Skull Island is fucking terrible. It really is. Despite the money poured into it, and the the quality of the cinematography and the visual effects, there is almost nothing in it that fucking works in the slightest.
It's like someone hit Zack Snyder in the head with a large object, spun him in a circle 5 times, put a camera in his hand, and yelled in his year to go run at the imaginary monkey..
The most disappointing thing about Kong isn't that all those actors are completely wasted (Shea Whigham is the only one to register as a real character) it's that Vogt-Roberts seems to get off on taking most setups and swerving them into nothing. There are so many instances where the film builds to a payoff, and then completely fucks up that payoff. Maybe he thought he was being clever (?), I don't know. Maybe he was just dizzy from the rock to the head and the constant spinning and falling down that happened right before the AD called "action!"
But there is nothing satisfying about anything in the movie. Even Whigham's character, the flattest (and therefore most consistent) arc, manages to take a hard left turn into uselessness at the last second.
It's so inept that it can't stop itself from fucking up it's stupid post-credits scene. It can't even catch its own case of superhero herpes correctly.
If Skull Island was a person, it'd be an excitable bucktooth idiot with a cowlick and a full load of recycled meat in his drawers, excitedly trying to share the details of last night's football game and forgetting where he is every 3 minutes.
I hope Godzilla whips his fucking ass.
