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Advice? Wild possum holed up in bathroom

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O

owlbeak

Member
GillianSeed79 said:
If anyone deserves the honor of a tag it's Horsebite. Just amazing the amount of work he put into his posts.
Click to expand...
OUTRAGEOUS.

An epic tale was told within this thread, I just compiled it so people could catch up/make sense of it. :D This thread really cheered me up given recent events in my life, and it was a wonderful distraction. Everyone contributed but it was a great fucking story, so thank you! You BETTER get a tag, or there's gonna be a fist fight!
 
S

Skiesofwonder

Walruses, camels, bears, rabbits, tigers and badgers.
GillianSeed79 said:
I honestly have to really, really thank Horsebite for making this thread amazing. The summary, shops, gifs and constant encouragement, especially when I failed to deliver at first, went above and beyond the call of GAF. Also Keyser and NastyNate deserve credit for their amazing work. I salute you guys.
Click to expand...

This thread was amazing right up until this point.

Now it's just really really uncomfortable feeling...
 
A

Air Zombie Meat

Member
The possum needs some props too. It's sad to think that it'll never know the entertainment it gave to so many people. It truly asked for so little yet gave so much. *sniffs*
 
G

GillianSeed79

Member
Skiesofwonder said:
This thread was amazing right up until this point.

Now it's just really really uncomfortable feeling...
Click to expand...
FUUUUUU. I did it again. Really, really sorry. I will not post again in this thread. I just wanted to thank people who went out of their way to make this thread funny.
 
O

owlbeak

Member
Repost for new page:


The Exhaustive and Complete Guide to the Possum Nightmare:

TIMELINE OF EVENTS

- July 16th 3:37am: Possum is discovered in bathroom [It is later revealed that OP lives in the woods of West Virginia. OP reveals he left a door cracked for his cats to go into his backyard, possum took advantage of opportunity. Was originally discovered eating cat food in the kitchen. One of the cats scared the possum which then, naturally and like a woman, retreated to the bathroom. OP reveals he opened the cellar door and the outside door, inviting more possums in, in hopes the current resident possum would vacate. We assume the bathroom door was open at this point. When OP opened the cellar door and door to outside, possum flees to bedroom closet. OP sleeps in den, not in bedroom. Possum acquires own bedroom sometime between 3:57am-4:45am]
- July 16th 3:52am: OP is drunk, cannot call animal control, plans to attempt to scare/shoo possum.
- July 16th 3:53am: OP admits he has pissed outside twice, as to not present possum with a chance to bite his penis.
- July 16th 3:57am: OP admits to not owning a digital camera and that he is posting to NeoGAF from his Wii.
- July 16th 4:27am: OP says he will take pictures the following day to prove a possum has really taken up residence in his bedroom.
- July 16th 4:45am: OP confirms possum is still in bedroom, apparently behind his bed. OP blocks all exits.
- July 16th 4:54am: OP explains why he is posting via a Wii - something about porn and a trojan horse. Also, keyboard does not work.
- July 16th 5:04am: OP admits his computer runs Windows ME, no one believes him. He agrees to take a photo to prove it the following morning.
- July 16th 5:18am: OP says he will check back in with GAF at 9:30am and presumably retires to the den.
- July 16th 6:48am: Keyser Soze posts PossumGAF photo. Hilarity ensues.
- July 16th 9:30am-5:18pm: Rampant speculation begins as to whether or not OP was consumed by possum, or has turned into a possum. An email is dispatched to the Opossum Society of the US for help. Opossum Society of the US replies with an email response on Sunday morning, July 18th @ 3:53am EST.
- July 16th 5:19pm: OP posts, shocking everyone, saying he is alive and was called into work. States he is headed to office to pick up a camera and then will take photos and upload them. Tells GAF it will take 20 minutes.

[OP later reveals that his car ran out of gas en route to office, had to call AAA, thus the hour and a half long gap in the timeline.]

- July 16th 6:46pm: OP makes post stating he cannot locate the resident possum, lets GAF know his cat is OK! OP creates a photobucket.com account.
- July 16th 7:12pm: OP posts picture of a 10+ year old monitor running Windows ME and a July 16th 2010 newspaper to prove it is a current photo. Many photoshops ensue. OP says he will attempt to locate and photograph the rogue possum.
- July 16th 7:48pm: OP says he is leaving his office and will conduct an extensive search of his property for the rogue, resident possum. OP states if he finds the offensive brute, rogue, resident possum he will return to his office to get a camera and photograph it.
- July 16th 8:08pm: OP states he has FOUND the dirty, offensive brute, rogue, resident possum. OP states he will need to take a 20 minute round trip drive to fetch a camera from his office.
- July 16th 8:55pm: OP posts two photos of the cute, dirty, offensive brute, rogue, resident possum in his bedroom, including one with a July 16th 2010 newspaper for validity. It is later clarified that the photos of the possum were taken in the bedroom closet. OP clarifies that he has a large walk-in closet that is not clean while "the rest of the house is".
- July 16th 8:56pm: GAF discovers the OP's bedroom to be filthy and a perfect home for any possum/critter.
- July 16th 9:05pm: OP states he will begin to attempt a new tactic of "shooing" the animal out of his house. OP also states his closet has not been cleaned "in a very long time" and that is why his room is in the state it is in.
- July 16th 10:21pm: OP states he has called animal control and that apparently, contrary to popular belief, they do not handle animals. Animal Control instructs OP to contact Department of Natural Resources. OP states DNR requires a payment of $100USD to remove the critter. OP says "fuck you" to the DNR and gets off the phone. Before DNR is disconnected from the call, however, they warn the OP to "not let it [the possum] bite you". OP is thankful for this helpful advice. OP lays out plan of action, which includes wearing multiple layers of clothing and dishwashing gloves for the removal of the beast.
- July 16th 10:31pm: OP fills in gaps in his story with detailed information as to the arrival of the devil creature.
- July 16th 10:46pm: OP gives us his work schedule and fills in more gaps in the story, giving everyone a more enlightened view of the terror going on in the OP's home.
- July 16th 11:02pm: OP states that the hell spawn has moved underneath his bed and he cannot evict it. The OP departs for the liquor store to acquire some beer.
- July 16th 11:11pm: OP states that he is also going to purchase grapes while he is out. OP also reveals a new, and more detailed, plan of action - he will be attempting to capture the devil inside of a trash can.
- July 16th 11:44pm: OP states he has returned home with a six pack of Yeungling beer, a pack of cigarettes, a meatball sub, and grapes (did not specify red or white), causing GAF to wonder if he is even worried about kicking out the Cthulu-inspired horror awaiting him at home if he has time to purchase a meatball sub and cigarettes; things he did not specify he was going to purchase. Impulse buys will eventually be the OPs downfall at the hands of the great terror in his bedroom. OP also informs GAF that the beast is still under his bed and that he has set a trap. OP has apparently set a plastic trashcan at a 30-degree angle with a trail of grapes and cat food leading to it. Much like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel, he has also given the terror an alternate path, he has laid another path of food leading to the cellar. OP also reveals if this bulletproof plan fails, he will shell out $100 to the DNR to have them remove the holy terror residing in his house, haunting his dreams. OP intends to sit and drink until he catches himself a possum or he passes out.
- July 16th 11:55pm: OP informs GAF that his food has been eaten and he is posting about the fact that he ate aforementioned meatball sub. No information as to how messy it was and/or how many napkins were used.
- July 17th 1:33am: OP informs GAF that his dresser drawers (seen in this photo) were not found in a dumpster but were, in fact, given to him by a co-worker whom had moved. OP also informs GAF that brown stain seen in that same photo is probably the result of the possum taking a shit in the closet/possum bedroom.
- July 17th 1:56am: OP reports on the situation of his trap. OP states food remains uneaten however the beast creature is no longer residing in the bedroom. OP believes it has departed through the cellar. OP is not 100% sure about this. OP is drunk, is not totally sure. OP will check his place again in the morning to be certain.
- July 17th 1:59am: OP has confirmed to GAF that the beast has officially entered the cellar. OP states he saw the beast walking down the stairs into the cellar. However, OP states he doesn't believe the beast can get out of the cellar (raising questions as to why he opened the door to the cellar in the first place?). OP informs GAF that the only way out of his cellar is a hole in the foundation, GAF begins to believe this is turning into a twisted version of "A Caske of Amontillado". OP asks GAF whether he should leave the creature in the cellar or see if it can find its way out the front door. OP also acknowledges it is highly probable that he has Stockholm Syndrome at this point of the crisis, validating a post made by Horsebite earlier this evening. GAF awaits the outcome of the situation.
July 17th 2:57am: OP admits he is completely wasted. OP informs GAF that his job took precedence over the possum situation because it involved "severed limbs, handguns, a bank robbery, and someone who got stabbed for running their mouth". OP admits guilt due to the fact the possum turned its head while walking down the cellar stairs as if to say "Hey I'm a possum, but this is a shithole dude".
July 17th 3:06am OP admits to GAF he is a reporter(!).
July 17th 3:10am OP declares he is retiring for the night, leaving many questions unanswered.
July 17th 3:37pm: OP notifies GAF that he will be descending into the cellar to attempt to confirm whether the possum has exited the premises.
July 17th 4:00pm: OP returns from cellar and posts the following: "No obvious visible signs of possum. It appears it has escaped no doubt to warn/reunite with clan or to begin planning insurgency in wake hostage situation. Official confirmation difficult, as there are no lights in cellar. Tell-tale glowing eyes not visible on inspection of lower confines of property. Hoping possum reached freedom." OP apparently does not own a flashlight, either.
July 17th 4:13pm: Upon advice of GAF, OP checks the possum's bedroom and reports no sign of the creature. OP offers to purchase flashlight to conduct a more detailed search tonight. OP goes to laundromat to wash clothes soiled by an unruly possum.
July 17th 9:52pm: OP searches basement with flashlight. No sign of possum. Is it over?


And that, ladies and gentleman, brings us up to date as of July 18th 3:54am EST.

Supplemental Links:

Hilarious Photos & Posts from this thread:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22413015&postcount=79
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22413452&postcount=94
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22414899&postcount=120
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22421947&postcount=195
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22423535&postcount=259
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22423681&postcount=267
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424040&postcount=287
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424097&postcount=289
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424770&postcount=335
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22426311&postcount=427
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22426433&postcount=434
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22430461&postcount=565
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22436760&postcount=655
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437062&postcount=665
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437324&postcount=672
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437396&postcount=675
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437581&postcount=678
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22439322&postcount=709

The Actual Bathroom Invader Possum Photos:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424486&postcount=297

Informative Websites:
www.opossumsocietyus.org's Opossum FAQ which offers answers to such burning questions as "An opossum is pooping in my yard. What do I do?", "Opossums make my dog bark. What do I do?", "How do I prevent an opossum from drowning in my pool?", "My neighbor kills or tortures animals. What can I do?", "I see an opossum sharing a food dish with my cat. What do I do?", and many, many more.
 
P

Poona

Member
TheNiX said:
Pretty sure that's not a Chinchilla, but the Australian possum.
Click to expand...

Yeah, seems like a Brushtail Possum. I have both Brushtail and Ringtail Possums that live near me (in Victoria, Australia). Tend to spot the Ringtails walking across power lines at night, whilst I more often hear the Brushtails doing their chainsaw like coughing sounds. Ringtails tend to be quite small, whilst Brushtails are about the size of cats.

Ringtail Possum:
10f0wnq.jpg


Brushtail Possum
2lms2vb.jpg
 
U

Ultima_5

Member
Skiesofwonder said:
This thread was amazing right up until this point.

Now it's just really really uncomfortable feeling...
Click to expand...
I like where this is going... It's like the end of an episode of saturday night live where they're giving thanks to everyone.
 
O

owlbeak

Member
I just now FINALLY got a response from the Opossum Society of the USA....at 3:56am (12:56am PST, FFFFUUUU DeathNote!!!!!!)?!!! :lol :lol

Use a trashcan... go get one if he doesn't have one... and sweep the possum into it... or simply sweep the possum (gently please) out the open front door.

Some other info you might find helpful:

What they eat!!!!! Most people don't yet understand how helpful possums are. Did you know that they are little pest control agents? You don't even have to pay them and they eat snails, spiders, snakes (even rattle snakes), roaches, mice, rats and more… They also eat garbage if it is available, though they love cat food. They will eat fruits and vegetables of many kinds, they also eat dead animals and many other animals IF they are smaller than them including fish -- they can swim and fish. They are immune to rattlesnake venom, black widow spiders and most other north american snake venom.

Here is some other info you might find helpful and please do share!!!

Water is the most important thing -- We always keep bowls outside or self-watering set ups.

Unless a possum is ill or something has chased them from their hiding place they won't come out in daylight, they are nocturnal. In general they are also nomadic and so won't stay in one place for very long at all unless it is a mom with young babies in which case she might stay for a couple weeks at most. If they just moved in and you are there and making noise, they won't likely stay. They are opportunists, they do what is easiest and most available… If it is a mom being chased out she is more likely to drop babies. Possums defend, they do not attack but they can look pretty darn scary when they are adults.

Many people don't realize that the Opossum is a marsupial, like a kangaroo-- they are the only north American marsupial. They are not a rodent. Possums were around before the dinosaurs, they are pre-historic. They have the most teeth of any mammal, 50 in all, very sharp and able to break bone. There are over 70 types of possum, the one we are most familiar with in the states if the Virginia Opossum.

They have a lower incidence of rabies than humans (because of their body temperature being too low to sustain the disease and an incredible immune system), they rarely carry any other disease and they don't attack, they only defend. And, for those who don't want one moving in…. they are nomadic -- they don't stick around unless they have babies and find the perfect spot --- one that you don't know about usually. After she's raised her kids (about 4-6 weeks), she and they will move on.

They have very good memory!! If they have experienced a bad situation before, they will likely never get into that situation again. Their intelligence is survival-based; they can catch fish, they can swim, they can climb, they can play dead, they can smell dead (really), they choose when to have their babies (wish I could do that!!!), and they have an incredible sense of smell so…. survival intelligence versus what we might consider smart.

Let me know if I can help further.

D Jean Becker
Opossum Society of the US
619-XXX-5968
PO Box 683 Lemon Grove, CA 91946

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Fri, Jul 16, 2010 at 12:32 PM, matt XXX <XXXX@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello,

Someone I know has for some reason left his doors/windows/both open (he lives in the middle of the woods/nowhere) and an opossum ended up in his bathroom. He told me about it, I did not know what to do! I read your FAQ, and it talks about using a trash can. He does not have one and he can't put his house in the bathroom because of....well...you see what I did there?

Anyway, so he has the opossum in the bathroom, he said he was going to go to bed and tell me what happened at 9:30am this morning. I have not heard from him. I don't even know if he closed the bathroom door while the opossum was in there.

#1) Should I be worried? Is it possible he is dead/kidnapped, or possibly rabid now? Should someone take him out behind the shed and put him down if so?
#2) Assuming he is alive, which at this point we won't, would the killer opossum steal anything? I'm not even sure he has anything worth stealing since he apparently lives in a windowless/doorless hut in the woods, but hey...I like free stuff. Just wondering if I should even bother with making the trip if there's not going to be anything left.


If you could respond ASAP, I would appreciate it. This is kind of urgent.

Thanks,
Click to expand...
:lol :lol :lol :lol
 
C

Combichristoffersen

Combovers don't work when there is no hair
OP, we salute you for the glory of this thread. May PossumGAF live on in our hearts, lest we forget this shared experience of friendship across species borders, between man and possum. NEVAR FORGET!

soldier+salute.jpg
 
J

Jay Sosa

Member
Nah I was kinda LTTP since I wasn't really online the last few days..

Read the whole thing now and I'm really impressed how the OP handled the situation, even showing empathy to the little fella despite him being "terrorised" by the opossum.
 
C

Christoff Yurievich

Member
Horsebite said:
OMG. Where in WV?
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Seriously. I'm in Fayetteville visiting and don't want an opossum running into the house while I'm out. Although, I've seen about 5 on the side of the road dead, plus two deer and one raccoon.

edit: finally finished reading the thread; good stuff for a boring Sunday.
 
O

owlbeak

Member
allegate said:
Seriously. I'm in Fayetteville visiting and don't want an opossum running into the house while I'm out. Although, I've seen about 5 on the side of the road dead, plus two deer and one raccoon.
Click to expand...
Cruising through WV on the interstate and back roads is like a god damn bloodbath every two miles or so. Deer parts scattered across the road, possum brains and pieces, racoon tails and pile of mush. Fun place.
 
S

Skiesofwonder

Walruses, camels, bears, rabbits, tigers and badgers.
Jay Sosa said:
Keyser Sore said:
339rd38.jpg
Click to expand...

OMG i'm literally in tears :lol
Click to expand...

:lol

Possumgaf image from Keyser is probably one of the greatest gaf posts I have ever seen.

Even now out of context within the actual thread, I still :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
 
M

mcrae

Member
just read the whole thread over like 4 hours while watching a marathon session of the second season of entourage. pretty awesome night haha gj to the OP
 
H

hsin

Banned
mcrae said:
just read the whole thread over like 4 hours while watching a marathon session of the second season of entourage. pretty awesome night haha gj to the OP
Click to expand...

Did you at least also get in some JBaird action?
 
M

mcrae

Member
hsin said:
Did you at least also get in some JBaird action?
Click to expand...

i ctrl+f'd his username till the finish, wasnt very entertaining.. too many boring posts from random posters. i would rate it a 7/10 and this one a 10/10.. for consistently funny content from everyone :lol
 
L

lobdale

3 ft, coiled to the sky
GillianSeed79 said:
Okay, if it's still here tommorow I'll take a picture and post it. I just might need some help on how to do it. If it's not here what can I take a pic of to show I'm not lying. I honestly still have Windows ME on my home PC.
Click to expand...

GillianSeed1979
Time Warp
(07-16-1979, 04:35 AM)
Reply | Quote
 
N

NESpowerhouse

Perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man before throwing him out of a plane.
This thread is the greatest thing I've seen on this site.
 
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