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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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54YS9.png


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Ask her if she's a woman or a girl. Grown people ask each other out. Grown people don't play games. Only girls and princesses sit in their tower waiting for prince charming like the selfish spoiled brats they are.
 

Neki

Member
Well awkward, I was making out with my girlfriend and she attempted to give me a handjob, but I couldn't get it up, and I don't know why. so embrassing. ugh. The first time I could do it, but for the rest of the night I couldn't get it up. And after she left, I looked at some arousing stuff and it was fine. Am I just too nervous around her?
 

brian

Member
Jumping into this thread because I'm trying to resuscitate my love life. Just haven't been motivated enough to pursue it in a while, so obviously not much luck lately.

I went out last weekend for a friend's birthday and this girl he works with started chatting me up right out of the gate. Really cute, cool girl. She told me that she thinks I'm cute and have a good vibe about me, while pushing her large boobs into my arm. Unfortunately, I was very sober at that point because I had just gotten there and she was very drunk because she had been drinking all day. I was also very hungry because I didn't eat dinner, so I asked her to come with me to help me find some food. I was in NYC so I figured I could find something quick and nearby, but the only thing we found was a diner. This impromptu date was an unfortunate turn of events, as my soberness became more obvious and her water was sobering her up and making her tired. Afterwards, she decided she should go home and I decided I should go celebrate my friend's birthday, and so we parted and so I proceeded to shit the bed harder by not getting her phone number before she left, only a hug and a see ya. Today (a week later), I told my friend to tell the girl (he works with her) I said sup, so we'll see how that gets received. Not something I expect to pan out, but I have precious few leads right now so just throwing out the hail mary.

Anyway, fail on my part, whatever. I beat myself up over it for a day or two, but I realize that this was a very good experience for me to have. It lit a fire in me that hasn't been there in a while. I wanted to kiss this girl so bad, and I didn't, so I'm bummed about that but also it makes me want to work towards getting that feeling again and having it pay off next time. I know that it is something I want, but also, to my great surprise, something that may even be attainable.

Going out tomorrow for a friend's bachelor party so hopefully I can find the strength within me to talk to some ladies. Even with a new and fairly positive experience under my belt, the thought of going up to people I don't know and striking up a conversation terrifies me. Last week doesn't even count because I put in so little effort into that encounter, as per usual. I'm basically starting from scratch on that front. Luckily I just stumbled upon these threads while browsing, so I'm brushing up on some knowledge. Good stuff all around, thank you all.
 

brian

Member
Ask her if she's a woman or a girl. Grown people ask each other out. Grown people don't play games. Only girls and princesses sit in their tower waiting for prince charming like the selfish spoiled brats they are.

Wow, really?

I agree with her. It's a guy's job to make a move. If a girl (or a woman) makes the first move, chalk it up as a lucky break. It sucks for shy men, but that's just how it works. Females are attracted to men who take control. Even though a girl may take it upon herself to make the first move, she won't do it before letting out a sigh.
 

Neki

Member
Wow, really?

I agree with her. It's a guy's job to make a move. If a girl (or a woman) makes the first move, chalk it up as a lucky break. It sucks for shy men, but that's just how it works. Females are attracted to men who take control. Even though a girl may take it upon herself to make the first move, she won't do it before letting out a sigh.

keep perpetuating those stereotypes.
 
Wow, really?

I agree with her. It's a guy's job to make a move. If a girl (or a woman) makes the first move, chalk it up as a lucky break. It sucks for shy men, but that's just how it works. Females are attracted to men who take control. Even though a girl may take it upon herself to make the first move, she won't do it before letting out a sigh.

Tell me the logic in waiting for a man to ask me out when I am fully capable of doing it myself.
 
Wow, really?

I agree with her. It's a guy's job to make a move. If a girl (or a woman) makes the first move, chalk it up as a lucky break. It sucks for shy men, but that's just how it works. Females are attracted to men who take control. Even though a girl may take it upon herself to make the first move, she won't do it before letting out a sigh.

If you're interested in someone else then make a move. Male or female. Don't wait for someone to come to you. Don't reinforce stereotypes. Don't play games. It's kind of arrogant to expect someone to want to approach you.
 

-Consistency is the mother of skill. If I keep on doing something I'll keep on getting better at it.
I want to expand on this one point that I made before I go to bed.

This phrase applies to both positive and negative behaviors.

The more I think and believe that I can't do something then the more my mind will accept that negative reality. That's why I cringe when both Kinggi and Combine self deprecate because all they are doing is reinforcing their negative realities with more negative beliefs about themselves.

If anyone is going to change a negative belief or behavior you need to create leverage as to why you must change. Basically, figure out all the pain your negative tendencies will cause you if you don't change them into positive ones.

I actually have a notebook that I've named my "success journal" in which I write down my negative behaviors and beliefs that I want to get rid of and right next to them I write down all the horrible things that will happen to me if I don't change those negative tendencies.

And on another page I have all the positive behaviors and beliefs I want to develop and all the pleasurable/positive things that I will gain by having those positive tendencies.

Essentially what I am doing is creating a mental carrot and stick for myself so that I'm constantly being motivated towards success.
 

brian

Member
Tell me the logic in waiting for a man to ask me out when I am fully capable of doing it myself.

I say that's awesome if you want to take control and do it. I respect that. Also, if you're a woman, I take back the tone of my post. I assumed you were male, and the difference in perception changes my interpretation. I apologize.

I just think that if you're a guy, you should err on the side of making the first move always. There are some women that are cool with doing that, and as a shy guy, I think that's great. But there are a LOT of women (like all those people on Facebook) who feel strongly about this. It's not that they are spoiled or entitled.. they just have it wired into them that this is the way it should be.
 

soultron

Banned
I say that's awesome if you want to take control and do it. I respect that. Also, if you're a woman, I take back the tone of my post. I assumed you were male, and the difference in perception changes my interpretation. I apologize.

I just think that if you're a guy, you should err on the side of making the first move always. There are some women that are cool with doing that, and as a shy guy, I think that's great. But there are a LOT of women (like all those people on Facebook) who feel strongly about this. It's not that they are spoiled or entitled.. they just have it wired into them that this is the way it should be.

And then they complain on Facebook about how they're single on Valentine's Day too.

The cycle continues.
 
I say that's awesome if you want to take control and do it. I respect that. Also, if you're a woman, I take back the tone of my post. I assumed you were male, and the difference in perception changes my interpretation. I apologize.

I just think that if you're a guy, you should err on the side of making the first move always. There are some women that are cool with doing that, and as a shy guy, I think that's great. But there are a LOT of women (like all those people on Facebook) who feel strongly about this. It's not that they are spoiled or entitled.. they just have it wired into them that this is the way it should be.

Look at the way she wrote her status, she's clearly entitled and thinks a man who doesn't ask her out is ball-less. Do you want to ask someone out like that? Some who just sits on her ass waiting for a guy to "man up" when she could clearly ask a man out she's interested in? No? Don't feed into this arrogance or defend it. She's got it better than previous generations and she's still insulting me and you over something she could easily do for herself.
 

brian

Member
Look at the way she wrote her status, she's clearly entitled and thinks a man who doesn't ask her out is ball-less. Do you want to ask someone out like that? Some who just sits on her ass waiting for a guy to "man up" when she could clearly ask a man out she's interested in? No? Don't feed into this arrogance or defend it. She's got it better than previous generations and she's still insulting me and you over something she could easily do for herself.

You're right that this girl words it abrasively and she sounds like an idiot, so I don't want to agree with it - and I don't. I agree with everything you're saying. But I do think that there are lots of perfectly wonderful women out there who consider it a turn off to have to make the first move on a guy. That's all I'm trying to say here. Men should err on the side of boldness, most of the time.

I'm now going to back out of this thread slowly for a hot minute because I don't want to be the guy who jumps into a thread for the first time and stirs shit up.
 

masud

Banned
Reinforcing stereotypes... Lmao Good luck waiting for that girl to come along and sweep you off your feet... Sure you can ignore the male/female sexual dynamic that has existed for thousands of years but don't be surprised when you find yourself asking others how to get women on a video game forum. Not trying to be mean here but Facebook girl is right, man up! Most women expect the guy to make the first move, and of the women that are willing to make the first move most of them would have preferred if the guy had done it.

And in reality women usually do make the first 'move', if a woman is waiting for you to ask her out she's probably been throwing hints at you that you either havent noticed or are too scared to do anything about. That might be 'playing games' but that's what flirting is, a game. It's supposed be fun and exciting, the uncertainty, the hinting, that's all part of it. If there's mutual attraction between me and a woman I would rather her let me persue her then have her ask me out, because I enjoy doing it and most men in their natural state (ie not brain fucked by self confidence issues) enjoy it too, at the same time most women enjoy be pursued as well. That's not reinforcing stereotypes, thats nature. We like to pretend were completly above nature but were not.
 
You're right that this girl words it abrasively and she sounds like an idiot, so I don't want to agree with it - and I don't. I agree with everything you're saying. But I do think that there are lots of perfectly wonderful women out there who consider it a turn off to have to make the first move on a guy. That's all I'm trying to say here. Men should err on the side of boldness, most of the time.

I'm now going to back out of this thread slowly for a hot minute because I don't want to be the guy who jumps into a thread for the first time and stirs shit up.

Plenty of women do want a guy to make the first move, it's still ingrained in us I agree. I blame movies and Disney and the like. They make us expect some grand romantic gesture. Eventually reality sets in and some of us at least realize it's not about who asked whom but being upfront about what you want. And if he doesn't beat me to the punch then I will ask instead of being an absolute asshole about it like that facebook poster.



Reinforcing stereotypes... Lmao Good luck waiting for that girl to come along and sweep you off your feet... Sure you can ignore the male/female sexual dynamic that has existed for thousands of years but don't be surprised when you find yourself asking others how to get women on a video game forum. Not trying to be mean here but Facebook girl is right, man up! Most women expect the guy to make the first move, and of the women that are willing to make the first move most of them would have preferred if the guy had done it.

And in reality women usually do make the first 'move', if a woman is waiting for you to ask her out she's probably been throwing hints at you that you either havent noticed or are too scared to do anything about. That might be 'playing games' but that's what flirting is, a game. It's supposed be fun and exciting, the uncertainty, the hinting, that's all part of it. If there's mutual attraction between me and a woman I would rather her let me persue her then have her ask me out, because I enjoy doing it and most men in their natural state (ie not brain fucked by self confidence issues) enjoy it too, at the same time most women enjoy be pursued as well. That's not reinforcing stereotypes, thats nature. We like to pretend were completly above nature but were not.

No one gets sympathy from me when they complain about someone not asking them out yet.
 

Hylian7

Member
Plenty of women do want a guy to make the first move, it's still ingrained in us I agree. I blame movies and Disney and the like. They make us expect some grand romantic gesture. Eventually reality sets in and some of us at least realize it's not about who asked whom but being upfront about what you want. And if he doesn't beat me to the punch then I will ask instead of being an absolute asshole about it like that facebook poster.





No one gets sympathy from me when they complain about someone not asking them out yet.

I kind of think things like dating sites and stuff will help bring down the ingrained stereotype. If they're on there in the first place, they probably won't just sit there and let the messages flow in, they can go out and message people they are interested in.
 

masud

Banned
No one gets sympathy from me when they complain about someone not asking them out yet.

Oh I agree. Most of the time the guys these women are complaining about aren't interested and they're just not willing to accept that. But if the guy does like her and he's just to scared to do anything and she still likes him, then by all means ask him out. But thats a very rare situation.
 
Oh I agree. Most of the time the guys these women are complaining about aren't interested and they're just not willing to accept that. But if the guy does like her and he's just to scared to do anything and she still likes him, then by all means ask him out. But thats a very rare situation.

Yeah I forgot about that too. Some people's egos though. Jesus.
 

butimnotarapper

Neo Member
Look at the way she wrote her status, she's clearly entitled and thinks a man who doesn't ask her out is ball-less. Do you want to ask someone out like that? Some who just sits on her ass waiting for a guy to "man up" when she could clearly ask a man out she's interested in? No? Don't feed into this arrogance or defend it. She's got it better than previous generations and she's still insulting me and you over something she could easily do for herself.

Is she DTF? Then yes....
 
Had a girl come up to me and make the first move last week.

She was pretty drunk and wanted me to buy her a drink.

I said no, as I don't buy girls drinks (my new not being the nice guy persona) but then she got all angry and called me a cheapskate and then walked off.

Compare this against my mate last night who bought 8 jäger bombs for a group of girls.

Both of us the same outcome, yet he was about $100 worse off.

What's the etiquette with buying drinks for women these days?
 

Xun

Member
Had a girl come up to me and make the first move last week.

She was pretty drunk and wanted me to buy her a drink.

I said no, as I don't buy girls drinks (my new not being the nice guy persona) but then she got all angry and called me a cheapskate and then walked off.

Compare this against my mate last night who bought 8 jäger bombs for a group of girls.

Both of us the same outcome, yet he was about $100 worse off.

What's the etiquette with buying drinks for women these days?
I wouldn't bother.

Fact I'd probably joke that they should buy me a drink if I was in a similar situation.

I knew a girl who would barely go out with any money, and flirted her way to getting drunk.
 

Darklord

Banned
Had a girl come up to me and make the first move last week.

She was pretty drunk and wanted me to buy her a drink.

I said no, as I don't buy girls drinks (my new not being the nice guy persona) but then she got all angry and called me a cheapskate and then walked off.

Compare this against my mate last night who bought 8 jäger bombs for a group of girls.

Both of us the same outcome, yet he was about $100 worse off.

What's the etiquette with buying drinks for women these days?

I've found a lot flirt to get drinks bought for them so yeah, if they come up and want a drink. No deal.
 

Minamu

Member
Only buy them drinks if YOU want to. Don't expect to get anything in return. Buy drinks if you feel like it, that's the only way it'll work out fine. It helps to have a big wallet :) The girls mentioned are only trying to scam you, so only indulge them if you have some kind of twisted trolling humor and don't care about the money xD
 

deejay8595

my posts are "MEH"
Never buy a girl a drink the first time you meet them at a club/bar. If your hoping that will get you the number then you need to step your game up. I had a couple girls approach me with the "Can you buy me a drink" and I hit them with the "hell nahh!". I love the reaction on their face. Girls hearing "No"= priceless
 

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
I was asked to buy a drink for a girl a while back at a bar. No introduction, no nothin, just "Hey! Wanna buy me a drink?" I said "not really" and she walked away with a pissy look on her face. Before I left the bar I went up to her and asked if she wanted to buy me a basket of chicken tenders. Needless to say I went home hungry that night. Too bad, she could've gotten lucky.
 

low-G

Member
This been posted here yet?

54YS9.png


Opinions?

I think guys still are expected to make the first move 90% of the time (approaching, all the way through sex), but the point is making the right move, not moving too fast, and as ever moving with confidence.

I was super shy too, the shyest. A man absolutely can change that.

It's true though that things should change here, but it's not going to change overnight.

Well awkward, I was making out with my girlfriend and she attempted to give me a handjob, but I couldn't get it up, and I don't know why. so embrassing. ugh. The first time I could do it, but for the rest of the night I couldn't get it up. And after she left, I looked at some arousing stuff and it was fine. Am I just too nervous around her?

Masturbate a lot recently? Also it's hard to tell how nervous you actually are in that situation. Could be a lot of factors but it was probably nerves, and thinking about how you can't get it up is always a surefire way to not.

Lots of communication, phone, aim.

Webcaming whenever possible.

Have plans to meet in person and execute them.

Whoa shit you shouldn't murder your dates, that's not cool. :p

Had a girl come up to me and make the first move last week.

She was pretty drunk and wanted me to buy her a drink.

I said no, as I don't buy girls drinks (my new not being the nice guy persona) but then she got all angry and called me a cheapskate and then walked off.

Compare this against my mate last night who bought 8 jäger bombs for a group of girls.

Both of us the same outcome, yet he was about $100 worse off.

What's the etiquette with buying drinks for women these days?

Screw etiquette, do what you want. Don't let girls milk money out of you.

If she thinks that then from a guys perspective you could say "Well I'm the one who picks the girl, makes the move so I demand to get the girl I want and she shouldn't say no".

Not entirely true. The thing is girls like that think the only reason a guy doesn't approach her is because he's not interested, and she probably feels hurt every time that happens (every time a guy she likes doesn't hit on her). Mental.
 

mcrae

Member
What's everyones thoughts on being the guy some girl is cheating on her boyfriend with? On one hand it sucks to be him, on the other hand he doesn't know and he is screwing up somewhere if she's looking outside the relationship and probably gonna cheat with someone else if not me so why not jump on it

Except I feel like I should feel guilty
 

Neki

Member
Masturbate a lot recently? Also it's hard to tell how nervous you actually are in that situation. Could be a lot of factors but it was probably nerves, and thinking about how you can't get it up is always a surefire way to not.
I guess I'll try going cold turkey for a while, but I don't know how'd that help, it'd seem like it'd make it harder to accomplish what I want, lol.
 

Combine

Banned
lol, amazing the disparity of the "dating spectrum" in this thread, from guys who post asking about sex advice to guys who can't even get laid.

Then guys like me who are like "huh?"
 

Mr.City

Member
My nerves suck, either I cum to early or I try and hold off and I lose my boner

feels bad man

Just think about baseball

lol, amazing the disparity of the "dating spectrum" in this thread, from guys who post asking about sex advice to guys who can't even get laid.

Then guys like me who are like "huh?"

Yes, there's more than 2-3 archetypes when it comes to human beings.
 

waxer

Member
I guess I'll try going cold turkey for a while, but I don't know how'd that help, it'd seem like it'd make it harder to accomplish what I want, lol.

Forget about her from an intercourse point of view and just please yourself. The worry about erectile disfunction be it difficulty getting it up or being to quick is essentially you worrying about the partners needs and not meeting their expectations. There are other ways you can please them.

That worry and general nervousness can cause you issue. Unfortunately the only way to become more comfortable is to keep going at it. Practice makes perfect. Just know that if your partner isn't willing to put up with a little early relationship anxiety then they probably weren't for you and you can move on to the next.

From what I can gather the whole lay off masturbation thing can actually help. Your partner will be stocked even if you cum early and remove any doubt in their mind that it was them causing you trouble.(especially true of girls uncomfortable with their own bodies)

Plenty of foreplay doesn't hurt as it will get them more exited and just make sure they keep their hands off you so you don't get worn out before the final round so to speak. Playing around and exploring their body will make you more comfortable as well. Just relax and enjoy having a fun with them. Once you get your mind off things and learn to enjoy the moment everything else will fall into place.

Talk about it with them as well. It will help both of you.
 

-PXG-

Member
Just got back from a date I with a girl I met on POF....

God damn...best date I've ever had. Period. The first date I had with me ex was pretty fucking good, but this blew it away. I've been waiting a long time to have something like this.

We had lunch at a really nice hibachi joint. There was instant chemistry and attraction the moment we sat down. Sure, we sent texts and talked (a lot) during the week, but that doesn't measure up to how you intereact face to face.

Tons of kino and mouth to mouth fun ;) She was really happy to see me and had a blast. She wants to see me again tomorrow, providing work doesn't get in the way. She didn't want to stop holding me. She grabbed my shirt and bit my lips so I would keep kissing her.

Anyway, to make things even better, my tickets to Nero and PAX East came in the mail too. Fucking baller ass day son.
 
How to go about not being nervous before a date? I know this girl is in to me, going by her teasing me about things last night ("we're gonna go to this place and we're gonna hook up"), but I'm a little jittery about having to make a move. I've never really had to before.
 

NateDrake

Member
How to go about not being nervous before a date? I know this girl is in to me, going by her teasing me about things last night ("we're gonna go to this place and we're gonna hook up"), but I'm a little jittery about having to make a move. I've never really had to before.

Feel the flow of the evening & go from there.
 

-PXG-

Member
How to go about not being nervous before a date? I know this girl is in to me, going by her teasing me about things last night ("we're gonna go to this place and we're gonna hook up"), but I'm a little jittery about having to make a move. I've never really had to before.

Try your best not to think about it. Go for a run, lift weights or play some games before heading out.

Don't worry about making a move and planning shit. Go with the flow.
 
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