[Salazar]

Terry Goodkind.

This man, nay this spirit of truth, was born in Nebraska in 1948. He has a dislikable face, a pony-tail, some macho pretensions, no talent whatsoever, and a fucked-up imagination. And perhaps (fuck perhaps - it’s clear) a sizzling hatred of women.

[If anybody substantively disagrees with the above, or cares for Terry Goodkind sufficiently to be offended on his behalf, please PM me and I will consider modifications.]

He may also be quite ill, due to the strains of creating timeless art. He epitomises manly health in this first pic:



But doesn’t look so flash in this more recent one:



He is a fantasy writer. He denies it, because he thinks his integration of philosophical themes (and TRUTHS) sets him apart from the infantile ranks of folks who write about dragons and elves. The philosophy he espouses - ordinarily in really goddamn long, really tedious, and commonly psychotic speeches - is Objectivism, Ayn Rand’s acid streak of sputum. Terry thinks Rand is the greatest thinker ever. Go home Aristotle, give up Locke.

Quick and dirty synopsis of the first book, “Wizard’s First Rule”.

The avatar of this philosophy in Terry’s books is Richard Rahl, son of an evil dude called Darken Rahl (who is dead, but is an ‘agent’ so he can hover in between worlds and do spooky shit anyway). Richard was minding his own business in the woods when he managed to save some pretty girl (Kahlan) from a four-man assassin squad sent by Darken Rahl. Darken (ruler of D’hara) wanted to take over the Midlands (the peaceful land on one side of a magical boundary). Richard went to see his Uncle Zedd (a crazy powerful wizard, and the cracker of what passes for jokes in these books) and Zedd gave him a magical sword and anointed him SEEKER: a kind of frighteningly violent moral ombudsman. They need to stop Darken Rahl from opening a set of magical boxes, within which lie stunning sorcerous reserves of power. Richard gets kidnapped, though, by Darken’s red-leather clad dominatrix bodyguards, and is tortured/raped for what seems like an eternity, before escaping, making friends with a dragon, and tricking Rahl into (fatally) opening the wrong box. In the meantime, Kahlan has made a paedophile eat his own testicles, and we have encountered the most shameless Gollum rip-off in fiction.

Fan art of Richard Rahl:



Succeeding books involve:

Gratch, Richard’s wookie companion, whose vocabulary is pretty much limited to “Gratch luuuurrg Raatch arrrgh”.
Rape pits.
Jaw-shattering kicks.
Evil chickens.
A border-fence of bells that liquefy people.
Sorcerous control achieved by slicing off nipples.
Nudity as a tactic of war.
Digital rape as a way to free someone from chakra imbalance.
Prostitute murder described with patent glee.
Repeated endorsement for genocide.
Mind-dissolving explanations of the series’ “magic system”.
Hilarious physical improbabilities: fighting without a spinal cord.
The calculated degradation of any female character.
Strokes of evil genius: banning fire, making red fruit poisonous.
Apartheid against black-haired people.
More rape.
Consensual (if slightly coerced) missionary-position sex between an aspirant Dark Sorceress and a big leathery demon called a Namble, which has a nastily barbed phallus. The Sorceress, as with a few other female characters thrust into unpleasant sexual situations in Goodkind's books, starts to enjoy it after a while.

If people can remember other high points, I can add them to the OP.

Sandstorm Reviews, and the Literature forum at Westeros, have put years into some of the most penetrating Goodkind exegesis.

http://sandstormreviews.blogspot.com...-parodies.html

And those books, collectively The Sword of Truth series, are:

▪ Wizard's First Rule (1994)
▪ Stone of Tears (1995)
▪ Blood of the Fold (1996)
▪ Temple of the Winds (1997)
▪ Soul of the Fire (1999)
▪ Faith of the Fallen (2000)
▪ The Pillars of Creation (2002)
▪ Naked Empire (2003)
▪ Chainfire (2005)
▪ Phantom (2006)
▪ Confessor (2007)
▪ Debt of Bones (2001, prequel novella)

ABC and Sam Raimi were crazy enough to try and pour this shit into the mould of a tv series. “Legend of the Seeker” premiered in 2008 and ran for two seasons. It captured the spirit of the books, in so much as it sucked but was vaguely entertaining so long as you shut down most of your brain.

Trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kgPCa_NSjc

What matters most, though, is that Terry has a new thing coming out on August 16. A “Richard and Kahlan novel”.

Which is a surprise, really. But it’s not something I can pass up. All going well, Richard is going to kick little girls in the jaw, speechify, slice up peace protesters, and generally rock the fuck out. The big question for Kahlan is whether or not, or indeed how many times, she gets raped. The Omen Machine will, in 528 pages, take you through that epic, epic, epic, epic #1 New York Times storytelling BEAST of a journey.



Amazong link:

http://www.amazon.com/Omen-Machine-T.../dp/0765327724



Excerpt:

Hannis Arc, working on the tapestry of lines linking constellations of elements that constituted the language of Creation recorded on the ancient Cerulean scroll spread out among the clutter on his desk, was not surprised to see the seven etherial forms billow into the room like acrid smoke driven on a breath of bitter breeze. Like an otherworldly collection of spectral shapes seemingly carried on random eddies of air, they wandered in a loose clutch among the still and silent mounted bears and beasts rising up on their stands, the small forest of stone pedestals holding massive books of recorded prophecy, and the evenly spaced display cases of oddities, their glass reflecting the firelight from the massive hearth at the side of the room. Since the seven rarely used doors, the shutters on the windows down on the ground level several stories below stood open as a fearless show of invitation. Though they frequently chose to use windows, they didn’t actually need the windows any more than they needed the doors. They could seep through any opening, any crack, like vapor rising in the early morning from the stretches of stagnant water that lay in dark swaths through the peat barrens. The open shutters were meant to be a declaration for all to see, including the seven, that Hannis Arc feared nothing.

I know absolutely nothing more about the plot than this. It has Richard and Kahlan in it. Hannis Arc sounds like a badass. You wish your mama called you Hannis. The Seven are obviously wizards/spirits that Richard is going to have to kill/banish/rape. This could be the last book, or it could be the start of a whole new adventure. I’m going to buy this thing and read it. It would be awesome if this thread were a place to talk about it, or about Terry’s other masterworks, or writers who work in the same tradition.



AMAZONG:

The book really deserves 3.5 stars (maybe a B-) but I am giving it 4 because Goodkind genuinely made an effort to listen to the criticisms that he was getting from readers during the last few years and has improved on some points. It is not as good as the first few novels in the Sword of Truth series but it is better than Pillars of Creation and some of the other mediocre novels toward the end of the series.

Getting that out of the way up front, I am ecstatic to say, 'The Omen Machine' is not only a thoroughly good read, it is a stunningly bright star of a novel that excels on virtually all levels. Terry Goodkind has successfully swooped in and picked up right where 'Confessor' left off (to the day!) and began anew with a much faster paced novel, a shorter read, that feels much more aligned with the speed and the exhilaration of the early books -- yet stands firm in its own right. Promise made and promise kept, the 'SoT' is over, all rise the 'The Omen Machine'. After much anticipation and the admitted fear of being let down, I am happy to give this book a well-deserved 5-out-of-5 stars with a definite recommendation. Enjoy.

I am a little bit surprised that Tor allowed this to be published

Yet another brilliant escape into the lives of fantasy, magic, love, and relationships. Richard & Kahlan are back and as good as ever... Another Goodkind classic. I couldn't put it down.

Goodkind has done it once again! Taking characters we are familiar with, and putting them into more Goodkind-esque adventures! Unlike Law of Nines which was ultimately a totally different book, Goodkind goes back to characters that he has spent years getting to know, and blends them in perfectly in The Omen Machine. Creating a new scenario, a new situation, yet keeping the ideals from his previous books. The part I was most thrilled about? The way the book finished, as 10 others have: with unfinished business that needs to be summed up at a later date.... Another reviewer seems to not be familiar with Goodkind's writing style, as this book was written very much the same as many of his others were!

I first heard Terry was going to continue the sword of truth series a couple months back and I was a little worried it just couldn't live up to the awesome ending from the last book. But damn this is a really good book. The reviews really don't do it justice. People complaining about action and the size of the book are crazy. A+ book.

Crazy Goodkind Forum folks

Anyway, mysterious deaths, attempted murders & a middle-aged woman hoarding prophecies- caught me off guard for a sec there, but friggin' hilarious all the same- point to Goodkind for, once again, catching & holding my interest!

[Dead Man]

Greatest OP of all time. I will not be reading the book.

[scoot3r]

I loved the swot novels but that last one was crapola. law of nine or whatever. I felt duped, im like great hes writing something other than swot awesome! aaaaanddd it was swot just modern day with diff characters. LAME! hope this is good, Richard rocks!

[Salazar]

I will not be reading the book.

I don't anticipate GAF uptake to be tremendously high.

I will post extremely detailed chapter summaries for those without money, time, or sanity to spend on the book.

I loved the swot novels but that last one was crapola. law of nine or whatever. I felt duped, im like great hes writing something other than swot awesome! aaaaanddd it was swot just modern day with diff characters. LAME! hope this is good, Richard rocks!

I have a feeling that The Omen Machine was written particularly to mollify the Goodkind fans who were disappointed with Law of Nines.

In which case, it should be crammed with the old crowd-pleasing stuff.

[Puddles]

Wizard's First Rule sounds pretty awesome. I wonder if this series can fill the void in my life now that I've finished A Dance with Dragons.

[ymmv]

The OP is a warning I'll heed. Thank you.

BTW I never got past the 100 page mark in Wizard's First Rule because I couldn't stand the cliches, the cardboard characters and (especially) the stupidity anymore. I gave up when the evil brother of the protagonist orders villagers not to use fire anymore because his mother died in a fire. And the villagers cheered him on despite the reality that fire was the founding stone of a medieval society. Without fire they'll freeze to death in the winter, they'll have to eat raw meat, they won't be able to forge tools and weapons. But in this book people are stupid (or rather Goodkind thinks his readers are stupid).

[speedpop]

His recent photo must have been taken after he crawled out of a radioactive coffin.

He also has fucked up earlobes.

[Dead Man]

I don't anticipate GAF uptake to be tremendously high. I will post extremely detailed chapter summaries for those without money, time, or sanity to spend on the book.

I read one of his first books many moons ago and was unable to finish it, rarity for me. I look forward to following this thread though.

[Salazar]

His recent photo must have been taken after he crawled out of a radioactive coffin.

I'll admit that I hoped that he was wearing some kind of Sword of Truth branded merch. A Seeker Suit.

But Terry is apparently a competitive driver.

Features the Radical Racing team logo for Terry Goodkind, "Rahl Racing". Rahl Racing is sports team Terry Goodkind assembled to compete in Radical Racing league championships. He drives a Radical SR8 SM 500 and for the 2011 season, is the points leader in his class. The perfect compliment for motor, gear, and race heads that consider the Sunday office 4-wheels, a very fast motor, and endless roadway.

[HiroProtagonist]

He was really great on Smallville.

[Salazar]

Trailers

Do not click these links expecting anything but bemused disappointment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkeLr...eature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYgjOmS1ajE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Npf1UBbzbUI

[Computer]

If it's that bad, why would you even need to write the OP with such a silly, sarcastic style?

[Salazar]

If it's that bad, why would you even need to write the OP with such a silly, sarcastic style?

I don't know, man. It seems appropriate.

[Ramen]

Sounds worse than Harry Potter.

[speedpop]

Rahl Racing huh.

[Tim the Wiz]

:bow

[Salazar]

Sounds worse than Harry Potter.

I have some love for Harry Potter books.

These are the work of someone with an anti-talent, who not only lacks the conventional gifts of authorship but has some kind of force powerfully driving in the opposite direction.

This would be radically uninteresting to me if it were not the case that Goodkind manages, sufficiently, to press his inanity into fairly regular adventure fantasy shapes. There is a beguiling tension between these books being unreadable and being actually quite readable.

The Omen Machine will do respectable numbers. It might even crack that New York Times #1 thing again. This is a terrifying cultural likelihood to apprehend, but it is going to happen because Goodkind is a bizarre creature: 90% crap writer, 8% mediocre writer, 2% wild narrative genius.

[markot]

Hmm.

I think I read his stuff...

Was there abit where the 2 main characters were supposed to get married or something, but they had to spend the night with other people.. or something, and she has to have sex with someone... so she decides to enjoy it, but then ITS HER BOYFRIEND and he is all like 'ho' and stuff?

And before that she lead an army into battle nude >.>?

He was pretty awful, but I was young and impressionable!

Also, there is sort of a... lack, I guess for a better word, of decent fantasy stuff that comes out, so you cant blame people for grabbing onto any bit of driftwood.

I was really into Feist for awhile too...

[speedpop]

Yeah you read his stuff markot.

The difference between Feist and Goodkind is Feist managed to pump out some awesome books early in his career and has drifted off into the obscure zone these days, whereas Goodkind was shit the moment his pen hit the paper. At least I can state that if people enjoy fantasy novels they should find time to read the Riftwar Saga and Serpentwar Saga novels, I can never state the same for Goodkind's Sword of Truth garbage.

[Salazar]

Was there abit where the 2 main characters were supposed to get married or something, but they had to spend the night with other people.. or something, and she has to have sex with someone... so she decides to enjoy it, but then ITS HER BOYFRIEND and he is all like 'ho' and stuff?

Kahlan thought she was sleeping with Drefan (Richard's prostitute murdering half-brother). She was actually sleeping with Richard, but she didn't know it. After she had done it, with eventual consent and then erotic rapture, she said something like "don't tell Richard".

And lightning cracked, showing his true identity, and Richard said "I think....Richard...already knows".

*Kahlan scream*

Which is simultaneously extraordinarily cheesy and a pretty badass scene.

[Ramen]

I have some love for Harry Potter books. These are the work of someone with an anti-talent, who not only lacks the conventional gifts of authorship but has some kind of force powerfully driving in the opposite direction. This would be radically uninteresting to me if it were not the case that Goodkind manages, sufficiently, to press his inanity into fairly regular adventure fantasy shapes. There is a beguiling tension between these books being unreadable and being actually quite readable. The Omen Machine will do respectable numbers. It might even crack that New York Times #1 thing again. This is a terrifying cultural likelihood to apprehend, but it is going to happen because Goodkind is a bizarre creature: 90% crap writer, 8% mediocre writer, 2% wild narrative genius.

I was just kidding about Harry Potter (althought I'm not a fan.) Someone made a thread a while ago about Goodkind's books being worse than Harry Potter or something like that.

[Salazar]

I was just kidding about Harry Potter (althought I'm not a fan.) Someone made a thread a while ago about Goodkind's books being worse than Harry Potter or something like that.

Yeah, Amir0x. I don't know if he is man enough to saddle up for more Sword of Truth.

[Puddles]

Those parodies are gold.

[Dina]

Sweet op Salazar. I know nothing about The Sword of Truth, but I applaud your decision to take one for the Neogaf team here and read it anyway.

[Salazar]

The difference between Feist and Goodkind is Feist managed to pump out some awesome books early in his career and has drifted off into the obscure zone these days, whereas Goodkind was shit the moment his pen hit the paper. At least I can state that if people enjoy fantasy novels they should find time to read the Riftwar Saga and Serpentwar Saga novels, I can never state the same for Goodkind's Sword of Truth garbage.

I read Goodkind around the same time I read Eddings. Eddings was not a remarkably talented man, but he is a titan when considered against Goodkind.

I know Goodkind means Richard to be a sympathetic character, and he was for a little while, but by this stage he is just a total prick. It astounds me (as it perhaps should not, in the age of Twilight) that there are people who consider Kahlan and Richard a "perfect" couple, some sort of romantic ideal.

It astounds me, too, that he thought it was ok to name his (quasi-native American) characters "The Mud People". Come the fuck on.

[Timedog]

I'm quite unsure what's going on. Quite unsure.

I mean, I read the thread and understood every word. I just don't know if I want to let myself believe it.

[BigNastyCurve]

Amir0x's favorite author.

[Salazar]

I'm quite unsure what's going on. Quite unsure. I mean, I read the thread and understood every word. I just don't know if I want to let myself believe it.

It's an OT for an upcoming book.

Fan art of the prophet Nathan Rahl. Seemingly modelled on Newt Gingrich.



Sorcerer Newt could be a sweet Poli-GAF avatar.

[cheststrongwell]

His books were kick ass when I was fourteen.

[Morn]

Someone needs to do a similar post detailing all the fucked up pedo shit in A Song of Ice and Fire.

[Salazar]

His books were kick ass when I was fourteen.

Well yeah. I thought they were awesome. I thought Jagang was literature's greatest villain. I cheered when Richard shattered Violet's jaw.

[Computer]

Well yeah. I thought they were awesome. I thought Jagang was literature's greatest villain. I cheered when Richard shattered Rachel's jaw.

I first read Wizard's First Rule in French translation when I was about 12 and I remembered loving it, mainly because of the gore and crazy sex.


When I heard about the TV series, I realised the Mord-Sith part looked exactly like I imagined it (judging from the pictures)



Years later I read a few sequels (I think I got as far as the fourth or fifth book in the series) but I got bored of it before I even noticed the influence of Objectivism (which I wouldn't even mind if done right).

[Kusagari]

I love reading about this series. The excerpts in that other GAF thread about the EVIL CHICKEN had me dying from laughter.

I don't know if I ever could force myself to read it though.

[TheKaeptain]

Someone needs to do a similar post detailing all the fucked up pedo shit in A Song of Ice and Fire.

Difference between these two is talent. Goodkind has none.

[Salazar]

I first read Wizard's First Rule in French translation when I was about 12 and I remembered loving it, mainly because of the gore and crazy sex. Years later I read a few sequels (I think I got as far as the fourth or fifth book in the series) but I got bored of it before I even noticed the influence of Objectivism (which I wouldn't even mind if done right).

I think i was still at a naive consumerist stage, such that a fairly large book full of violence and sex and adventure was irreducibly a Good Thing. And the speeches were short. It is a mild tragedy that Goodkind so often hampers his sole flicker of talent by weighing everything down with long goddamn speeches.

If he could force himself to write a flat-out action narrative, it could be quite something. I have a hope that this book is vintage TG craziness.

A machine spits out a prophecy. Goodkind readers will be expecting lots of chin stroking and talk of bifurcation. To save the world, presumably, Richard has to do something unthinkable. Conceivably, that is something as blunt as "kill Kahlan". Or something as pathetic as "leave and never see Kahlan again". Zedd will offer fuck-all in the way of assistance. Kahlan will support Richard every blood-soaked step of the way.

[John Harker]

I loved the sword of truth series at first. The last few just went kind of bonkers with all the preaching, and the ending was... well, it was not good. So something I once cherished left a pretty 'meh' taste in my mouth. That said, Goodkind said he was done with fantasy and was going to do mystery novels or something. So that's a bit of a surprise.

If this book tries to undue some of the damage of the series ending, I'd read it.

[Dead Man]

Feist holds up so well for me because he can tell a story with the intent of only telling a story. And he does it well. They will never be the deepest of the genre, but his plots are fun to watch develop. He rank lowly on my rating of preferred writers, but if ever I want to introduce a friend to fantasy writings it is throat The Rift War.

[The Technomancer]

Wow, is that excerpt for real? Thats not even the level I write on, thats like the level I wrote on five years ago

[Salazar]

Feist is cool with me. On a par with Eddings, whose description of Sparhawk is the more impressive when you contemplate what Goodkind created when he sought to present noble masculinity. Those three are probably the authors whose books I see most frequently on the fantasy shelves of regular bookstores around Australia. Goodkind really is a fixture.

Which is faintly alarming.

The_Technomancer, that excerpt is uncharacteristically lucid and elegant.

[Alrus]

Someone needs to do a similar post detailing all the fucked up pedo shit in A Song of Ice and Fire.

Are you really trying to defend Terry Goodkind? :/

[Salazar]

Are you really trying to defend Terry Goodkind? :/

If it can be done, then this thread is a good place.

He is defensible in the sense that he offers entertainment. It matters not that much of it is inadvertent. It matters a little that much of it is perverse.

I am a little disgusted wih myself for putting more money in his pocket (I've pre-ordered), but I reason that he is already a stupendously rich man. He is bound to leave all his money to some Objectivist think tank, in any case, which means it will have no practical bearing on any sensible human's life.

[crowphoenix]

I love your hatred of this man, Sal. It's hilarious.

[ronito]

HAHA! This is one of the best OPs I've read. Well done.

[Morn]

Are you really trying to defend Terry Goodkind? :/

No, just trying to show that George RR Martin is just as fucked in the head.

...

[Salazar]

No, just trying to show that George RR Martin is just as fucked in the head. ...

That's a big call.

[Clevinger]

great thread

can't wait for your summaries

[ronito]

No, just trying to show that George RR Martin is just as fucked in the head. ...

It's not about being fucked in the head. Even tranny donkey porn can be acceptable, so long as it's entertaining.

[Clevinger]

No, just trying to show that George RR Martin is just as fucked in the head. ...

First of all, you said "there's a bunch of pedo shit" in ASOIAF. I don't remember any (except Danny, now that I think of it), so there can't be a bunch. Second, if there was even one major difference between Martin and this guy, like this:

Consensual (if slightly coerced) missionary-position sex between an aspirant Dark Sorceress and a big leathery demon called a Namble, which has a nastily barbed phallus. The Sorceress, as with a few other female characters thrust into unpleasant sexual situations in Goodkind's books, starts to enjoy it after a while.

Then Martin and Goodkind aren't anywhere near as equally fucked in the head. Thankfully, there are lots and lots of other examples of Goodkind actually being fucked in the head and Martin's mainly just writing realistic, dark fantasy, where women have struggles you'd expect in Medieval Times, but aren't sadistically tortured by the author.

[x-Lundz-x]

I've had this pre ordered for a while.

*ducks for cover*

I'm new but recently found out how much he is disliked on GAF. I like his work though.
I have been looking forward to this for a long time....law of nines was pretty much crap though.
Great and entertaining OP though. Good job :-).

[braves01]

Long speeches, rape...definitely sounds like Rand. I've got a copy of Wizard's First Rule I got in middle school that I never read, but after reading all the Goodkind hate (love?) I'm definitely going to read it after I finish ADWD. Actually, I'm shocked my parents let me buy this in 7th grade.