Previous online dating thread.

Complementary/Sister thread to visit:
Dating-Age OT6--These two threads go in hand to some degree as you can get some different opinions there on relationship advice, self-improvement advice and what not.


Preface

#1 Golden Rule to follow in this thread:

besada said:

Hey folks, let's not post pictures of women or men from dating sites. Unless you have someone's explicit permission to post their picture, it's a violation of their privacy. This includes captures of Tinder chats, identifiable screen caps from private messages, that sort of thing.

Thanks.

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What is online dating?
Online Dating Services Wikipedia page.

Online dating is basically a trial by fire affair of messaging tons of people left and right in hopes of eventually getting a face to face meeting and seeing if there's chemistry. You will have successes and you will have failures because such is the way with modern way of dating. Persistence is key regardless of whether you're looking for hook ups, something substantial, or new friends. Match.com was the first online dating service website as it was conceived in 1995. In this day and age it's hard to meet new people on people on a regular basis what with people being busy working on their professional career or simply not having the time for it.

Since then hundreds of online dating service websites around the world have entered the fray including free ones such as OKCupid, PlentyofFish, and Badoo that have optional premium features, premium websites such as the aforementioned Match.com and eHarmony which lock most of the online dating services behind a pay wall, and niche online dating websites such as ChristianSingles, AshleyMadison, and gk2gk.com (think Ashodin) as well as religious and ethnic/racial specific online dating websites.

Country specific online dating service websites also exist to further narrow down the spectrum. In addition to online dating websites, dating/hook up apps are increasingly giving people more options to meet that special someone or simply get laid with the most popular app that's the next best thing since the cronut being Tinder.

And then there are groups on meetup.com to further facilitate meeting new people in person in the digital age with anything from singles groups to special interest groups such as board game enthusiasts, social anxiety, kickball, art gallery hoppers, drawing groups; the list goes on and on. Because as always in person >online dating.

Popular Online Dating Websites on GAF:
New to the online dating scene? Here's a list of the often mentioned websites that dominate discussion in the Dating-Age thread and this one:

Free:
OKCupid (OKC)---The most frequented online dating service website here on GAF. An algorithm sets you up with potential matches based on the amount of questions you answered. The UI is pretty simple and easy to use. There's a bit of a Pavlovian effect whenever you see a pink number signifying that you have a new message. OKC used to be a personality test/questionnaire website before it became the online website that it is today. They also have an app version on IOS and Android (no Windows phone version AFAIK). A quick side note: OKC organizes local events that you have to RSVP and pay a fee in order to go ala meetup.com. Based on personal experience, I would highly recommend going to at least one or two to meet new people incredibly easily.

PlentyofFish (POF)---Similar to OKC, you answer a series of questions in order to get matches. Unlike OKC however, it looks nowhere near as nice and you have to put an eye catching headline for your profile to bring folks in. It's a decent alternative to OKC as there's a different type of crowd there as opposed to what you see on OKC (artsy people, college students, young/working professionals) but you can still find decent people there as well to its credit. Funny enough POF ads occasionally appear on OKC.

CoffeeMeetsBagel (CMB)---OkCupid meets Match. Users get prompts to fill in their profile are in as well as messaging prompts that users fill in. It's more for people who are have some kind of carreer and are looking something more substantial beyond your standard hook up. You get 20 "curated" matches per day which additional matches requiring space bucks to unlock (micro transactions). Once you get a match, you have seven days to message the person before the chat expires. If both parties agree to continue talking, then the chat renews for another several days and the app devs encourages users to ask the other party out to meet up. If it expires again, then the chat ends for good.

Here is what woodchuck had to say on it:

woodchuck said:

I've been using coffee meets bagel and have had relatively success, one date a week with a different girl. Much easier to use than ok Cupid or match.com where you don't have to make eleaborate profiles or figure out how to stand out with your messages. I highly recommend it. But it definitely will only work in big cities, so your mileage may vary.

All the girls that have appeared in my queue have been pretty attractive and seems to be pretty successful career wise.

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Premium:
These websites are self-explanatory. The gist of it is that you can expect to meet people that are more serious about dating given that they paid a subscription fee:

Match

SonicXtreme's thoughts on Match and you can expect:

SonicXtreme said:

pay for it, but it depends. have you really drug POF/tinder/bumble/OKC dirt dry?

are you ok with mostly more mature, really successful women? most are on there for marriage, not for fun. the sweet spot for the site is 26-50, college educated and a lot of them higher than that, lots more world travelers than women who want to go to a dive bar.

are you ok with messaging people with no idea of whether they pay or not (if they don't they can't reply and you'll never know if they do and just ignored it or if they don't pay) , as well as having tons of fake accounts on the site? (they smurf profiles, and when your subscription ends you will get tons of mystery likes from them, only to subscribe and not find them. this is one of the ways they get people to join the site; lots of those cuties are site made spam)

it's very anti consumer (the day my last subscription ended, a girl i was talking to offsite remarked that my old profile now was completely different, and was changed to one of these cheese profiles they populate the site with to spurn nonpayer's interest), but if you're ok with those things it's something to do. but i stress that you really should feel like you emptied the free sites

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eHarmony

Queerty--LGBT community version of eHarmony

Smart phone/tablet Dating Apps:
That online dating website you frequent so often? There's probably an app for that and it's probably free (gotta get that advertising revenue). Then there's also app only online dating services (read: a browser version does not exist). Let's take a look at some:

Tinder---Available on IOS and Android. Owned by the same parent company of OKC, and Howaboutwe among others. The catch is that you need a Facebook account to use it. Don't have a FB account? Make a dummy account. It scans nearby potential matches based on your location (turning on your phone's GPS feature is a must) via the internet. Then it's a matter of swiping right until someone swipes right as well to initiate messaging and eventually meeting up. Many GAF members have gotten plenty of successful dates from it. The app recently added premium features such as unlimited swiping, location reveal, and the ability to undo swipes. You can also see expect to see ads occasionally.

Update: OP's thoughts on Tinder: Tinder has been immensely successful for me moreso than OKC ever was. There are plenty of bots on Tinder so watch out for those fake messages, report them, and unmatch them. I've been on several dates and had one hook up date so far so I can't complain. Pictures are incredibly important on Tinder moreso than whatever you list on your profile. Plus people aren't solely looking for hook ups so whatever it is that you're looking for, chances are you'll get it. GIFs work wonders on it these days. Pro-tip: type in Hey Girl (look for the winking dog with wings) or have a dance off with GIFs and see what happens.

OKCupid---Available on IOS and Android. You're probably wondering how some people reply to messages instantly. Well that's because the OKC app sends you alerts whenever you receive a new message or get rated highly. The app version has a Broadcast feature that allows you to set up a date instantly should you want it. Simply pick a place, time, include details of your plan e.g. Drinks at Pony Bar (an NYC bar), and hopefully---if someone accepts---then you have an impromptu date that easily.


CoffeeMeetsBagel---Available on IOS and Android. Requires a Facebook account ala Tinder. Edible Knife has this to say on the app:

Edible Knife said:

One match a day that shares mutual friends. You can like or pass. You both like, you both get to chat. The chat supposedly has a life of seven days (assuming that this gets you to push to trade numbers/meetup quicker). Pretty much a slower Tinder but ditches the volume for what you might call "quality" since the matches will almost always be a friend of a friend of a friend or somewhere just outside your standard friend group. Also offers coupons to local cafe's or restaurants upon a match. My experience with it was fine. Deactivated it for reasons but in comparison to Tinder, I felt like I had a better idea about who the match was unlike the usually sparse Tinder profiles. Dating is a numbers game though so using both apps is not the worst idea.

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POF---App Available on IOS and Android as well on a web browser . It seems to be more popular in Canada and other countries. The U/website isn't as fancy as OkCupid's and goes for a headline instead of a profile with stats to attract other potential suitors.

Happn (recommended by GK86)- Available on IOS and Android. "Find the people you've crossed paths "with. It sounds like Tinder meets Nintendo's StreetPass. It's like the former that if both users like each other, they can start a conversation; it's like the latter in that the app keeps track of the number of times you crossed paths with each other (read: exchanged data) as well the time and place. Battery chugger? Battery chugger.

Meetup---Available on IOS and Android; social app. It's a simplified user friendly version of the browser wbebsite. You can find groups incredibly easy, get alerts for upcoming meet ups on your phone, etc.

Settle For Love -Users can list your imperfections/things in addition to things that are good about oneself. He created it after getting frustrated with Tinder/OKC/POF and met his fiancee through there. The guy was featured on an episode of Invisibilia which is how I heard of it. This service has a relatively small user base given that it was founded in 2014 so YMMV on matches. It apes Tinder's swiping system because let's face it: online dating apps that feature swiping to users' pictures are here to stay.


Grindr---LGBT community social networking app that goes toe to toe with Tinder in terms of popularity. Available on IOS and Android.

A word on "ghosting"
Ghosting is a fancy shmancy term for the act of going completely silent after a date, several dates in, or after having a few exchanges only for the person to fall off. It's inevitable that it will happen to you since it comes with the territory. GHOSTING IS NORMAL. Depending on who you ask, you're going to get different opinions on it. I'm of the opinion that if I wasn't feeling a date, then I won't contact the girl again. Some people might reach out to the person and ask for closure but I think there's no such thing as that. No one owes you a reply so don't act like you're entitled to one; some people handle rejection very poorly which is why they choose to ghost. It's just the way it is.

Online Dating Frequently Asked Questions:

I recently made an online dating profile. Can I post it and get some honest feedback on it?

Absolutely! By all means you're welcome to do so. Don't want lurkers to see your profile? Use the quote-to-reveal email tag format [ /EMAIL] or PM people if you're still not feeling comfortable.

Will online dating get me some action?

It depends on what you're looking for and which websites/services you use as well as the types of pictures you have (more on that in a bit) and when you use it. If you're a college student, chances are you're probably going to use it to get a few summer/winter flings before going back to school. There are GAF members that have made friends out of it if nothing else. Pro tip: even if you're seriously going to use it to get FWB (friends with benefits) relationships out of it, DO NOT list casual sex/casual encounters as it will severely hinder your chances of getting replies. People will only think you're out for sex only which turns away many potential interested parties. It's the double standards of online dating.

What's the general consensus on when I should ask for the number?

There is no real consensus. Some people say after 4-5 exchanges; others say to do it after several exchanges and/or graduate it to Skype/Facebook before exchanging numbers. Ultimately, you have to feel it out and play it by ear. Getting multiple paragraph replies is a good sign; getting short 1-2 sentence replies is not. Ideally, you want to get it off the dating service ASAP while the interest is high, set plans for something firm e.g. "Let's go for drinks at the NeoGAF bar on Wednesday at 7PM," and ask for the number to transition to a face to face meeting.

What type of messages should I be sending in order to get replies?

That's a bit of a tricky question to answer. Generally you'll want to find something that stands out in their profile and ask a question based around it or make a funny/witty comment. If you're out of ideas, then the pizza or sushi line works wonders as does asking neutral questions such as "How was your weekend" and "How's it going." Only problem is transitioning out of those questions into a good flirtatious conversation but it's doable. Experiment! Experiment! EXPERIMENT!

Maddocks has this to say on the types of messages to send out:

Maddocks said:

I only use Okcupid, so I can only speak on that experience but just remember, don't be scared to experiment on your messages. But I would advise not just crafting a message and then copy and paste it 40 times to 40 different girls.

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How many people a day should I be messaging?

As I mentioned a couple of sections above, online dating is trial by fire/trial and error. You should message at least 20 different people a day. Trust me when I say it gets addicting to message people once you start. Pro tip: lowering your standards will help your cause immensely as you'll want to cast a wide net. As a side note: if you're a dude, be advised that women get hundreds of messages a day but don't let that discourage you from messaging women. If you're a woman who messages dudes, respect knuckles to you because it means you don't let your milkshake bring the boys to the yard; you bring it to them directly.

The person never responded to my message and it's been a few days. It was going great. Should I try messaging him/her a second time?

Absolutely do it. If at first you don't succeed, try again. There's no harm in sending out a second message because chances are the person probably got busy with life and forgot or procrastinated on checking his/her messages. Sometimes it'll lead to a date, other times it won't lead to anything and the person still won't respond but at least you tried.

What should I do on the first date?/Where should I go?

Generally on the first date you'll want to keep it light and casual. By casual I mean having a few drinks at a bar to relax or play pool, meeting up at a coffee shop to chat, walking around your city/town, going to a museum/exhibition, or going art gallery hopping. The whole point of the first date to get to know each other and to see if there's chemistry. You'll want to keep an eye on body language as the date goes along since it's as important if not more important than verbal communication. Play it by ear to gauge the person; by all means flirt away.

Welp my date is not going well. I'm not feeling any chemistry with my date. What do I do Online Dating GAF?

If the date is going bad and you're not feeling the person, have a back up plan ready and don't be afraid to cut the date short if worst comes to worst. Politely say that you have to go, it was nice to meet the person, smile, shake hands/hug, and walk away. After that, you can either text the person letting him/her know that it was nice but there wasn't any spark or delete the number, thread of texts/messages and move on. Most people generally get the hint.

My date was awesome Online GAF. How soon should I follow up letting my date know I had a good time and suggest a second date?

I always love reading successful first date stories. Again, there are no real rules/guide lines. In my experience I'll hit up a girl I enjoyed seeing a few hours after the date ended/once I get home asking her if she got home safely, telling her I had fun, and suggest we do it again soon. If she replies positively then it's a good sign.

Online dating Do's and Dont's:
-Do try to make your profile sound genuine (let your personality shine).
-Don't make your profile super long or read like a resume since it's boring.
-Do message a person even if he/she catches a small inkling of your interest/is supposedly "out of your league."
-Don't be a dick by thinking people owe you a reply once you message them. If they don't respond then it's their loss so don't take it personally.
-Do have fun with it.
-Don't think of it as a rote activity.
-Do upload pictures of you doing activities, with animals, as well as recent pictures.
-Don't upload mirror shots, selfies of your upper body only, or pictures that are more than 2-3 years old since you probably don't look the same.
-Do keep your options open when messaging multiple people.
-Don't focus on one person person as it's only going to frustrate you; keep your head held high and put your best foot forward.
-Do update your profile periodically as new stuff added to your profile will bring new people.
-Don't include really dark/emotional baggage stuff or sound like you're down on your luck.

Resources/Recommended Reading:
[URL="http://markmanson.net/modern-dating"]MarkManson.net has a pretty damn good article on modern dating. The website also has some damn good articles in general.[/URL]
[URL="http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/online-dating-guide.html"]http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/online-dating-guide.html (some of the advice applies to women as well)[/URL]
[URL="http://www.digitaltrends.com/social-media/online-dating-a-comprehensive-how-to-guide-for-the-wary-beginner/#!9QedO"]http://www.digitaltrends.com/social-media/online-dating-a-comprehensive-how-to-guide-for-the-wary-beginner/#!9QedO[/URL]
[URL="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/02/online-dating-profile-rules_n_4533030.html"]http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/02/online-dating-profile-rules_n_4533030.html (some of the advice applies to men)[/URL]
[URL="http://www.wikihow.com/Special:GoogSearch?cx=008953293426798287586%3Amr-gwotjmbs&cof=FORID%3A10&ie=UTF-8&q=body+language&siteurl=www.wikihow.com%2FMain-Page"]WikiHow has a bunch of good articles on body language[/URL]
[URL="http://www.wikihow.com/Succeed-at-Online-Dating"]http://www.wikihow.com/Succeed-at-Online-Dating[/URL]
[URL="http://time.com/aziz-ansari-modern-romance/"]Aziz Ansari on modern romance. The article also plugs in his book aptly called...Modern Romance which is available now. [/URL]
[url]http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jun/08/aziz-ansari-modern-dating-extract-guide[/url]
Misc (continued in the reserved first post below if need be):
-Thanks to GK86 for the hilarious subtitle. I understood that reference. Also for being my partner in crime with going to the local OKC events.
-Thank you all for contributing advice, sharing your experiences, and hanging in there strong. We're all in this together so chances are your struggles are probably the same struggles someone else has gone through.
-Also thanks to the original MIA OP AlimNassor for starting the original thread only for it to snowball into a 17,000+ post thread.

GAF Community General Online Dating Tips Compendium: [compiling quotes now; work-in-progress]

Freshair on kissing during dates:

freshair said:

I'm a fan of a quick round of drinks for the first meetup, so it rarely exceeds ~$10-15. Even better if it's happy hour. I find that it gives you enough time to feel each other out without being too committed over something like dinner, which I like to reserve for the 2nd or 3rd.

Also it's a great excuse to bail (gotta work tomorrow!).

As far as kissing is concerned, I always try to lock it down the first date, and if not, definitely by the 2nd date. Some guys might be more comfortable on the 2nd date since by that point, the girl likes you enough to agree to go out again. And assuming all goes well, a kiss at that point (usually) signifies both parties are still interested.

There's been some thought that kissing at the end of the date is too cliche and predictable and that a guy should kiss the girl in the middle of the date. I would only agree with this if there are clear signs she wants to be kissed. Lots of looking down at your lips, lip bites, playing with her hair, etc.

Otherwise go for the true and tried (and for me, successful) method of ending the night with a peck. The important thing is to not over think it. Don't just go for the kiss because you want to and that's your "goal". If it feels like and you got good vibes from her and during the date, then do it.

If this all sounds ambiguous and not definitive because it is. It's really difficult to put into words when it is the "right time" to kiss someone and "how do you know. You honestly just have to put yourself out there and go for it. Worst thing that can happen is that she turns away or says no thanks. Your ego might be bruised a bit, but at least you did it and won't have that lingering "what if..." feeling.

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Electricshake on messaging etiquette:
[OP's Note: For the uninitiated, she's a woman]

electricshake said:

A tip for messaging - don't just say 'hey' or 'how's it going', these are shite messages and I ignore all of them. Try and engage in a conversation, but don't write your life story. If you message someone you're clearly interested in them so make it easy for them to reply - you're the one that should be doing the work, not the person you're messaging.

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Ask a female GAF member to critique your profile.
Seriously, do it. They have a good eye for stuff you don't see.

Girl isn't being direct about scheduling a date or claims that she's "too busy?" Employ the Brad Pitt Rule!

Courtesy of GAF member Valus

Call up the woman you like and ask her on a date. Did she say yes? Great, she probably likes you. What if she makes up an excuse for why she can’t go out? This is the time to employ the Brad Pitt Rule.

Imagine that instead of you, Brad Pitt had asked this same woman out. Would she use the same excuse with him? If Brad Pitt asked her on a date, would she still say she had to study or was going to the movies with friends that night? Nope. She would have dropped pretty much anything and everything to be able to accept a date with Brad.

Now you’re not Pitt obviously. But if a woman is interested in you, she will drop her other plans to be available to go out with you.

Of course there are exceptions; the woman may have a legitimate reason she cannot make the date. Perhaps she has to work or go to a funeral. But, and here is the real clincher, she will suggest a different time for the date. She will say something along the lines of “I can’t do it Saturday night, do you want to hang out next weekend?”

If she makes up an excuse and she does not suggest an alternative plan, you have been shut out. She is not interested. Do not ask her out again. Doing so will only result in awkwardness and you feeling like a tool.

But don’t worry, she probably isn’t as cool as you thought she was since she doesn’t appreciate your charms. Start pursuing another lady who will.

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MogCakes' What to put on OkCupid's "On a Typical Friday Night I am" section to differentiate you from the next person

MogCakes said:

The friday night section, like most of the other sections, exists solely to be used to say something witty or different from the norm. Anyone can say they spend it out with friends/at home/sleeping etc. To be worth reading it has to say something about 'you' as the person. Do you mostly like to eat out when you go out? Clubs? D&D gatherings? Gaming? Browsing the GAF dating age thread? This is a good place to list stuff you enjoy doing or are passionate about.

Another approach is to do it tongue in cheek. "On a typical Friday night I am..."

"In a different dimension"
"being spirited away"
"At Hogwartz"
"walking into Mordor"

Or you can be flirtatious/romantic/hipster.

"Taking you to Rafain"
"Getting to know you over a glass of champagne"
"Sitting in a Jazz lounge listening to Miles Davis"

etc etc.

You can go the frank route like I did and just say 'sleeping' or something equally tame, and then follow up with something else you enjoy doing on Fridays or on special Fridays.

I typed way too much on this.

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Invent a narrative based on the person's pictures

Salamando said:

Make up a story using their pictures. https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comm...ssages/cihyask

I pull this on OKC, and it gets a better than normal response rate.

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5 Simple time-saving tips with online dating

gwailo said:

If you're finding it exhausting, you're putting too much effort in. Embrace the laziness that online dating provides.

Don't worry about creating the perfect profile; just some good pictures and a bit of text is good.

Don't search for hours looking for the perfect person to message; you're never going to find it.

Don't send overly long/involved messages - would you take two minutes to say hello to someone you just met?

Don't spend a lot of time texting/messaging before going out and keep the first date/meetup simple and cheap.

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I'll add that it sometimes doesn't hurt to send a second message like 2 weeks after your first if you didn't get a response the first time. Just not more than that. Sometimes girls just forget. If they ignore you twice they're most likely not interested, though.

Good OP. Hope people read it, love it, live it.

I only use Okcupid, so I can only speak on that experience but just remember, don't be scared to experiment on your messages. But I would advise not just crafting a message and then copy and paste it 40 times to 40 different girls.

Already in the OP but I'll expand a bit on Coffee Meets Bagel. It is a site but there's also an iOS app. One match a day that shares mutual friends. You can like or pass. You both like, you both get to chat. The chat supposedly has a life of seven days (assuming that this gets you to push to trade numbers/meetup quicker). Pretty much a slower Tinder but ditches the volume for what you might call "quality" since the matches will almost always be a friend of a friend of a friend or somewhere just outside your standard friend group. Also offers coupons to local cafe's or restaurants upon a match. My experience with it was fine. Deactivated it for reasons but in comparison to Tinder, I felt like I had a better idea about who the match was unlike the usually sparse Tinder profiles. Dating is a numbers game though so using both apps is not the worst idea.

I would ask if a mod could move this to off topic proper, as this OT is a reboot and it will need the traffic.

You should have made this in the OT general Lol. Otherwise, great OP.

Necrovex said:

I would ask if a mod could move this to off topic proper, as this OT is a reboot and it will need the traffic.

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GK86 said:

You should have made this in the OT general Lol. Otherwise, great OP.

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Dutifully noted. I'll PM a mod right away to request to move it to OT and lock the original thread.

Also if anyone has any insights on any of the above mentioned websites (I have no experience with Tinder and only a tiny amount of experience with POF) or advice in general, feel free to share them and I'll throw it into the OP. I added Edible Knife's post on the CoffeeMeetsBagel app.

EDIT: The requests have been sent.

I had 3 OKC dates in 6 days.

Exhausting to say the least, combined with the fact that it was a holiday weekend.

#1 was nice. I think she's into me more than I am in into her and we made out for a bit at the end of the might. Will probably give this another shot to see if there's any real sparks.

#2 was great. Ended up meeting her and a friend though as they happened to be in the same area. Texted me out of the blue at 10pm asking to hang out. I obliged. I'll need a real 1 on 1 to feel her out more ,but results are positive.

#3 was okay. I'm usually good about weeding out bad angles/pictures, but I was wrong with those one. Yowza. She's nice and friendly enough, but not for me.

I have 3 more in the works as well.

Just a quick correction, to use tinder, you don't need the Facebook app. Just a Facebook account.

freshair said:

I had 3 OKC dates in 6 days.

Exhausting to say the least, combined with the fact that it was a holiday weekend.

#1 was nice. I think she's into me more than I am in into her and we made out for a bit at the end of the might. Will probably give this another shot to see if there's any real sparks.

#2 was great. Ended up meeting her and a friend though as they happened to be in the same area. Texted me out of the blue at 10pm asking to hang out. I obliged. I'll need a real 1 on 1 to feel her out more ,but results are positive.

#3 was okay. I'm usually good about weeding out bad angles/pictures, but I was wrong with those one. Yowza. She's nice and friendly enough, but not for me.

I have 3 more in the works as well.

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Already we have our first good news post. That's awesome. I'm looking forward to your thoughts on the other 3 dates. I have to add having friends introduce you to single friends to the OP. Going out with many girls at once in a week allows you to keep your options open and figure out what you like and don't like. Downside is it's financially draining. Hopefully you didn't spend a ton of money. I went out with 2 girls in one week and it was indeed fun but exhausting.

To kick off a discussion, do you have any personal insights on OKC you want share? Some guys in the last thread said they can't tell when to kiss their date so maybe you can elaborate on this as well.

GK86 said:

Just a quick correction, to use tinder, you don't need the Facebook app. Just a Facebook account.

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Done. The correction has been amended. I'll ask my brother for some pearls of wisdom that I can add to the OP (he lurks on GAF) since's he's been on several online dates.

I've actually been on the online dating scene for several years starting with a website called MiGente.com (mostly a dating website for Hispanics) when I was about 15-17 (2004-2006) years old before moving up to MySpace, an ex-high school social networking website called Sconex by the end of my Senior year of high school (I was pretty shy), then localhookupz.com, before eventually coming across OKC in my early twenties.

I have a bit of a small updates on my end. It's been a whole week since I hit up girls on OKC. I suppose going out with the aforementioned 2 girls in one week ended my reply hot streak. I've logged into my account but haven't had much motivation to hit up several girls lately. I'll do that today.

Opera girl never did reply to my previous text which was last Monday. I think I'll try hitting her up again to see what she's been up to. At the same time, part of me says to throw in the towel with her and move on because if she would've hit me up if she still had any interest.

Which leads me to my update on the red head I went out with earlier that week. I mentioned that she was out of town for a week on vacation. I hit her up last week to check in on her and flirted with her a bit. That was last Thursday.

Well today she hit me up telling me she's back in town and talking how hot Florida was. She clearly likes me I've been texting her left and right for the past 3 hours. Suffice to say, I have a second date with her on Thursday afternoon at Barcade of all places which she's never been to. Her favorite arcade game is Pacman which I don't think they have IIRC but I told her I have it on 360. Fun times await for sure. Playing arcades means competition with a reward in the end of it.

I've been using coffee meets bagel and have had relatively success, one date a week with a different girl. Much easier to use than ok Cupid or match.com where you don't have to make eleaborate profiles or figure out how to stand out with yor messages. I highly recommend it. But it definitely will only work in big cities, so your mileage may vary.

All the girls that have appeared in my queue have been pretty attractive and seems to be pretty successful career wise.

freshair said:

#3 was okay. I'm usually good about weeding out bad angles/pictures, but I was wrong with those one. Yowza. She's nice and friendly enough, but not for me.

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Some people can be really tricky with pics. Always good to find more info if there is some doubt. Some people may find it a little creepy to check someone out before meeting, but sometimes when you are talking to someone an hour away it is a good way to make sure you don't waste a lot of time.

God I love that Ashodin gets a shoutout in the OP.

woodchuck said:

I've been using coffee meets bagel and have had relatively success, one date a week with a different girl. Much easier to use than ok Cupid or match.com where you don't have to make eleaborate profiles or figure out how to stand out with yor messages. I highly recommend it. But it definitely will only work in big cities, so your mileage may vary.

All the girls that have appeared in my queue have been pretty attractive and seems to be pretty successful career wise.

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Too bad it's only in the US, doesn't work for Canada because it won't accept Canadian ZIP codes

Jipan said:

Downside is it's financially draining. Hopefully you didn't spend a ton of money. I went out with 2 girls in one week and it was indeed fun but exhausting.

To kick off a discussion, do you have any personal insights on OKC you want share? Some guys in the last thread said they can't tell when to kiss their date so maybe you can elaborate on this as well.

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I'm a fan of a quick round of drinks for the first meetup, so it rarely exceeds ~$10-15. Even better if it's happy hour. I find that it gives you enough time to feel each other out without being too committed over something like dinner, which I like to reserve for the 2nd or 3rd.

Also it's a great excuse to bail (gotta work tomorrow!).

As far as kissing is concerned, I always try to lock it down the first date, and if not, definitely by the 2nd date. Some guys might be more comfortable on the 2nd date since by that point, the girl likes you enough to agree to go out again. And assuming all goes well, a kiss at that point (usually) signifies both parties are still interested.

There's been some thought that kissing at the end of the date is too cliche and predictable and that a guy should kiss the girl in the middle of the date. I would only agree with this if there are clear signs she wants to be kissed. Lots of looking down at your lips, lip bites, playing with her hair, etc.

Otherwise go for the true and tried (and for me, successful) method of ending the night with a peck. The important thing is to not over think it. Don't just go for the kiss because you want to and that's your "goal". If it feels like and you got good vibes from her and during the date, then do it.

If this all sounds ambiguous and not definitive because it is. It's really difficult to put into words when it is the "right time" to kiss someone and "how do you know. You honestly just have to put yourself out there and go for it. Worst thing that can happen is that she turns away or says no thanks. Your ego might be bruised a bit, but at least you did it and won't have that lingering "what if..." feeling.

woodchuck said:

I've been using coffee meets bagel and have had relatively success, one date a week with a different girl.

All the girls that have appeared in my queue have been pretty attractive and seems to be pretty successful career wise.

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I'm working on my first CMB date and I have to agree. It's like a more curated version of Tinder and a lot of my matches have been attractive and successful as well.

turtle553 said:

Some people may find it a little creepy to check someone out before meeting, but sometimes when you are talking to someone an hour away it is a good way to make sure you don't waste a lot of time.

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I agree. And also her username was generic as heck, that finding a matching social media account didn't prove fruitful. I'm also loving this trend of people putting their instagram accounts in the profile. Saves me a lot of work! Though some of them are private, which I don't get why'd you put it in in the first place then. ...

Smiley90 said:

Too bad it's only in the US, doesn't work for Canada because it won't accept Canadian ZIP codes

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Doh just came here to ask about this, I actually didn't even see the app on the store here at all

lupin23rd said:

Doh just came here to ask about this, I actually didn't even see the app on the store here at all

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It's not, but they also have a website..... where it rejects Canadian ZIP codes. So yeah, neither way works.

The one problem about coffee meets bagel is that a lot of days you may not get a new profile. I'm assuming this is because there are more guys than girls. CMB is definitely slow paced so I would use another service to supplement.

Unless you're a complete ghoul I suggest tinder to everyone. My first 2 months using it I had 3-4 dates a week and I'd say more than half lead to sex. I know this isn't what everyone is looking for but it sure as hell helps while you try to find someone you want to be a bit more serious with.

richardhawk said:

Unless you're a complete ghoul I suggest tinder to everyone. My first 2 months using it I had 3-4 dates a night and I'd say more than half lead to sex. I know this isn't what everyone is looking for but it sure as hell helps while you try to find someone you want to be a bit more serious with.

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so you had sex twice a day with random strangers over the course of 2 months?

... right.

richardhawk said:

Unless you're a complete ghoul I suggest tinder to everyone. My first 2 months using it I had 3-4 dates a night and I'd say more than half lead to sex. I know this isn't what everyone is looking for but it sure as hell helps while you try to find someone you want to be a bit more serious with.

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Either you're hot or you're willing to fuck anything that moves. Which one is it?

richardhawk said:

Unless you're a complete ghoul I suggest tinder to everyone. My first 2 months using it I had 3-4 dates a night and I'd say more than half lead to sex. I know this isn't what everyone is looking for but it sure as hell helps while you try to find someone you want to be a bit more serious with.

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Do you mean per week?

richardhawk said:

Unless you're a complete ghoul I suggest tinder to everyone. My first 2 months using it I had 3-4 dates a night and I'd say more than half lead to sex. I know this isn't what everyone is looking for but it sure as hell helps while you try to find someone you want to be a bit more serious with.

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Awesome, that sounds like something perfectly safe and healthy to do.

richardhawk said:

Unless you're a complete ghoul I suggest tinder to everyone. My first 2 months using it I had 3-4 dates a night and I'd say more than half lead to sex. I know this isn't what everyone is looking for but it sure as hell helps while you try to find someone you want to be a bit more serious with.

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I honestly have not had a single match since their major Android update. Not a one. Not that I was getting tons of them prior, but at least a few. I didn't change a single thing on my profile... as much as it sounds like a cop-out, I feel like something is going on.

I have to say that I like the title for this thread.

I'm finding my options in dating pretty limited, so I guess I'll start looking into these options. It sounds like OKCupid is the unofficially suggested site of GAF then?

H3XAntiStyle said:

I'm finding my options in dating pretty limited, so I guess I'll start looking into these options. It sounds like OKCupid is the unofficially suggested site of GAF then?

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Yup. I like OKC MUCH better than POF. POF just seems so.... amateurish in comparison.

Just the quality of girls on OKC is much higher than POF.

There's a couple that seem alright, but a majority of them don't have anything substantial written in their profile, making it difficult to connect in the first message.

You can continue to use both to keep your options open, but I wouldn't spend too much time on there, personally.

I'll throw in some positive results for OKCupid as well. I met my girlfriend of 6 months on it. It's a wonderful site that was very easy to navigate. I found the users on it less flaky than POF users.

It took me the better part of a year to find her and although things aren't going as I envisioned it, I'm still invested. We've gone on one little trip together and now we're planning a bigger trip to Japan. Excited!

Jesus what a stupid typo. I totally meant a week not a night.

freshair said:

Just the quality of girls on OKC is much higher than POF.

There's a couple that seem alright, but a majority of them don't have anything substantial written in their profile, making it difficult to connect in the first message.

You can continue to use both to keep your options open, but I wouldn't spend too much time on there, personally.

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PoF seems to have a bigger base, but I have seen so many unappealing women on there. So many country gals, though this may simply be due to me living near the country. But I can't purely hate it, as I got a few good dates through it.

I have a date in 2 hours from OKC. We are going to grab a drink (which is always my preference for first dates)! I'm a bit nervous! I'm hoping a beer might loosen me up, haha.

Never had any luck with dating sites.

I'm probably not trying hard enough but any time I make an attempt, I feel like I'm just wasting my time.

Online dating is all about tricking people with your words to cover up your glaring flaws and insecurities until it's too late for them to see the red flags.

I just got back into the OKC game recently, so I am READY TO ROLL with this thread

MetalGuardian said:

Online dating is all about tricking people with your words to cover up your glaring flaws and insecurities until it's too late for them to see the red flags.

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That hasn't been my experience so far.

Got hella Tinder matches might mess with em since I have the next two days off.

Fisticuffs said:

That hasn't been my experience so far.

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Your mileage may vary, I suppose.

An easy example is no guy listing "casual sex" under what they are looking for, even though it's easy to assume many dudes would be thrilled if that opportunity came up with an attractive girl

There are lots of other ways to do it too -- online dating is all about putting the best version of yourself forward, which intentionally excludes all of the bullshit that would turn most people off

Tabasco said:

Never had any luck with dating sites.

I'm probably not trying hard enough but any time I make an attempt, I feel like I'm just wasting my time.

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It all feels like a scam to me. I've been on dating websites for about three years, and I've never been messaged. Never mind getting to arrange a meet up.

Saying that, I never message women. I don't understand women. In fact, I am convinced women in real life see me as a complete weirdo, and online I am invisible.

When I read of people going on several dates a week/month, with 'more lined up', it's just further evidence that the women are queuing up for other men; just not me.

I met my (now, obviously) wife and mother of my son through match.com. I will say this, I was on that site as a paid-up member for just over a year before meeting her, and in that time I really had my faith in people tested to its absolute limit. I had a couple of nice dates and a couple of fun encounters but then there were the time wasters, the people who'd get in contact just to tell you how much they're not interested, the racists, bigots, outright crazies and otherwise unpleasant people. I had to wade through a mountain of shit to find the right person,

It got to the point where I was prepared to give up on the whole thing, one person in particular had really been quite aggressively offensive and put me off even attempting to find a partner. I actually ignored the first message my wife sent me on there (a fact she gets no small amount of delight torturing me about now!) and intended to just give up on the site. She messaged me a second time a month later though, and this time caught me in a better place. Fast forward four years and I'm typing this on my phone with my one free hand while feeding my baby boy with the other, while she snores next to me. My life is amazing

So if my wife weren't testing out how well she can rattle the floorboards right now, I'm sure she'd agree with whoever above said not to be afraid to message more than once. Obviously don't try to spam someone into submission with messages, but while someone's online profile is typically static and always there, their mood may not be the same and it really can't hurt to try again.

Step 1: Be attractive

Out of Working Order said:

It all feels like a scam to me. I've been on dating websites for about three years, and I've never been messaged. Never mind getting to arrange a meet up.

Saying that, I never message women. I don't understand women. In fact, I am convinced women in real life see me as a complete weirdo, and online I am invisible.

When I read of people going on several dates a week/month, with 'more lined up', it's just further evidence that the women are queuing up for other men; just not me.

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It's extremely rare that the women will message you first, so if you never message women then of course you won't get any action. But it's funny because I was on a couple sites for years and the only (desirable) woman to message me first is now my wife. Anyway, I've been on plenty of dates from those sites and a couple of the girls let me see their inbox and man, they get messaged hundreds of times with guys using any and every angle you could possibly think of.

At one point I was in your position (kinda awkward and shy) and you really need to use some of these dates to get that out your system. You don't want to go on a date with a potential great match but your social skills are still on the weak side. That happened to me and I regretted messing that up until I met my wife.

Yeah, as a guy, you have to message first. It's extremely rare for a girl to message you, even if she finds you attractive.

i gave match.com and okcupid a whirl in May... had a few dates (which is a HUGE accomplishment considering i'm only 5'5) but they kind of fizzled out. one was/is GF material but she's got some stuff going on and we had to take a break, so I'll just assume it's pretty much over.

it was a cool experience but i'm kind of burnt out on it and suspended my profiles on said sites until i can get some better pics (I lost about 20 lbs. since then). sometime soon I'm going to try POF for shits and giggles

kind of proud of how quick i learned to play the game. but also embarrassed over how inept I was when I first started

MetalGuardian said:

Online dating is all about tricking people with your words to cover up your glaring flaws and insecurities until it's too late for them to see the red flags.

I just got back into the OKC game recently, so I am READY TO ROLL with this thread

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I disagree. While it's good and well to cover up your biggest flaws for the first few dates, if you lie on your profile you're doing online dating wrong. It's all about finding someone who likes you for yourself. I mean, how are you ever going to be truly happy if you have to fake yourself. You might get more rejection up front for being who you are, but the person that WILL like you will like you for who you really are, which will be MUCH more satisfying and has a higher chance of actually lasting.

Unless you're just looking for quick hookups, in which case lie all you want and be a dick.

I need a car to join one of these websites because I don't have transportation to the dates Based on some of the replies, I see that people are getting some dating action.

richardhawk said:

Unless you're a complete ghoul I suggest tinder to everyone. My first 2 months using it I had 3-4 dates a week and I'd say more than half lead to sex. I know this isn't what everyone is looking for but it sure as hell helps while you try to find someone you want to be a bit more serious with.

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So..

what do you recommend for complete ghouls then?

Gaf so this chick visit my profile on okc and likes me so I'm like let me see what's up with the nelly pimp juice running In my mind.. So I go to her profile and she looks good for a slim girl she got a kid which is doable and I liked her back.. Long story short she sends me an essay and pursuits me, usually I answer a few hours later but w.e she talks about her drama with ex baby daddy outta nowhere funny thing is I ain't even asked her I'm like let me use my imagination.



This chick is cray I realized a few messages in she's calling me papi, chulo, or you're so cute, can we go on a date?! All I thought was " heh I ain't white knighting this despite how fine she is" the thirst is real guys just wao.

Edit : she got two kids goddamn I feel like usher is singing me confessions part 2

You should probably note that coffee meets bagel needs Facebook as well.

I have not had great experiences with online dating. I have never gotten a date out of it. But I do sometimes get responses from girls so I got that going for me which is nice