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I act different based on who I'm with and don't really know my own personality.

A

ahoyhoy

Unconfirmed Member
DrLazy said:
That's normal. I embrace it. It's fun being a dick to buddies, a softy to kids, and thoughtful at the job. You are still you
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Freeza Under The Shower said:
It's normal, but somewhat disorienting to be constantly aware of. In my experience it kind of goes away after 23-25, at which point the mature brain is kind of locked into being comfortable.
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Both true. Used to worry alot about this in high school and college. At 27 I've found my variations in personality have flattened out and I also don't care if or when i shift since I'm usually not faking it and just doing what feels comfortable.
 
A

AyaisMUsikWhore

Member
Hmmm, I'm not sure if I'm like this but I can definitely say I put on three or four different hats depending on who I'm around. I don't think my personality changes but more like the conversation changes. With certain people I'm more concious of the right and wrong things to talk about and I pull out the interest I share and have with certain people so it's less likely to be awkward.

Everyone in my circle is different so I have to adjust based on the taste but I think my core personality is the exact same....idk. I haven't been told I act different around certain people yet so I think I'm doing something good OP. And I don't think you are are doing something bad. You're just adapting to your environment...we all have to do t
 
M

Mumei

Member
Swan's Way:

But even with respect to the most insignificant things in life, none of us constitutes a material whole, identical for everyone, which a person only has to go look up as though we were a book of specification or a last testament; our social personality is a creation of the minds of others. Even the very simple act that we call "seeing a person we know" is in part an intellectual one. We fill the physical appearance of the individual we see with all the notions we have about him, and of the total picture that we form for ourselves, these notions certainly occupy the greater part. In the end they swell his cheeks so perfectly, follow the line of his nose in an adherence so exact, they do so well at nuancing the sonority of his voice as though the latter were only a transparent envelope that each time we see this face and hear this voice, it is these notions that we encounter again, that we hear.
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Don't worry about it.
 
A

Acyl

Member
I have a pretty strong personality that is the same in most situations. Of course I'm not gonna talk to my friends like they're my gf, and I'm not gonna tell my coworkers they suck when I think they do lol. Everyone molds to the situation. Think you just need to find your HQ mode, how you really feel.
 
SolVanderlyn

SolVanderlyn

Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
I think not doing this is a problem, like just running off thoughts in a stream of consciousness manner would upset a lot of people. I know because I have tried it, people are just like wtf. You need a persona around people, otherwise you end up looking like a crazy person.

Edit: I don't mean you need to fake being a certain way, but being cognizant of what the other person/people are like is essential to good communication. At least if you are trying to really engage in communication and not just talk about the weather or whatever.
 
Y

Yoshimitsu126

Member
When I'm socializing with multiple new people, I see who talks the most and see how the group reacts to them and then try to communicate to them and then the group. If no one is talking I try my usual first impression and alter it accordingly until the group seems receptive. If no one seems happy or laughing, I move on and maybe try again later. I usually socialize like this in school though so maybe this works more in less casual environment.
 
V

Vincent Alexander

Member
When you're different around others, are you happy? If you haven't noticed that you shift your personality and such, I'm guessing it is a natural part of you that you're shifting into, and not just imitation. But definitely ask yourself if you're happy, and if not...stop imitating/adjusting as much. We're all different at times, but I discovered I could only put on a hat so far from who I am at my core---a quiet, introverted observer---without becoming sick with myself after the fact.

I have retired many "hats" as I've gotten older. My work self, my home self, and my hangout-with-friends-self are all very similar, and it has helped stabalize me.
 
choodi

choodi

Banned
egruntz said:
I'm 23 to the guy who asked
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Yeah, this is what everyone is like at 23. No one has themselves worked out by that age. Just keep on living your life and you will start to work out who you really are by your late 20s or early 30s.

Until then, you are just the by-product of your environment.
 
T

Tragicomedy

Member
egruntz said:
Which would you say is yours? Do you feel fake in the other?

That's the thing that's bothering me right now.
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Definitely my home personality. My work personality is a mask I put on that allows me to run my organization effectively.

Both are positive and approachable (core aspects of who I am), but I project extroversion at work that is completely a show. Apparently a very convincing one based on discussions with others, but that melts away when I'm at home.
 
V

Violet_0

Banned
Finding%2Bone%27s%2Btrue%2Bself.jpg
 
M

MCN

Banned
That's normal. You're not a flanderised factional character with fixed, extreme personality traits, you're a normal human being behaving as actual people do.

Tragicomedy said:
Definitely my home personality. My work personality is a mask I put on that allows me to run my organization effectively.

Both are positive and approachable (core aspects of who I am), but I project extroversion at work that is completely a show. Apparently a very convincing one based on discussions with others, but that melts away when I'm at home.
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Maybe you're just the fabled ambivert?
 
T

t0va

Member
I think that being socially versatile is important in situations where a common goal is pursued or a set of rules or laws must be maintained to ensure a safe and comfortable environment. I do think, however, that if your desire is to find and establish a true connection or relationship in which your strengths and weaknesses are equally respected and understood, you must be yourself. In this regard, trying to maintain many different masks is draining in that you must constantly juggle between the many narratives you have created to represent yourself, rather than the one that is true. This particular road is what gets many of us into a mess. In trying to maintain consistency in the images we portray, we become slaves to the expectations of others which, ironically, are of our own creation. So while expending limited energy in maintaining this shoddy structure built of false pretense, we find ourselves not one step closer to real closeness. Failure to fulfill these expectations stems fear of rejection. Rather than exhauste ourselves with likely futile attempts to be liked by many people, maybe it's best to exhauste nothing and be loved by a few. If mindful of constructive criticism, seeing rejection as natural rather than personal, allows for honesty of the self and the loving of that honesty by others.
 
L

Lego Boss

Member
Don't worry about it.

You could be like Theresa May and just be an incompetent fool socially.

At least you're adapting to situations, isn't that a key component of evolutionary theory?
 
N

Newline

Member
I'm definitely different when around work colleagues. I have a more serious approach to conversations at work, I'm less likely to make a cheeky joke or try and push the conversation into deeper territory. I basically put up with why people are the way they are more. With family I let myself go way more, they know the deal with me for the most part and I can dig way deeper in conversation. I'll often tell my sister exactly why I think she's acting a certain way or succeeding/failing in a certain situation. I'm also more needy around family, being the youngest child. I definitely ensure I'm independent while with work colleagues / friends. Around close friends I'm kind of the same as with family but with extra bants, we like to try and tear each other apart at any given opportunity. When we're out with friends that we're not so close with I'll usually hold back and act more polite. My best mates will often dry and drop me and shit by revealing my real traits and I'll do the same to them, extra bants there. When I'm in a relationship, as things get intimate my partner will end up seeing a serious and gooey side to me that I generally only express around them, my friends say I definitely change when I'm in a relationship compared to when I'm out of one. When I'm alone I'm usually just chilling, a tad lonely but I'll bury myself in my hobbies which can be quite fun. I'm 25 at the moment and while I'm comfortable with my personality I definitely don't feel like I've worked myself out yet.

OP I dunno if I'd be comfortable with a girlfriend that was trying to psyche me out like that. Maybe you should ask her if she's happy with who you are, if she's not then perhaps it's not working.
 
B

B-B-Bomba!

Member
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-9/

We have sometimes called the Nine the crown of the Enneagram because it is at the top of the symbol and because it seems to include the whole of it. Nines can have the strength of Eights, the sense of fun and adventure of Sevens, the dutifulness of Sixes, the intellectualism of Fives, the creativity of Fours, the attractiveness of Threes, the generosity of Twos, and the idealism of Ones. However, what they generally do not have is a sense of really inhabiting themselves—a strong sense of their own identity.

Ironically, therefore, the only type the Nine is not like is the Nine itself. Being a separate self, an individual who must assert herself against others, is terrifying to Nines. They would rather melt into someone else or quietly follow their idyllic daydreams.
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It's fine. Just bring awareness to your tendencies, and work a little to establish, project, and protect your own preferences.
 
W

wedca

Member
While it is normal behavior to modify your presentation based upon social circumstances the OP is clearly concerned about the degree to which they engage in it, concerned enough to question whether or not they truly know who they are. This leads me to think that some good old fashioned soul searching is in order, continue to grow and learn more about yourself OP!
 
X

xk0sm0sx

Member
Man I will never want to end up in an outing with my dinner buddy AND my nerd friend. I'll literally be so conflicted on how to act.
 
S

SeanR1221

Member
Well everyone does it to a degree. I don't act the exact same way around my wife, as I do around my co-workers, as I do around my boss, as I do around my parents, etc.

If you can't socially adapt you're probably pretty socially awkward so congrats OP. You are the true social chameleon.
 
T

trixx

Member
IrishNinja said:
honestly, anyone that acts the same way around their job/respective other/friends/parents etc is either mad foolish or frightening
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I know people that behave pretty consistently to their parents, friends, co-workers and such obviously they take into account their roles in each but the interactions aren't drastically different.
 
B

Bakercat

Member
Don't worry OP, it's pretty natural. I do it all the time too. You just have to change yourself when around different people. You wouldn't act the same when talking to a friend compared to say your boss in a business setting would you? It's just being smart to change attitude and the perception of yourself around different people. I think it's the idiots that act the same no matter who you're with.
 
V

Vampirolol

Member
You should read "One, no one and one hundred thousand" from Luigi Pirandello. It's an italian masterpiece about that topic.
 
S

Servbot24

Banned
Yeah I do that too. Sometimes it's more dramatic and what you would expect (very outgoing around family, very quiet and laid back around coworkers), sometimes it's tiny little things like vocal inflections or using certain words that you've heard someone else say and it just works its way into your habits. For example one of my friends in grade school had a hard time remembering things and would say "I think" leading into a sentence a lot. I tend to do that still today even for things that I know.
 
A

Aureon

Please do not let me serve on a jury. I am actually a crazy person.
That's ridicolously normal.
Degrees vary, but if you don't adapt at social situations at all, you're socially retarded.
And that would be a real problem.
 
J

Jofamo

Member
When you interact with other people, do you ever find yourself biting your tongue, or disagreeing with something that is said? If so, that's your own personality shining through.

Try not to get too hung up on pleasing people. That's boring. Take risks and interject with your own thoughts and opinions on things, even if it goes against what the person you're speaking with believes. If they're true friends, it won't matter and only make the friendship more real.
 
A

Astral

Member
Lo_Fi said:
I don't remember the term for it, but this is a normal thing - people do it to different degrees. It's high ____ vs. low ____ (I forget the 2nd word in the terms). High ____ people tend to act a lot like the people around them, while Low ____ people act the exact same no matter who they're around.

There's pros and cons to each, so don't feel too bad about it. Low____ people are sometimes considered rude or abrasive, for example.
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Does anyone know what this is called? It's on the tip of my tongue and it's really bothering me but this is basically the answer.
 
P

PillarEN

Member
Totally normal. You act and talk as according to the situation. You totally act different in different establishments or social classes or friends and so and so forth.
 
Indelible

Indelible

Member
I just assumed this was normal, I act different around people depending how well I know them and how comfortable I'am around them.
 
P

Pizza

Member
After a super messy breakup that resulted in the collapse of my social sphere in college, I spent the remainder of my time there trying to answer this question

So yeah just find yourself I guess. Spend a ton of time alone and figure out how you /want/ to act and be seen by others and then just do it. I've found my more recent friendships to be way better because I'm actually being myself instead of a self I feel like I should be being (lol)

There's a difference between how I act with aquatintes, family, coworkers, and friends but that's because my parents are mad conservative and I behave as professionally as possible at work
 
M

Magnus

Member
I first noticed this in myself when I realized that my laugh would mirror those in the crowd I was with. You know, the signature way most people laugh? Yeah, my laughs would mime their's. Then I started to notice the rest of my personality shifts when I was with different crowds too.

You're not alone OP!
 
S

SuperStiltzkin

Member
I have the same issue. But i usually consider how i act around m family to be my defaul because thats who im most comfortable being around.
 
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