Dunedain_Ranger

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #1

So about two months ago I had a friend contact that he split from his wife and had one day to get out. So being the person I am I drove four hours to drive and get him and his stuff. He's been with me since that day. So present time I know he's going through a lot he hasn't seen his kid his ex is constantly giving him shit and he's always in a pretty negative mood. I've known him since we were ten but his negative attitude is really rubbing off on me and my family. I love the guy got him a job with me but he's hanging with a stupid crowd and getting high on the clock. I don't know what to do my wife wants a plan on how long he's staying because he's on our couch. He leaves the tv on all night our electric bill has sky rocketed and I don't know what to say. He very to himself and he's so hot and cold with mood swings but I've known him forever. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure on myself trying to be the good guy watching all my other friends say they wish they could help blah blah blah but it's all talk. I'm super depressed and uncomfortable about how to go about it ...... I just know he going rough a bad time and don't know what to do

 

W

weemadarthur

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #2

He is employed.

Give him a day to get out.


Seriously, this is only fixable by you kicking him out, and nobody can do it for you. You must do it. You don't have to accuse him of anything, just give him a date to be out by.

 

P

psyfi

Banned

• Aug 16, 2017

• #3

Be real with him and communicate your boundaries.

 

Beardz

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #4

Maybe that's why his wife dumped him?

 

M

MIMIC

Banned

• Aug 16, 2017

• #5

He probably needs a deadline. I'd suggest that you and your wife (and probably your friend) come up with some sort of "exit strategy" together. Also, if he's involved, that puts the pressure on him to accept the fact that he can't stay there forever.

 

F

FZZ

Banned

• Aug 16, 2017

• #6

Gotta kick him out or give him a date to leave

he's an adult

better to not have him around your family

 

L

Linkura

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #7

Dunedain_Ranger said:

don't know what to do

Click to expand...

Here's an illustration on what you need to do:

 

R

RichiRamjag

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #8

Should have never let him in. I've seen this too often growing. My grandma use to always say (in Spanish) that people are like fish, after a few days they start to stink.

Get him out asap. He's got a job.

 

B

brawly

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #9

 

D

DonShula

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #10

It's your house. Set terms and dates. Tell him you want to help but he needs to be willing to help himself too.

 

N

norm9

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #11

You need to move out op.

 

F

Forerunner

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #12

Come up with a deadline with him. If he's not out by then kick him out. It's been two months and he has a job, he has had plenty of time to get shit in order.

 

D

DonShula

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #13

RichiRamjag said:

Should have never let him in. I've seen this too often growing. My grandma use to always say (in Spanish) that people are like fish, after a few days they start to stink.

Get him out asap. He's got a job.

Click to expand...

House guests?

 

A

Aquavelvaman

Banned

• Aug 16, 2017

• #14

Tell him he needs to go.

And don't use your wife as an excuse when you tell him.

 

D

dragonzdogma

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #15

Dude , are you serious!!!!!

Ever heard of Happy wife Happy life?
Listen to your wife and tell your friend that he needs to get a place , like today
if he is truly one of your best friends , he'll understand.

Big red flags all over the place also, getting High on the clock, really?

EDIT:
Anyone thought about this movie when reading the OP?

Click to expand...

 

L

Llyranor

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #16

I get that you don't want to be the 'bad guy' because you know that he's really down from the separation, but maybe some tough love is required. Get him to get off his butt and get his life in order. Allowing him to just be a bum isn't doing him any favors. Furthermore, a prolonged situation like this will also create some tension in your own household, and you have to look after your own relationship first and foremost.

You don't need to kick him out ASAP, but you definitely need to set boundaries, and to have some sort of outline/plan for the near future for him. He can't just stay at your place indefinitely. Make some deadline (and stick to it).

You might not want to be confrontational because it'll be uncomfortable, but you can't let him take advantage of your kindness, especially if it helps neither him nor you.

Aquavelvaman said:

And don't use your wife as an excuse when you tell him.

Click to expand...

This ++++

 

M

Mammoth Jones

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #17

Ask your wife how much time he should have to find other accommodations.

Then tell him he has two days less than that of GTFO.

The end. You're married to your wife, not his problems.

 

W

Wood Man

Member

• Aug 16, 2017

• #18

His time of stay should've been discussed way sooner. Like the day or day after he moved in. Now you're in a uncomfortable position.

I know you feel bad for him, but he doesn't sound like the most responsible guy. Getting high on the clock isn't doing him any favors. You did more than enough on your part. Don't let him suck you down too. Sounds like he got kicked out for good reason.

 

sensui-tomo

Member

• Aug 17, 2017

• #19

sorry to ask this but what does "getting high on the clock" mean? (is it relating to just getting high or something with work?

But some advice, you gave him 2 months, and i assume thats free of rent/fees. maybe if you're inclined but you're not required to do but help him move out into a apartment or some shit. You've more than helped your friend for 2 months, if he doesnt help himself by this point nothing will and it will become more toxic if you let him stay.

 

A

ambar_hitman

Member

• Aug 17, 2017

• #20

Ask him to leave. No other way around it.

dragonzdogma said:

Dude , are you serious!!!!!

Ever heard of Happy wife Happy life?
Listen to your wife and tell your friend that he needs to get a place , like today
if he is truly one of your best friends , he'll understand.

Big red flags all over the place also, getting High on the clock, really?

EDIT:
Anyone thought about this movie when reading the OP?

Click to expand...

Which is that movie?

 

Dunedain_Ranger

Member

• Aug 17, 2017

• #21

Thanks gaf your input it does help. I'll never use my wife I just feel so damn bad lost his wife and kid his depression is really bad. But I'm in a two bedroom house and it's small enough why am I always that guy

 

Demoskinos

Member

• Aug 17, 2017

• #22

If you're married with kids my dude they come first before anyone else. Gotta do what is best for them first.

 

Dunedain_Ranger

Member

• Aug 17, 2017

• #23

Aquavelvaman said:

Tell him he needs to go.

And don't use your wife as an excuse when you tell him.

Click to expand...

Id never we've been through hell and always have each other's back she's loves the guy also but it's just to small of a house and negativity it really sucks