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Member
(08-06-2007,
12:58 PM)
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31 year old virgin needs help.....
#1
Yes, it's embarassing writing this out on a message board, but what can you do? I feel as if I'm never going to have a girlfriend at this stage, I'm actually nearer to 32 to be honest. What do I do? Go to clubs? Advertise for love online? I just don't know how to talk to women, I am a bit isolated as well due to other issues beyond my control atm. Don't point and laugh, I need help. I'm missing out on life bigtime, and I'm sick of it. Should I go back to school?
I only get online at night, I'll check back in 24 hours for your suggestions or words of advice (I hope, anyway). |
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(08-06-2007,
01:00 PM)
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#2
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Misanthropy, thy name is JodyAnthony
(08-06-2007,
01:03 PM)
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#5
go out and talk to women. learn to accept rejection, because you will be rejected. The key is to not give up. A lot of guys in similar situations get rejected once, and they are done. Every guy gets rejected. Some girl rejects you say 'oh well' and go talk to another fine fine lady.
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Member
(08-06-2007,
01:05 PM)
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#6
Originally Posted by Talos:
If this is a serious post, then I can issue some advice. Try to get moderately fit (if you are not, that is) and overall happy with your physical appearance. Then throw yourself to random conversation with females that might look interesting. You will lose fear gradually! |
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(08-06-2007,
01:07 PM)
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#8
Quote:
Do NOT do this. Get out more, go to friends parties, etc. Or you could try to become somebody and you'll get all the girls you want. |
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(08-06-2007,
01:10 PM)
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#9
Originally Posted by JodyAnthony:
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but ever so delicious
(08-06-2007,
01:12 PM)
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#11
**** anything that moves or pay for it.
But really a guy i know who is a 28yr old christian who doesnt believe in sex before marriage just picked up a gf who he intends to marry at the end of the year. The mofo works in wallmart and i believe he met her there as well. He is sitll a virgin, can't wait till his wedding night. Seems you can meet a girl anywhere at anytime. Goto clubs if you want a quick one night stand and get it over with. Or just keep on being patient waiting for that mrs right. It's upto you. Have a few drinks when your out and about to losen up and just talk shit to some ladies you find hot, one of em has to be into you by the end of the night. This also gives you a chance to learn some crappy moves for future attempts. Good luck! |
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Member
(08-06-2007,
01:13 PM)
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#13
Originally Posted by rakka:
A couple of friends of mine do this all the time. It works for them sometimes, at least to get some funkbuddy for a couple of months. It's not that bad to start, at least. |
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Member
(08-06-2007,
01:21 PM)
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#15
Originally Posted by JodyAnthony:
Truth. I'm thinking there is more to the story though. You don't have to "act cool" to get women. If you're a nice respectful guy that gives them space and doesn't swoon after every girl that say "hello" you'll do fine. Seriously, all you have to do is chill. I know a lot of nice guys that don't meet any women though. And usually there is something deeper going on. Like one friend of mine is a little too opinionated for his own good. If a girl says she likes a band that he hates, he'll go on a tirade about why that band sucks. Stuff like that is huge in the dating world. And it seems these days a lot of guys don't notice when they are stalking a woman. For the love of god, just leave one message on her phone / answering machine. And don't start sending 20 emails when she signs off instant messenger for more than a day. |
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Member
(08-06-2007,
01:22 PM)
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#16
Pretty much just go out. I don't really get much action at all, but when I go out to clubs for shows or a friend's party, I almost always have the opportunity for action. Do it often enough and you'll eventually get it.
Like, I went to Harry Potter at midnight a few weeks back, and there was this gorgeous drunk girl that sat next to me, and we talked for the whole movie, and I was so nervous that I completely failed to get her digits. Totally pussied out. And so I vowed not to mess up like that again. The next night, I went out to a club with a buddy for some small band, met a girl and talked for a while, and got her digits. Had I not messed up so bad the night before, I woulda just balked. But you gotta get out there and make mistakes to learn. Like Josh Homme says, "I want a new mistake, lose is more than hesitate." |
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Member
(08-06-2007,
01:24 PM)
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#17
What's wrong with dating sites? Don't expect to meet Miss Universe that way, but you'll probably find lots of chicks like you that aren't particularly sociable and don't know where to meet men. It's a fast way to get in contact with lots of girls looking for guys, and you get to practice talking to/chatting up/getting to know ladies. I know a couple of ppl (including myself) you found their significant other online.
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Member
(08-06-2007,
01:39 PM)
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#19
normally i'd be a dick and make fun of you, but that kinda sucks. all you can really do is try and present yourself the best you can, be confident and get out there. ask your friends if they have any girls they can introduce you to, get involved in a hobby or start taking some classes in whatever you're interested in (a language maybe). maybe even through work? if you're confident enough you could always just start talking to a girl you like the look of at a show (concert) or whatever too. obviously if you drink you can always go to bars which will be swarming with girls, but if you don't drink like me that cuts your options down alot. i live in a small city so its harder, the bigger the city the bigger your chances. you could try online as well but i wouldn't expect much honestly.
its weird you're a virgin at 31 though, unless you've either never had a girlfriend or you're against pre-marital sex (which you can't be since you're posting this topic). |
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Member
(08-06-2007,
01:41 PM)
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#21
Originally Posted by Talos:
Seriously though, Come home from work, go to a club? Maybe even go to a club with a friend to make it less awkward? Its really not that hard. |
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keep your strippers out of my American football
(08-06-2007,
01:56 PM)
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#23
Go out dude. There are women everywhere. I think the biggest thing is that you are near 32, never had a gf so now you make more of a bigger deal about it that it is. Women are just people, not need to put them on a pedestal like that. Just relax and talk to women. This is not a joke, but the next time you go to the store, talk to a woman. Just a simple 'how are you doing', 'how long have you been working here', etc. Just to get you over your fear of talking to women.
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Banned
(08-06-2007,
02:04 PM)
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#27
Originally Posted by Talos:
I'm glad my sex drive went down once I hit 30. It's like the ultimate freedom. Sorry was I supposed to say something helpful? Chemical castration works I hear. Poking a woman is just a fraction of life. Do something with the rest of it, and you might just draw a decent enough woman to you. And like someone said, stop putting pussy on a pedestal. The average one has had about 30 different cocks in it. Do not want. |
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(08-06-2007,
02:05 PM)
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#28
Finding a girl is basically like sales.
The more calls you make (the more times you talk to women), the more leads you get (the more women you'll find that are interested in you). The more leads you follow up, the higher chance you have of getting an order (a date). The more orders (dates) you get will eventually lead you to find a really good customer who'll open up a permanent account (relationship) with you. etc. The point is, you need to keep trying, and as with sales, you must be tenacious, never give up on trying to find that order, and accept rejection on the chin. But at the same time, you need to know when to call it quits if a prospect just doesn't want to buy. If she's not interested, move on quickly, don't hang around. I don't know if any of this helps, but it sure helped my mate in a similar position. As a sales person, I just told him to relate finding a girlfriend to the sales cycle, it's really no different. You're just selling yourself rather than a product. Not everyone has to 'sell themselves' this way. As with an attractive product, there is really no need for the hard-sell, it'll sell itself without any marketing or sales. Some people are just lucky like that, but to increase your chances you can also try to improve 'your product' - go to the gym, look after your face, hair style, shave, clothes etc. |
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Member
(08-06-2007,
02:06 PM)
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#29
Ain't nothing to it but to do it.
What I mean is, hit up all the possibilities. Put up an online profile, head out to clubs with your friends, improve your appearance to the best of your ability, etc. Like someone said, you have to go out and talk to women. As many as you can. You will be rejected, that is a fact of life. Eventually, someone is going to say "Yes." Whether that is the 2nd girl, the 10th, the 100th, etc., it will happen. Understand that women are people, just like men. As such, you don't have to worry about being "perfect" or thinking of the right things to say at the right time and so on. Its a common problem for most virgins, they believe that everything has to be perfect for something to happen. You'll be quite surprised to see how far from the truth that is. So don't be afraid to be yourself, which means no second guessing, no waffling. |
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(08-06-2007,
02:11 PM)
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#31
Definitely get yourself in shape if you're not, not so much in a "the chicks will dig you" way so much as it's important to have some confidence. When I left school at 18 I'd had pretty much no ****ing interest from girls at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure none of them would think about even talking to me. But THEN, I lost some weight, went to the gym a bit and it gives you the balls to try and do something about it. So a year later I was (and still am) with a girl from school.
If you're not a fatty it's almost certainly a matter of confidence. You need to figure out what's holding you back and try and do something about it. |
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Member
(08-06-2007,
02:22 PM)
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#35
Originally Posted by Grizzlyjin:
Besides that little freak out, I know I'm at least making progress. I just wish I could hurry up and close the deal already, the change is taking so long, and I do sometimes worry that the miniature panic attacks are indicative of something more serious than being an utter vagina. I think that's the main thing - you can't dwell on your failures because it eats at whatever confidence you've scrounged together. Which is why getting out there and doing stuff or hitting the gym is a good idea; not necessarily because they're vital to finding someone, but because the more occupied you are the less time you spend thinking about how it's somehow hopeless. |
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Member
(08-06-2007,
02:34 PM)
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#37
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Member
(08-06-2007,
02:38 PM)
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#38
Just go on Hot or Not and use the Meet Me function if you are at all reasonably attractive. Hell, even if you are not there are plenty of girls there that would still go for you. Anyway, it seems at least half of the girls on that site are ready to jump in bed with you by the moment they click "yes". Just do NOT tell them you are a virgin. That will scare the hell out of most girls.
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(08-06-2007,
02:40 PM)
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#41
Originally Posted by onegoodlogan:
^^^ |
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(08-06-2007,
02:58 PM)
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#46
Originally Posted by bud:
letterman |
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Member
(08-06-2007,
03:07 PM)
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#48
Must lose fear of rejection.
I mean, seriously, what have you got to lose? Speak to people, without the fear of things going wrong - because, generally, the worst a girl can do to you is say no. Well, actually, they could say a lot more, but you have to be able to shrug stuff off. Once you have that confidence, it doesn't matter so much how you look - you exude charm. |
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Member
(08-06-2007,
03:11 PM)
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#49
Originally Posted by pswii60:
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Banned
(08-06-2007,
03:16 PM)
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#50
Originally Posted by rakka:
Edit: Well, now reading some of the posts. Just be a man. Dude, why didn't you go out with a lady in highschool? Lots of people I know who haven't gotten any action got some on Prom night. I just say walk up to random women, and try your best. Last edited by HolyStar : 08-06-2007 at 03:25 PM. |
