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Is it selfish to have just one child?
- Thread starter JJH
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nekkid
It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan.
Nah, Rottweilers are better for that.
Always-honest
Banned
No. But we wrestled with the same question for a while. We have a son. In our case we have a lot of family nearby and he has a lot of nieces and nephews (or whatever the american terms for those are.. cousins?) he plays with and two are even almost even sisters to him.
We just really don't want to go through another pregnancy and childbirth again.
My girlfriend had a hard time after the childbirth (physically) and i don't want her to go through that again.
Besides that, our son is happy and loved by many people in his direct and indirect surroundings. He's fine.
I have a sister and i love her but i'm more of a loner myself.
We just really don't want to go through another pregnancy and childbirth again.
My girlfriend had a hard time after the childbirth (physically) and i don't want her to go through that again.
Besides that, our son is happy and loved by many people in his direct and indirect surroundings. He's fine.
I have a sister and i love her but i'm more of a loner myself.
According to my mom it's selfish for my fiance and I to not have kids.
I, however, don't think it's selfish to have just one kid. Not everyone gets along with their siblings (especially growing up) and kids will make friends at school.
If you can't afford to do it, or your kid would be worse off, then don't do it. You shouldn't feel pressured to have more kids, well, ever.
I, however, don't think it's selfish to have just one kid. Not everyone gets along with their siblings (especially growing up) and kids will make friends at school.
If you can't afford to do it, or your kid would be worse off, then don't do it. You shouldn't feel pressured to have more kids, well, ever.
We have the 1 kid (3 year old daughter)
Due to the cost of childcare - we too are struggling with the decision as to whether we have another child or not. We'd love to - but each month we only just have enough money to get by.
I'd love her to have a brother or sister (we're both from big families) but financially we're pinched.
Having said all of that we have decided to try for another - but our chances are slim for medical reasons. Our daughter was a little miracle
Due to the cost of childcare - we too are struggling with the decision as to whether we have another child or not. We'd love to - but each month we only just have enough money to get by.
I'd love her to have a brother or sister (we're both from big families) but financially we're pinched.
Having said all of that we have decided to try for another - but our chances are slim for medical reasons. Our daughter was a little miracle
OmegaTreeFish
Banned
My boy has done that with his cousins. Was just as heart melting.
Anyway my Wife and I are prob sticking with the one. We play with him a lot and he is a happy lad. You can never tell how siblings will turn out anyway.
I have a brother and sister. We just fought a lot and got jelous of each other. We are fine now but not super close. See each other at birthdays etc.
My wife is much closer with her sisters and cousins and they chat a lot using Whatsapp.
My mum was an only child and she says it never really bothered her.
Its a grass is always greener situation I think. Plus your parenting style might effect it as well. I go out of my way to play with my boy no matter how boring the thing he wants to do because I am conciously aware I only want the one and dont want him to be lonely.
pigeon interrupted
Member
Selfish? No. However, as an only child I was well aware that my friends had something I did not - somebody to share family successes and failings, somebody to turn to for advice, healthy sibling rivalry and most importantly, somebody to stand in their corner, come what may.
Everybody knew that I didn't have siblings and was out there on my own. Eventually I got a beating so vicious the three older kids that beat me were convinced they had killed me. I befriended some very unsavoury people to feel safe again. They were like my older brothers and sisters, I guess. They were the kind of bad company your folks warn you about but I hated feeling isolated and vulnerable, so I did something about it.
I'm sure there are only children who had perfectly happy childhoods, too
Everybody knew that I didn't have siblings and was out there on my own. Eventually I got a beating so vicious the three older kids that beat me were convinced they had killed me. I befriended some very unsavoury people to feel safe again. They were like my older brothers and sisters, I guess. They were the kind of bad company your folks warn you about but I hated feeling isolated and vulnerable, so I did something about it.
I'm sure there are only children who had perfectly happy childhoods, too
Possumowner
Member
Absolutely not,me n my wife are not having a single one.We both have rather severe illnesses,and don't wish to bring a child into this world with what we have.
I was an only child up until I was 19/20 and I can agree. (my Dad remarried).
My parents both come from big families and my Mum was disabled so she couldn't have anymore kids even if she wanted to. She kept feeling bad because I didn't have any siblings, but I was perfectly happy as it was.
I've got a sister now and I love her a lot as well as a step brother, but there's nothing wrong with being an only child at all. I imagine it's only bad when eventually time gets to you and you're later in your life and your parents are sadly gone.
I have a lot of cousins, most I get on with so I guess that would ease it a bit.
kraspkibble
Permabanned.
i don't think so. having a kid is a huge responsibility and you're being sensible by realising you might not have the time/money to support them. i think it'd be unfair if you did have a kid and were unable to provide and look after them.
i am an only child and i didn't like not having a brother or sister but i got over it. my mum was lucky to have me as it was and eventually had to have her womb removed when i was 9 years old. it would've been nice to have a sibling but i was happy as a kid. i never felt alone. my mum and dad always had time for me and i was always surrounded by other family and friends.
i am an only child and i didn't like not having a brother or sister but i got over it. my mum was lucky to have me as it was and eventually had to have her womb removed when i was 9 years old. it would've been nice to have a sibling but i was happy as a kid. i never felt alone. my mum and dad always had time for me and i was always surrounded by other family and friends.
autumnleaf
Member
You don't spend the rest of your life joined at the hip to your siblings. Don't have a child just to keep the other company for 5-10 years, they will have friends.
sixteen-bit
Member
depends on your perspective
maybe it's selfish to have a child when u could adopt instead for instance
maybe it's selfish to have a child when u could adopt instead for instance
Charles Brandon
Member
We had a second one partly so the first one would have a companion but that doesn't mean that it's selfish not to do that.
acheron_xl
Member
Maybe, but so what? You're not hurting anybody by refusing to procreate.
I was an only child with my mom and stepdad, but one of 3 (or 4) with my dad and stepmom. I much preferred the solitude of only-childness.
IISANDERII
Member
Splitting parental assets can be an absolute nightmare that can drag on for years.
Yes. Without my siblings I would be an absolute mess at this point. I don't think it's selfish to not have children, but if you're going to have some then at least have two. Imagine when they're growing up and their entire family dies.
If there's any cousins or something that could be enough though, I guess.
If there's any cousins or something that could be enough though, I guess.
Paracelsus
Member
The only truly selfish reasons when having kids are "to live through them" and "because I felt lonely", especially when you cannot really afford more than one.
entremet
Member
It's selfish to live if you wanna go all philosophical.
I find all these reasons to and not have children amusing. I mean we are designed to, consequences be damned. That's not to say we shouldn't use some sort of reasoning, but hey if you don't have them it's not the end of the world. It's not the end of the world if you have them either. The planet will literally still be here until the sun explodes.
Wow... that's a disturbing sentiment, OP. I'm an only child of my father, who is an only child - there's literally nothing wrong with this. It's unsettling to think society has instituted some kind of emotionally driven requirement to procreate multiple times "for the greater good." You don't have to have multiple kids to entertain each other.
And just to show you recent trends of the last century, albeit a separate issue:
And just to show you recent trends of the last century, albeit a separate issue:
Why(to both questions)?
JetBlackPanda
Member
We currently have a 5 year old daughter and are asking ourselves the same question. The three of us are a solid family unit but I think we want one more.
entremet
Member
Well philosophers have debated this for years. If you think about it, most of our actions are selfish.
The issue is being selfish inherently wrong?
Even morality is guided by some form of selfishness. Avoidance of guilt and shame for example.
Sometimes you gotta say..... Fuck it, why not.
The GOP sure doesn't think so.
shiftplusone
Member
Only children become fucking weird idiots
acheron_xl
Member
I don't think there's anything wrong with self-interest. As long as you don't become a sociopath and/or asshole.
Mate you can go into any thread and say that.
"I find all these reasons to and not to buy chocolate pizza amusing. It's not the end of the world if you eat it, and it's not the end of the world if you don't. The planet will literally still be here until the sun explodes."
superdeluxe
Member
We weren't designed to eat chocolate pizza! Humanity has lost it's way.
The Artisan
Member
OP I am an only child and I've pretty much hated it the older I've gotten. 26 now, I have a bunch of cousins, they are my brothers and sisters but I am the only child that returns home to my set of parents.
I think the daughter you have will have a lot to get from having a sibling in her life.
I think the daughter you have will have a lot to get from having a sibling in her life.
I couldn't disagree more.
Chocolate Pizza is and always has been the evolutionary end goal.
As an only child I can't help but feel like I would have probably turned out to be a more open person if I had a sibling. Though who is to say.
If I constantly had to compete and socialise with someone around my age I feel as though I would have become more confident socially. I've always been super shy and that made me really sad in growing up. I had friends, but I still felt shy and didn't really have any romantic relationship until I was 23 due to a lack of confidence and not really knowing what to do.
I also was always the baby in my family because I only had 1 cousin a couple years older than me. Being an only child has its perks. But I can't help but wonder what I'd be like if I could have socialised more often with someone my age.
That said don't have more kids if you aren't ready.
If I constantly had to compete and socialise with someone around my age I feel as though I would have become more confident socially. I've always been super shy and that made me really sad in growing up. I had friends, but I still felt shy and didn't really have any romantic relationship until I was 23 due to a lack of confidence and not really knowing what to do.
I also was always the baby in my family because I only had 1 cousin a couple years older than me. Being an only child has its perks. But I can't help but wonder what I'd be like if I could have socialised more often with someone my age.
That said don't have more kids if you aren't ready.
This may sound stupid, but.... sometime you don't know you want stuff until you have it. Like...right now I have ZERO interest in a Switch, but if all of a sudden I had one maybe I would think. "Why the fuck didn't I want a Switch. It's awesome!"
Anyhow, silly analogy, but I had kids almost totally because my wife wanted them. Me. I was neutral. I was good either way. But knowing what I know now, I would never have been as happy as I am now. I love my kids. And that's just how shit works sometimes. And who knows, maybe life has some horrible shit in store for me, but I can't know that now.
Life.
I am not gonna buy a switch!
killer rin
Member
The way I see it is as a parent you can't be available all the time, especially since you will be busy with work, your own personal friends or other family members. If they have a sibling, especially one within close age ranges they will have a guaranteed playmate and someone to talk to that isn't you or one of their friends (who might not be available all the time).
As someone with several siblings, growing up without my siblings would have been lonely and boring and it definitely helped when we moved cities or changed schools
As someone with several siblings, growing up without my siblings would have been lonely and boring and it definitely helped when we moved cities or changed schools
Dorsal Axe
Member
I'm an only child and never had any issues growing up. I had lots of friends, and plenty of attention from my parents, so I never felt lonely. I never had to worry about having my own stuff or fighting over anything, since it was all mine. It would have been cool to have had a brother, but I don't lament it or anything. Not having siblings has made some situations in my adult life far, far less complicated than they are for other people (e.g. death of a parent).
And my mum and her sister were never close, even as children. My aunt was consistently awful to her for her entire life, so my mum never felt any form of "sibling relationship" with her whatsoever. There's no guarantee that having more children are going to provide that kind of company.
Like everyone else, I'm going to have to agree that having additional children comes down to your own personal desires and financial stability.
And my mum and her sister were never close, even as children. My aunt was consistently awful to her for her entire life, so my mum never felt any form of "sibling relationship" with her whatsoever. There's no guarantee that having more children are going to provide that kind of company.
Like everyone else, I'm going to have to agree that having additional children comes down to your own personal desires and financial stability.
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