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Have your opposite sex friendships fizzled out as you gotten older?

I've actually always had more guy friends then girl friends throughout high school through now. My 2 best friends I've known since I was 12 and 14 respectively are both guys and are still very close and still visit/sleep over my apartment every so often despite both of then having girlfriends. Though I do see one of them far less often then the other as his girlfriend tends to get jealous and he works 2 jobs and lives in a different city so it's harder to see each other.
 

hodgy100

Member
Huh.

Guess I'm fortunate enough to have a girlfriend that has no problems with me having a female friend / housemate.

You can do better than having jealous other halves that don't trust you.
 

entremet

Member
Huh.

Guess I'm fortunate enough to have a girlfriend that has no problems with me having a female friend / housemate.

You can do better than having jealous other halves that don't trust you.

It's more complex than just one person. It could be the SO of your friend, who you have no influence on.
 

PillarEN

Member
I mean the few good friends I've had who are women live on the other side of the ocean so those are what I would call more dormant friendships. Meanwhile where I'm at now any friendship with a woman has been closer to acquaintanceship really. So in a roundabout way, yes.
 

BriGuy

Member
All my friends fizzled out once I got older.
This. I bumped into a old friend two days ago and had basically nothing to talk about. I couldn't wait for what passed as the conversation to come to an end.

I have my wife, my dog, my video games, and online forums to drop in and out of. I'm pretty much set.
 

AntChum

Member
Growing up the majority of my friends tended to be girls/women, although in my teens I hung around with other guys a lot more because of mutual interests mostly. Now, though, the only person I'd really call a friend is a lady I've known since we were about 6 or 7. Currently both single, but I'd like to think that we could remain good friends, regardless who we were romantically entangled with. Probably a foolhardy wish.
 

Qasiel

Member
No more than other friendships. There were some friends I used to see all the time a few years ago and now it's once in a blue moon where we get the chance to meet up, or even talk. It's sad but you have to resign yourself that as you get older, peoples lives change which means you become not quite as relevant to that person as you once did, or even vice versa.

I've got 2 people who I consider to be my "best mates", both guys (I'm a guy) and although I see one of them quite often (met the other night for a few beers), the other seems to have drifted away. As for female friends, most I met in couples so I see them as much as I see their partner.
 
Friendships can't fizzle out if you never had them in the first place:
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Getting married ended the closeness of the friendships I had with people of the opposite gender. I still have female friends, but I’m much more purposeful in setting and respecting boundaries.
 
Friendships can't fizzle out if you never had them in the first place:
K0pvbdJ.jpg

Friendships can't fizzle as you get older if you never get older.

K0pvbdJ.jpg



Getting married ended the closeness of the friendships I had with people of the opposite gender. I still have female friends, but I'm much more purposeful in setting and respecting boundaries.

I mean, were you having sex with them before your marriage or something?
 

Mathieran

Banned
It's gotten worse actually. I have almost no male friends that I've made since I moved away from my college town. Almosr all of my friends are female.

Edit: I'm almost 32
 

Sesha

Member
Straight male, single, still in uni. Not so much fizzled out as they all quickly ended about two years ago. They stopped talking to me on social media, despite attempts from me to reach out. Maybe it was me, but I think of any specific reason as to why. On the other hand, I still have male friends I made during that time that I have contact with and hang out with from time to time.
 

Darkangel

Member
Maybe it's because I'm still relatively young, but I'm not entirely convinced that close platonic opp-sex friendships are sustainable. Unless you're physically repulsed by them, does there not come a point where you stop to wonder why you're not just dating?

I could just be weird, but the closer I get to a female friend the more "interested" I start to become. As a straight male I obviously don't have this problem with male friendships. I don't know, I just think opp-sex friendships are fundamentally different due to the whole attraction thing.

Edit: I have a few close platonic friendships, but most of them got weird once they started dating someone.
 
Straight male, single, still in uni. Not so much fizzled out as they all quickly ended about two years ago. They stopped talking to me on social media, despite attempts from me to reach out. Maybe it was me, but I think of any specific reason as to why.

Was this you?

image.php



Maybe it's because I'm still relatively young, but I'm not entirely convinced that close platonic opp-sex friendships are sustainable. Unless you're physically repulsed by them, does there not come a point where you stop to wonder why you're not just dating?

Because you like being friends with them?

Not everyone is meant to date everyone else.
 

Shredderi

Member
Pretty much. No time for anything else besides career and family.

I sometimes feel bad for being 28yo and not being even on the same planet with the idea of having a family etc. That post made this day into one of those days that I don't feel bad about it lol.

Isn't there some studies that show that this is a problem for men especially(not having friends in general, not just female friends)? And I mean problem, as in something that has adverse effects on a man's psyche as time goes on? I see a lot of people here citing that they're set now that they're married and have families and it is just to be expected, yet most of these people will divorce from their current spouses at some point, and when that happens it would propably be nice to have some friends you stayed in touch with.

This is common enough that even I have seen this with a couple of friends of mine where they just don't keep in touch with me and our friends anymore but we still try and get him to chill out with us few times a year. In each and every case of these the wife does keep in touch with her friends though. When the shit will eventually hit the fan, the wives will have a much stronger support/safety net waiting for them, I feel.
 

Mathunilx

Neo Member
I've stayed friends with most of my close friends. I have a guy friend who I've been friends with for 20 years. I also have girl friends who I have been friends with for 10 years+

Most of my friendships fizzle out when my friends stop being single. However, my best friend has been with her boyfriend for 4 years and we still see each other once or twice a week. (sometimes we see each other 5 times a week when her BF is away)

And I'm gay.

I don't know if her BF would approve of our friendship if I wasn't.
 

Llyranor

Member
I'm usually friends with the couple, so them being married or having a SO hasn't really changed things. The close friendships are as good as ever.
 

Duxxy3

Member
20 years later and I still have the same friends I had from high school. Added a few friends here and there. We'll all be together in a crappy nursing home when we get old. Should be a blast.
 
I've never been just friends with women. There is no way it was normal to be friends with the opposite sex when you were a kid though, it was always girls are disgusting so you only have male friends. I imagine it was the same for any girls that were growing up.
 
I sometimes feel bad for being 28yo and not being even on the same planet with the idea of having a family etc. That post made this day into one of those days that I don't feel bad about it lol.

Isn't there some studies that show that this is a problem for men especially(not having friends in general, not just female friends)? And I mean problem, as in something that has adverse effects on a man's psyche as time goes on? I see a lot of people here citing that they're set now that they're married and have families and it is just to be expected, yet most of these people will divorce from their current spouses at some point, and when that happens it would propably be nice to have some friends you stayed in touch with.

This is common enough that even I have seen this with a couple of friends of mine where they just don't keep in touch with me and our friends anymore but we still try and get him to chill out with us few times a year. In each and every case of these the wife does keep in touch with her friends though. When the shit will eventually hit the fan, the wives will have a much stronger support/safety net waiting for them, I feel.

Life is a series of trade offs and you have to figure out what is best for you according to your needs. Needs which will change over the years. It is amazing how I have little desire to share, watch tv or movies now that I’m preoccupied with kids and work and house tasks. I’d rather play mario kart with my son than hang out at a bar with a friend, for example.
 
Nope. They've gotten stronger with each passing year. We've started calling ourselves the Porch Crew because plans are to just...keep kicking it until we can't kick anything anymore and are confined to porches. We've been through too much at this point. Marriages and divorces, cancer, kids, miscarriages, moves. I can't imagine my life without those dicks. (No pun)
 
Nope pretty much the only friends I talk to are female they are a lot less flirty than when I was younger though. Now we just talk about cats and tv shows lol.
 

Shredderi

Member
Life is a series of trade offs and you have to figure out what is best for you according to your needs. Needs which will change over the years. It is amazing how I have little desire to share, watch tv or movies now that I’m preoccupied with kids and work and house tasks. I’d rather play mario kart with my son than hang out at a bar with a friend, for example.

I believe you, and I respect that. But why is that women don't seem to do this trade-off in the same capacity as men do? How come women in the same situation (at face value) seem to be able to keep their friendships going on at the same time but men more often can't?
 

Addi

Member
Not really. Some friendships have fizzled out because of relationships, but that's both guys and girls. Other friendships have not been affected by that.
 

Harmen

Member
Yes, most of them when talking about friendships since when I was little. I still have a lot of the same male friends as back in the day, but most friendships with women faded over the years for various (and at times unclear) reasons. That said, I have no particular hard feelings against anyone and sometimes I meet one of my old friends randomly and have a chat. And I do have plenty of women in my social circles who I consider to be friends, just no old friendships.
 
Can't say they have. My two best friends are women and we live together. In fact, I only have two male friends locally, one of whom I barely see, so maybe it's the opposite.

I've never been just friends with women. There is no way it was normal to be friends with the opposite sex when you were a kid though, it was always girls are disgusting so you only have male friends. I imagine it was the same for any girls that were growing up.

All the children of my parents' friends that were born around the same time as I were female, so by default I had mostly female friends as a kid. I did get teased about it somewhat frequently though. Sometimes even simple things like asking where my friend was would be met with 'Awww, miss your girlfriend?' or some other rubbish. Hell, to my continued amazement I still get the adult sexualized version of those comments occasionally.
 
The entire opposite, I moved to Colorado and now 90% of my friends are female. I have one male friend, who is my good ole hiking buddy, and das it
 
Sometimes even simple things like asking where my friend was would be met with 'Awww, miss your girlfriend?' or some other rubbish. Hell, to my continued amazement I still get the adult sexualized version of those comments occasionally.

Some people never grow up, apparently.
As if all someone of the opposite gender is good for is sex or something.
 
it's impossible for me to not have guy friends when my main hobby is gaming. my closest friends are usually female however and that's been the case for most of my life. my roommate is my best friend though and he's male. i'm not dating currently but when i do, i can see my relationship with my roommate being a sore spot for a new boyfriend. i'll be 28 in a few months.
 
Some people never grow up, apparently.
As if all someone of the opposite gender is good for is sex or something.

Yeah exactly. The limited conception of male-female relationships some people have is depressing, and I can't imagine it serves them well in their own lives. At least one of my housemates is gay, so our relationship is less likely to attract those kinds of comments lol.
 
Yeah exactly. The limited conception of male-female relationships some people have is depressing, and I can't imagine it serves them well in their own lives. At least one of my housemates is gay, so our relationship is less likely to attract those kinds of comments lol.

My ex-wife basically didn't want me talking to any females at all, since her opinion was that males and females couldn't "just be friends," that it would inevitably lead to sex.

One of many reasons why she's my ex-wife now.
 
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