Mediking
Member
Typical case of: "Really nice person to talk to but I want something else in a relationship". Don't feel bad. Please don't. Shrug it off and keep it cool.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
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Typical case of: "Really nice person to talk to but I want something else in a relationship". Don't feel bad. Please don't. Shrug it off and keep it cool.
Echelon079
Member
At least she was honest man. I'd literally tell her that,and let her know your DTF if she's ever in the mood. She already said she was attracted, bit nontelationship spark. Might be another spark. Just don't actually use DTF
Edit for was, not wasn't
Mediking
Member
Maybe she didn't feel a relationship vibe because she wanted more of a challenge in a relationship? Maybe she felt like NIGHT- was too nice and chill or something. That's something else I sadly had to learn for myself. You can be the goofiest and happiest guy but if you aren't scratching that itch on what SHE wants... you're going nowhere. So even trying to "DTF" with her would be pointless. She's just not feeling NIGHT- and that's okay. That's her choice. NIGHT- can still be chill and find someone who actually wants him for who he is in a relationship.
Something that's been on my mind while I was baking up something for tonight; do you consider cooking skills a particular edge in being dateable to others, and if so, to what degree? I'd love to be able to surprise someone with food, and it may even save me a bit on dining out. XD
Messofanego
Banned
Is this to a guy or a girl? Girls are always impressed when a guy can cook, they find it attractive because he can take care of himself. But guys are less impressed with a girl who can cook after it being a gender stereotype for so long.
Will help you get laid, but won't get you laid by itself. You'll need the charisma and appeal to get her to agree to have a dinner date at someone's house before you can show off your skills. Once you do though, it'l pay off.
How do you all deal with really shy or quiet people?
I am quiet and sometimes shy, but I can at least talk and be social. My friend introduced me to this girl who's quiet, but honestly, I have no experience dating or kicking it with really shy girls.
While sitting and talking with a friend I caught her eying me.
If I should even bother, how should I even go along?
I am quiet and sometimes shy, but I can at least talk and be social. My friend introduced me to this girl who's quiet, but honestly, I have no experience dating or kicking it with really shy girls.
While sitting and talking with a friend I caught her eying me.
If I should even bother, how should I even go along?
Man, I dated a girl for a few weeks who just didn't talk much at all, even after we got comfortable with each other. It was too boring for me, but I crave meaningful conversation. Just depends on what you value
So this may or may not be the right place to discuss it. But I've been split up with my Ex since July, but I'm still having trouble finding/being myself again. Being comfortable with my own identity, if that makes sense. Just tonight I told myself I'm gonna start a marvel unlimited account and get back into comics, but I started gaining memories of how me and her discussed comics so much. That's just an example, but I keep thinking of everyday life with her being part of it, and I really just want to live my life as just me again. Sorry if this isn't coming out very clear, I'm half asleep and frustrated with life lol
Messofanego
Banned
Switch to DC comics for now
But yeah, with everyday living shared, there must be a lot of triggers so it might take some time separating the associations.You have to take your time with shy/quiet people and give them a chance to open up. Doing so takes care, attention and dedication, so it's up to you if you feel that she's worth it.
Clay Davis
Member
This a slightly embarrassing so please don't laugh too much, but I was hoping to get some tips for talking to multiple women at the same time and keep it light?
It's not that it's proving too difficult, but I have always been someone who only talks to one person at a time in the dating sense. I focus on that person, try to learn everything about them and create a bond but with the advice I've picked up from here and friends that I shouldn't be doing that because it creates an uneven relationship, I'm branching out and talking to more women at the same time but it's hard because I keep reverting back to my old habits and now I'm two conversations that are getting deeper and deeper.
I had what can only be described as a 200 word essay this morning from one, she said she couldn't sleep last night so sent met his really long message about what types of music she likes and what really gets her motivated. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I wrote back an equally long reply with a few open branches where I know she'll reply with a similarly long message again. I can't break the habit and the thing is I feel bad when I think I should reply with a short message or not reply at all and hope she gets the message.
I'm going on vacation today so I can buy myself some time, but what how can I reign this back to keeping things light so we talk about these things on the actual date? Because the way things are going now, if there is an actual date with either, we'll have nothing left to talk about.
Is it a lost cause? And how do I stop myself from doing this in future? I keep getting drawn into this and it's really frustrating. It starts simply enough but then I become inquisitive and it spirals out of control.
It's not that it's proving too difficult, but I have always been someone who only talks to one person at a time in the dating sense. I focus on that person, try to learn everything about them and create a bond but with the advice I've picked up from here and friends that I shouldn't be doing that because it creates an uneven relationship, I'm branching out and talking to more women at the same time but it's hard because I keep reverting back to my old habits and now I'm two conversations that are getting deeper and deeper.
I had what can only be described as a 200 word essay this morning from one, she said she couldn't sleep last night so sent met his really long message about what types of music she likes and what really gets her motivated. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I wrote back an equally long reply with a few open branches where I know she'll reply with a similarly long message again. I can't break the habit and the thing is I feel bad when I think I should reply with a short message or not reply at all and hope she gets the message.
I'm going on vacation today so I can buy myself some time, but what how can I reign this back to keeping things light so we talk about these things on the actual date? Because the way things are going now, if there is an actual date with either, we'll have nothing left to talk about.
Is it a lost cause? And how do I stop myself from doing this in future? I keep getting drawn into this and it's really frustrating. It starts simply enough but then I become inquisitive and it spirals out of control.
Valkerionseven
Member
Further in the night/next day update I guess:
Mostly just stayed up watching TV, talking, and drinking some more. Eventually jumped in bed and were still talking watching tv, kissed a bit and she made it... fairly clear she was wanting to do a bit more but I made the decision a while ago that if we ever did get to this point I would try to take it slow (since I usually don't but end up barely knowing the other person.) Either way eventually fell asleep without having sex which is what I wanted.
Talked about a lot of random stuff including relationships and sex ect. Short of it is both are not exactly looking for explicit relationships at the moment IE boyfriend and girlfriend, see no one else, but are not opposed to it either. But she likes me so that was the "well see" from earlier in the night when the bartender asked if she was my girlfriend lol.
Let her stay the morning while I went to work, then she asked me to meet her again tonight so getting ready for that now.
But was talking to my best friends girlfriend at lunch and she was like "yeah thats something us girls do now in Japan, stay over a few times out of nowhere and see what happens" Which I guess is true since she did the same with my friend, would stay over all the time do w/e then finally just started to call each other bf and gf without really trying to define it right away. "shes probably just trying to see if can be trusted, what kind of guy you are" blah blah. Not gonna think about it too much.
Not a bad first, just us date so... "well see" haha.
While we were at the bar thinking about going to a second place to eat or drink she randomly suggested we go to my place and drink instead of going to another bar. So yeah, small moves made, its clear we want to do more. So I was the one who wanted to just hang out this time since it was our first "date." She still wanted to come over even after I told her I invited her out because I liked her more than just a casual friend I see at parties so she was well aware of what I was kinda thinking -shrug-
Mostly just stayed up watching TV, talking, and drinking some more. Eventually jumped in bed and were still talking watching tv, kissed a bit and she made it... fairly clear she was wanting to do a bit more but I made the decision a while ago that if we ever did get to this point I would try to take it slow (since I usually don't but end up barely knowing the other person.) Either way eventually fell asleep without having sex which is what I wanted.
Talked about a lot of random stuff including relationships and sex ect. Short of it is both are not exactly looking for explicit relationships at the moment IE boyfriend and girlfriend, see no one else, but are not opposed to it either. But she likes me so that was the "well see" from earlier in the night when the bartender asked if she was my girlfriend lol.
Let her stay the morning while I went to work, then she asked me to meet her again tonight so getting ready for that now.
But was talking to my best friends girlfriend at lunch and she was like "yeah thats something us girls do now in Japan, stay over a few times out of nowhere and see what happens" Which I guess is true since she did the same with my friend, would stay over all the time do w/e then finally just started to call each other bf and gf without really trying to define it right away. "shes probably just trying to see if can be trusted, what kind of guy you are" blah blah. Not gonna think about it too much.
Not a bad first, just us date so... "well see" haha.
While we were at the bar thinking about going to a second place to eat or drink she randomly suggested we go to my place and drink instead of going to another bar. So yeah, small moves made, its clear we want to do more. So I was the one who wanted to just hang out this time since it was our first "date." She still wanted to come over even after I told her I invited her out because I liked her more than just a casual friend I see at parties so she was well aware of what I was kinda thinking -shrug-
Messofanego
Banned
You'll always have things left to talk about, believe me. Just like you do with friends or coworkers. It's not just talking about yourself but about other topics. Current events, politics, media, weather, travel, restaurants, food, opinions on topics, sports, fashion, shopping, books, etc. There are hundreds of topics that you can come up just from the environment you're in at a date.
By asking her out on an actual date asap.
By asking them out before you get drawn into this, i.e. asap.
She texts you a small essay, you reply: "Hey, how about we discuss this further over a drink at [x] place on [y] time."
So many of the problems in this thread can be solved by just not texting so damn much. 10 messages tops before you ask her out.
Well, my own problem is that I myself can get boring. Although I'm charismatic and social, those abilities start to burn off very fast.
I'm the type of person that can listen to music loud in the car for 30 minutes and then drive the rest of the drive completely silent. I feel like I have part of the personality, but not enough patience to deal with it.
I understand. I noticed the way my friend introduced us. My friend is very direct with his behaviour, and I noticed that it was kind of just over burdening her, and that is partially because I was studying her body language when we were talking to her. That's when I backed off to go take care of stuff.
I can pick up on things like that, but it ruins my want of some simple get to know you conversation.
At least I know how to make her laugh. I'm not sure if I'll bother with trying to take anything further, but we'll see.
Echelon079
Member
If you live in a world where you worry about whether or not something is pointless, then I can't help you. I spent 15 out of the last 18 years in two relationships. When my ex wife and I split, and I started talking to women again, I realized that not only had things changed a shit ton since I had last dated, but that people in general are as lot different.
I started taking a lot more chances then I used to, and I stopped taking everything so damn serious. In this case, you were already texhnically rejected, so a no isn't going to change anything. But, I've also learned that believe it or not, women are very receptive to stuff like this nowadays so maybe you would have gotten something out of the no, and since you already heard it once, you wouldn't be losing anyrhkng and could move onto the next.
Echelon079
Member
The easiest way to keep it light is to just be honest and say you wanna keep it light. Be honest with em, so they don't have expectations. It's the best thing you can do. I don't know your ages, but I read an article last week in which it talked about how willing millennials are willing to have casual sex up to and including 10 texts or less.
Shits not a big deal anymore and I find way more women who are willing to just keep it light or casual then I do woman who are yearning for more.
Just be honest, don't talk about seeing other people because as far as I am concerned, until exclusivity is brought up, it should be assumed that both of you are doing what you want with who you want. Just don't get upset when down the road you realize she was actually talking and fucking other dudes because she probably was.
I just assume that any rejection is most likely on a physical level, because if there was enough physical attraction, she'd wanna give a 2nd date an option, I'd think. I'm not hurt over it, I mean I enjoyed her company and we had a lot in common, but I can't expect every woman to be into me
JimmyRustler
Gold Member
A lot of people just like everyone only to see who matches with them. I did that too for some time.
ZackieChan
Member
Just do it. Take some control. If they type a huge message, reply with something short. They'll get the hint, or they're a psycho. Then you should move on.
Otherwise, ask them out asap.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
In the OP, is "love at first site" a deliberate typo? If so, it's actually brilliant.
this kinda happened to me with my current gf, not to that extreme but similar. My gf and I was flirting back and forth for a few weeks but I was always the one that initiate and she would flake often, got tired of that shit and ask her what's the deal, she said she wasn't ready for a relationship so I said ok and stop contacting her. Fast forward a month she texted me saying how much she missed my company and we hit it off after.
Holyoneturtle
Member
So gaf where can I meet women. I live in miami, im 5'6 and 200 pounds (I got a small beer belly buts its not that bad, doing a diet to lose weight) and I feel like i can't compete with men here because half of them are muscle guys. So I say I have to win them over with my wit and my charm. But herein lies the problem gaf is that I never feel like I'm noticed. I've been on the popular dating sites for what feels like years. I paid a year subscription to match that didn't work. I've been on eharmony, okc, tinder, and recently bumble. From all of these dating services I've only ever had one date. Now it could be my picture because I don't take selfie pics. All my pics are either with a friend or in a group. But I am actually so tired of dating website that just logging in to one makes me sigh. I have had more dates from face to face interaction than online dating. So gaf what should I do so I can find the love of my life.
Find a wingman and go to a microbrew on a Wed/Thur happy hour. Pony up to some ladies, be yourself and strike up a conversation. Don't worry about the meatheads, be funny and confident. As far as dating sites are concerned, I've found most to be junk outside of Match. Even then, no females are fawning over me so you really have to engage with them and spark an interest. If you establish a rapport before the first date, you're bound to have a good time. I just find most woman on Match look WAY different in person than their photos.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Pictures with friends on in a group aren't that good because they're likely blurry and/or obscuring you in some way. "Third guy from the left" is also time-consuming and online dating is, in its purest form, low-effort and superficial.
Also, your attitude is not conducive to meeting people. If you've already given up when logging in, how will you react to seeing a profile of a girl you'll totally click with? The constant rejections do suck, but you need the right mindset to make it work. If it's not working for you right now, take a break.
Also, your attitude is not conducive to meeting people. If you've already given up when logging in, how will you react to seeing a profile of a girl you'll totally click with? The constant rejections do suck, but you need the right mindset to make it work. If it's not working for you right now, take a break.
Straight talk, some women will write you off for no other reason than you're 5'6". That's one of the things with online dating - you can be ignored for petty reasons entirely outside of your control.
Know what your strengths are, and then figure out how to demonstrate them to girls you don't know...whether in picture form for Online Dating, or conversational form for meat-world dating.
ZackieChan
Member
That always gives off a "serial killer eyes-cut-out photo" vibe to me.
Do you live on South Beach or something? That's the only place I've seen muscle guys besides the gym and clubs. Don't let that discourage you though. From what I've seen, most girls seem to be almost desensitized to swoleness. Most girls online or even irl aren't super impressed by how swole you are unless they're really young. You need more than that. I have a friend who's pretty chubby and not super good looking or anything but he gets some pretty girls simply because he's witty and knows how to hold a conversation.
The last two girls I dated (one for a year and four months, the one after three months I think) were really shy, quiet people too. The former I had a long and really fulfilling relationship with, and we're good friends now, but that wasn't a part of her that I found very attractive to be honest. I like deep conversations and although I'd get them once they both opened up, it eventually got tiring being the only one doing the talking most of the time.
Ristifer
Member
Amazing haha.
Gotdatmoney
Member
No. Why the fuck are you going to pend your time doing their work. If I don't wanna do shit at work can I take it home and ask my SO to do it for me?
Please don't do this if you are thinking about it.
I'm out with my friends and it was a topic that came up lol. One of them seriously considered it once and I thought it was funny.
I would help her out, as in she's at the computer and I'm next to her, at times. She's doing the bulk but she can ask me stuff. Would never write it all for her tho
Count Dookkake
Member
For the right price.
I'm such an asshole. Fuck..... I don't know what to do, so I'm just going to admit that I'm not a good person for this girl to be around.
It's a shame. I can attract someone, but I can let them down like a piece of shit person. While walking away, I saw her looking at me in the reflection of glass wondering what was wrong with me. She was just sitting studying me as I walked away. When I came back through the doorway, she was gone.
Fuck.
I feel like I should stop trying.
It's a shame. I can attract someone, but I can let them down like a piece of shit person. While walking away, I saw her looking at me in the reflection of glass wondering what was wrong with me. She was just sitting studying me as I walked away. When I came back through the doorway, she was gone.
Fuck.
I feel like I should stop trying.
ZackieChan
Member
No vaguebooking. What happened?
So, a small update, basically from last thread, i had my first date ever with the girl from tinder. That went nowhere in the end. She was not interested.
But then a few days later a girl wrote me on Facebook.
Said i looked good. (warning bell number one) Thing is i only noticed she wrote me like 11 days later.
So anyhow, this was the first time a girl showed interest in me, so after a full day of chatting we met the next day, which was yesterday.
We had lunch at a nice lake side resort. A slipped in the question about what you think is the right way to pay for the meal on the first date. She said that in her opinion the guy pays for both at a first date. (warning bell number two) On any later dates, splitting of the check is possible.
So anyway, after lunch, we drove some 20 km further to the sea side. I had also a picnic basket with me, with a good Italian wine, some cheese and prosciutto to go with it.
We strolled some ways through the sea side forest until we wound a secluded table where i laid out the contents of the picnic basket, and she said that she was not expecting anything of the sort, and she was very pleasantly surprised. (this was basically my first REAL date, went out on a limb, and i guessed i did it right).
So we talked some, drank the wine, and i am terribly shy, although the wine helped me in the end. She was very direct about what she wanted me to do, after a while of her bumping my leg with hers, i finally got the courage to embrace her with one arm as she was sitting next to me, and told her that she would have to teach me as i dont really know how to kiss. And from there on out the rest of the date was mostly spent in us kissing, she was really aggressive about this as well. (alarm bell number three). now i am not that prejudiced, but in my opinion she is really in a hurry. i dont know if there is anything hidden behind it and i will not speculate further at the moment. But yeah, driving back from letting her off at her place my stomach hurt, weirdly, like never before,, and i had a massive case of blue balls -_-. The evening and most of today, was spent chatting with her, we meet Tuesday again, and according to the feel i am getting she expects sex. When we meet next time. Jeez. Oh well, for now i will play along, but out of caution im not going to totally loose my head because of her. Some things make me a bit vary. But i am happy about any experience i get from this if i do get burned later on.
Will probably update after Tuesday.
Oh and she has been slipping in various bits of information that i have been keeping track off like its a Persona game or a visual novel, lol, dont wanna mess up if she asks anything related to these things,
But then a few days later a girl wrote me on Facebook.
Said i looked good. (warning bell number one) Thing is i only noticed she wrote me like 11 days later.
So anyhow, this was the first time a girl showed interest in me, so after a full day of chatting we met the next day, which was yesterday.
We had lunch at a nice lake side resort. A slipped in the question about what you think is the right way to pay for the meal on the first date. She said that in her opinion the guy pays for both at a first date. (warning bell number two) On any later dates, splitting of the check is possible.
So anyway, after lunch, we drove some 20 km further to the sea side. I had also a picnic basket with me, with a good Italian wine, some cheese and prosciutto to go with it.
We strolled some ways through the sea side forest until we wound a secluded table where i laid out the contents of the picnic basket, and she said that she was not expecting anything of the sort, and she was very pleasantly surprised. (this was basically my first REAL date, went out on a limb, and i guessed i did it right).
So we talked some, drank the wine, and i am terribly shy, although the wine helped me in the end. She was very direct about what she wanted me to do, after a while of her bumping my leg with hers, i finally got the courage to embrace her with one arm as she was sitting next to me, and told her that she would have to teach me as i dont really know how to kiss. And from there on out the rest of the date was mostly spent in us kissing, she was really aggressive about this as well. (alarm bell number three). now i am not that prejudiced, but in my opinion she is really in a hurry. i dont know if there is anything hidden behind it and i will not speculate further at the moment. But yeah, driving back from letting her off at her place my stomach hurt, weirdly, like never before,, and i had a massive case of blue balls -_-. The evening and most of today, was spent chatting with her, we meet Tuesday again, and according to the feel i am getting she expects sex. When we meet next time. Jeez. Oh well, for now i will play along, but out of caution im not going to totally loose my head because of her. Some things make me a bit vary. But i am happy about any experience i get from this if i do get burned later on.
Will probably update after Tuesday.
Oh and she has been slipping in various bits of information that i have been keeping track off like its a Persona game or a visual novel, lol, dont wanna mess up if she asks anything related to these things,
Those things are not "warning bells". The girl finds you attractive and wants to have sex. Don't create a problem or conspiracy where there isn't one.
Please tell me you're not actually writing down those "bits of information". In general, it's a good idea not to treat people like they're characters in a RPG.
Please tell me you're not actually writing down those "bits of information". In general, it's a good idea not to treat people like they're characters in a RPG.
Well if you say so, i am writing them down as far as updating her google number account with relevant details. like birthday, zodiac sign, etc.
ZackieChan
Member
ZackieChan
Member
Especially when all you need to keep straight is details on one woman. Try dating 4 at a time. You'll realize quickly that their zodiac sign isn't an important fact to know.
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