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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|

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A

Alcoori

Member
Oh come on, interior design is fabulous!

I get what you mean though, I'm gonna turn 26 too this year and I am also single. Every guy I've been on a date with has either been a flake, not very interesting, weird or it just didn't work out. We still have years in front of us to find someone, who knows when that's gonna happen?

I wouldn't pay too much attention to people's profile. Hell I put some things in there I even forgot I put in and am always surprised when people bring it up.

I also agree with you about the "but why are you still single? You're such a catch!!!" thing. WELL IF I'M SO AWESOME INTRODUCE ME TO SOMEONE WHO IS TOO BITCH.
Anyway, I'm lucky V day is not that big in France (or I'm not making it a big deal) so it doesn't really affect me. The only thing that's bothering me a bit is that most of my friends are in a couple and that since they have been, they are way less fun :/
 
E

Eccocid

Member
Alcoori said:
Oh come on, interior design is fabulous!
The only thing that's bothering me a bit is that most of my friends are in a couple and that since they have been, they are way less fun :/
Click to expand...


TEAR THEM DOWWWWN TO PIECES BURY EACH TO FAR AWAY LANDS! lol
couples are so boooooooring.... they act like having mental disorders..2 brains but trying to act as one body and also trying to act cute around ppl ! lol
 
M

Magnus

Member
Alright, dumb, simple situation, but you can never see how to handle dumb, simple situations clearly when you're inside them, so I appeal for objective advice.


I meet a dude two years ago for a first date (after first talking online). Date = boring conversation, but bizarre magnetism that kept me there. We chill at his place, we bang around, I spend the night. It's basically the first time I'm with a guy, ever, so the night still kind of resonates with me.

I wake up, I'm bizarrely un-interested in him. It occurs to me that the physical attraction was really either (a) with the beer goggles on, and/or (b) while horizontal, where he was definitely some fun to be with. He was really passionate in bed. It was refreshing, in retrospect, considering the grade A flops to succeed him in my sex life.

We say goodbye that next morning, and speak again a couple times online about getting together again, but it never happens.

We talk again like three months ago for the first time since then, having been FB friends this whole time, and we catch up. It's all good.

I join PoF last week, where he sees my profile, and messages me, and starts a very different kind of conversation than the one on FB three months ago. We both talk about the night we shared, and how it's managed to stay in our memories and was quite special to both of us. He's made it pretty clear he wants to hang again, with, in my estimation, the goal being to bang around again. I'd definitely be up for that.

He also made it clear in his profile and another conversation we had that he's relationship-minded. The thing is, I am too, but I'm not really attracted to him in a dating/relationship capacity at all.

How do you tell someone you ONLY want to be a fuckbuddy? Especially since it would be quite clear (given my mutual presence on PoF) that I'm looking for dating/a relationship, just not with him? The thing is, he hasn't indicated at all in his actual recent message to me that he wants anything other than "I really enjoyed our night together back then! Let's hang out again".

Is there any way I can safely play this to try and attain fuckbuddy status, or is this too big a minefield considering my goal's to ultimately date/relate with someone else, and it's very likely he'll want that with me? Is there any subtle way to better figure out what he wants from me? I mean, my instincts say he wants me for more than just sex, but my instincts have been known to be way off before.

He's really a sweet guy. I just don't think the relationship spark is there for us at all. But the physical stuff was.

I even have a date with someone else on Thursday. :lol

Some wise friends of mine (on gaf and otherwise) have always advised playing the field, as far as dates go, and keeping lots of doors and options open to better the chance of finding someone you really have a spark with. Is that just regarded as being an awful person by most people though?

Some friends of mine would call that being a slut, whether you have sex with all of them or not, and others say it's perfectly normal. Is two dates a month with a couple of new guys, sex or not, really that bad?


I think that half the reason I'm even considering this is the fear of being alone that just takes a shit all over my brain every early February. It's totally unfair to this guy to think of him as a good backup plan in case other dates go poorly, though.
 
E

Eccocid

Member
Magnus said:
Alright, dumb, simple situation, but you can never see how to handle dumb, simple situations clearly when you're inside them, so I appeal for objective advice.


I meet a dude two years ago for a first date (after first talking online). Date = boring conversation, but bizarre magnetism that kept me there. We chill at his place, we bang around, I spend the night. It's basically the first time I'm with a guy, ever, so the night still kind of resonates with me.

I wake up, I'm bizarrely un-interested in him. It occurs to me that the physical attraction was really either (a) with the beer goggles on, and/or (b) while horizontal, where he was definitely some fun to be with. He was really passionate in bed. It was refreshing, in retrospect, considering the grade A flops to succeed him in my sex life.

We say goodbye that next morning, and speak again a couple times online about getting together again, but it never happens.

We talk again like three months ago for the first time since then, having been FB friends this whole time, and we catch up. It's all good.

I join PoF last week, where he sees my profile, and messages me, and starts a very different kind of conversation than the one on FB three months ago. We both talk about the night we shared, and how it's managed to stay in our memories and was quite special to both of us. He's made it pretty clear he wants to hang again, with, in my estimation, the goal being to bang around again. I'd definitely be up for that.

He also made it clear in his profile and another conversation we had that he's relationship-minded. The thing is, I am too, but I'm not really attracted to him in a dating/relationship capacity at all.

How do you tell someone you ONLY want to be a fuckbuddy? Especially since it would be quite clear (given my mutual presence on PoF) that I'm looking for dating/a relationship, just not with him? The thing is, he hasn't indicated at all in his actual recent message to me that he wants anything other than "I really enjoyed our night together back then! Let's hang out again".

Is there any way I can safely play this to try and attain fuckbuddy status, or is this too big a minefield considering my goal's to ultimately date/relate with someone else, and it's very likely he'll want that with me? Is there any subtle way to better figure out what he wants from me? I mean, my instincts say he wants me for more than just sex, but my instincts have been known to be way off before.

He's really a sweet guy. I just don't think the relationship spark is there for us at all. But the physical stuff was.

I even have a date with someone else on Thursday. :lol

Some wise friends of mine (on gaf and otherwise) have always advised playing the field, as far as dates go, and keeping lots of doors and options open to better the chance of finding someone you really have a spark with. Is that just regarded as being an awful person by most people though?

Some friends of mine would call that being a slut, whether you have sex with all of them or not, and others say it's perfectly normal. Is two dates a month with a couple of new guys, sex or not, really that bad?


I think that half the reason I'm even considering this is the fear of being alone that just takes a shit all over my brain every early February. It's totally unfair to this guy to think of him as a good backup plan in case other dates go poorly, though.
Click to expand...


I think everyone has his own slutometer. For example it can be perfectly normal if u date with like 20 guys a week but if you go over 21 you would feel wrong while it can be super slutty for someone who would date more than 3 a month!

About that guy i think you should make it clear to him that you are just goofing around and not looking for a relationship! Or it will be a big hassle later!(and drama) and you may never know maybe a spark will happen between two of you later! :p
 
Z

ZephyrFate

Banned
Playing the field isn't a bad thing unless you take it a step further with one of the guys while simultaneously still dating the others. Cut your ties when you find the best one.
 
G

Goreomedy

Console Market Analyst
It should only get weird if you've misrepresented your intentions.

I think as a default, there should be no expectation of exclusivity. So, if you're simply interested in a fuck down memory lane, go for it. That's a benefit of ending relationships on a positive note... all the reunion sex!
 
M

Magnus

Member
I agree with you guys.

The only complicating factor is, we're both on PoF. We both know we're both looking for a relationship, or at least, a guy to regularly date.

This makes me think he's interested in that with me, even if he didn't expressly state it in his last message.

Le sigh.

It's so simple, but always so complicated when you're living it.
 
A

Alcoori

Member
First, what's PoF? :D

Second, maybe you're getting ahead of yourself. Just get together with him if you want to and you'll see what happens. If he doesn't express his desire to take it further, then it's all good.
However if he does, just don't string him along and stop seeing him.

Playing the field is all good and games, but there's a dickish way of going about it and a respectful and honest way of doing it.
In my opinion, juggling several guys together might just prevent you from actually connecting with any of them and committing to one relationship rather than another. But then again, maybe if you meet the right guy you'll want to drop the other ones.
 
I

_Isaac

Member
Alcoori said:
First, what's PoF? :D

Second, maybe you're getting ahead of yourself. Just get together with him if you want to and you'll see what happens. If he doesn't express his desire to take it further, then it's all good.
However if he does, just don't string him along and stop seeing him.

Playing the field is all good and games, but there's a dickish way of going about it and a respectful and honest way of doing it.
In my opinion, juggling several guys together might just prevent you from actually connecting with any of them and committing to one relationship rather than another. But then again, maybe if you meet the right guy you'll want to drop the other ones.
Click to expand...

PoF is Plenty of Fish, which is probably a dating site.
 
M

Magnus

Member
Another swing and a miss. At least this one'll probably be a good friend.

Dating game's starting to get exhausting. How do so many people find someone to be happy with so fast and so early in life?
 
E

Eccocid

Member
Magnus said:
Another swing and a miss. At least this one'll probably be a good friend.

Dating game's starting to get exhausting. How do so many people find someone to be happy with so fast and so early in life?
Click to expand...

I have no idea but i don't wanna get a relationship from a daing site.
I just wanna meet with the right guy casually! In a book store or while travelling..totally randomly..I don't like the idea of trying guys from a pool of guys in a website. I act so not myself when i date a guy from a dating site.
 
M

Magnus

Member
I hear you, but I'm tired of waiting for what seems to have happened organically for practically everyone under the sun.

Seems like wishful thinking from my point of view now to find something out there passively; so I'm trying the proactive method for now. At least the byproduct of it so far is new friends.
 
P

Pinzer

Unconfirmed Member
Not sure if this is the best place but oh well:

So I'm probably going to a gay club tonight (first time), any advice?
 
M

Magnus

Member
Pinzer said:
Not sure if this is the best place but oh well:

So I'm probably going to a gay club tonight (first time), any advice?
Click to expand...

Try and go with friends. Enjoy having your ass grabbed, or your chest stroked randomly. It's all much more light-hearted than it seems.

Don't drink yourself stupid; the night's going to seem intense and weird enough as it is, I promise.

If you don't like intensely loud places, or are prone to getting ringing in your ears the day or two after a concert, consider grabbing a couple of cheap ear plugs from a drug store and keep them in your pocket. Lotta clubs, gay and otherwise, are brutally loud.
 
P

Pinzer

Unconfirmed Member
Sweet, thanks for the advice. I'm going with at least one friend, may pregame beforehand. I'm under 21 so no drinking once were there, but hopefully I can relax and just have fun.

I expect to hear Born This Way many times...
 
U

umop_3pisdn

Member
I'm not crazy about the single either but I can't really say I hate it, even if it is pretty contrived. If I hear it at a club, and the group energy is infections (and I'm inebriated) I'd probably get into it, but it's not something I'd opt to listen to.
 
U

umop_3pisdn

Member
Delio said:
I've never been to a club. I dont know if i would do well in that setting anyways not much for crowds.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm not either tbh. Even parties are kind of outside of my element as group dynamics aren't really my forte, and I tend to do better with the more intimate dynamic of smaller groups.

I find I have to be in the mood for that sort of thing to have any fun, and I rarely am. But if I feel like dancing or something then it's a good time.
 
D

Delio

Member
umop_3pisdn said:
Yeah, I'm not either tbh. Even parties are kind of outside of my element as group dynamics aren't really my forte, and I tend to do better with the more intimate dynamic of smaller groups.

I find I have to be in the mood for that sort of thing to have any fun, and I rarely am. But if I feel like dancing or something then it's a good time.
Click to expand...

Yeah i love smaller groups they work better for me. Just sitting around with like minded people and chillin,talking about certain things.
 
G

G0523

Member
Pinzer said:
Not sure if this is the best place but oh well:

So I'm probably going to a gay club tonight (first time), any advice?
Click to expand...
Good thing you're drinking before you go. Lol. Just remember to have a good time and don't worry about whether or not you get hit on. I did that the first time I went to a gay club and no one hit on me, rather most of my straight friends were hit on, and I felt awful. Don't let that happen to you! Just have a good time!
 
U

umop_3pisdn

Member
Delio said:
Yeah i love smaller groups they work better for me. Just sitting around with like minded people and chillin,talking about certain things.
Click to expand...

Agreed. I still go to parties and stuff occasionally, but when I do I just end up getting into involved conversations with one or a handful of people and basically ignoring the rest of what's going on. I don't really find the other kind of socialization very much fun.

G0523 said:
Good thing you're drinking before you go. Lol. Just remember to have a good time and don't worry about whether or not you get hit on. I did that the first time I went to a gay club and no one hit on me, rather most of my straight friends were hit on, and I felt awful. Don't let that happen to you! Just have a good time!
Click to expand...

Yeah, I think this is good advice. If you're not just going there to have fun then you probably won't. Even if you do get hit on there's a good chance they won't be your type, anyways (ime).
 
B

btkadams

Member
G0523 said:
Good thing you're drinking before you go. Lol. Just remember to have a good time and don't worry about whether or not you get hit on. I did that the first time I went to a gay club and no one hit on me, rather most of my straight friends were hit on, and I felt awful. Don't let that happen to you! Just have a good time!
Click to expand...
best advice. i've been in that situation too haha.
 
M

mantidor

Member
First time I went with a couple of my straight friends I didn't get hit on, but I didn't expect it to, and to be honest I just didn't like anyone there, so it was no biggie. The second time I went alone, I got hit on, I made out and felt terribly disappointed, not enough to stop liking men, but enough to left the place.

I've come back a few times but is just not my thing, I wish I could have a group of gay friends, going alone is kind of depressing, and I don't like the environment, or the music, but I would definitely enjoy it with friends. Unfortunately all my friends are straight, and most would not be caught dead in a gay bar, disco or anything remotely gay related, only the ones I mentioned and I don't think they would do it again either. It sucks it's so hard to meet gay people around here.
 
P

Pinzer

Unconfirmed Member
Wow, that exceeded all expectations. I absolutely loved the atmosphere, just seeing gay couples kissing all around made me smile. There was a drag show that was great and one performer even sang along to "Born This Way" (called it!). Then my friend and I danced like no fucking tomorrow and two and a half hours flew by. I cannot wait to go again.
 
M

Magnus

Member
I think I just made a new fuckbuddy, and shit is he ever an amazing cuddle-fiend too. Love it. I'm a little sore about the fact that he doesn't want a boyfriend, because we click pretty well, but I respect him for being honest up front about intentions.

Man did I ever miss havin a warm body to hug. The recent one nighters just weren't into it. Sex was so mechanical for them. Booooring.

Pinzer said:
Wow, that exceeded all expectations. I absolutely loved the atmosphere, just seeing gay couples kissing all around made me smile. There was a drag show that was great and one performer even sang along to "Born This Way" (called it!). Then my friend and I danced like no fucking tomorrow and two and a half hours flew by. I cannot wait to go again.
Click to expand...

It can be a pretty intoxicating and addictive experience, just being there, not even drunk or high or anything. It's its own high, especially the first few times. Really liberating.
 
M

Magnus

Member
elohel said:
how old is errybody here?

im 24

never been to a gay bar

are there like geeks n shit there?
Click to expand...

26.

There are awesome ones that aren't all about dancing shirtless to house music, and they can be some pretty great places to hang and meet people!
 
DR2K

DR2K

Banned
Dilemma, I like watching men having sex and find men sexually attractive, but hate having sex with men. It's not the man, I just don't like dick anywhere near me. Weird huh?
 
D

Dead Prince

Banned
DR2K said:
Dilemma, I like watching men having sex and find men sexually attractive, but hate having sex with men. It's not the man, I just don't like dick anywhere near me. Weird huh?
Click to expand...
so you're saying you would sit on a couch and watch 2 guys go at it?
 
U

umop_3pisdn

Member
elohel said:
how old is errybody here?

im 24

never been to a gay bar

are there like geeks n shit there?
Click to expand...

I'm 22

Clubs of any kind (gay or straight) don't really attract the geeky element so well, ime. That's more the domain of the reveler type of personality. I say this mainly because music is typically played so loud that having any kind of conversation can be problematic.

Not that geeks don't go there, it's just not the sort of scene that most are likely to be attracted to on a regular basis, I think it's more of an occasional thing and so their numbers at any given time aren't that high. But there certainly are some.

It probably depends on what other kinds of social venues are available. If there aren't many other options then you'll probably get a wider selection. It's not some people's thing, so they'll avoid it as a means of meeting people if they can.

Actually, on second thought, I'm not sure how I should read your use of the term geek. I have met a lot of interesting and witty people at clubs.
 
K

krypt0nian

Banned
valentinesDay2011.jpg


Happy Valentine's Day, boys!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E46BhMIRujI


We're celebrating our 15th here today with rampant mansex and maybe a nice quiet dinner out in Orlando.

Who else is doing VD tonight? No moping. Even if you celebrate it with your future boyfriend. =)
 
L

Lucario

Member
Another valentine's day, another reminder of how much it sucks to be a teenfag. ._. What's even more annoying is that my ex keeps posting bullshit like "LOL TIME TO PLAY XBOX ALL DAY I DON'T CARE" on my friend's walls X.X. grrr.
 
S

Sai-kun

Banned
elohel said:
how old is errybody here?

im 24

never been to a gay bar

are there like geeks n shit there?
Click to expand...

I'm 19, never been to one either (I'm pretty sure they're all 21+ anyways...)

Anyways, the bf and I wanted to go somewhere fancy to eat, but our schedules kind of don't allow us to go anywhere for lunch, so instead we're getting thai food from the place below my apartment place, then coming back up and watching anime and playing games :D
 
B

btkadams

Member
elohel said:
how old is errybody here?

im 24

never been to a gay bar

are there like geeks n shit there?
Click to expand...
im 20

been to a gay bar many times

my bf and i go there occasionally and we are geeks so yup! i haven't really met anyone there to be honest except guys who want my bf :( so i don't know if other geeks go haha.
 
S

shintoki

sparkle this bitch
krypt0nian said:
Who else is doing VD tonight? No moping. Even if you celebrate it with your future boyfriend. =)
Click to expand...
Bullshit, I can cry in self pity and desire to kill myself all I want! I'll show you full emo!
 
M

mantidor

Member
elohel said:
how old is errybody here?

im 24

never been to a gay bar

are there like geeks n shit there?
Click to expand...

I'm 29. I know like a couple of other gay people, and I don't like them at all, much less a gay geek, I still have doubts such thing exists! despite this thread.

and now I feel old, and depressed :p
 
H

Henchmen21

Banned
mantidor said:
I'm 29. I know like a couple of other gay people, and I don't like them at all, much less a gay geek, I still have doubts such thing exists! despite this thread.

and now I feel old, and depressed :p
Click to expand...
Dude, I'm right there with you. Just a year older than you (though I like to define myself as a Nerd...not a geek). Feel like a dinosaur in this thread lol.
 
C

Cosmic Bus

pristine morning snow
Mm, I'm one of the older "dinosaurs" here (32). Been to a smattering of gay bars and clubs, none of which really seemed too different from their straight counterparts. Clubs aren't really my thing -- too loud and I can't dance -- but then again, neither are bars. I don't mind a nice cocktail lounge, though! Never been hit on in any of them, heh.

Didn't do much for Valentines: pigged out on some homemade shortbread cookies, sent a nice (non-dirty) video message to someone, and shot disapproving looks at the unfortunate souls who were frantically grabbing up the remaining bouquets at a flower stand as I passed by.
 
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