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NHL Stanley Cup Finals 2016 |OT| Juicy Big Dick Hot Doggin' Commies with Bad Breath

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BROADCAST SCHEDULE


  • Game 1: May 30, 8:00 PM ET
  • Game 2: June 1, 8:00 PM ET
  • Game 3: June 4, 8:00 PM ET
  • Game 4: June 6, 8:00 PM ET
  • *Game 5: June 9, 8:00 PM ET
  • *Game 6: June 12, 8:00 PM ET
  • *Game 7: June15, 8:00 PM ET
* If necessary.

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ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OKAY LET'S GO.

NOW FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY STANCE ON COMMUNISM - NOTHIN' BUT TRASH, EH. NOTHIN' LIKE A GOOD ONTARIO KID TO REALLY CLEAN UP THE GAME, EH.

NOW SPEAKIN' OF GOOD ONTARIO KIDS, I WANT YOU FOLKS OUT THERE TO TAKE A LOOK AT THESE ROSTERS, EH. TAKE A MOMENT.

OKAY.

ALRIGHT.

LET'S GO. YOU SEE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE PENGUINS? THEY DON'T GOT MUCH GOOD ONTARIO KIDS. FOLKS, YOU CANNOT WIN A CUP WITHOUT A LOT OF GOOD ONTARIO KIDS IN YOUR ROSTER - FIRST RULE OF BEIN' A GM HAS TO BE DRAFTIN', SIGNIN', OR TRADIN' FOR GOOD ONTARIO KIDS.

THE SHARKS GOT THIS SERIES JUST BASED ON THE AMOUNT OF ONTARIANS ON THEIR ROSTER, EH. BRENT BURNS FROM BARRIE, ONTARIO - BOY I DO LOVE SKIING, EH. JOE THORNTON FROM LONDON - THEY AIN'T GOT A TOWER, BUT THEIR PEOPLE PLAY THE WHITE WAY. THEN YOU GOT LOGAN COUTURE FROM GUELPH, EH.

NOW LOOK AT THE PENGUINS - MATTY MURRAY FROM THUNDER BAY, ONTARIO BEIN' THEIR MOST IMPORTANT PLAYER. SAYS A LOT, DON'T IT?

THAT BEIN' SAID, THE SHARKS HAVE MAYBE ONE OF THE WORST EUROPEENS IN THEIR TEAM BY THE NAME OF TOMMY HERT-A-WHIRL, EH. THIS KID GOT MARTY BEEROON TO RETIRE 'CAUSE HE DECIDED TO HOT DOG AN' SHOW OFF HIS COMMUNISM A FEW YEARS AGO. THAT AIN'T RIGHT. IF THE SHARKS WANNA WIN, THEY BETTER KEEP HERTURTLE IN CHECK.

THE PENGUINS HAVE A BUNCH OF CLASSLESS AMERICANS IN THEIR TEAM TO COUNTER THE COMMUNISM. BOY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S WORSE - ACTUALLY, COMMUNISM IS THE WORST.

IN TERMS OF ACTUAL SKILL, THIS SERIES IS GONNA BE A BATTLE, EH. YOU GOT SID CROSBY BEIN' THE BEST PLAYER IN THE WORLD MATCHIN' UP WITH JOE THORNTON'S LARGE PENIS - I DON'T KNOW WHO CAN WIN THIS.

BRENT BURNS, YOU KNOW HIS TWO WAY GAME IS REAL GOOD, AN' YOU KNOW THE PENS ARE GONNA TRY TO MATCH IT UP WITH PHIL KESSEL'S HOT DOGS, EH. OR MALKIN'S...WHATEVER WEIRD THING HE DOES.

ANYWHO, THIS IS GONNA BE A REAL EXCITIN' SERIES, EH.

NOW, LET ME TELL YOU KIDS A STORY: I WAS IN THE BATHROOM WASHIN' MY HANDS, WHEN A BUNCH OF COMMIES DECIDED TO RUN INSIDE A BATHROOM STALL. THEY LEFT THE DOOR OPEN, AN' I SEE 'EM PICKIN' OUT EUROPEENS TO BE THE ONES TO WIN THE SERIES, EH. I WAS REAL STEAMED WATCHIN' 'EM TRADE NOTES AN' PRAY TO STALIN. ALL OF A SUDDEN, A BUNCH OF GOOD ONTARIO KIDS RAN INSIDE ANOTHER STALL AN' LEFT THE DOOR OPEN 'CAUSE THAT'S JUST COURTEOUS, AN' I JUST WATCHED 'EM SHAKE HANDS, SING THE CANADIAN ANTHEM, AN' STARTED TRADIN' NOTES BASED ON MY BOOK, DON CHERRY'S HOCKEY STORIES AN' STUFF (AVAILABLE IN STORES NOW). THOSE COMMIES GOT REAL EMBARRASSED, AN' THEY RAN OUT THE BATHROOM TO APOLOGIZE TO STALIN WITHOUT EVEN WASHIN' THEIR HANDS. I STARTED TEARIN' UP, AN' WE ALL SANG THE CANADIAN ANTHEM AGAIN.

THOSE ONTARIO KIDS REMINDED ME OF BOBBY ORR. GOD LOVE 'EM.

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Line_HTX

Member
Eddie Olczyk said only Ovechkin has more goals than Pavelski and is a winner at all levels.

Jaws theme, I guess.
 

Misha

Banned
Poor Jeff Zatkoff doesn't even get listed. He better be around when they're doing the cup engraving or he might be forgotten


Or is it a final game and not just a playoff game? I get those types of rules confused
 

Livingskeletons

If I pulled that off, would you die?
Please win Penguins, a Sharks win would be be the worst timeline barring the Ducks winning. Prove that the East is back.
 

Alucard

Banned
This series has the potential to be legendary. These teams are quite similar.

Season series was 1-1-0.

Nov 21st - 3-1 Sharks in Pittsburgh
Dec 1st - 5-1 Penguins in San Jose

Doesn't mean much, as both games were before Sullivan for Pittsburgh.
 

Red_Man

I Was There! Official L Receiver 2/12/2016
Will the Pens start Murray again for the finals?

That Pavelski line will destroy him

Should be a good game. I was happy to see Dupius with the players after the game tonight
I didn't see that, but that is pretty cool. Dupuis has always seemed like a stand up guy.
 

RC

Banned
Kessel's in a Stanley cup final. What a world we live in.

I wonder if he knows the cup isn't made of choclate?
 

Alucard

Banned
Will the Pens start Murray again for the finals?

That Pavelski line will destroy him


I didn't see that, but that is pretty cool. Dupuis has always seemed like a stand up guy.

Murray for sure. Any Pens fan who thinks differently for game 1 hasn't been paying attention. The thing is, it doesn't really matter. He just needs to be "good enough" with how the Pens team in front of him plays and closes the gaps.
 

harSon

Banned
i have tickets to all the games at the sap center :v

can't wait to feast on bay area tears :v

sharks destined to embody their place in society as chokers :v

pens 4-0 :v
 
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