• Register
  • TOS
  • Privacy
  • @NeoGAF
  • Like

Lights and Waves
Banned
(08-10-2016, 06:47 PM)


I'm so much happier now that I'm dead. Technically missing. Soon to be presumed dead. Gone.

And my lazy lying fucking oblivious husband will go to prison for my murder. Nick Dunne took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That's murder. Let the punishment fit the crime. To fake a convincing murder you have to have discipline. You befriend a local idiot. Harvest the details of her hundrum life and cram her with stories about your husband's violent temper. Secretly create some money troubles: credit cards, perhaps online gambling. With the help of the unwitting, bump up your life insurance. Purchase getaway car. Craigslist. Generic. Cheap. Pay cash. You need to package yourself so that people will truly mourn your loss. And America loves pregnant women. As if it's so hard to spread your legs. You know what's hard? Faking a pregnancy. First, drain your toilet. Invite pregnant idiot into your home and ply her with lemonade. Steal pregnant idiot's urine. Voilŕ! A pregnany is now part of your legal medical record. Happy Anniversary. Wait for your clueless husband to start his day. Off he goes... and the clock is ticking. Meticulously stage your crime scene with just enough mistakes to raise the specter of doubt. You need to bleed. A lot. A lot, a lot. The head wound kind of bleed. A crime scene kind of bleed. You need to clean; poorly, like he would. Clean and bleed, bleed and clean. And leave a Little something behind: a fire in July? And because you're you, you don't stop there. You need a diary. Mínimum three hundred entries on the Nick and Amy story. Start with the fairy-tale early days: those are true, and they're crucial. You want Nick and Amy to be likable. After that, you invent. The spending, the abuse, the fear, the threat of violence. And Nick thought he was the writer... burn it, just the right amount. Make sure the cops will find it. Finally, honor tradition with a very special treasure hunt. And if I get everything right, the world will hate Nick for killing his beautiful, pregnant wife. And after all the outrage, when I'm ready, I'll go out on the water with a handful of pills and a pocket full of stones. And when they find my body, they'll know: Nick Dunne dumped his beloved like garbage, and she floated past all the other abused, unwanted, inconvenient women. Then Nick will die too. Nick and Amy will be gone, but then we never really existed. Nick loved a girl I was pretending to be.

"Cool girl".

Men always use that, don't they? As their defining compliment: "She's a cool girl". Cool girl is hot. Cool girl is game. Cool girl is fun. Cool girl never gets angry at her man. She only smiles in a chagrined, loving manner. And then presents her mouth for fuckinging. She likes what he likes, so evidently he's a vinyl hipster who loves fetish Manga. If he likes girls gone wild, she's a mall babe who talks for football and endures buffalo wings at Hooters. When I met Nick Dunne I knew he wanted "Cool girl". And for him, I'll admit: I was willing to try. I wax-strippe my pussy raw. I drank canned beer watching Adam Sandler movies. I ate cold pizza and remained a size two. I blew him, semi-regularly. I lived in the moment. I was fuckinging game. I can't say I didn't enjoy some of it. Nick teased out in me things I didn't know existed. A lightness, a humor, an ease. But I made him smarter. Sharper. I inspired him to rise to my level. I forged the man of my dreams. We were happy pretending to be other people. We were the happiest couple we knew. And what's the point of being together if you're not the happiest? But Nick got lazy. He became someone I did not agree to marry. He actually expected me to love him unconditionally. Then he dragged me, penniless, to the navel of this great country and found himself a newer, younger, bouncier cool girl.

You think I'd let him destroy me and end up happier than ever?

No fucking way.

He doesn't get to win. My cute, charming, salt-of-the-earth Missouri guy. He needed to learn. Grown-ups work for things. Grown-ups pay.

Grown-ups suffer consequences.
Last edited by Lights and Waves; 08-10-2016 at 06:57 PM.
Dude Guy
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:48 PM)
Dude Guy's Avatar
....What.
El Topo
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:48 PM)
El Topo's Avatar
...what?
MontyMarx
Junior Member
(08-10-2016, 06:48 PM)
MontyMarx's Avatar
wut?
Dalek
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
Dalek's Avatar
ilMikhail
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
ilMikhail's Avatar
lmao what ?????????
Frostinferno
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
Frostinferno's Avatar
Uhhh....

CapitalismSucks DonkeyBalls
Banned
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)


Oh, it's a fucking Gone Girl quote. Jesus.
Xenex
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
Xenex's Avatar
WTF is goin on here?!
NoctisVsStar
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
NoctisVsStar's Avatar
0.0
Leona Lewis
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
Leona Lewis's Avatar
He's looked "refreshed" since 2015.

Should've used JLo's surgeon, though.
VeryGooster
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
VeryGooster's Avatar
diaspora
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
diaspora's Avatar
what the fuck are you talking about
Sojgat
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
Sojgat's Avatar
Futureman
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
Futureman's Avatar
sweet thread man.
Jotaka
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
Jotaka's Avatar
Last edited by Jotaka; 08-10-2016 at 06:55 PM.
Will the Thrill
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
Will the Thrill's Avatar
Oh i get it hahahahaha

......what
Stinkles
Clothed, sober, cooperative
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
Stinkles's Avatar
bot?
Pastry
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:49 PM)
Pastry's Avatar
Am I too old to get this?
piratepwnsninja
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
piratepwnsninja's Avatar
I, uh, wat?
Lifejumper
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
Lifejumper's Avatar
Gone girl?
DarkChronic
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
DarkChronic's Avatar
Hahahaha what the what
ElectricBlanketFire
Too early for flapjacks?
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
ElectricBlanketFire's Avatar


Wat
jmxxii
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
jmxxii's Avatar
That DC stress getting to him.
Amalthea
let's dance all the way down to Jewish history-town
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
Amalthea's Avatar
Uh... huh?
BatDan
Bane? Get them on board, I'll call it in.
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
BatDan's Avatar
Drunk thread?
Luschient
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
Luschient's Avatar
That "They're Coming To Take Me Away" song automatically started playing in my head about halfway through this.
SuperDowns
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
SuperDowns's Avatar

Originally Posted by Lifejumper

Gone girl?

That was my first thought.
Admiral Woofington
m'Souls, m'lady
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
Admiral Woofington's Avatar
I don't get that op, is this a David Lynch movie
Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytiiime
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
Killer Queen's Avatar
Uh....huh.
SilentRob
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
SilentRob's Avatar
Text is from Gone Girl. Not sure about how it fits into this though.
supermarioworldE
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
supermarioworldE's Avatar
Locked in 5-4-3-2...
Muskieratboi
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
Muskieratboi's Avatar
Pastry
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
Pastry's Avatar
Is this one of those gang stalking threads?
Mike_Hawk689
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:50 PM)
Mike_Hawk689's Avatar
Quote from Gone Girl
TheCochese
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
TheCochese's Avatar
Bitanator
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
Bitanator's Avatar
What What Whaaat?
Lights and Waves
Banned
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
How are you guys not familiar with the "cool girl" speech from Gone Girl!?
richardhawk
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
richardhawk's Avatar
Gone girl was terrible.
Zackat
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
Zackat's Avatar
What on earth is happening
Otnopolit
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
Otnopolit's Avatar
I think he's quoting Gone Girl, maybe the book and not the movie?

His face looks awful. Why mess with what your momma gave you, especially when you were handsome already?
HStallion
Now what's the next step in your master plan?
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
HStallion's Avatar
Is that rant in reference to something I just don't get? Or did Ben's face just cause the OP to lose it?
platocplx
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
platocplx's Avatar
i have no idea what is going on here.
SillyNonsense
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
SillyNonsense's Avatar
Did an AI just watch Gone Girl for the first time?

Is this how Skynet starts?
Garlador
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
Garlador's Avatar

Well, this was something.
jph139
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
jph139's Avatar
Come on guys, it's not like Gone Girl is, like, some obscure movie.
Mr. Smiley
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
Mr. Smiley's Avatar
This is some next level shit on gaf threads

new meta

like what the fuck
Username1198
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
Username1198's Avatar
you gone girl
Reverend Funk
Comfy Penetration
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
Reverend Funk's Avatar

Originally Posted by Lifejumper

Gone girl?

There we go
TheSadRanger
Member
(08-10-2016, 06:51 PM)
TheSadRanger's Avatar

Thread Tools