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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|

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A

ayeorkean

Member
So I guess livejournal post ahead.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about a year and it's kind of crumbling apart at this point. Some of the habits he has are just really irritating me, which in return annoys him.

Before we were dating he frequented dating/hookup sites: grindr, manhunt, okcupid, a4a, craigslist, gay.com, compatible partners. After we started dating he would still go to these sites on a daily basis and I called him out and asked him to stop going. After that I found out he was still going to the sites and put the relationship in jeopardy, in hopes he would get the message this time. Well a few months pass his grandmother gets ill and he visits her in Denver. We eventually see each other after a month apart, and it's fine and dandy until I look through his web history, where I find Denver craigslist ads. So I felt kind of betrayed at this point and was fed up with this cycle but decide not to have a scene, and stay in the relationship. He had a business trip to Montreal December, and was traveling very frequently to Montreal around the same time last year (You'll need to know this). So recently we purchased a small bookshelf and I was looking for some accessories, I go to crate and barrel, as I'm typing "cr", a Montreal craigslist ad appears. He tells me it was from before we were dating, "ages ago", however it's really from a month after we started dating. So this trend of visiting dating/hookup sites has been clawing at this relationship, he says he does it because he likes to look at local guys and he's just naturally interested, I've suggested if it's that way we can go to gay bars.

One thing I ask is that we talk during the week, he can go an indefinite amount of time with out calling me on the phone since we happen to live far away. When I visit him, he's very affectionate and nice, friendly and wants me around. However when I leave, there is a great loss in communication. Which brings me to another point, I know it's kind of different in the gay world when it comes to porn. But he watches porn daily and compulsively, ok, fine. But y u no u call me.

/livejournal
 
N

Nohar

Member
Working out at the gym isn't being shallow. Taking care of oneself image isn't necessarily being shallow. However, it shoudn't become an obsession.

Spending some hours in order to stay in shape, gain confidence and overall feeling better (because working out does make you feel better, as long as you don't hurt yourself) isn't being shallow : it's spending time in a intelligent and productive way (more productive that, say, lying down on the couch or spending too much time on the Internet... wait.).

I'm not cut, but thanks to the gym I've been able to stay in shape, and I'm happy to have taken the decision to go there. Also, it can be a nice place to meet people.

The one thing I agree with you TheSeks is that indeed a lot of gay men feel like it's an obligation to work out in order to get someone. But it's this state of mind which is the problem, not the gym in itself.
 
L

Lucario

Member
ayeorkean said:
So I guess livejournal post ahead.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about a year and it's kind of crumbling apart at this point. Some of the habits he has are just really irritating me, which in return annoys him.

Before we were dating he frequented dating/hookup sites: grindr, manhunt, okcupid, a4a, craigslist, gay.com, compatible partners. After we started dating he would still go to these sites on a daily basis and I called him out and asked him to stop going. After that I found out he was still going to the sites and put the relationship in jeopardy, in hopes he would get the message this time. Well a few months pass his grandmother gets ill and he visits her in Denver. We eventually see each other after a month apart, and it's fine and dandy until I look through his web history, where I find Denver craigslist ads. So I felt kind of betrayed at this point and was fed up with this cycle but decide not to have a scene, and stay in the relationship. He had a business trip to Montreal December, and was traveling very frequently to Montreal around the same time last year (You'll need to know this). So recently we purchased a small bookshelf and I was looking for some accessories, I go to crate and barrel, as I'm typing "cr", a Montreal craigslist ad appears. He tells me it was from before we were dating, "ages ago", however it's really from a month after we started dating. So this trend of visiting dating/hookup sites has been clawing at this relationship, he says he does it because he likes to look at local guys and he's just naturally interested, I've suggested if it's that way we can go to gay bars.

One thing I ask is that we talk during the week, he can go an indefinite amount of time with out calling me on the phone since we happen to live far away. When I visit him, he's very affectionate and nice, friendly and wants me around. However when I leave, there is a great loss in communication. Which brings me to another point, I know it's kind of different in the gay world when it comes to porn. But he watches porn daily and compulsively, ok, fine. But y u no u call me.

/livejournal
Click to expand...

Bolded are when you should've dumped him. You're obviously not comfortable with his bullshit (and I wouldn't be either), why continue?
 
A

ayeorkean

Member
Lucario said:
Bolded are when you should've dumped him. You're obviously not comfortable with his bullshit (and I wouldn't be either), why continue?
Click to expand...

We've been going out for quite sometime, and we're compatible in other components of the relationship, so I really want to work it out because I like him a lot and he's very attractive.
 
L

Lucario

Member
ayeorkean said:
We've been going out for quite sometime, and we're compatible in other components of the relationship, so I really want to work it out because I like him a lot.
Click to expand...

This is how I excused not breaking up with Zack time and time again, and it ended with me being cheated on and going fucking insane for a little while, if you followed this thread closely.


Brutal honesty?

It's a shitty excuse, it sounds like your boyfriend is scummy as hell, and tbh if he's still on all those dating sites and not contacting you, there's a damn good chance he's looking for someone else and doesn't want to break up until he's secured that person. At the very least confront him.
 
M

Mr_Zombie

Member
TheSeks said:
But I'm fighting a losing battle on the gay population since the majority want to be gym rats because they think they're "chubby" when they're average and need to be ATLUS GREEK GOD OF MANLY to get someone. But whatever.
Click to expand...

Is it really a gay only thing? You can say exactly the same about straight people; most guys go for fit, pretty girls and not the "chubby" ones; and also think that the better you look the easier it is to date someone. Man are visually stimulated after all.
 
A

ayeorkean

Member
Lucario said:
This is how I excused not breaking up with Zack time and time again, and it ended with me being cheated on and going fucking insane for a little while, if you followed this thread closely.


Brutal honesty?

It's a shitty excuse, it sounds like your boyfriend is scummy as hell, and tbh if he's still on all those dating sites and not contacting you, there's a damn good chance he's looking for someone else and doesn't want to break up until he's secured that person. At the very least confront him.
Click to expand...

Yes, I think I remember some posts you made.

Recently he hasn't been going to those sites, that I know of. That's the way I felt when he was going to those sites, one foot in the door. I've asked him to stay off those sites, and he has kept up to that. I understood why he would naturally gravitates to those sites in the beginning, since he was single for a few years. But he gets annoyed when some craigslist ad pops up, and start to freak out. Also he has some of his boyfriend's old gifts that I want to dispose of and he won't let me. :(
 
B

BeesEight

Member
TheSeks said:
Because, to me, those people make it a full-time job instead of a side-interest in feeling/looking better.

I'd rather spend my time doing other things than working on my body for one other person to see because I'm not shallow. *shrug*
Click to expand...

Why not work on your body for yourself? Being fit improves your health, allows you to enjoy sports longer, improves confidence and gives you free endorphins. Plus, it can help you sleep like a baby for those that sometimes have trouble with that. There's a whole lot of benefits for zero negatives.


See: Gym people spend time to make themselves look good and then worry about their hair: Shallow.

But I'm fighting a losing battle on the gay population since the majority want to be gym rats because they think they're "chubby" when they're average and need to be ATLUS GREEK GOD OF MANLY to get someone. But whatever.
Click to expand...

If people are working out solely to just attract a partner, they're more likely to quit than see it through. Seeing physical benefits, especially for people shooting for 'Greek God' status is incredibly difficult, often heavily impacted by genetics and far more time and money than many people have or care for.

I'm not even sure what your trying to say - most people, irregardless of sexual orientation, would like to be healthier and I don't see why that's a bad thing.
 
L

lenovox1

Member
On the fitness front, I can understand why some people find it hard to make time for the gym. For some, the gym is a meditative and obviously uplifting experience. For others, they'd rather listen to Ke$ha sing them to sleep every night for the rest of their lives than lift weights for a few hours a week.

But you don't have to do the gym thing to be active or look fit. I've seen boxing mentioned in the thread. You can do gymnastics, martial arts, dance, team sports (like Basketball or Soccer), solo sports (like Surfing or Cycling or Climbing or Hiking), etc. Then there's other activities, like yoga or tai chi, that are very different than the barbells thing, and can net you great results.

I like the idea of at-home DVD programs like P90X. P90X itself is varied, challenging, and will bring quick results. And when you see progress come so fast, it'll only motivate you to keep moving forward.

But anyways, there's a lot of things couch potatoes can do to spend an few hours a week off the couch.

ayeorkean said:
We've been going out for quite sometime, and we're compatible in other components of the relationship, so I really want to work it out because I like him a lot and he's very attractive.
Click to expand...

This has become compulsive for your boyfriend. He's trying to justify his behavior. This has affected your relationship in a negative way. And this could easily escalate into something very serious, very quickly.

Your boyfriend might have a problem.

First off, you don't have to stay with him. I know your heart knows this, but you need read it. I don't know what's going on in your relationship with him, but you can walk away at any time. You're not the one that has the problem, and you're not the one that's done anything wrong. I can't make that clear enough.

Now, in my opinion, if you want your relationship to work (and it can get better), he and both you and him together need to seek counseling. It sounds like it's become something akin to an addiction, and he needs to get that worked out with someone that knows how to push him away from the destructive behavior. But he's got to want it, and he's got to admit to himself that what he's doing is hurting what you and him have together. If he can't do that for you, he's not worth it. And it's not worth the pain you'll go through when you find out he escalated this behavior by cheating on you in the future.

ETA: It doesn't really have to be counseling, but it's got to be something. 'Cause when he fucks up, you're going to be the one that feels the most pain.
 
Meicyn

Meicyn

Gold Member
TheSeks said:
I'd rather spend my time doing other things than working on my body for one other person to see because I'm not shallow. *shrug*\
Click to expand...
Wow. Are you seriously for real? I work out six times a week, alternating between cardio and lifting. It takes anywhere from half an hour to an hour of my time each day, and I feel fantastic when I do it. I enjoy the sight of my own body when I take my clothes off, and I like seeing muscles on other guys. Does this make me a shallow person? No, it does not, and you're a judgmental ass if you immediately thought yes. Working out and appreciating physically fit guys does not encapsulate my personality. My preference for such bodies does not mean I won't give someone that doesn't work out the time of day. There is an entire package that comes into play when it comes to relationships which covers a lot more than just having muscles. A person's body is just one of numerous aspects that make up a person.

I don't know you that well, nor you I, but based on your current attitude, I'd never want to date you. Your sweeping generalization of gym-goers as shallow is so harmful to your current image that it comes across as repugnant. I don't care what your body looks like. I wouldn't want anything to do with you simply because you're so quick to push aside an entire segment of the population based on their choice of a harmless hobby. That's really fucked up.
 
S

Spiritreaver

Member
TheSeks said:
Because, to me, those people make it a full-time job instead of a side-interest in feeling/looking better.

I'd rather spend my time doing other things than working on my body for one other person to see because I'm not shallow. *shrug*
Click to expand...
307179_10150803582850082_797985081_20863223_98143761_n.jpg


I didn't do this simply just to look/feel better about myself. There's much, much more to it than that, and I've already explained it in my posts.

Two drastically different people in that pic, physically and mentally. Before I was a mess, low self-esteem and self-worth, very jaded view of others. I actually thought the same way about people being shallow. Things are different now, I've come to respect and admire people who take care of themselves.
 
A

Alrus

Member
I haven't done any sports since starting Uni (I used to go rock climbing twice a week) and I haven't really gained any weight, I'm not motivated enough to start again. (Plus I'm probably way too self conscious to go to a gym).
 
M

Mr_Zombie

Member
Wow DarthWufei, how long did it take you to go from photo A to photo B?

Alrus said:
I haven't done any sports since starting Uni (I used to go rock climbing twice a week) and I haven't really gained any weight, I'm not motivated enough to start again.
Click to expand...

Watch out, I was the same few years ago. I could eat a lot of sweets, didn't work out at all and still was quite fit (or at least slim). Then one day my metabolism said "fuck you" and little by little I started gaining weight and then one day I couldn't fit into my trousers. :|
 
B

barrin87

Member
CHEEZMO™;35680408 said:
I'm the least fit person in the world.
Click to expand...

I would fight you for that title but I am too lazy to.

I was actually supposed to finally start working out again this week but work has been a nightmare and all I have wanted to do this week after work is go home and relax.

I don't think my view of what I find attractive works for a lot of the gay community since the people I find attractive are never the ones who find me attractive. I really like guys who are somewhat in shape but with a little extra to them and scruffy with natural body hair. I love a scruffy face and some fur. Not as much hair as me exactly but enough to be able to run my fingers through his hair on his chest and stomach while cuddling.
 
S

SpaceBridge

Member
Its important though for anyone of you thinking of going to the gym and hoping to improve yourselves whether for health or cosmetics, that you identify your body types.

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/becker3.htm

Why this is important? Well because if you tend towards a leaner/thinner body type, it will be almost impossible to attain a physique like Darthwuffie or a MMA fighters, unless you use artificial methods.

Set realistic goals and visualize what you can physically achieve when it comes to body. I myself would never ever be able to get much of a beefy muscle look because I dont have the genes for this.

Anyways, congrats Darth, you look great.
 
S

Spiritreaver

Member
Thanks mate!

I have to say, if you're on the lean/skinny side, don't get discouraged about not getting big fast. Leaner guys do struggle to add muscle to their frame, it takes a lot of time, but I still sort of envy them. Why? If they keep at it, despite the struggle to gain they'll stay lean throughout the process as they slowly add on muscle.

I tend to notice that guys who start out lean, end up being all the more stunning while guys like myself struggle with the muscle/fat fight. I bulk, I get fat/bloated even if I'm very strict (for me specifically, my body does not take carbs very well).

So yeah, like SpaceBridge said, know your body type and embrace it. Work toward its strengths and try to minimize weaknesses.

Unless you're a mesomorph. Go eff yourself. :mad:
 
S

SpaceBridge

Member
The past page of gym conversation has inspired me to hit the dumbells again.

I demand that gay-gym-gaf post pics for inspiration. Darth has obliged. Replicant is next.
 
D

Delio

Member
SpaceBridge said:
Its important though for anyone of you thinking of going to the gym and hoping to improve yourselves whether for health or cosmetics, that you identify your body types.

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/becker3.htm

Why this is important? Well because if you tend towards a leaner/thinner body type, it will be almost impossible to attain a physique like Darthwuffie or a MMA fighters, unless you use artificial methods.

Set realistic goals and visualize what you can physically achieve when it comes to body. I myself would never ever be able to get much of a beefy muscle look because I dont have the genes for this.

Anyways, congrats Darth, you look great.
Click to expand...

Man...I'm a Endomorph going by that.
 
N

Nohar

Member
Ecto/Meso here. I guess that if I was serious about it, I could gain weight. I need to change my alimentation (I've been skipping breakfast for years : no wonder I stayed thin, since I'm not very often hungry).
 
S

Sai-kun

Banned
TheSeks said:
I'd rather do geeky things or go out to dinner and get fat than lift weights 3 days a week. :/
Click to expand...

Only 3 days a week? :lol Wow, I guess I'm a gymrat then.

Edit: Your body is between an Ectomorph and a Mesomorph. Yay, I suppose. I still hate working out alone :| I have ~no plan~
 
B

barrin87

Member
It says I am between an Endo and Meso. I would say I am more of an Endo though since I need to lose more weight and then gain more muscle.
 
S

Sofo

Member
Your score is 2.42.

Your body is between an Ectomorph and a Mesomorph. Choose a middle approach between the follow recommendations.
Click to expand...
I just can't be bothered to do it! I get home from work at 8:30, dinner, tv shows with the hubby and it's bed time again! ):

Someday! I just want to be beefier!
 
L

lenovox1

Member
DarthWufei said:
. . .Unless you're a mesomorph. Go eff yourself. :mad:
Click to expand...

U jelly? You'll be happy to know that it's your salty tears (not genetics) that keep me muscular. I can't even remember a time when my body fat % went above 8% and I didn't have at least a 12in. difference between my chest and my waist.
trollface.png


Nah, I'm not really like that. My body is my body and that's just the way it is.
 
Meicyn

Meicyn

Gold Member
Took the test just to see what I'd get, scored a 2.72. Already knew I was an ectomorph, as it's been slow gains my entire life. I'm trying to clean bulk, but there's only so much good food you can cram down your gullet. I'm currently sitting at 160 pounds at 5'11" and it's the heaviest I've ever been. When I think back to when I was 130 pounds at that same height, I realize how much progress I've made over the years... and how scrawny I was then.

My goal is to put on another five to ten pounds of muscle and I'll be at my own idealized weight. I'm content where I am, but it's always nice to have a goal for self-improvement.
 
I

iKhayal18

Member
Mmm... I'm quite skinny and this test says that with 2.08 score, I'm mesomorph:

Your body is closest to a Mesomorph. You have a naturally fit body but to maintain it or improve it you should exercise and diet correctly for your type. Strength training can be done more often and for longer sessions then would be good for an Ectomorph, but you must still be carefull not to overdo it. You should train with moderate to heavy weighs and at a moderate pace, not resting too long between sets. You will find you gain muscle quite easy (some women and even men might not want to get too bulky, but this won't happen suddenly. When you are happy with your muscle size simply train to maintain it). Stick to a good healthy diet to keep you lean and muscular, and watch for any slow creeping fat gains. Engage in and enjoy aerobic activities, sports, etc. but do not overdo.
Click to expand...

I should start going to the gym but with university I don't have enough time T.T
 
G

gerg

Member
DarthWufei said:
Unless you're a mesomorph. Go eff yourself. :mad:
Click to expand...

Mesomorph calling in here!
I honestly had no idea how to answer most of those questions.

Recently I've gained a couple of pounds - I think since around Christmas - on top of a couple that I'd gained since September, which has been making me feel rather bleh. It's very noticeable around my stomach, but I guess I'm confident I'll lose it. I'm still a 29-inch waist, although some of my trousers are slightly tighter than they used to be.

I don't do nearly enough exercise as I should, though. I've never really enjoyed team sports (perhaps with the exception of frisbee), and I really dislike running on roads or in parks - I always prefer to run in forests or in other secluded areas. A friend recently invited me to play squash, an offer which I think I might take her up on.
 
S

Spiritreaver

Member
Heh, got mesomorph, really don't think I'm one though. For fun I answered it as if I were myself 4 years ago, got endo/meso. Not the most accurate survey, but interesting nonetheless.

1.75 vs 1.33.
 
R

royalan

Member
I...honestly don't know how to answer half of these questions. They seem so specific and don't really explain how they should be answered.

I mean, how am I supposed to know the size of my bone structure? :(
 
L

lenovox1

Member
royalan said:
I...honestly don't know how to answer half of these questions. They seem so specific and don't really explain how they should be answered.

I mean, how am I supposed to know the size of my bone structure? :(
Click to expand...

If you get your fingers to touch when you wrap them around your wrist, you're probably medium framed. Small if your fingers overlap, and large if they don't touch at all.
 
R

royalan

Member
lenovox1 said:
If you get your fingers to touch when you wrap them around your wrist, you're probably medium framed. Small if your fingers overlap, and large if they don't touch at all.
Click to expand...

See, that's weird. Going by what you say I would have small bone structure because my fingers overlap when I wrap them around my wrist (my thumb completely covers the nail of my forefinger). But I find that hard to believe because I'm so tall (6'4), and my lower body has always been kind of big.

I feel like I have a weird body type. No matter what, I've always had a somewhat skinny upper-body, but thick/muscular legs. And whenever I gain weight it's always around my thighs/ass. It's always been really hard for me to put on weight/muscle from the waist up.

Here's a pic to illustrate:
nTKFC.jpg
 
L

lenovox1

Member
royalan said:
See, that's weird. Going by what you say I would have small bone structure because my fingers overlap when I wrap them around my wrist (my thumb completely covers the nail of my forefinger). But I find that hard to believe because I'm so tall (6'4), and my lower body has always been kind of big.
Click to expand...

Yeah, "bone structure" is a confusing way to word what they meant. That question in particular has more to do with the tissue that surrounds your bone than your actual bone size. Unless you have a hormonal disorder, your bones make up about 15-20% of your total weight, so "body frame" would have been a better way to put it. I guess "small" is right for you, because you're thin.

And your body type isn't weird at all. It reminds me of Larry Bird's (you are much
muuuuuuuch
more attractive than Larry Bird, by the way).

Stabbie said:
Hell I'd post a naked pic of myself if it was 100% anonymous, but unfortunately it's not :p
Click to expand...

I did it, and so should you! :p
 
S

SpaceBridge

Member
Guys, that was test merely to illustrate the 3 major body types, and that if your looking to hit the gym in the hopes of improving your bodies for either health or cosmetic reasons, you need to be realistic about what your genes will allow.
 
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