fuck fuck fuck wat to do! Batten down the hatches! She even extends her workout to leave when im leaving. And despite being able to keep conversation all i could muster as i left was 'nice meeting you'. Hey guys which method should i use for suicide?

Meh, at least you are able to get a girl to even talk to you, especially a hot one. That's sure as hell better than me always feeling like girls are simply repulsed by my presence. If not repulsed, certainly completely uninterested. Sucks when you get as old as I am too.

A hot girl has never talked to me at all, let alone flirted with me.

TurboLibre · Mar 23, 2012

~Kinggi~ said:
hahaha. Oh you guys would be so proud of me. In classic Kinggi fucktard fashion for whatever reason this smoking hot girl at the gym was very much flirting with me. She saying how she is new in town and all this shit and asking me all these quesitons like she's interested and im awesome and all im going is 'fuck fuck fuck fuck wat to do! Batten down the hatches! She even extends her workout to leave when im leaving. And despite being able to keep conversation all i could muster as i left was 'nice meeting you'. Hey guys which method should i use for suicide?

Calm down. You met a girl at the gym, she started talking to you, offered you complements, and you told her you appreciated the conversation. I don't see why you're freaking out here. If anything you should be proud of yourself, it's not easy to get a conversation at the gym, especially with women (from my experience at least). There's always the chance you'll see her again too, next time you can just pick up the conversation and see where that will take you.

And stop the suicide shit bro. This is a sign that you're on the upswing, don't fall back on old habits.

Bollocks said:
bros before hoes

Even when said bros are encouraging me to go after said "hoes"?

Furio53 · Mar 23, 2012

Tkawsome said:
Even when said bros are encouraging me to go after said "hoes"?

No. Bros before hoes does not apply here. If he gives the go ahead, and you're interested, then do what makes you happy...

MrGame&Watch · Mar 23, 2012

I know this is for "dating", but for people looking to just gain some confidence, go on a cruise. Just came back from a spring break cruise and we all did well with women there. It's a great situation. Youll never see them again, everyone is perpetually drunk, and everyone is looking to get laid.

Combine · Mar 24, 2012

MrGame&Watch said:
I know this is for "dating", but for people looking to just gain some confidence, go on a cruise. Just came back from a spring break cruise and we all did well with women there. It's a great situation. Youll never see them again, everyone is perpetually drunk, and everyone is looking to get laid.

And just in case I need to state the obvious. This means do not go on a cruise with family/parents like I did. Because then the above obviously will not happen at all. Was a nice cruise though otherwise.

hipgnosis · Mar 24, 2012

~Kinggi~ said:
hahaha. Oh you guys would be so proud of me. In classic Kinggi fucktard fashion for whatever reason this smoking hot girl at the gym was very much flirting with me. She saying how she is new in town and all this shit and asking me all these quesitons like she's interested and im awesome and all im going is 'fuck fuck fuck fuck wat to do! Batten down the hatches! She even extends her workout to leave when im leaving. And despite being able to keep conversation all i could muster as i left was 'nice meeting you'. Hey guys which method should i use for suicide?

Why didn't you ask her number? If she specified she's new in town there's only one answer you could give. Of course you're gonna introduce the town for her! Next time you see her at the gym see if she's still as enthusiastic and if she seems that way offer her to show the area and ask her number. Shit is not that hard bro.

~Kinggi~ · Mar 24, 2012

hipgnosis said:
Why didn't you ask her number? If she specified she's new in town there's only one answer you could give. Of course you're gonna introduce the town for her! Next time you see her at the gym see if she's still as enthusiastic and if she seems that way offer her to show the area and ask her number. Shit is not that hard bro.

Hard for me. That was literally the first time in my 28 years of solitude that a female stranger showed such outgoing interest. I didnt know what to do.

hipgnosis · Mar 24, 2012

~Kinggi~ said:
Hard for me. That was literally the first time in my 28 years of solitude that a female stranger showed such outgoing interest. I didnt know what to do.

That's understandable. It's hard for even guys who have dated several women. If you see her at the gym again challenge yourself and try to set yourself a date!

Mr.City · Mar 24, 2012

~Kinggi~ said:
hahaha. Oh you guys would be so proud of me. In classic Kinggi fucktard fashion for whatever reason this smoking hot girl at the gym was very much flirting with me. She saying how she is new in town and all this shit and asking me all these quesitons like she's interested and im awesome and all im going is 'fuck fuck fuck fuck wat to do! Batten down the hatches! She even extends her workout to leave when im leaving. And despite being able to keep conversation all i could muster as i left was 'nice meeting you'. Hey guys which method should i use for suicide?

The real question is what are you afraid of? What do you fear the most? Why?

Meh, at least you are able to get a girl to even talk to you, especially a hot one. That's sure as hell better than me always feeling like girls are simply repulsed by my presence. If not repulsed, certainly completely uninterested. Sucks when you get as old as I am too.

A hot girl has never talked to me at all, let alone flirted with me.

And just in case I need to state the obvious. This means do not go on a cruise with family/parents like I did. Because then the above obviously will not happen at all. Was a nice cruise though otherwise.

Are you going for a second ban? I'm really sick and tired of this bellyaching and "explanations." You want to not be lonely, we tell you what to do, and then you go, "you don't understand guys. I suck."

"Well, learn how to not suck so much."

"But I REALLY suck though."

Then fuck you; suck then. Play video games, eat pop tarts, don't read any books your therapist recommends while complaining how expensive treatment is, and kiss everyone's ass so they don't hack you up with machetes in the street. This isn't going anywhere because you're not taking that one important step.

And I've said this before, but this sometimes feels more like a social anxiety thread than a dating thread. So many men looking to women for validation of their existence. So much fear over been seen in the right light, of not being rejected. Dating, in here, seems like a precise and coordination plan toward being liked. Whatever happened to going on a date, with no expectations, feeling that romantic/sexual tensions and living in the moment? Even the bad dates are fun because if they're really bad, you get a fun story; or if they're boring, you just being a goofy asshole for the rest of the date.

Hylian7 · Mar 24, 2012

I forgot to mention, I was going to meet a girl from OKC this week, but she texted me today saying that "something unexpectedly happened" and she is casually dating someone, and doesn't feel right seeing more than one person at a time. Fuck, at least she was honest about it. Oh well.

Johnlenham · Mar 24, 2012

Inversive said:
I'm not sure if i'm prepared to ruin the friendship and potentially alienate myself from part of my social group. However it is really eating away at me and causing some negative feelings, i really don't know what to do. Monday would have been perfect to tell her, she came round my house to chill but my best friend turned up unannounced a few hours later :/
I haven't told any of my friends about my feelings either.

Have you approached the subject before?
Like Has she every said the kiss of death "Like a brother" phrase?

A long time ago I was massively hung up on someone, really messing my head up and yeah feelings like you say.
literally the day I was going to spill my guts out to her we got onto talking about the party we went to the night before.
She says the female host thought we were a couple and she came back with "im more likely to kiss you than him" and how "oh I mean your like a brother to me"

Kiss of Death phrase.

Like a flash it just straight up killed my..well desire for her because there is nowhere to go from there.
Like someone had swung a baseball bat and smashed the shit out of the pedestal she was on.
It sounds overly dramatic but it was like a foggy haze had cleared and on the way home later I realized I had rationalized her shitty parts as part of the oneitus and that if she did like me there has been many many many opportunities so I was just fooling myself all along.

This might not be relevant as such but I mean if it happens before you tell her, you find out and get "closure" but also get to keep the friendship.

Slayer-33 · Mar 24, 2012

~Kinggi~ said:
hahaha. Oh you guys would be so proud of me. In classic Kinggi fucktard fashion for whatever reason this smoking hot girl at the gym was very much flirting with me. She saying how she is new in town and all this shit and asking me all these quesitons like she's interested and im awesome and all im going is 'fuck fuck fuck fuck wat to do! Batten down the hatches! She even extends her workout to leave when im leaving. And despite being able to keep conversation all i could muster as i left was 'nice meeting you'. Hey guys which method should i use for suicide?

Oh man... That feel man... That feel is not a good feel. Missed opportunities and specially ones that include a hot and interested girl in them feel terrible if you don't act on it... You just gotta act casually and be like "Do you wanna get something to eat sometime (smile)? (Sure!) *Alright, put your number in here.*" I know it's easy to think that after the fact in hindsight but keep it simple, create an opportunity of seeing each other again outside of that place.

lawlohwhat · Mar 24, 2012

jdogmoney said:
I asked my girlfriend what she was passionate about. What strong convictions she had. What was right and wrong, what she cared most about. She couldn't come up with anything.

Is this a bad sign or am I crazy?

That is a huge red flag for me in terms of long term dating. But! Maybe she is a passionate person without a sense of direction. You could introduce her to some new hobbies that are out of her comfort zone and see how she reacts.

How old are you guys?

hawkshockey11 said:
I thought she was getting serious. Wasn't true though. I know she is a borderline headcase, but I believe most of it is the loneliness. She told me she was depressed and lonely in the winter and she didn't act or feel like she usually does as a result.

Understandable. You know her better than I do. Good luck, but proceed with caution!

Atramental · Mar 24, 2012

-The past does not equal the future.
-The only way I can fail at something is if I don't learn anything from my short comings.
-Emotion is created by motion. The way I move my body instantly effects my emotional state.
-Confidence is something I create. It is not a thing that somebody gave me or something that I missed out on.
-F.E.A.R. stands for "False Evidence that Appears Real"
-The things I focus on in life are the most real to me. If I focus on positive things I will become positive. If I focus on negative things I will become negative.
-Consistency is the mother of skill. If I keep on doing something I'll keep on getting better at it.

These are some of the phrases/lessons that I loop in my mind in order manage my emotional states. Whenever I'm in a shitty mood, feel like a total failure, or lack confidence I basically go through these phrases. I also psyche myself up by jumping up and down, or by punching the air like a boxer, or just by standing up straight and tall with a grin on my face in order to alter my confidence levels and my emotions.

Combine and Kinggi, if you guys implement these positive thoughts/lessons into your lives I think it will do you two a lot of good.

My social anxiety is starting to evaporate because I'm constantly bombarding my mind with these positive phrases. They've almost become like an internal mantra for my well being.

The Last Wizard · Mar 24, 2012

What's a good way to talk to a girl that you don't know on the street or somewhere else outside?

I've gotten pretty good at it in my classes, but a complete stranger outside it's much more difficult.

richardhawk · Mar 24, 2012

Atramental said:
My social anxiety is starting to evaporate because I'm constantly bombarding my mind with these positive phrases. They've almost become like an internal mantra for my well being.

I wish I could be as strong as you.

Atramental · Mar 24, 2012

richardhawk said:
I wish I could be as strong as you.

You can.

Don't doubt yourself or your abilities.

Small changes in your thought patterns can make all the difference. And eventually those small changes will avalanche into big ones.

Edit: Also, if anyone is having trouble in becoming the person they want to become I recommend that you write down those phrases I listed above and read them out loud to yourself in a passionate state on a consistent basis.

I still have some ways to go before I reach the level of success I want to be at but I'm getting there faster now that I have this personal "bible" of how I should behave, think, and feel.

low-G · Mar 24, 2012

Not much new to say.

I had lots of sex last night (also cuddling, kissing, and chatting) and I have a big date with another girl tomorrow. Woo!

For the record that girl is more of an open-relationship type. Think I'll see again as a friend in the future.

Also the tomorrow girl is a 10/10

Megidolaon said:
Guys I need some advice. I guess I'll give the whole story.

So, I'm a 22 yr old female. About five months ago I see that my old friend from high school poked me on facebook. I send him a message saying hi and we started chatting and catching up since I hadn't seen him in several years. We make plans to meet up for coffee and chat.

Well, eventually we start chatting more on facebook and hanging out more often, just going out to eat and playing video games and stuff. I knew that he had romantic feelings for me back in high school (I had previously rejected him), but I didn't see the problem of just hanging out since he is a very nice person and a good friend and I thought the whole thing was behind us. But maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

Now I told him in casual conversation pretty early on that I really wasn't looking to date, that I seriously doubt that I ever wanted to get married or be in a serious relationship with anyone really (I have trust issues and other personal issues which would make me a bad potential mate at this time), and I wasn't at a point in my life where I wanted a relationship. He seemed to accept this. I was very adamant about being uncertain of marriage and was at a point where I needed to figure myself out and be single. This was just casual conversation though, while we discussed our dating lives. He is the opposite, he wants to get married and find the love of his life. He seemed lonely and wants a relationship.

I thought it was pretty cemented that we were just platonic friends, until Valentine's Day when he sent me roses. I really didn't know what to think, and it was only a few weeks after my mom died (my dad died two weeks earlier) and I was in a bad spot in my life and chose to just ignore the whole thing. He was genuinely supportive of me during that time and I consider him a true friend. I had just lost both of my parents and he was very compassionate. But I never intended to lead him into thinking I wanted more. I wasn't trying to use him.

Well, yesterday he gave me a present. It turns out that he bought me a 3DS! Now I'm not sure what to think at all. I don't want to get into a situation where he thinks I'm taking advantage of him. I'm not sure if this gift means that he's expecting a more intimate relationship with me or if he thinks we're already in one! I mean, it's a pretty expensive gift. And I never asked him to buy it. I don't want to lead him on, but this just blindsided me and I feel guilty for it, even though I did want a 3DS. I don't know what to do and I don't want to hurt this person. But I really, really don't want to date him. I don't return his feelings. I just want to be single and have platonic friends and just focus on my life. I don't want the emotional entanglement of a relationship.

Is there anything I can do at this point where I don't become a bitch? I really never meant for this to happen. Are we still just friends?

#1. I know it's hard for guys to understand this feeling, especially if they're lonely, there's only so much you can do.

#2. Nice gifts aren't necessarily a signal of wanting to get in your pants or whatever. I've bought my female friends semi-big gifts (but they've bought me semi-big gifts too). Treat him like a bro and return the non-sexual non-romantic favors as you feel fit.

cashman · Mar 24, 2012

Atramental said:
You can.

Don't doubt yourself or your abilities.

Small changes in your thought patterns can make all the difference. And eventually those small changes will avalanche into big ones.

Edit: Also, if anyone is having trouble in becoming the person they want to become I recommend that you write down those phrases I listed above and read them out loud to yourself in a passionate state on a consistent basis.

I still have some ways to go before I've reach the level of success I want to be at but I'm getting there faster now that I have this personal "bible" of how I should behave, think, and feel.

look at you!

Anybody that says they can't make changes in their lives is just bullshitting themselves. We've seen atramental do it right in front of our eyes.

smokeandmirrors · Mar 24, 2012

Goddamnit. If I hadn't gotten sick for the first time all fucking year I would've hooked up with the girl I had been talking with. But of course I almost threw up in her car :/. She said it was alright and proceeded to tease me about it and told me it was alright. She didn't stop talking to me thankfully. I was going to make a move.

Me getting sick ruined our plans to go to a party together though. Fuck. But she had promised to drunk text me and she had and she sent me a picture of her before she left. I had tweeted about my luck in getting sick and the girl's best friend told me not to worry and everything will be alright.

Think I have this one in the bag? This is legit the first time I've been this confident about a girl in well, forever. Gonna get a dinner and a movie date for sometime this weekend.

RedSwirl · Mar 24, 2012

This been posted here yet?

Opinions?

Vermillion · Mar 24, 2012

RedSwirl said:
This been posted here yet?

Opinions?

This attitude causes some of the problems some women complain about.

Jhoan · Mar 24, 2012

The Last Wizard said:
What's a good way to talk to a girl that you don't know on the street or somewhere else outside?

I've gotten pretty good at it in my classes, but a complete stranger outside it's much more difficult.

I know that feel bro; I've been getting good at talking to girls in my class. I just haven't been casually touching them. While I've never done it, despite getting lots of eye contact from chicks on the train (This attractive Asian chick made eye contact with me as she got off her stop and went up the stairs earlier today), you could try using the "3 second rule."

It's a carrot-on-the-stick idea that states that one should approach a woman within 3 seconds of making eye contact with her. I suppose it's something worth trying. I saw so many attractive white girls today at 72nd street by the 1 train yesterday.

Any way, like the mantra goes, what's the worst thing that can happen if you engage a woman? Rejection? You could always go into say Barnes and Noble, spy an interesting looking woman browsing whatever section you like and strike about the book that she's checking out. Conversely, I heard about this in a dating forum, you could always try saying hi to 50 strangers (women). It's a Boot camp for getting comfortable approaching women in public. PM me if you want the full fledged thing and I'll send you the link.

Atramental said:
You can.

Don't doubt yourself or your abilities.

Small changes in your thought patterns can make all the difference. And eventually those small changes will avalanche into big ones.

Edit: Also, if anyone is having trouble in becoming the person they want to become I recommend that you write down those phrases I listed above and read them out loud to yourself in a passionate state on a consistent basis.

I still have some ways to go before I've reach the level of success I want to be at but I'm getting there faster now that I have this personal "bible" of how I should behave, think, and feel.

Well said man. That's good that you're taking the steps to get rid of the social anxiety. Nobody should ever feel sorry for themselves. "Oh no! I missed out on talking to a cute chick that I see whenever I go to x place. Woe is me!" C'mon guys, it's not the end of the world if that happens. Just by making casual conversation with women in general, one can improve.

Hell, even going to an uncomfortable social event can do wonders. Stop making excuses and do something about your situation. Complaining about being alone? Look up a social event that facilitates meeting new people. Like the saying goes, "nothing ventured, nothing gained." Here's another good quote: "Do not be too timid or too unsure of your actions. All life is an experiment." In other words, if you're afraid of doing something that scares you(possibly because of anticipatory fear), do it. Fortune always favors the bold.

smokeandmirrors · Mar 24, 2012

Welp she told me she wants to hook up next time. Works for me.

Jhoan · Mar 24, 2012

Notrollious said:
Welp she told me she wants to hook up next time. Works for me.

It sounds like she likes you a lot that she was willing to overlook the fact that you were sick (it happens to all of us). And she wants to hang out with you; that is a very good sign. Good luck man and keep us posted.

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