[Combine]

Wow, I've been getting a bit depressed lately, but after reading the posts in this thread, it feels so pathetic in comparison to others. I've not suffered any catastrophic losses or grievous injuries. I feel really bad for those who have and hope that they can find a way to feel better somehow.

I guess I'm kind of in a similar situation to Kastro and Vox, in that I can't make friends (or maybe, I simply do not know what a real friend is). All my doing of course, I ain't gonna be one who blames others for my shortcomings, ever. My greatest failing is in all my years I've never experienced any sort of contact, or semblence of a relationship with a woman, and now, I'm utterly clueless as to what to do.

I did take meds for many years, but I don't think they worked. Perhaps they helped make me less "anxious" around people outside of home, but it was so long ago when I began that I cannot remember to accurately how bad the issue was. Also, it was around after I stopped taking medication, and got it out of my system, when I finally made a life changing decision to start exercising and get in shape, for my health and for social benefits.

That was a few months ago, in other threads I've stated how I've managed to lose most of my fat and have built up muscle. Yet, now I've started to realize that, no matter how much I might change the window dressing of my exterior, I am still filled with uncertainty and fear about being social, especially with women. Given my age, I suppose therapy is probably recommended and I will look into that. I've been thankful to have a great family always behind me, I just hope that, I won't be alone when they're gone.

Oh well, to those who have clearly suffered far more than I, my apologies for rambling on about me, and I hope you can find solace somewhere.

[colinisation]

Just wanted to check on how everyones getting on from this thread. I also wanted to ask if any of you have suffered from the following symptoms. I have real trouble concentrating and getting the energy and motivation to do anything. But my main problem is concentration, its been affecting my job and I have already been warned about this.

Now I have not really experimented with meds or done CBT. I was placed on mirtazapine to help me sleep and relax cos there was a period where I was not sleeping. But I stopped those cold turkey as I did not like that I was drowsy in the morning. My sleep cycle returned to normal but it never improved my concentration levels.

Funny thing was I was put on a sedative before Mirtazapine and when I stopepd those dead, actually ran out, I was back to my concentrating old self for a couple days. Then it all came crashing down.

Well my question is does anyone suffer from this lack of concentration and what worked best for them did meds help or did CBT? I have been told by my friends that word on the grapevine is I should be worried about my job. Not the end of the world i got uni but thats from next year and savings. But it would hurt.

But I gotta sort this concentration issue, I plan on oing back to uni next year and I gots to be on top of my game.

[Ratba]

bah... *deleted*

[colinisation]

Dont know if you even meant to post in the thread. But I would urge you to, hell I had a whole 1 page word document I was going to post last night. But at the end of the day it was mostly filler so I cut it down to the 2 questions:

1. How you guys doing?
2. Anyone suffer from this complete and total apathy towards everything what have you done to correct and did it work?

Well maybe 2 has a few questions rolled up into it. :P

I have tried exercise, 1 v.mild antidepressant, sleeping early, eating better, vitamins, cod liver oil and sheer willpower. Nothing worked.

[Cosmic Bus]

My mind is so irreparably damaged that I'm only good for helping people I care about, without ever being able to find happiness myself; it feels hypocritical, though, for me to hand out encouraging words when I can't even learn to accept them from others.

This year has brought me so much frustration, anger, loneliness and tears, and I'm so unbelievably tired. I had a plan at the beginning of the month, and didn't expect to still be here now but I couldn't bring myself to hurt the people I love, which is ironic in a sense, because it plays completely against my beliefs about suicide. Easier in concept than in practice, I suppose.

It's only a matter of time before the cycle repeats and I find myself in this desperate situation yet again, one that comes closer every time to being completed.

[J Tourettes]

Dont know if you even meant to post in the thread. But I would urge you to, hell I had a whole 1 page word document I was going to post last night. But at the end of the day it was mostly filler so I cut it down to the 2 questions: 1. How you guys doing? 2. Anyone suffer from this complete and total apathy towards everything what have you done to correct and did it work? Well maybe 2 has a few questions rolled up into it. :P I have tried exercise, 1 v.mild antidepressant, sleeping early, eating better, vitamins, cod liver oil and sheer willpower. Nothing worked.

1. I'm doing ok been on the mirtazapine as well for a while now. It's sorted out my sleep but not so sure of it's other effects.

2. If you find the answer to this one, please share it!

Although having said that, recently I've started thinking that I actually need to do something with my life and preferably something that makes me happy. This may sound like a simple thought process to most people but for me that's a big stepup from not giving a shit and drifting through life. Maybe the meds are having an effect after all.

[J Tourettes]

My mind is so irreparably damaged that I'm only good for helping people I care about, without ever being able to find happiness myself; it feels hypocritical, though, for me to hand out encouraging words when I can't even learn to accept them from others. This year has brought me so much frustration, anger, loneliness and tears, and I'm so unbelievably tired. I had a plan at the beginning of the month, and didn't expect to still be here now but I couldn't bring myself to hurt the people I love, which is ironic in a sense, because it plays completely against my beliefs about suicide. Easier in concept than in practice, I suppose. It's only a matter of time before the cycle repeats and I find myself in this desperate situation yet again, one that comes closer every time to being completed.

I've had all of these feelings before but it can (and does!) get better. It may seem that there's no light at the end of the tunnel now but shit can get good again. I'm not saying it's all going to be a bed of roses from now on (it most certainly won't) as I still have bad phases but my meds seem to maybe finally working after many false starts. I'm also trying counselling, which isn't for everyone but thought I owed to my gf to give it a go.

As for the suicidal tendencies, I've not had them for over a year. Luckily, I was never brave/selfish/cowardly enough (delete as applicable) to go through with it, thanks in part to thoughts of my family and the rest thanks to my atheism.

[Parallax Scroll]

I may as well join the discussion. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when I was 18, though I think I had it since I was 15. I treated it with Paxil for maybe 3 years, then felt like things were going well enough that I didn't need the Paxil anymore, so I quit taking it. I only did a few weeks of counseling at the very beginning when I was diagnosed at 18.

I thought I was fine after that, but I think I slowly and subtly regained depressive qualities over the next 7 years. I think my depressive tendencies were a factor leading to getting dumped by my girlfriend of two years (who had moved in 6 months earlier). Around this time I was working a lot of overtime on projects at work, and decided to begin attending classes part time for my master's degree as well. In retrospect, stretching myself that far was a bad idea.

Anyway, my mind eventually snapped. I've been recently re-diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder as well as adult ADD. I've been trying various combinations of medication, and at the moment I'm on Paxil-Ritalin-Klonopin. I've also finally found a counselor I like (it took a couple tries) and am going to weekly sessions with him. Actually I've got one to go to right now.

[Mr.City]

Actually, I too am depressed. I get this way when I feel I have no one. I felt this way during community college and it went away I started dating a girl and started working for the college newspaper. However, things at the university feel so much worse. I have no friends and no one seems interested in me. It feels like the community here is very insular and composed of various little microcosms that sealed shut from outsiders. I often fluctuate between angry at the community for snubbing me and deep wells of depression.

I've never had many friends growing, and Facebook seems to reinforce that fact. I see people I knew from high school having great big parties with lots of people, lots of fun, and lots of women. I often wonder where I went wrong. My family tells me that I'm a great guy and smart and all that, but I wonder, "if I'm that great, why am I so alone?"

I don't have trouble talking to people; it's just the conversations end up going nowhere. I have thought about suicide several times, committed ways too horrible to write out here. Mostly it would be done in a messy way to shock the community and make those who ignored me, for a brief moment, feel as bad as I have.

I'll never act on these feelings because I have one thing going for me: the gym. I live for the gym and never want to stop going. Despite that, I feel I don't have any confidence. I'm needy and crave attention. I get irritated when people don't respond my email or facebook chat messages fast enough. I even think they don't want to talk to me again when they log off in the middle of a conversation.

Post is getting long so I'll cut it off here.

[Material541]

Actually, I too am depressed. I get this way when I feel I have no one. I felt this way during community college and it went away I started dating a girl and started working for the college newspaper. However, things at the university feel so much worse. I have no friends and no one seems interested in me. It feels like the community here is very insular and composed of various little microcosms that sealed shut from outsiders. I often fluctuate between angry at the community for snubbing me and deep wells of depression. I've never had many friends growing, and Facebook seems to reinforce that fact. I see people I knew from high school having great big parties with lots of people, lots of fun, and lots of women. I often wonder where I went wrong. My family tells me that I'm a great guy and smart and all that, but I wonder, "if I'm that great, why am I so alone?" I don't have trouble talking to people; it's just the conversations end up going nowhere. I have thought about suicide several times, committed ways too horrible to write out here. Mostly it would be done in a messy way to shock the community and make those who ignored me, for a brief moment, feel as bad as I have. I'll never act on these feelings because I have one thing going for me: the gym. I live for the gym and never want to stop going. Despite that, I feel I don't have any confidence. I'm needy and crave attention. I get irritated when people don't respond my email or facebook chat messages fast enough. I even think they don't want to talk to me again when they log off in the middle of a conversation. Post is getting long so I'll cut it off here.

If it makes you feel any better, you pretty much described me as well.

I find that a lot of threads here, such as

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=373946

really help a lot.

[Parallax Scroll]

Oh, I also just found out recently that a ton of my people on my mom's side of the family have been diagnosed with depression as well. So my condition is probably genetic.

[Draff]

Despite that, I feel I don't have any confidence. I'm needy and crave attention. I get irritated when people don't respond my email or facebook chat messages fast enough. I even think they don't want to talk to me again when they log off in the middle of a conversation. Post is getting long so I'll cut it off here.

You'd benefit from some CBT; it can help with your negative automatic thoughts.

[Mr.City]

You'd benefit from some CBT; it can help with your negative automatic thoughts.

CBT? What's that?

[Draff]

CBT? What's that?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
Basically, it's a combination of cognitive and behavioural therapy. A therapist will sit with you and help you challenge your negative thoughts through a number of different modalities. It can be fairly beneficial and the skills that you learn through CBT can be applied to future situations. It generally takes maybe 12 sessions or so to complete.

[bigswords]

Oh, I also just found out recently that a ton of my people on my mom's side of the family have been diagnosed with depression as well. So my condition is probably genetic.

Depression is genetic? I though it was more like a state of mind or a choice.

But whatever the reason is, I do hope you pull yourself from whatever depression you feel right now and that things are not that bad.

[Parallax Scroll]

Depression is genetic? I though it was more like a state of mind or a choice. But whatever the reason is, I do hope you pull yourself from whatever depression you feel right now and that things are not that bad.

According to my doctor, there's a gene that causes the chemical imbalance that leads to major depression. Since so many people in my family have been treated for depression, there's a high probability that I have that gene. He also said it's the same gene that puts people at a high risk for alcoholism, so there's a scary thought.

[xelios]

Depression is genetic? I though it was more like a state of mind or a choice.

I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure it has a genetic factor, like many (most?) mental disorders.

[Hari Seldon]

St. John's Wort - over the counter, cheap, and effective.

[jmdajr]

Anxiety/depression can be genetic.

Some people's fight or flight responses are just more sensitive than others. It can make life difficult in an age when we sit on our ass all day.

[naib]

Suicide is an extremely selfish act. I've mourned the loss of a friend that took that route, but was also very angry at them. Don't really have anything constructive to contribute beyond that.

I just stuff it all down into a hot coal in my belly, then pour beer and chilled vodka on it.


~
Damn it, now I have Black Flag stuck in my head.

[Prine]

You have the capacity to do great things, you know it. Everyone that walks this earth does. I find myself resisting any depression or anxiety by thinking about this, and also think of this great gift of life I have to do my very best with. Think about people that have less than you and still manage to love life, dont waste a second of it by thinking of self defeating, distorted thoughts. Also accept that distress is part of life, it should not be met with shock. Its not abnormal for bad things to happen in your life, everyone suffers. But we also enjoy.

Also watch inspirational movies. I just watched Bruce Lee: The Dragon again, what a great movie.

And i recommend:



Gives you perspective.

[baultista]

I'm not sure why I am resorting here for this type of question or help, but strangly i find some of the things people here to make alot of sense. Here's the scoop. Iv taken those tests online about depression, and bi polar disorders, and its clear I may have something of that nature. These past 2 years have been to worst of my life, and I just haven't the will, or motivation to get back on my feet. I have lost my girlfriend, my best friends, all my personal belongings. I live with my brother, I feel like such a bum, leeching off of his hard work. I wasnt always this way. I had a decent life. I was going to school, had a girlfriend of 3 years that loved me, had a car, had an ok job. I was liking life... But it got taken away, when I lost my job. My girlfriend also lefted me. She got married within 3 months and had a child. I live now in a dumphole, with barely access to internet. I am a needy person, who has been bothering this one woman to the point where she wished me dead. ( we have this strange relationship, that continues like this) Now, I feel like ending myself yet again. But too much a pussy to do it. I think I might be crazy, I dont exclude it. But I can sense it. SO my question is. Is there anyone out there, that have had similar experiences, that discovered with medication, things can change? Or anyone that has gone trough this type of depression, maybe even worse off, yet managed to completely turn themselves around? Im 24 years old and Im starting for the first time in my life, think how suicide would end this daily thing i go through.

Everything you sense in the world is subject to your own interpretation. Start thinking happier and you will BE happier.

[Darkmakaimura]

I'm not sure why I am resorting here for this type of question or help, but strangly i find some of the things people here to make alot of sense. Here's the scoop. Iv taken those tests online about depression, and bi polar disorders, and its clear I may have something of that nature. These past 2 years have been to worst of my life, and I just haven't the will, or motivation to get back on my feet. I have lost my girlfriend, my best friends, all my personal belongings. I live with my brother, I feel like such a bum, leeching off of his hard work. I wasnt always this way. I had a decent life. I was going to school, had a girlfriend of 3 years that loved me, had a car, had an ok job. I was liking life... But it got taken away, when I lost my job. My girlfriend also lefted me. She got married within 3 months and had a child. I live now in a dumphole, with barely access to internet. I am a needy person, who has been bothering this one woman to the point where she wished me dead. ( we have this strange relationship, that continues like this) Now, I feel like ending myself yet again. But too much a pussy to do it. I think I might be crazy, I dont exclude it. But I can sense it. SO my question is. Is there anyone out there, that have had similar experiences, that discovered with medication, things can change? Or anyone that has gone trough this type of depression, maybe even worse off, yet managed to completely turn themselves around? Im 24 years old and Im starting for the first time in my life, think how suicide would end this daily thing i go through.

Sounds like what I went and am going through. Lost my girlfriend and then job and might lose my place at the end of the month. I had thoughts about suicide but have not attempted it. I have gone to get help from as many friends as possible and am going to professional assistance. In fact, I just got a prescription for Citalopram today.

I guess we all just got to hang in there. I know what you're going through. It's fucking hard. All I can say is try to hang out with good friends and do things to get your mind off of it to help you out for now as well as possibly going to a professional.

[Parallax Scroll]

Everything you sense in the world is subject to your own interpretation. Start thinking happier and you will BE happier.

Thanks for posting this.

[Bagels]

St. John's Wort - over the counter, cheap, and effective.

The current thinking with St. John's Wort is that it's helpful for mild cases of depression. The studies aren't terribly consistent - you run into the usual problem with herbal supplements where the dosing is all over the place.

If you're interested in trying St. John's Wort, remember that just because it's "natural" doesn't mean it's necessarily harmless. St. John's Wort can interact with prescription medications, such as SSRIs or triptans, and may also alter the functioning of the drug-metabolizing enzymes in your liver. I don't want to sound too much like a commercial, but do check with your doctor before beginning any treatment, blah, blah, blah.

---------------

On a different note, while I agree with Prine that "distress is part of life...Its not abnormal for bad things to happen in your life, everyone suffers," it is abnormal to feel distressed and to suffer in the absence of, or out of proportion to, bad things happening in your life. Part of the treatment for depression involves learning how to identify your thoughts and moods and recognizing how you can control them. However, you're never going to be able to think yourself out of depression if there's some biological problem with your brain. This is where medications may play a role. It's not a sign of weakness, it doesn't mean you're not smart enough to cure yourself with pure thought. If your neurobiology is fucked up, you need to fix it. You're not expected to think your cancer away, or to defeat your diabetes with sheer willpower. If the drugs can help you, by all means take them.

There's a theory about the neurobiology of depression that may be totally wrong (there's a recent high-profile paper arguing against it), but the underlying metaphor is really helpful. The basic idea is that we still don't know how anti-depressants work. The "chemical imbalance" theory is too simplistic - the drugs act almost immediately, but patients don't experience the effects for weeks. Why is that? One observation is that anti-depressants increase neuronal proliferation in the few areas of the adult brain that actually have dividing neurons. The effect is either to grow new neurons or to cause old neurons to make new connections (a phenomenon known as "synaptic plasticity"). This takes a bit of time to get going. So you take the drug and your neurons start rewiring. So you've got some bad wiring that is making you feel like crap all the time. You untangle all that shit and put it back together the right way. Voila, a few weeks later, your brain is wired up right so, for example, a minor setback doesn't make you think that the world is ending.

So where this (vastly oversimplified) model is helpful is in showing how medications and therapy, like CBT, can work together. This is a core observation in modern psychiatry - the most effective treatment is a combination of psychotherapy and medications. So you start with your brain wired up all wrong, as the result of your genes, your experience, your development, all that stuff. You take an antidepressant to break up the bad connections and straighten out all the wires, so to speak. Then therapy serves to help you make new, healthier connections. By doing something like CBT, where you become very mindful of your thoughts and you learn to break out of these distorted thought patterns, you're helping your brain to link back up like it's supposed to.

I don't know if that's at all helpful. Even if the science may be incorrect, I think the metaphor kind of helps demonstrate the place of medications in the healing process. They're not there to make you feel artificially happy, they're there to untangle the biological substrate for your thoughts. You can't think "okay, so I'm a bit overweight. I'll start exercising and eating better and, with time, I'll be back in shape..." if the thought "I'm overweight" is directly plugged into the thought "I'm a total failure and I'm hideous and it's my fault and no one will ever like me..."

Having beaten that point into the ground, I'll just say that no everyone needs medications. Things like exercise, talking to friends and family, reading a book like Mind Over Mood, eating better, etc. can help you rewire your brain too. I would neither completely rule out medications or look to them as your ultimate salvation. Find good professional help (i.e. a doctor, psychologist, or counselor), ask a lot of questions, be open and honest about what you're going through and what kinds of treatments you think might help you. Unfortunately, there aren't really any quick fixes. However, there are many, many kinds of treatment, and we're learning new things about mood disorders all the time. Never give up hope.


I hope some of that was helpful. Shoot me a PM, or ask me here or whatever, if you want to talk more about depression and the various treatment options. I have a personal and professional interest in the topic - as someone who suffered from major depression for years (and is now basically completely recovered) and is studying to be a psychiatrist and medical scientist.

[Parallax Scroll]

I had a recent breakthrough when my therapist had me take a Myers-Briggs personality test. The test said I was the rare INTP type (Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving). Reading up on that type, it's uncanny how well the description fits me. For example, on this wikipedia page (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INTP), I'd say at least 90% of the statements apply to me. Most of it was stuff I already knew about myself, but it's nice to get some confirmation of it. This bit of self-discovery is great for numerous reasons, one of which is the fact that the motivations of an INTP and the way they define success and happiness is pretty different from most "normal" people. Many things that are important to "normal" people are irrelevant to the INTP. Since INTPs are associated with high intelligence, it really makes me want to track down the IQ test I took when I was a little kid. I know it was at least 130 because that was a requirement for the GATE program I was in as a kid, but I'm assuming it's a lot higher. Hopefully I'm right.

[Escape Goat]

Everythings wrong! The stress from my modern office has caused me to go into a depression!

Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for "feeling bummed out"?

Dwight! You ignorant slut!

[Rahxephon91]

I'm also pretty depressed ,but I feel like a crybaby for complaining about it. I don't like to really talk bout my problems in real life, because they feel trivial really. I have a good life really. I have a lot good things that most don't have, a good family, and am well kept. So it feels dumb to complain about my life.

But it sucks. I'm very lonely I guess. I have no female attention. I don't feel awesome. I feel ugly and it doesn't help that I still have acne at this age and just got a big scar on my face. I feel like I'm super unnatractive. So you low self esteem whatever. My hair also sucks and I'm still a virgin basically. My friends seem to be moving ahead with their lives. Finding their futures in school. Dosent help that all my friends have love ones and have no time to hang out. On top of that I left college, it wasn't where I wanted to be ,but I had a life there. I had friends and did stuff. Now I just sit at home and play video games and only go out with my mother, since my friends are all busy with school or there own gfs. I know my aunts talk about if I'm gay or not, its very annoying. I thought at 19 I'd be hanging out with friends but I was to dumb to make ones during HS and am no longer near my college friends. This seems to be taking a toll honestly, as I really become kind of angry when people bother me when I'm in my room. Its a scary feeling to actually think of suicide.

[J Tourettes]

According to my doctor, there's a gene that causes the chemical imbalance that leads to major depression. Since so many people in my family have been treated for depression, there's a high probability that I have that gene. He also said it's the same gene that puts people at a high risk for alcoholism, so there's a scary thought.

That's similar to what my doctor told me. They go through all the normal potential stuff that can trigger depression (death, losing a job, some other traumatic event) and when there's nothing obvious they put it down to a chemical imbalance.

My mother has suffered from depression, as did my Grandad on my dad's side (he probably killed himself at the ripe old age of 79) so there's obviously a history of it in my family.

[Parallax Scroll]

That's similar to what my doctor told me. They go through all the normal potential stuff that can trigger depression (death, losing a job, some other traumatic event) and when there's nothing obvious they put it down to a chemical imbalance. My mother has suffered from depression, as did my Grandad on my dad's side (he probably killed himself at the ripe old age of 79) so there's obviously a history of it in my family.

Well, it's possible that I was wrong in my case. People with my Myers-Briggs type get satisfaction out of life by building their understanding of the universe (acquiring and organizing knowledge), coming up with new, original thoughts and theories, and by flexing their (usually high) intelligence, logical thinking, creativity, and humor. And from human relationships, but INTPs often fail to realize the value of them since they are so focused on their internal thoughts.

[J Tourettes]

Well, it's possible that I was wrong in my case. People with my Myers-Briggs type get satisfaction out of life by building their understanding of the universe (acquiring and organizing knowledge), coming up with new, original thoughts and theories, and by flexing their (usually high) intelligence, logical thinking, creativity, and humor. And from human relationships, but INTPs often fail to realize the value of them since they are so focused on their internal thoughts.

It's funny that you mention that test as I'm also INTP :lol I think there was a thread on here a short while ago and I think that a large proportion of gaf were INTP, which I can't say I'm surprised at.

[ATF487]

I'm also pretty depressed ,but I feel like a crybaby for complaining about it. I don't like to really talk bout my problems in real life, because they feel trivial really. I have a good life really. I have a lot good things that most don't have, a good family, and am well kept. So it feels dumb to complain about my life. But it sucks. I'm very lonely I guess. I have no female attention. I don't feel awesome. I feel ugly and it doesn't help that I still have acne at this age and just got a big scar on my face. I feel like I'm super unnatractive. So you low self esteem whatever. My hair also sucks and I'm still a virgin basically. My friends seem to be moving ahead with their lives. Finding their futures in school. Dosent help that all my friends have love ones and have no time to hang out. On top of that I left college, it wasn't where I wanted to be ,but I had a life there. I had friends and did stuff. Now I just sit at home and play video games and only go out with my mother, since my friends are all busy with school or there own gfs. I know my aunts talk about if I'm gay or not, its very annoying. I thought at 19 I'd be hanging out with friends but I was to dumb to make ones during HS and am no longer near my college friends. This seems to be taking a toll honestly, as I really become kind of angry when people bother me when I'm in my room. Its a scary feeling to actually think of suicide.

Holy crap, we're both very similar

-Yr 19, I'm 20
-Good families
-Acne (I'm on Accutane now)
-Virgin (although I don't really mind..)
-Left college (I'm going back soon, I swear...)
-Thought about suicide (I actually attempted it...luckily my cheapness made me chose a non-lethal painkiller)

I don't think you should feel weak for feeling depressed, and don't try to tough it out. I'm much happier and more content with my life after going to therapy and taking anti-depressants, and like you I didn't have any huge catastrophic events to point to.

[Diablos]

Fuck, this thread makes me sad.

[Rahxephon91]

Fuck, this thread makes me sad.

One of us, one of us!

don't think you should feel weak for feeling depressed, and don't try to tough it out. I'm much happier and more content with my life after going to therapy and taking anti-depressants, and like you I didn't have any huge catastrophic events to point to.

Yeah I also think going into therapy would be a good thing. Maybe it would be easier to talk to someone who isn't a part of your personal life and wont judge you. Its just kind of strange as I don't anything is actually wrong with me besides some growing pains and whatnot.

[EzLink]

I'm also pretty depressed ,but I feel like a crybaby for complaining about it. I don't like to really talk bout my problems in real life, because they feel trivial really. I have a good life really. I have a lot good things that most don't have, a good family, and am well kept. So it feels dumb to complain about my life. But it sucks. I'm very lonely I guess. I have no female attention. I don't feel awesome. I feel ugly and it doesn't help that I still have acne at this age and just got a big scar on my face. I feel like I'm super unnatractive. So you low self esteem whatever. My hair also sucks and I'm still a virgin basically. My friends seem to be moving ahead with their lives. Finding their futures in school. Dosent help that all my friends have love ones and have no time to hang out. On top of that I left college, it wasn't where I wanted to be ,but I had a life there. I had friends and did stuff. Now I just sit at home and play video games and only go out with my mother, since my friends are all busy with school or there own gfs. I know my aunts talk about if I'm gay or not, its very annoying. I thought at 19 I'd be hanging out with friends but I was to dumb to make ones during HS and am no longer near my college friends. This seems to be taking a toll honestly, as I really become kind of angry when people bother me when I'm in my room. Its a scary feeling to actually think of suicide.

I used to be in a very similar boat. I was so incredibly depressed my sophmore year of highschool (over a girl) but even after that I still was just depressed about life. I have a great family and some great friends, and I knew other people that were going through actual tough times so I always put on a mask. I hated myself though. After my suicidal phase ended, I still just wished I would die almost every day. I knew I would never do it (thankfully, suicide is so fucking lame), but I wanted nothing more than for life to just be over. I was (and still am!) overweight, I felt that people, even my friends, didn't really like me and I felt like the only reason people even talked to me was because of my brand of self deprecating humor that everyone seemed to find funny. But making fun of myself was really me expressing how I actually felt about me.

I'm 20 now. Over the past couple of years my self esteem issues had gotten better, but only because I learned how to ignore them and bottle it up. I reached a real turning point four or five months ago though. It was all about getting a perspective shift. I realized that my inner worth is NOT summed up by the outside world's opinion of me nor is it characterized by my failures. And up until a few months ago those were the ONLY two things that I let influence my self image (and even then I distorted it in such a way where I was convinced that I was just a miserable pile of shit)

As odd as it seems, even though I have the exact same problems that caused me to hate myself in the first place (lack of self control, being overweight, no women interested in me), I'm actually happy with myself. And I'm happy with my life too.

Don't get me wrong. There's still plenty that I hate about myself and my life. I still hate that I'm overweight, but now I don't hate me because of it. See the difference? I realized that I have so many more advantages than most of the worlds population, and I also know that lesser men than me have overcome much more than I need to. So I'm working on things. I'm exercising now, I'm learning better social skills and learning how to talk to women. I'm secure now in my hobbies and personality. And while I do have flaws I know that ultimately the power is in my hands to change them. Instead of continuing to dwell on my shortcomings and feel miserable about myself for the rest of my life, I'm taking control and doing shit now so that in a year my life will be where I want it.

And if you (or anyone in this thread really) needs someone to talk to about shit, feel free to PM me ^_^ I understand the absolute misery of depression and now I also know how liberating it is to not have it weighing you down every second of every day

[bangladesh]

Watch Fight Club.

[Beardz]

Watch Fight Club.

That's my bible.

---

Also, you have two choices:

1. Do nothing

2. Do something

Little things can help a lot, like going to the gym, eat healthy, try to make new friends, etc; you can't change overnight that's a fact. And remember, you can be your worst enemy of your best friend, it's your choice.

[Parallax Scroll]

It's funny that you mention that test as I'm also INTP :lol I think there was a thread on here a short while ago and I think that a large proportion of gaf were INTP, which I can't say I'm surprised at.

Sup, fellow INTP! Yeah, I'm not surprised either that GAF would have a high proportion of INTPs. To any of the depressed people in this thread, if you don't know your Meyers-Briggs type, I highly recommend you take the test and find out. Doing so helped me realize that INTPs' brains work very differently from those of "normal" people. If you're an INTP, a lot of traditional advice, goals, etc. don't really apply to you. If you try to go through your life the way your non-INTP peers do, you probably won't be all that happy.

The (paper) test I took was only $10, and there are probably free online versions.

[Parallax Scroll]

I found the IQ test I took when I was 7 (WISC-R). My first reaction was: Bah! I only scored a 137 (with a 15 standard deviation). Apparently there was one section I didn't give a shit about and didn't finish. Good enough for Mensa I guess, but I bet I could score higher. I think I'm gonna take another one.

Since the happiest period in my life was when I embraced and exercised my intelligence the most, I think that may be key to finding happiness again.

[KevinCow]

Depression's pretty awesome. I love constantly reminding myself that I'm a horrible, stupid, useless, ugly, socially inept loser who nobody could ever love and that everyone probably hates me.

[evanylee]

How can you get GOOD help without any money or health insurance?

[Alucrid]

Does anyone feel like they have friends, but not "friends." Yeah, you have people you hang out with, eat with, etc. but you really don't have anyone you feel comfortable enough to confide in or talk about certain issues that go beyond just random/normal shit? I honestly feel like I don't have anyone dependable in that sense in my life right now...

[KevinCow]

Does anyone feel like they have friends, but not "friends." Yeah, you have people you hang out with, eat with, etc. but you really don't have anyone you feel comfortable enough to confide in or talk about certain issues that go beyond just random/normal shit? I honestly feel like I don't have anyone dependable in that sense in my life right now...

You're lucky to even have that. All I have are a couple of friends from high school who I get to see maybe once every couple months because they live an hour away and are busy with school or other stuff 99% of the time. And every time I see them, I realize we have less and less in common.

[Evilink]

Depression's pretty awesome. I love constantly reminding myself that I'm a horrible, stupid, useless, ugly, socially inept loser who nobody could ever love and that everyone probably hates me.

I am shocked...you're more sarcastic and playful here than most threads. Or is it just me...


...why don't I fit in? :(

You're lucky to even have that. All I have are a couple of friends from high school who I get to see maybe once every couple months because they live an hour away and are busy with school or other stuff 99% of the time. And every time I see them, I realize we have less and less in common.

That's why I hate Facebook, I feel like everyone I knew in school is developing their dream...and I'm so far from it.

[Jayge]

I found the IQ test I took when I was 7 (WISC-R). My first reaction was: Bah! I only scored a 137 (with a 15 standard deviation). Apparently there was one section I didn't give a shit about and didn't finish. Good enough for Mensa I guess, but I bet I could score higher. I think I'm gonna take another one. Since the happiest period in my life was when I embraced and exercised my intelligence the most, I think that may be key to finding happiness again.

I took one of those when I was about 6 or 7 too. I was complaining about being extremely bored in first grade so they went and ran a battery of tests that I barely remember on me. My parents never told me and likely never will tell me the score, which I'm happy about. I really don't feel that knowing what my IQ is would do me any good at all. If you feel you have something to prove though, power to you.

[J Tourettes]

How can you get GOOD help without any money or health insurance?

My doctor recommended moodgym but I didn't get too far into it so can't vouch for it. For free it's probably worth a try though.

[Atramental]

That's why I hate Facebook, I feel like everyone I knew in school is developing their dream...and I'm so far from it.

Joining facebook was probably the worst choice I have ever made in my life. :lol

I can go from being content with my life to feeling like absolute shit whenever I see the statuses of my friends and acquaintances from high school. I'm not even gonna bother logging in this week, it being fucking v-day and all.

[Himuro]

I've been diagnosed with season depressing. It sucks.

Sometimes I don't see the point in living. Other times I do. The only thing keeping me sane are my career aspirations.

I guess I have friends, but not a "someone you'd die for" friend. It sucks, because I used to have one.

All of my great friends are either dead, now a druggie, or we've gone our separate ways. It's been so long that I no long know how to make friends.

I mean, I go to the club or bar, but that stuff is so superficial and empty. Bar friends doesn't always equate to GOOD friends.

Before, at the end of my teenage years, I felt life was pointless because my career aspirations and dream was going nowhere. My parents weren't supportive of me, I had no friends to support me, and the one thing I've always wanted to be since I was a kid pretty much turned into nothing. So I'd sleep all weekend. Or crash and do a bunch of weed. Or get drunk myself, but mostly post on message boards, which were the only thing keeping me sane at the time.

So I tried things to get myself together. I started with religion, which is something I've attempted to dabble in to give my life meaning. But that only offers fake happiness as you delude yourself into servitude.

My whole life I was always about art. It gave me meaning. I would draw all day if I could. But then, it lacked any meaning and felt without passion.

I tried other things but nothing stuck.

I'm still addicted to message boards due to that period of my life as you can see from my post count. My life was in shambles, but I'm still slowly picking up the pieces.

It took a lot of pushing but now I've realized that you can have new dreams and goals. Honestly, I'm a goal-oriented person. Without a goal, I feel life is without merit. Finding a new goal is what gave me a new spark.

Hanging in there is the best advice I can give.

[Himuro]

Does anyone feel like they have friends, but not "friends." Yeah, you have people you hang out with, eat with, etc. but you really don't have anyone you feel comfortable enough to confide in or talk about certain issues that go beyond just random/normal shit? I honestly feel like I don't have anyone dependable in that sense in my life right now...

This is what I want to work on right now.

I just don't know how.

You're lucky to even have that. All I have are a couple of friends from high school who I get to see maybe once every couple months because they live an hour away and are busy with school or other stuff 99% of the time. And every time I see them, I realize we have less and less in common.

This is me.

[QuadCore]

Hi people.

I was diagnosed with Depressed Bipolar about 4 years ago. Before I went out and looked for help I was horribly depressed. I would sit in my room and stare at the walls for hours. I was alone, crying all the time, depressed, and did nothing but think negative thoughts. I bought tons of crap that I didn't need to try to get some kind of high from buying stuff. It was horrible times.

So I went for help. I started going to the psychologist and was prescribed some medicine for my condition. I kept going to the psychologist for about 2 months and continued taking the medicine.

Then I realized that she didn't care what I was going through or anything about me. The medicine was just trying to hide that fact that things were wrong in my life. The medicine people are taking for depression and bipolar problems are not there to actually help, they are taken to mask the true problems.

After the few months of taking the medicine, I stopped going to the psychologist and stopped taking the medicine. I taught myself to not think negative thoughts and to not get depressed. Now, crying and depression is normal. These feelings many times a day or week or not, so learning to decide what is true depression or not is hard to do, but I have accomplished it.

So, my advice to everyone, who has depression or bipolar problems, or both, or whatever mental condition, Don't Give Up. You only live once, and wasting your life being alone, depressed, staring at walls, thinking negatively, spending money of stuff you don't need, stop doing it.

The mind is a powerful tool and learning to control it, is the greatest asset, that you could ever have. Living like I did for many many years is not something I would want anyone to go through.

I would love to help anyone on these forums that are having issues, and I will try to help. I can't promise you that everything will be great, but I can offer insights and tips and whatnot to improve your thoughts and your lifestyle.

Please feel free to PM me if you need help.